Making friends as adults

JackoftheBox · June 2014

Why is it so hard?!!!

I am currently trying to befriend DS's daycare teacher. I work with her dad and she is about 3 years younger than me. She lives across the street with her DH who i also work with. I told her i was leaving my job and she showed some interest. I told her she was welcome to come to my house tonight and i would grab her an application since she doesn't want anyone to know she is looking.

So you guys know me i text "we could pretend to be friends and you can come by the house tonight and grab that application" she text back "haha ok!" that's good right?

Helenahhandbasket · June 2014

Yes. I think she likes you.

So she would be working with her dad if she took your current job?

JackoftheBox · June 2014

Helenahhandbasket said:

Yes. I think she likes you.

So she would be working with her dad if she took your current job?

****
Her dad and husband work in the back (i work at a printing company). She would work up stairs in the offices.

KS02CS08 · June 2014

I always feel like it takes forever to make friends especially if you don't agree with their parenting style.

kristennd · June 2014

I was in a very specific subculture as a teenager which made going off to college so easy. You'd just spot someone with a certain hairstyle or outfit and be able to walk up and say "Clearly we'll be hanging out."

Helenahhandbasket · June 2014

kristennd said:
I was in a very specific subculture as a teenager which made going off to college so easy. You'd just spot someone with a certain hairstyle or outfit and be able to walk up and say "Clearly we'll be hanging out."

Omg. Were you a monk?

Chapter79 · June 2014

Do you love how none of us actually know?

#loserclubunite

PB102012 · June 2014

I met my best friend on a roommates website, another friend and I grew up together.... So I am not great at this either!!

gwendarling · June 2014

kristennd said:

I was in a very specific subculture as a teenager which made going off to college so easy. You'd just spot someone with a certain hairstyle or outfit and be able to walk up and say "Clearly we'll be hanging out."

Goth! were you a goth kid?

Tink112011 · June 2014

KS02CS08 said:

I always feel like it takes forever to make friends especially if you don't agree with their parenting style.

Semi-lurker jumping in. THIS THIS! I've had a few GREAT friend prospects that have sons the same age as DS. Then I'll hang around them and find their parenting unbearable. I'm trying to get over that, but sometimes the parenting differents are so drastic that it would be very hard to spend a lot of time together.

I had a playdate at a new "friends" house. Coddled her son to the nth degree. Ex: She CARRIED her 2.5 year old son up and down the stairs. Then my DS would look at me and say "carry me mumma". Um, no. I'll hold your hand, but you're going down the stairs on your own two feet.

jellybean529 · June 2014

gwendarling said:

kristennd said:

I was in a very specific subculture as a teenager which made going off to college so easy. You'd just spot someone with a certain hairstyle or outfit and be able to walk up and say "Clearly we'll be hanging out."

Goth! were you a goth kid?

I was a goth kid and this was my first thought.

TittsMcGee · June 2014

Sounds like you made a new friend!!

hopefulmom81 · June 2014

I think my issue isn't making friends it is maintaining the friendships. I don't feel like doing anything after nights I work because I just want to get home and see DD after being away from her all day, and I love family time just the three of us on the weekends.

TittsMcGee · June 2014

hopefulmom81 said:

I think my issue isn't making friends it is maintaining the friendships. I don't feel like doing anything after nights I work because I just want to get home and see DD after being away from her all day, and I love family time just the three of us on the weekends.

This is my issue as well.

eyenigh · June 2014

TittsMcGee said:

hopefulmom81 said:

I think my issue isn't making friends it is maintaining the friendships. I don't feel like doing anything after nights I work because I just want to get home and see DD after being away from her all day, and I love family time just the three of us on the weekends.

This is my issue as well.

Yup.

Maintaining friendships is a ton of work. I have no problems meeting people, talking to new people or making acquaintances. I'm pretty talkative and outgoing in person but I hate talking on the phone (I seldom answer it) and I hate coordinating plans with people, especially multiple people-- even people that I really like-- because the process of getting everyone together can be agonizing. Sometimes I think this annoys me in my personal life because event planning and coordination is a huge part of my job and I just don't have it in me to deal with it outside of work. I don't mind meeting a single friend for a drink on occasion but I will never get excited about going out to a bar with a group of people. I hate sports and sporting events. It seems like those are the two things a lot of people love to do or talk about so leave me out there.

Also, I think it's super easy to make acquaintances but finding someone that you really click with, where everything is effortless and they just "get" you, is what's really hard. I like the kind of friends that even if you don't see them for months, you just pick back up like you saw them yesterday-- no guilt trips or awkwardness. Those are real friends.

