Working moms of 3+

2-Step · May 2014

Do you find it a lot harder with three than it was with two? I've been struggling with whether to have one more for awhile. My head says I might go insane, but my heart says we won't be complete without another one. It could be because all of my friends are having babies this year and I'm surrounded, but I've always thought we would end up with three. However, our boys are a handful. They are great, but super high energy and are probably going to be involved in a lot of sports and activities. I work from home 4 days a week so things are better than when I had my first two and was commuting, but we are still very busy and DH works long hours, so a lot of the work would be put on my shoulders. I guess I'm just looking for your thoughts on how it is with three and two parents working. DS is going to school next year and my other son will be in preschool this fall, maybe I am just sad they are growing up so fast.

I also have a habit of taking on more than I can handle in all things, work, play, scheduling etc. I always get it done, I just tend to go big and figure it all out later, even if I am totally stressed out

So, I'm kind of worried in some way I will do that with kids too and maybe not realize what I'm getting myself into!

KJKNAJ · May 2014

I'm in a similar position. We've been TTC#3 for over a year and actually lost a pregnancy at 8w2d at the end of Jan. I was so excited for that baby and pretty (obviously) devastated when it ended.

But recently I've been having the same thoughts as you - can we really do this? Two stressful jobs? A 2nd grader with tons of homework and a high energy 3yr old already have me beat most days! And, like you, I bite off more than I can chew (I am a Girl Scout troop leader for one example).

So, I don't know. My heart tells me that there is another one to come to complete our family. My head tells me maybe not. I am 37 and getting less and less confident that this is going to happen.

Sorry, that didn't help you at all, did it?!

cja06 · May 2014

I've been a mom of three now for four months and have been back to work for a month now, and it hasn't felt nearly as stressful as I thought it would. I was more stressed when I was pregnant and my two boys were always fighting and wrestling and I had mini breakdowns that I wasn't going to be able to handle 3 kids (to which DH replied, well, it's a little late for that now).

My boys are similar in age as your would be if you added a third to the mix. Right now they are 6 and 3. The 3 year old is a handful and our biggest headache.

We both have pretty stressful, full-time jobs. Mine allows me to work from home most days, but I do travel (mostly day trips along the east coast, but those are long 12 hour days). Things that have helped tremendously:

1. My daughter is a dream baby...she is really the easiest, happiest, greatest baby I could have asked for. I'm not sure how I would be faring if she wasn't (obviously, you don't know what type of baby you will get).

2. DH and I both have pretty flexible jobs which allow us to leave early or cut out for a couple of hours if we have to take the kids to baseball or the doctor, etc.

3. We got a nanny this time around. My boys were always in a daycare setting before, but there aren't a lot of options near us that take babies and then the three kids would be in 3 different locations making drop offs/pick ups a nightmare. Our nanny is amazing. In addition to taking care of the kids, she also does their laundry, the dishes, vacuums, picks up, goes to the store, makes lunches for school, etc. It is a blessing to come down from my office to a clutter-free home. She is not cheap, but worth it during this baby stage.

4. I've said no to a lot of things over the past year like volunteering much at DS's school, and signing up the boys into too many activities. I'm now starting to feel like we can take on more little by little.

Sorry for the long post, but I'm here to say having 3 has been great. Our family now feels complete, and I wouldn't change it. Good luck!

WBMom · May 2014

I have been a mom of 3 for 2 yrs now. My kids are more spaced out (not by choice but by chance) - 9, 5, 2 in June. The first year was tough - but really looking back it's always tough the first year no matter how many kids you have - the lack of sleep, baby demands, etc. Now that the little guy is more independent it has been great and I cannot imagine our life with only 2. I had the same thoughts with #3 especially once I found out I was pregnant - is my house big enough, is my car big enough, do we have the time, etc. It all worked out! I did cut back on volunteering as much more for my sanity. I fit 3 car seats in the back of a Honda Accord and my girls now share a room which they actually love. Mine and DH's job is flexible so I WFH one day a week and can leave early if needed for appts, extracurricular activities. It is possible and realistic. Good luck with your family decision!

2-Step · May 2014

KJKNAJ said:

I'm in a similar position. We've been TTC#3 for over a year and actually lost a pregnancy at 8w2d at the end of Jan. I was so excited for that baby and pretty (obviously) devastated when it ended. But recently I've been having the same thoughts as you - can we really do this? Two stressful jobs? A 2nd grader with tons of homework and a high energy 3yr old already have me beat most days! And, like you, I bite off more than I can chew (I am a Girl Scout troop leader for one example). So, I don't know. My heart tells me that there is another one to come to complete our family. My head tells me maybe not. I am 37 and getting less and less confident that this is going to happen. Sorry, that didn't help you at all, did it?!

