How do I deal with my MIL taking credit for my baby name?

Mammamoose · June 2014

We have a few names picked out for our baby, however didn't find out the gender so we won't know until our little makes his/her appearance. The middle name we have selected for a girl was after my grandmother. Consequently, this also happens to be my mother in laws first name. Since she found out that we want to use it (again with the intention of it carrying from my grandmother) she is taking credit for the name and going as far as saying we will be naming the baby after her if its a girl. I've mentioned my reasons for the use of the name but she is telling other people what SHE thinks. Its making me not want to use the name anymore. Anyone been in this situation and know how to bring a crazy MIL down from her high horse?

Cat&S · June 2014

You can either deal with it or choose a different name. She's not going to stop saying it, IMO.

I chose option two. MIL and I get along fine, but I do not want to name LO after her. Her first name and my mom's middle name are the same (Lynn), but literally the minute she found out LO is a girl, she asked that her middle name be Lynn. We had actually considered it, but I knew that I would have to put up with a lifetime of her saying the baby was named after her, when in reality it would be more for my mom. So we picked a different name (from my side of the family).

JSS1002 · June 2014

Cat&S said:

You can either deal with it or choose a different name. She's not going to stop saying it, IMO.

I chose option two. MIL and I get along fine, but I do not want to name LO after her. Her first name and my mom's middle name are the same (Lynn), but literally the minute she found out LO is a girl, she asked that her middle name be Lynn. We had actually considered it, but I knew that I would have to put up with a lifetime of her saying the baby was named after her, when in reality it would be more for my mom. So we picked a different name (from my side of the family).

This. For what it is worth, that would also drive me nuts if MIL went around saying the baby was being named after her when that isn't the case. That said, I don't think there is anything you can do about it if you give your baby the same name as your MIL!

PrimRoseMama · June 2014

Encchanted said:
Honestly, if I knew a baby and a her grandmother shared the same name, I would assume that's where it came from.

I think you need to just let it go. When people ask, tell them your reasoning. If they say "Oh, I thought it was because of your MIL" just say "Nope. Happy coincidence." or "It's nice that it has a connection to both sides of the family."

Of all the battles you're going to have with your mother-in-law about your baby, this one is no big deal, in my opinion.

Agree with this.

mb314 · June 2014

Ignore it. You're naming the baby the same name as your MIL. It may be after your grandmother, but like pp said, people on her side are going to assume it is for her. Leave it. If you really don't want your MIL thinking, at least in small part, that you're honoring her, then choose a different name.

Ceridwen21 · June 2014

Yep, I would also just ignore it. What's the harm, really?

lincoln79 · June 2014

I wonder if it's an option this way. When MIL says it again, "MIL, actually we chose that name because it is both your name and my grandmothers, who is very special to me, name. Our LO will be so lucky to be named after two wonderful women and I would appreciate it if you could share that with others."

I share my name (first and last name) with my grandmother and I find that so very special!

GL!

bohemianlc · June 2014

I completely understand you being bothered by the fact that she's spreading a name back-story that isn't true. My MIL likes to stretch the truth and make things seem like they are about her when they aren't, and I have just learned to pick my battles for my own sanity.

Think of it this way: People who know you will also hear your reasoning and will know where the name really came from because you will tell them. Her friends and coworkers will probably think that the baby is named after her, but at the end of the day, does it really matter? That was bound to happen anyways if they will be sharing a name.

If it's driving you insane and she's really getting out of control about it, you could always have your husband talk to her, but if you do choose to address it, I would have him do it rather than you.

ScubaMomma · June 2014

Encchanted said:

Honestly, if I knew a baby and a her grandmother shared the same name, I would assume that's where it came from.

I think you need to just let it go. When people ask, tell them your reasoning. If they say "Oh, I thought it was because of your MIL" just say "Nope. Happy coincidence." or "It's nice that it has a connection to both sides of the family."

Of all the battles you're going to have with your mother-in-law about your baby, this one is no big deal, in my opinion.

Perfectly played!
I am named after my Grams, she was Mary Bridget I am Bridget Mary
I couldn't be more proud.
We will name our little one after my MIL and my husband's gramma.
"Happy coincidence" is a very positive way to put it.

staryb · June 2014

My grandmother and MIL also have the same first name. I thought about using it as a middle name because I liked the idea of naming the baby after someone on both sides of the family. I can see why you find your MIL annoying for this but is it really that bad to say that the name came from two special women in your/your daughter's life? If it is then I'd come up with a new name and be done with it.

missnacholover · June 2014

This is precisely why I'm not using my gma's name for a middle name. It's also my mom's name and I know she'd get all high and mighty thinking we were naming the baby after her when really it'd be after my gma. Dumb reason, but I just can't deal with her BS.

beccam1230 · June 2014

My husband and I decided to name our son Alexander William because we loved the name Alexander. It has always been one of my favorites. William after my husband's stepfather- he is a wonderful man and has always been more of a father to my husband than his biological father. Unfortunately his biological father's middle name is Alexander and he assumed we were naming the baby after him. He was and still is awful to his kids so why he would think he would get that honor, I do not know. We figured that if we love the name, his father shouldn't stop us from using it. We let him think what he wants (he hasn't even met our son yet) because we don't have much to do with him anyway. Everyone who matters knows better.
Don't let you mil dictate what name you can use. Let her think what she wants, but you, your husband and daughter will know better!

AlwaysForgetful · June 2014

Pick your battles. Can you deal with the claim to the name because you love the name so much? Or will you find another way to honor your grandmother?

Ever since #1 I wanted to name a girl Clara Agnes. After my grandma and great Grandma. Needless to say, there was no girl till #4. But I opted to name my first daughter after his mom and grandma who both played a huge roll in who he is today (unconditional support). Both passed away within 4 months of each other. So the name carried over to baby #5. SO has an aunt Agnes.... She tells everyone that Clara Agnes is her name sake.... umm no.... I mean she tells EVERYONE!!!!!! I figured this would happen. I loved the name more though. It just isn't worth it to burst her bubble that the name has been around for years before I knew her. Later in life, my daughter will know where her name came from. In the mean time, I just bite my tongue.

llbne · June 2014

I agree with somerandomchick - it's pretty mean to say 'yeah it's your name but we didn't want to name it after you - it's named after some other more distant relative and it's just a coincidence that it's your name'. That's pretty tactless in my opinion - I think you are in the wrong here.

cayshaharcrow · June 2014

You should just not use it, that would annoy me, and she seems like the kind of person that wont let it go or change what she thinks until she kicks the bucket.

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