*~Krystin1119~* · June 2014

Sounds like it could be the start of a new friendship. DD made a friend at gymnastics last summer who ended up starting daycare in the fall so we've become friends with his parents, grandparents, neighbors and aunts/uncles lol.

I'm finding that I'm having trouble getting out of a toxic "friendship" with a lifelong friend. I don't agree with how she treats her son (ex: did not give him a name for 10 months simply because she didn't want a boy; harassed my mom, cousin, aunt and my cousin's wife at DD's bday party about why I wouldn't open her gifts...she cried at my baby shower and then told me to take stuff back because it was pink).

New adult friendships are great and I really hope you've made a new friend!!

eyenigh · June 2014

*~Krystin1119~* said:

Sounds like it could be the start of a new friendship. DD made a friend at gymnastics last summer who ended up starting daycare in the fall so we've become friends with his parents, grandparents, neighbors and aunts/uncles lol.
I'm finding that I'm having trouble getting out of a toxic "friendship" with a lifelong friend. I don't agree with how she treats her son (ex: did not give him a name for 10 months simply because she didn't want a boy; harassed my mom, cousin, aunt and my cousin's wife at DD's bday party about why I wouldn't open her gifts...she cried at my baby shower and then told me to take stuff back because it was pink).
New adult friendships are great and I really hope you've made a new friend!!

Is that even legal? What did she call him? That's really weird.

TiffanyBerry · June 2014

I don't know why it's so hard, but gosh darn it, it certainly is!

*~Krystin1119~* · June 2014

eyenigh said:

*~Krystin1119~* said:

Sounds like it could be the start of a new friendship. DD made a friend at gymnastics last summer who ended up starting daycare in the fall so we've become friends with his parents, grandparents, neighbors and aunts/uncles lol.
I'm finding that I'm having trouble getting out of a toxic "friendship" with a lifelong friend. I don't agree with how she treats her son (ex: did not give him a name for 10 months simply because she didn't want a boy; harassed my mom, cousin, aunt and my cousin's wife at DD's bday party about why I wouldn't open her gifts...she cried at my baby shower and then told me to take stuff back because it was pink).
New adult friendships are great and I really hope you've made a new friend!!

Is that even legal? What did she call him? That's really weird.

Apparently you can go 5 days, but no more than 30. After 30 they issue a birth certificate with Baby Boy/Girl Last Name. She called him baby, him, it. She paints his nails. She didn't have anything ready for him--carseat, crib, clothes, diapers, etc...gave him the side-eye when they came to see DD in the hospital then refused to change his diaper, she didn't potty train him he had to figure it out himself

eyenigh · June 2014

*~Krystin1119~* said:

eyenigh said:

*~Krystin1119~* said:

Sounds like it could be the start of a new friendship. DD made a friend at gymnastics last summer who ended up starting daycare in the fall so we've become friends with his parents, grandparents, neighbors and aunts/uncles lol.
I'm finding that I'm having trouble getting out of a toxic "friendship" with a lifelong friend. I don't agree with how she treats her son (ex: did not give him a name for 10 months simply because she didn't want a boy; harassed my mom, cousin, aunt and my cousin's wife at DD's bday party about why I wouldn't open her gifts...she cried at my baby shower and then told me to take stuff back because it was pink).
New adult friendships are great and I really hope you've made a new friend!!

Is that even legal? What did she call him? That's really weird.

Apparently you can go 5 days, but no more than 30. After 30 they issue a birth certificate with Baby Boy/Girl Last Name. She called him baby, him, it. She paints his nails. She didn't have anything ready for him--carseat, crib, clothes, diapers, etc...gave him the side-eye when they came to see DD in the hospital then refused to change his diaper, she didn't potty train him he had to figure it out himself

I think both you and her son should breakup with her. She sounds like she needs some serious therapy.

JackoftheBox · June 2014

*~Krystin1119~* said:

eyenigh said:

*~Krystin1119~* said:

Sounds like it could be the start of a new friendship. DD made a friend at gymnastics last summer who ended up starting daycare in the fall so we've become friends with his parents, grandparents, neighbors and aunts/uncles lol.
I'm finding that I'm having trouble getting out of a toxic "friendship" with a lifelong friend. I don't agree with how she treats her son (ex: did not give him a name for 10 months simply because she didn't want a boy; harassed my mom, cousin, aunt and my cousin's wife at DD's bday party about why I wouldn't open her gifts...she cried at my baby shower and then told me to take stuff back because it was pink).
New adult friendships are great and I really hope you've made a new friend!!

Is that even legal? What did she call him? That's really weird.