It helps just knowing someone else is as unconfident in this decision as me! It seems like everyone I know has the exact number of kids they want picked out and will not waver, so just knowing I'm not the only one is nice

I had an unplanned pregnancy end in miscarriage about a year ago and that threw me for a little loop too. I wasn't ready for it, so I was kind of terrified, but got a little excited and then it was over. I'm still not sure how I feel about it all. Oh life!

jf198400 · May 2014

I'm pregnant with #3 right now, but I'm planning to SAH for awhile. I feel like working with 3 kids would be more manageable if DH wasn't gone 14hrs/day. Pretty much everything kid and house related falls on me. I'm managing okay with 2 kids and being pregnant, but I just can't handle a baby on top of it all. I wish we had the option to take a year of ML like in canada, if so I'd probably return to work (part time). Sorry I'm no help. For me it really comes down to prioritizing DHs job (he makes twice as much money as I do) and my own personal preference to stay home.

ETA: if we couldn't make it work financially for me to SAH, we would still have a third baby, it would be hard, but we would make it work somehow. The first year is always hard.

2-Step · May 2014

ClaryPax said:

I only have 2, but I know 99.9 percent that we are done. My feeling with adding another is that it is super crazy for about 2 years. When you are pregnant you often don't feel well and then the first year of baby's life is just survival and sleep deprivation. If you are willing to go through 2 years of physical toll on your body and sleep then I think you will be fine adding a 3rd. What does your DH think? Do you have a big enough car, house, enough money for 3 in college. I kind of feel maybe mistakenly that once they are a little more independent them 1 more won't be a big deal, buts what it takes to get there and the finances that has stopped me.

We are moving this weekend so we will have the space in our house for three. We have cars that would accommodate three barely

My only concern about finances is that I work freelance, so my ability to work is very much determined by how much time I have available and the market. Our new mortgage is much bigger too! But, my oldest is starting school and daycare bills wont be forever, we have a rental home and investments, so I think we can swing college for three, the kids may have to help themselves a little but I did that and I didn't have a problem with it. My concerns lie more in our ability to keep our sanity and general overall happiness and capacity! And the concerns you bring up about my body, sleep etc. DH is leaning toward only wanting 2, but I know I could convince him of 3 if I wanted it. He has always wanted 3 but now that he knows the amount of work that goes into the first year or two he is not so sure. I think he would be happy either way, which make it even harder to decide!

DiveFrog · May 2014

jf198400 said:

I'm pregnant with #3 right now, but I'm planning to SAH for awhile. I feel like working with 3 kids would be more manageable if DH wasn't gone 14hrs/day. Pretty much everything kid and house related falls on me. I'm managing okay with 2 kids and being pregnant, but I just can't handle a baby on top of it all. I wish we had the option to take a year of ML like in canada, if so I'd probably return to work (part time). Sorry I'm no help. For me it really comes down to prioritizing DHs job (he makes twice as much money as I do) and my own personal preference to stay home. ETA: if we couldn't make it work financially for me to SAH, we would still have a third baby, it would be hard, but we would make it work somehow. The first year is always hard.

If I had the option for a year of paid maternity leave (even at 50%), I would probably end up with 4 kids vs. the 2 we are planning. That first year with DD was just so incredibly hard for me, especially after returning to work full-time. Since I make twice what DH does, and carry our benefits we just don't have the option for me to SAH, or even work only PT.

cja06 · May 2014

@2-Step, we had always talked about 3, but then after having 2 we were very much on the fence. If we had had a boy and a girl, I think we would have stopped at 2. We actually also had an unplanned pregnancy that resulted in miscarriage at 8 weeks. That experience made us realize that we really did want a third child, despite our reservations about whether we can handle it. It was almost a year after the miscarriage that I felt like we were ready to try, and we got pregnant immediately. I feel like sometimes you just have to jump in with both feet whether you feel ready or not. DH's perspective was that he couldn't see himself ever regretting having a third child, but he could definitely see regretting not having #3.

itsmevkb · May 2014

I have four, ages 7, 5, just about to turn 3 and 1.5. So yea, I'm pretty much tired all.the.time. I always knew I wanted at least three children, with an upper limit of six, so I actually feel quite fortunate to have had four given that I got married a little later in life and have had a few issues with fertility and maintaining pregnancies.

