- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Blended Families
thunderbadgers
member
Intro / Rant!
thunderbadgers
member
Hi guys! I'm new to the boards.
I'm not completely clear on the technicalities of what qualifies one to be a step-parent, but my boyfriend and I have been together for three years and he has a son from a previous marriage who is turning six this month, so there's that. We have an almost two year old, and another on the way.
Just to dive right in, my boyfriend's XW is schizophrenic and deeply paranoid. The reason he divorced her, primarily, was because he was reasonably concerned with the safety of his son in her care (she never directly abused/hurt him, but she tried hurting herself while he was in her care amongst other messed-up things). They came up with a custody agreement. She went on and off her medication for the last three years, so his son mostly spent time with his grandparents/my boyfriend's side of the family while she was in and out of psychiatric hospitals and accruing DUIs. Finally, because it became clear that the XW's mother (who was appointed as her legal guardian and has to be present at all of her daughter's visits with her son) wasn't being upfront with pretty much anything, my boyfriend decided to try and become his son's sole custodial parent. Even though he has been acting as the custodial parent (and it's even been motioned by the court for him to be until the XW basically consistency has her s--- together) the XW and her mother are now furiously fighting him about custody. I'm saying 'they', but it's honestly mostly the XW's mother -- she is truly a maniac -- they're going so far as to submit an affidavit about how my boyfriend is purposely and unreasonably withholding visitations from his XW and how he is in contempt of court... It's seriously a humungous cluster f and my brain's about to explode. I literally don't have enough time in one day to type out all the insanity this family is going through just because of some bizarre vendetta from a woman who's supposed to be another human's legal guardian. Ughhhhhhhhhhhh for days.
So anyway, that's that. Also SS is either mildly autistic or has sensory issues (he hasn't formally been diagnosed with anything but he's being tested in a month for "it", whatever it is) which adds a whole new layer of stress to my day. This is now turning into a pity party... apologies, especially since my life is actually pretty okay. I deeply struggle with how to handle the brothers. My two year old DS is effing precocious as heck and my SS is insanely sensitive and likes to not be messed with. It's like, trying to keep peace between a rabid wolf and a bunny rabbit. There are also times when it seems that SS goes well out of his way to make sure he's being disobedient and he does it with a smile on his face.
And we're having another. HA HA HA. My brain.
I'm conflicted. I'm doing my very best to be a strong, solid, calm, consistent mother figure for my SS but I also get super protective over my DS-- my baby boy. I don't want to play favorites. SS is just a kid, and kids are little turds sometimes (DS is king of the turds, by the way) but it absolutely infuriates me when I catch SS taunt/hit/tease his brother when he thinks I'm not looking. Rage mode. And DS sometimes hurts SS but not out of the spite it seems SS is motivated by. I don't want to just justify DS's turdiness because of his age... I don't even know. I could go on for days.
Hi, everybody! Being pregnant is kind of kicking my ass.
I'm not completely clear on the technicalities of what qualifies one to be a step-parent, but my boyfriend and I have been together for three years and he has a son from a previous marriage who is turning six this month, so there's that. We have an almost two year old, and another on the way.
Just to dive right in, my boyfriend's XW is schizophrenic and deeply paranoid. The reason he divorced her, primarily, was because he was reasonably concerned with the safety of his son in her care (she never directly abused/hurt him, but she tried hurting herself while he was in her care amongst other messed-up things). They came up with a custody agreement. She went on and off her medication for the last three years, so his son mostly spent time with his grandparents/my boyfriend's side of the family while she was in and out of psychiatric hospitals and accruing DUIs. Finally, because it became clear that the XW's mother (who was appointed as her legal guardian and has to be present at all of her daughter's visits with her son) wasn't being upfront with pretty much anything, my boyfriend decided to try and become his son's sole custodial parent. Even though he has been acting as the custodial parent (and it's even been motioned by the court for him to be until the XW basically consistency has her s--- together) the XW and her mother are now furiously fighting him about custody. I'm saying 'they', but it's honestly mostly the XW's mother -- she is truly a maniac -- they're going so far as to submit an affidavit about how my boyfriend is purposely and unreasonably withholding visitations from his XW and how he is in contempt of court... It's seriously a humungous cluster f and my brain's about to explode. I literally don't have enough time in one day to type out all the insanity this family is going through just because of some bizarre vendetta from a woman who's supposed to be another human's legal guardian. Ughhhhhhhhhhhh for days.
