Scared for another.

Aldertontaylor · June 2014

I had my baby girl 3 weeks ago now and I am in love, it's a wonderful feeling being a mom now. She's the best thing ! But does anyone else feel very scared to have they're second baby obviously it will be a few years from now but I feel like it scared me so much I don't want to have another but also I really don't want her to be an only child.

anyone else have the same issue ?

fyafighterwife86 · June 2014

Dude, totally not even thinking that route just yet. I'm still trying to take this all in!

usernewname · June 2014

Kinda. Wouldn't say scared though. Labour and the newborn stage makes me hesitant in a way that its hard. But I guess once you've done it, the second one should (theoretically) be easier, and remembering the difficulties fade with time.

I was going to post a thread on this, as I was curious to see who is in the same boat.

DH actually brought it up. Do we have a second? We currently feel DS is enough and have left the decision to around his first birthday. If we feel the same, then we're done. If we want another, then we have another. Not to sound selfish, but we decided there are other things we want to do with life at this moment and to enjoy DS.

Don't get me wrong, having DS has been amazing and we are so happy to have him in our family. Its crazy to think of life before him versus now. But I see the future mostly with one child, sometimes with two. We've always wanted 2, but I started being hesitant about half way through my pregnancy. And my pregnancy and labour were not hard. And DS isn't a hard baby (knock on wood). I worry though if we don't I will wonder what if. But then I could wonder what if with just one.

So. I digress. Here's my thoughts. I know our families won't like our decision to have one, but its our choice. And then there is the thing of having a sibling. I had 2, but we were never super close until adulthood. DH had no siblings. DS will never have cousins close in age, as my siblings are no where close to having families. His socialization will come from putting him with other child (school, play groups etc.).

So I totally see where you're coming from. Best to let it lie for a while and see how you feel in time. I'm guessing baby fever returns at some point

chillypenguin · June 2014

As time passes, most of that feeling generally fades. I didn't forget what pregnancy, labor, and delivery was like with DD1, but for me personally it was worth it to do it again (actually as 2u2). Just give it time and you'll know when/if you're ready for another. I'm already planning #3 (although it will be a little bit of a bigger age gap this time).

ETA: By planning #3, I mean thinking about timing and knowing we want another. Nothing set in stone.

MrsT2008 · June 2014

I was terrified of getting pregnant again after my first. Not in the sense that I didn't ever want another but I absolutely did not want to put my body thru another pregnancy and delivery at that point. It took a good 8 months for that to fade in to "yep, totally okay with doing this again, just preferably in a couple years." By the time DD1 was about 18 months, I was totally ready for another.

amroke · June 2014

It took some time to get ready for another (though like PP I also have 2u2). And then I just kept telling myself that all the rough pregnancy, childbirth, and newborn stuff is so temporary when you look at the big picture.

ksyknelvr73 · June 2014

This LO is my second baby....I knew I wanted another child at some point but wasn't ready until DS1 turned 2. Then it just hit me. But it definitely took a while.

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Kris2011RN · June 2014

This is our 2nd and I don't know if I want to go through a 3rd c/s. It was very difficult recovery, not to mention I did almost die after delivery, I know what happened to me in recovery wont happen again.
I had a hard time not being able to be on the floor play in with DS. I felt like I wasn't a good mom to him. The pain was so much worse, the doc said it was because of all of the scar tissue. So with all of that I am scared to have another. I am scared of the pain, scared of how I will deal with 2 kids and not being able to get down on the floor and play with them.

I also know that it is still very early, and we could change our mind on having another. I wouldn't stress about having another kid right now. You'll be amazed at how much you "forget" down the road.

cbrust · June 2014

DH has said since we've been married that he's wanted 3, after our first week with DD he said, "so how would you feel about just having 1?" the first weeks are tough. I cried almost every night the first week because it. was. so. hard.

This pregnancy kicked my ass and was very much a means to an end. My labor was pretty easy so that part doesn't scare me about doing it again; I'm much more hesitant because I was so freakin uncomfortable 100% of my pregnancy.

All that to say there is no way I'm making any decisions about how many kids we'll end up having, although I'm making a prediction now that if our next is a boy we'll probably be done.

blessedandhopeful · June 2014

We are both open to a third right now, but what makes me more hesitant and somewhat worried would be having a third c/s. I know they can get more complicated with each one, and my pregnancy this time was a little tougher. We will reevaluate our situation and feelings when DS2 turns 2. The 3 year age gap is looking like a good choice so far.

MerryLove · June 2014

We are not thinking about it at all right now. We are open to having more, but fine with having just one and right now we both just want to be in the moment with this baby. If the day comes when we feel like we want to have another, then we will, but two and a half weeks in it is the furthest thing from my mind!

Aldertontaylor · June 2014

Thanks for all the advice didn't know so many people were in the same boat. Not that I'm trying to plan anything right now just scared I'm too scared to have another which would suck.

