I've decided to not tell any family.

Re: I've decided to not tell any family.

• MirandaHobbes member

  June 2014

  I hear that. It's a sound decision, imho. Perhaps not long term, but you have to do what creates the least stress in your life, and your DS's. I didn't tell anyone of my son's diagnosis for an entire year! Nobody knew except my closest friend and my husband (obv.). I guess it's one small piece of the whole diagnosis journey I was able to control- who and when I wanted to share it with.

  The funny thing is- after a year passed and DS was starting to "look" more stereotypical autistic, I decided to share with my sister. Her response was: "yea, we know." They had known all along but just knew I needed space. Of course, my family is not the same kind of snarky brand your family -- and OP from that other thread- appear to be!

   

   

  Report4 Reply
• Loading the player...
• bumpuser511563 member

  June 2014 edited June 2014

  I completely understand you waiting to tell family.
  
  I told my family immediately because I knew they would understand and be the support I wanted them to be. They did not judge me or blamed me for DS's ASD.
  
  DH's family was not the best support especially MIL and SIL (DH's mom and sister). Before we released any diagnosis to them, MIL judged both DH (her son and brother) and I all the time while she visited repeatedly. DH told me to ignore every time. I knew she would blame me for DS's special needs.
  
  She then threatened CPS with me because she said I don't love DS because I don't cut his hair. I got tired and let her have it that DS is a special needs child (I told her after more than a year after diagnosis) and she blamed me for DS's special needs. I showed her the door out of our lives forever.
  
  MIL is narcissistic and negative. On top of that she has anxiety and depression and doesn't take her pills or go to a psychologist. Our small family (DH, myself and DS) don't need this crap.
  
  And you know what? We are doing so much better without them!
  

  

  Report4 Reply
• Salemkitty13 member

  June 2014 edited June 2014

  We don't have a diagnosis yet but we have not told our friends or DH's family that there is an issue. I don't think we will tell DH's Mom and sister. If we do I feel we will be in a situation like @Sailor Saturn‌. This process has been difficult enough without adding in difficult people.

  Report2 Reply
• lite-bright member

  June 2014

  I'm sorry you've got such Judgy Judgersons to deal with. 

  
  

  I get the sharing dilemma, too. We decided to share with immediate family (our parents and siblings) only. And we only shared after we had a dx. DH didn't want to share during the process because he wasn't convinced anything was wrong at the time, and I'd had a hard enough time convincing him and didn't need to hear any more "all kids develop at their own pace; you worry too much." 

  
  

  With a medical dx in hand, it went okay. We live far from everyone, though, so it's not like it's something they have to deal with on a regular basis. And one of my nephews with a rare genetic disorder was a year old when we got DD1's dx, so she wasn't the first or only child in the family with SN. Even so, my ILs first reaction was, "Well, couldn't litebright just ... get her out more?" I was a SAHM at the time. It stung, but DH did some educating. We just had them out for a visit (first time seeing them in two years) and MIL couldn't gush enough about how great DD1 seems to be doing.  

  
  

  Some people will likely never know. My grandparents. Most of our aunts and uncles. Not based on whether or not they'd be judgy (I have no idea for most of them), but because they just don't need to. It's perfectly fine to keep people on a need to know basis!

  
  

  I think my own mom has a hard time even using the word "autism" in regards to DD1. She has told us that it's our news to share, but I don't worry about her gossiping because I think she doesn't really want to think about there being something "wrong" with DD1 anyway and certainly doesn't want to talk about it. 

  
  
  DD1, 1/5/2008 ~~~ DD2, 3/17/2010

  Report2 Reply
• Princess_Lily member

  June 2014 edited June 2014

  fredalina said:

  
  Do you have anything official to tell at this point though? If so, I missed it.

  I had to take a mental break for a bit, between the evaluation emotions and the sleep deprivation, I started to develop signs of PPA...it was getting too overwhelming.
  
  The doctor has dropped three words: ADHD, Anxiety and Aspergers (ASD). Whether the first two will drop into the Aspergers DX or will stand alone I'm not certain. We have 1-3 more testing appointments until the paperwork is submitted for an official DX.
  
  It was a hard pill to swallow...but I'm coming around now, which is surprisingly giving me peace.

   
  

    

   
  

  
  

  Report1 Reply
• august06mom member

  June 2014

  I get it. Sometimes I get so tired of fighting for people to believe something I don't want to be true in the first place.

  

  Report1 Reply