Apparently you can go 5 days, but no more than 30. After 30 they issue a birth certificate with Baby Boy/Girl Last Name. She called him baby, him, it. She paints his nails. She didn't have anything ready for him--carseat, crib, clothes, diapers, etc...gave him the side-eye when they came to see DD in the hospital then refused to change his diaper, she didn't potty train him he had to figure it out himself

I hope i'm not crossing a line but i would call child protective services on her. Refusing to change his diaper ect is child abuse.

Actually this whole story completely pisses me off.

JackoftheBox · June 2014

OK now i have to know what did she end up naming him?

*~Krystin1119~* · June 2014

JackoftheBox said:

*~Krystin1119~* said:

eyenigh said:

*~Krystin1119~* said:

Sounds like it could be the start of a new friendship. DD made a friend at gymnastics last summer who ended up starting daycare in the fall so we've become friends with his parents, grandparents, neighbors and aunts/uncles lol.
I'm finding that I'm having trouble getting out of a toxic "friendship" with a lifelong friend. I don't agree with how she treats her son (ex: did not give him a name for 10 months simply because she didn't want a boy; harassed my mom, cousin, aunt and my cousin's wife at DD's bday party about why I wouldn't open her gifts...she cried at my baby shower and then told me to take stuff back because it was pink).
New adult friendships are great and I really hope you've made a new friend!!

Is that even legal? What did she call him? That's really weird.

Apparently you can go 5 days, but no more than 30. After 30 they issue a birth certificate with Baby Boy/Girl Last Name. She called him baby, him, it. She paints his nails. She didn't have anything ready for him--carseat, crib, clothes, diapers, etc...gave him the side-eye when they came to see DD in the hospital then refused to change his diaper, she didn't potty train him he had to figure it out himself

I hope i'm not crossing a line but i would call child protective services on her. Refusing to change his diaper ect is child abuse.

Actually this whole story completely pisses me off.

My friend who witnessed it as well did file a complaint as she works with CPS and was concerned because he clearly pooped and wouldn't change him or allow her to change him. They said they didn't find anything out of the ordinary about her care or their living situation (they live with her parents).

*~Krystin1119~* · June 2014

eyenigh said:

*~Krystin1119~* said:

eyenigh said:

*~Krystin1119~* said:

Sounds like it could be the start of a new friendship. DD made a friend at gymnastics last summer who ended up starting daycare in the fall so we've become friends with his parents, grandparents, neighbors and aunts/uncles lol.
I'm finding that I'm having trouble getting out of a toxic "friendship" with a lifelong friend. I don't agree with how she treats her son (ex: did not give him a name for 10 months simply because she didn't want a boy; harassed my mom, cousin, aunt and my cousin's wife at DD's bday party about why I wouldn't open her gifts...she cried at my baby shower and then told me to take stuff back because it was pink).
New adult friendships are great and I really hope you've made a new friend!!

Is that even legal? What did she call him? That's really weird.

Apparently you can go 5 days, but no more than 30. After 30 they issue a birth certificate with Baby Boy/Girl Last Name. She called him baby, him, it. She paints his nails. She didn't have anything ready for him--carseat, crib, clothes, diapers, etc...gave him the side-eye when they came to see DD in the hospital then refused to change his diaper, she didn't potty train him he had to figure it out himself

I think both you and her son should breakup with her. She sounds like she needs some serious therapy.

He definitely does. She was taking him to see his dad in jail (who takes a 3 year old to prison????) He's socially awkward and afraid of people. The dad is no better as he refuses to see him and when he does he takes him along on drug deals. My mom works for a CPS agency and she's lodged complaints, but they can't catch him dragging his child into a dangerous situation.

JackoftheBox · June 2014

*~Krystin1119~* said:

JackoftheBox said:

*~Krystin1119~* said:

eyenigh said:

*~Krystin1119~* said:

Sounds like it could be the start of a new friendship. DD made a friend at gymnastics last summer who ended up starting daycare in the fall so we've become friends with his parents, grandparents, neighbors and aunts/uncles lol.
I'm finding that I'm having trouble getting out of a toxic "friendship" with a lifelong friend. I don't agree with how she treats her son (ex: did not give him a name for 10 months simply because she didn't want a boy; harassed my mom, cousin, aunt and my cousin's wife at DD's bday party about why I wouldn't open her gifts...she cried at my baby shower and then told me to take stuff back because it was pink).
New adult friendships are great and I really hope you've made a new friend!!

Is that even legal? What did she call him? That's really weird.

Apparently you can go 5 days, but no more than 30. After 30 they issue a birth certificate with Baby Boy/Girl Last Name. She called him baby, him, it. She paints his nails. She didn't have anything ready for him--carseat, crib, clothes, diapers, etc...gave him the side-eye when they came to see DD in the hospital then refused to change his diaper, she didn't potty train him he had to figure it out himself

I hope i'm not crossing a line but i would call child protective services on her. Refusing to change his diaper ect is child abuse.