I feel like with what you guys said I'll definatly forget. Fingers crossed.

haylo33 · June 2014

You know how people say you forget labor pains Otherwise people wouldn't do it again? It seems like a lot of you are saying the same thing about the newborn stage... With time you forget how difficult it is. I totally believe it. I was just telling DH that I don't remember how labor/giving birth felt. I remember it hurts but for some reason, the pain part of it is all fuzzy. I'm sure a lot of us can't imagine doing the newborn thing again but I probably thought the same thing during labor. Only time will tell. We always talked about several kids but I keep thinking "I could never do this with a 2 or 3 year old running around also". I'm sure I'll forget all this in a few years

ho11yday · June 2014

with my first son, I did not want to have sex because I was afraid of getting pregnant. This fear went away after about 6 months or so. Mind you I still didn't want to get pregnant but it wasn't an overriding fear that prohibited me from having sex.

Sam0905 · June 2014

Looks like I'm in the minority here but I can't wait to have another baby. I loved being pregnant and even though I had to be on BR for several weeks d/t high bp and ended up with a c section, I'm so thankful that everything turned out well. So I guess the only thing I'm worried about is that I'll develop the same complications, and I know I'll have to wait 2 years bc I want to try for a vbac. The newborn stage is def very hard but I'm already looking forward to doing this all again.

pistolpackinmomma · June 2014

After DS1 I walked into my 6 week check up and asked when we could try for a second. But I know I'm in the minority. You've got time. Just enjoy the one you have and deal with additions later on. I will say 2 isn't so horrible after all.

Helmink0804 · June 2014

I'm scared bc everything went so good this time around and we have a very good baby. I had no difficulties with my pregnancy besides high protein in my urine and my BP spiked a little in the end. Labor wasn't too bad- I was induced and 8 hrs later our little girl was born with an hour of pushing- I was hardly in any pain throughout the labor- got an epi and was in no pain at all. I healed really quick- only had a second degree tear and was up and moving an hour and half- two hrs after giving birth. Brooke is very good natured- only cries when she's hungry, dirty diaper, or gas. She's been sleeping great. I really can't complain about anything- I'm so grateful.

That all being said I'm scared eveything next time around won't be so smooth.

iqwedding3 · June 2014

I'm definitely scared. I was terrified my csection, it was so unpleasant, the thought of going through that again scares me.

cnbean · June 2014

I will say that I had the same feelings about having a second kid. I was terrified and up until DS2 was born I wasn't sure that we had made the right choice. And I was about 80% sure that I wouldn't want to go through it a 3rd time. However, DS2 has been a total angel baby! I am only 6 weeks PP and I have been fairly sure that we'll try for another since about 2 weeks PP. All that to say there is no reason to make that decision yet, and you never know how your next baby experience might go. I was sure I would be miserable again and instead I am loving having a newborn!

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usernewname · June 2014

Think about it this way.

The first time could have gone horribly as well. And LOs could be difficult. But we all still wanted to get pregnant and start a family.

We swing either way at my house. We will decide in time. It's what pp said, how we feel now can change, or it won't. Time will tell. As cliche as it sounds.

apinkpelican · June 2014

Yes I had the same thoughts. I went from 'I definitely want 3 kids' to 'hmmm- 1 or 2 might be fine'. More bc of the NB stage. I already forget the pain of labor but nothing prepared me for this stage! I'm sure soon it will be a blur just like labor was and we'll be ready again someday.

amroke · June 2014

Helmink0804 said:
I'm scared bc everything went so good this time around and we have a very good baby. I had no difficulties with my pregnancy besides high protein in my urine and my BP spiked a little in the end. Labor wasn't too bad- I was induced and 8 hrs later our little girl was born with an hour of pushing- I was hardly in any pain throughout the labor- got an epi and was in no pain at all. I healed really quick- only had a second degree tear and was up and moving an hour and half- two hrs after giving birth. Brooke is very good natured- only cries when she's hungry, dirty diaper, or gas. She's been sleeping great. I really can't complain about anything- I'm so grateful.

That all being said I'm scared eveything next time around won't be so smooth.

We worried about that too, but my daughter is actually pretty similar to my son in temperment, and the pregnancy was similar except that she was breech.

MrsT2008 · June 2014

I don't think it's so much that you forget labor and delivery or the newborn stage, but rather you realize (in time, when it's all behind you) in the grand scheme of things that it's such a small amount of time and as cliche as it sounds - totally worth it when you see you child(ren) grow.

MrsT2008 · June 2014

Kimbus22 said:

MrsT2008 said:

I don't think it's so much that you forget labor and delivery or the newborn stage, but rather you realize (in time, when it's all behind you) in the grand scheme of things that it's such a small amount of time and as cliche as it sounds - totally worth it when you see you child(ren) grow.

This is more accurate for me. I didn't forget a damned thing about how badly labor/delivery sucked balls. I was actually more scared for it the second time around. But you realize that it's a few days/weeks/months over a lifetime and that that kid makes it all seem like a tiny blip, not the insurmountable thing it seems like when you're thinking about starting over with another.

Yes, I was definitely more scared about labor and delivery this time. With my first I was kind of excited for it, this time I just wanted it over with n

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