So anyway, that's that. Also SS is either mildly autistic or has sensory issues (he hasn't formally been diagnosed with anything but he's being tested in a month for "it", whatever it is) which adds a whole new layer of stress to my day. This is now turning into a pity party... apologies, especially since my life is actually pretty okay. I deeply struggle with how to handle the brothers. My two year old DS is effing precocious as heck and my SS is insanely sensitive and likes to not be messed with. It's like, trying to keep peace between a rabid wolf and a bunny rabbit. There are also times when it seems that SS goes well out of his way to make sure he's being disobedient and he does it with a smile on his face.
And we're having another. HA HA HA. My brain.
I'm conflicted. I'm doing my very best to be a strong, solid, calm, consistent mother figure for my SS but I also get super protective over my DS-- my baby boy. I don't want to play favorites. SS is just a kid, and kids are little turds sometimes (DS is king of the turds, by the way) but it absolutely infuriates me when I catch SS taunt/hit/tease his brother when he thinks I'm not looking. Rage mode. And DS sometimes hurts SS but not out of the spite it seems SS is motivated by. I don't want to just justify DS's turdiness because of his age... I don't even know. I could go on for days.
Hi, everybody! Being pregnant is kind of kicking my ass.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Intro / Rant!
Also, if you're not married, you have the luxury of choosing to deal with ask the legal crap or not. Because you honestly have no say in that matter. And I say luxury in all sincerity. You can choose to deal with the crazy or distance yourself from it and let what happens happens. For your own sanity.
Second, 6 and 2? As far as the conflict between brothers you describe, it sounds normal to me. No reason to bat an eye at it or get upset. My SD is 8 and my DS is 4. As long they're not killing each other, I let them work it out themselves for the most part. If they get too rough, I separate them. No arguments or issues. Just plain and simple.
Third, calm down? Just a bit? When I got to the laughter in caps I pictured someone in a straight jacket. And spell check makes the world go round.
I have just around one other person with whom I can vent, and it's overwhelming sometimes, and I figure even just spewing it all out in a message board is better than letting it rattle around in me, unspewed.
My problem in being able to choose to participate in the legalities or not is that I'm one of very few supports for my boyfriend. He's obviously taking the brunt of it as it's "his" problem, and although we're not married, his problems are my problems. I want to be strong for him, but it's difficult and stressful for me too, especially when the BM (sorry for all the XW action... new to the abbreviations and bad at taking guesses... also BM is bowel movement in my brain, so) makes constant accusations of my inability to parent her son (for example, he had two baby teeth in addition to his adult tooth in the front upper right, and once his first baby tooth came out the one that grew in was pointy; she claims (even in court) that I let SS fall out of a shopping cart and injure the tooth, even though we have the dental records to prove otherwise, not to mention the months his first baby tooth stuck out at a 90 degree angle as the other pushes down behind it...) so I worry about my credibility, as well. Especially when magistrates and judges don't personally know us, so we have to defend ourselves against the madness.
There I go again.
Anyway, I don't think I'm too close to straight jacket territory, but I'm rattled. The shouty HAs were more of a wink to the ironic hilarity of having another baby amidst the cray. Does that make sense?
Aaand just out of curiousity, I re-read my post and nothing jumped out at me for being wildly misspelled... unless I'm just ignorant, which I wouldn't put it too far past myself.