Actually this whole story completely pisses me off.

My friend who witnessed it as well did file a complaint as she works with CPS and was concerned because he clearly pooped and wouldn't change him or allow her to change him. They said they didn't find anything out of the ordinary about her care or their living situation (they live with her parents).

WOW that makes me sick. That's complete bullshit. Can i ask a rather personal question? Did she ever consider giving him up for adoption? It sounds like he would be better off....

JackoftheBox · June 2014

lildis09 said:

Sounds like it could be the start of a new friendship. DD made a friend at gymnastics last summer who ended up starting daycare in the fall so we've become friends with his parents, grandparents, neighbors and aunts/uncles lol.
I'm finding that I'm having trouble getting out of a toxic "friendship" with a lifelong friend. I don't agree with how she treats her son (ex: did not give him a name for 10 months simply because she didn't want a boy; harassed my mom, cousin, aunt and my cousin's wife at DD's bday party about why I wouldn't open her gifts...she cried at my baby shower and then told me to take stuff back because it was pink).
New adult friendships are great and I really hope you've made a new friend!!
Can you adopt him? This is just awful & makes me sick.

Can i adopt him?...

*~Krystin1119~* · June 2014

JackoftheBox said:

*~Krystin1119~* said:

JackoftheBox said:

*~Krystin1119~* said:

eyenigh said:

*~Krystin1119~* said:

Sounds like it could be the start of a new friendship. DD made a friend at gymnastics last summer who ended up starting daycare in the fall so we've become friends with his parents, grandparents, neighbors and aunts/uncles lol.
I'm finding that I'm having trouble getting out of a toxic "friendship" with a lifelong friend. I don't agree with how she treats her son (ex: did not give him a name for 10 months simply because she didn't want a boy; harassed my mom, cousin, aunt and my cousin's wife at DD's bday party about why I wouldn't open her gifts...she cried at my baby shower and then told me to take stuff back because it was pink).
New adult friendships are great and I really hope you've made a new friend!!

Is that even legal? What did she call him? That's really weird.

Apparently you can go 5 days, but no more than 30. After 30 they issue a birth certificate with Baby Boy/Girl Last Name. She called him baby, him, it. She paints his nails. She didn't have anything ready for him--carseat, crib, clothes, diapers, etc...gave him the side-eye when they came to see DD in the hospital then refused to change his diaper, she didn't potty train him he had to figure it out himself

I hope i'm not crossing a line but i would call child protective services on her. Refusing to change his diaper ect is child abuse.

Actually this whole story completely pisses me off.

My friend who witnessed it as well did file a complaint as she works with CPS and was concerned because he clearly pooped and wouldn't change him or allow her to change him. They said they didn't find anything out of the ordinary about her care or their living situation (they live with her parents).

WOW that makes me sick. That's complete bullshit. Can i ask a rather personal question? Did she ever consider giving him up for adoption? It sounds like he would be better off....

No, she never considered giving him up for adoption unfortunately. She wanted a baby, got made when she had one and then wouldn't give him to go good home. You all should see what she put on facebook about him. You'd think she was up for Mother of the Year! Makes me, DH, my mom and my brother sick. She called a few weeks ago to ask if I knew the address to the PA Cyber School (seriously...it's CYBER school), said that his birthday was Thursday and she had to plan something (it's actually this Sunday and she has nothing planned).

*~Krystin1119~* · June 2014

JackoftheBox said:

lildis09 said:

Sounds like it could be the start of a new friendship. DD made a friend at gymnastics last summer who ended up starting daycare in the fall so we've become friends with his parents, grandparents, neighbors and aunts/uncles lol.
I'm finding that I'm having trouble getting out of a toxic "friendship" with a lifelong friend. I don't agree with how she treats her son (ex: did not give him a name for 10 months simply because she didn't want a boy; harassed my mom, cousin, aunt and my cousin's wife at DD's bday party about why I wouldn't open her gifts...she cried at my baby shower and then told me to take stuff back because it was pink).
New adult friendships are great and I really hope you've made a new friend!!
Can you adopt him? This is just awful & makes me sick.

Can i adopt him?...

You should! He's painfully shy and won't speak to people, but I'm sure you could break him out of his shell!!

kristennd · June 2014

gwendarling said:

kristennd said:

I was in a very specific subculture as a teenager which made going off to college so easy. You'd just spot someone with a certain hairstyle or outfit and be able to walk up and say "Clearly we'll be hanging out."

Goth! were you a goth kid?

Ding!

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