Hello! Newbie intro... (Loss(?) mentioned)

HuskyLove09 · June 2014

Hi! So I thought I would go ahead and intro myself bc I need lotsa help and sounding boards and like minded support. I don't know anyone slightly going through tttc. Very sad (for me, not them lol) and isolating. So. I'm 27, dh is 27 and in the USAF. I had a mc when i was 18 that i was scared to death by. Me and dh have been together since 2002, and after high school he went to the Air Force Academy. So wouldn't you know it! I get stupid, forget some bc pills and wind up pg one semester into college. I was a very spacey person (naturally, not drug induced) back then, hopefully less spacey now. So all I remember was Af seemed incredibly late, one morning of strange insane vomiting, one bfn done by the sweet pregnancy center lady, and few weeks later a bfp. I never saw it, I was just told I was pg. and since I had no clue when my last af was, they guessed I was 8 weeks. Enter panic mode. So anyways about a month later, I got a ridiculous af. Reason I wrote (loss? Mentioned) bc I never really accepted or figured out what happened. Mc, or just strange cycle, or CP.... Anyways. Sorry for the long history diary entry. Back to now. I went off bc in 1/2012, thinking it would take 6 months to get back to normal and happy bc-free body again. 2.5 years later, no kids. And dh did deploy for 6 months, which really hurt my ttc ego. But it's still been 2 years trying. I have normal periods, cycles 26-30 days long, but (sorry tmi, I feel obligated to tmi alert) like never any ewcm.:/ He got a SA, normal 9/2013, and he just got the baby crazy bug lol. I had a normal HSG this last Jan. It's been hard finding a dr who will work with me and actually try to help figure this out. They all keep saying I need to go to the nearest big city to get a work up. I call BS. I know they can do blood work and U/S's and the easy baby steps. I know for more hardcore IF work up or ART I would need to go to a big city dr. So it's been like pulling teeth to get an HSG, and bloodwork done. But I am scheduled to do cd3,10,21 bw next cycle. And possibly start Clomid (w/ bw and us) in July if I want. ...... But dh says we should just try naturally for a while longer (ugh

) ...... And then I start to feel guilty about it, like I'm trying too hard, being a control freak, trying to force something that doesn't want to happen.

..... And I know I'm only 27. But I would like to have a baby yesterday, not when I'm 35. ...... I'm also depression prone, so when I did OPKs for 3 cycles last year (all consistent and positive on the same cd's) I went a lil bat shit crazy. ... So I stopped opk's. And I was scared to chart thinking it would drive me crazy, make me obsessive and depressed. But now my new dr says I have to, so I've been starting to chart. Af is due in 11 days, and I'm pretty sure I ovulated while dh was TDY this month, ..... Awesome. ........ Thank you for reading my long intro, and I look forward to getting to know y'all and learning from y'all.

KT416 · June 2014

Welcome to the board!

I hope you find a RE soon. I wouldn't feel guilty about trying to start the steps at all, especially if you have been trying for 2 years. I hope your stay here is short and sweet.

lebradford · June 2014

Welcome! I hope you and your husband can come up with a plan you both feel good about. Good luck.

StacyLH24 · June 2014

Welcome. I agree that after this long, seeing a RE isn't a bad idea. I don't think you should feel guilty about wanting to. I hope you both can come to an agreement and move forward.

BunnyBerry · June 2014

Welcome! I am sorry about your struggles, and your painful experience as a teen.

I think I understand your feeling about feeling guilty/control-freakish moving forward with an RE and treatments. My DH and I waited many years before testing and treatment because we just wanted to see what happened, I guess, and not try to take over God's plan for us. Recently we finally felt at peace with seeking medical help for the problem. Perhaps you and YH could do a little research together on pregnancy chances after 2+ years TTC vs. longer TTC and see when you both feel comfortable getting help?

I'm sorry that you need to chart, if it causes you stress. I find it difficult to get 5 minutes to pee and read the test during the work day a few days in a row each cycle, and of course who wants to set their alarm really early every day to temp? I hope that after a few months, the doctor will feel he/she has enough info and will let you stop if you like. My RE was comfortable looking at just 3 or 4 charts to get an idea of my cycle. Since yours is regular, perhaps that will work for you, too?

Congrats on the good SA results! Good luck with the rest of your testing, and hope you get a great treatment plan you are both comfortable with.

JericaLH · June 2014

Welcome to the board!

I know how you feel about a DH that doesn't want to test and test and test. If it was up to my DH I wouldn't even be tracking what CD it was. If you let him know how much it is weighing on you maybe he would be more sympathetic?

And it's really hard not to obsess about every little thing you feel, but maybe writing it down will help. Sometimes it's good to just get it off your mind so you don't have to feel like you need to remember every little detail.

Sorry for your loss and I hope your stay here is short!

HuskyLove09 · June 2014

Thank you all:) Yes I have Tricare Prime. There's no RE in our current town. And I've been told the only real tricare option is possibly some center in San Antonio that I can't remember the name.

But I'm not ready for iui or ivf. I just want to get all the tests I can to figure out if there's a hormone imbalance or something explainable. ..... If I get a dead end unexplained dx, then ...... Boo:(. Dh always said we had to wait until 27 to have a baby, but we tried anyways since 2012.... So he wasn't super thrilled to ttc, but did his part anyways. Now he's happy to ttc, but since he (just) got all the way on board, he thinks we start counting from now, not 2.5 years ttc. Just 3 months worth of tears and disappointment. Nbd.

mrsbark711 · June 2014

Welcome. I hope you have a short stay. These ladies are the best. You found a great place to call "home" during this journey!

HuskyLove09 · June 2014

No I haven't looked into Standard yet. I don't even know all the ins and outs to make that decision yet.

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