So, here's the thing. For us, adding a third was fairly seamless. I'm not going to lie, being pregnant at age 39, while working full-time and having two kids at home wasn't easy, but it was doable. Having a newborn is always hard given the lack of sleep but at least that is temporary. I have always found having a baby easier than say having a toddler. Babies sleep a lot and are pretty portable. What I've found as my kids get older and the oldest two are in all-day school, is that our future will be harder than our past. Everything makes it out to be that having young kids is the hardest time as a parent but I think my opinion will differ. I look ahead and see having four kids in school, helping four kids with homework, keeping track of all their school stuff along with outside school activities. That's four kid schedules and two adult schedules I need to not just keep track of but make sure they coordinate. Even if we decide to limit outside school activities there will still most likely be times when all four of them need to be somewhere different but all at the same time. And sure, daycare ends, as do diapers, but I've found that other things just replace them. For us, private school tuition but also things like they start eating more, way more. I see what my 7-year-old boy eats and shudder to think what that quanitity will be once he's 14.

I'm not saying I regret having four, they are all wonderful children and fill my days with laughter and craziness, but I'm not going to lie and say it's all a breeze. There is no way I could do it on my own or without a husband who probably does more for them than I do on a daily basis. We both work full-time but he has a much more flexible schedule than I do. That has really made things doable for us.

2-Step · May 2014

Thanks for your honest opinions. I often hear such awful things about having a third child that it is nice to know it is actually doable. We may just have to jump in with two feet! I think I might give it a little bit of time for us to get used to our new mortgage and wait a year, until we have one fully out of daycare

For me the transition from one to two was very easy. Zero to one was the hard part because I was giving up independence. Now I kind of feel like I'm in the groove, so what is one more? That is probably naive, but I do know that I struggled a lot more with loss of independence than I cared about chaos and clutter.

mrsseguin · June 2014

I'm 5 months in to having 3 kids, so far it has been easier than going from 1-2. She is such an easy baby, or we've just figures this whole parenting thing out

We were on the fence for a long time...SO glad we had baby #3. Good luck with your decision.

litzo27 · June 2014

I'm late to the party but I'll chime in. So far (4 months) having 3 is easier than I was afraid of. My boys are at the same time great kids and a handful (soon to be 3 and 6) but the adjustment to a new baby didn't aggravate any of our issues. And they are very smitten with her. The past couple of months (I went back to work at 6 weeks and work from home a lot too) have been rather crazy and tiring but that's more a factor of having an infant rather than having 3 kids I feel. I do think that as they get older and all have activities (as opposed to just the older one right now) it will be harder but we'll figure it out. Right now we have a good routine going. I do struggle with finding enough time to spend one on one with them but I'm sure that will also get easier as the baby is a bit older.
It is however expensive. In our case we have a nanny for the baby, daycare for DS2 and extended day at school for DS1. It adds up - but not forever.

NavyMom77 · June 2014

I'm in completely the same spot - it's nice to hear that you all went back and forth before deciding, too! I'm 37 now and getting ready to SAH for a bit due to DHs work, so I feel like the decision will need to be made before too long. Not my post, but thank you all for your insight!

ENev · June 2014

This my first post on the Bump in a couple of years, I think! But wanted to chime in ... we have two boys, 4 1/2 and almost 2 1/2 and our baby girl is due in early September. I obviously can't say yet how hard having three and working will be, but we're excited! I've always wanted three, and as crazy as I think life will be for awhile, I wouldn't have it any other way.

We transitioned to a nanny part-time a couple of months ago (with the boys still going to an in-home daycare the other days) and she's been amazing - we'll be going full-time with her after my maternity leave with this one. I feel like a nanny is the way to go once you have three!

2-Step · June 2014

I love all these moms of two boys that then had a girl! Gives me a little hope that I might not always be horribly outnumbered!

mittensonkittens · June 2014

I have boys age 5 and 3 and a baby girl 10 months old. It's insane, but I just didn't feel done with two. This time around the baby part felt easy, it's the older two that were the problem. I was always trying to feed a baby with two little boys terrorizing the house, fighting, and just being little boys. All three are in a daycare center.

rcbuko · June 2014

I just gave birth to our fourth a week and a half ago so am currently at home. When working, I work full time a minimum of 45 hours a week as does DH. We often work opposite hours so the childcare is often done by only one of us at a time.

My two oldest are in preschool and kindergarten. This helps alleviate some of the care taking for the parent who is watching them during those hours. Before going out on maternity, I worked during the day and would come home to homework, dinner, bath, and bed. That was a stressful time trying to wrangle three kids by myself. Still, a routine is developed and it is doable.

When I go back to work, we will likely try to work opposing schedules once again to cut down on childcare costs. We'll do this probably at least until our third kid starts preschool. It's doable. I am like you in that I tend to overextend myself and just get stuff done.

I absolutely loved having three kids and so far love having four. The biggest jump for me was going from one kid to two. Two to three wasn't that big of a deal and three to four doesn't seem that bad either.

Good luck deciding what to do.

ENev · June 2014

I love to hear that one to two was harder than two to three - I've heard that from a few people!

One to two was hard for me. Because one was just so EASY! I'm hoping I'm so used to the craziness by now that three will just add to it, but not be a total shock.

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