GTKY: What do you hate the most about 3T!?

jszy10 · June 2014

So I've been thinking about this (my most hated thing) a lot lately, and thought I'd reach out to see what grinds your gears the most about the "side effects" of TTTC and how they impact your life. Other than the obvious, what affects YOU the most!?

Let's hate a little bit on IF this Monday morning...

I'll start by saying I HATE that I feel like I can't make plans!!! My friends want to go paintballing...and sign up for fun 5ks...and go ziplining....and I feel like I can't commit to any of it!!! All for the "possibility" that I could get KU'd. My husband and I have even been considering getting jet skis (for MONTHS now) to use along with our boating, and I won't pull the trigger because I can't ride one if I get KU'd. But here we are, in June, and we could be out having fun on the water...and I said no because I though I *might* be preggers.

BLEH! FU IF!

.Mrs.Matt. · June 2014

I hate that when I'm not at work, I think about IF constantly! I'm trying so hard to keep a positive outlook right now, and then I catch myself going through everything in my head again and again!

BunnyBerry · June 2014

I hate that random medical professionals get all up in my bedroom and decide when I can and can't (and have to) DTD with DH! It's really messed up. We feel a bit violated sometimes. The worst conversations are his plaintive whining from the bathroom when he has to provide a sample on demand, and the even more grating whining when we aren't allowed to get it on! And of course we all know the feeling of making. it. happen. no matter what (fight, headache, crazy sleep schedule...)

AnnaClaire256 · June 2014

Mostly I hate how consuming it is. Always on my mind. There are days where I feel like it's all I think about. I am a complete control freak so that not knowing when/if this will happen drives me a little bonkers.

If someone said, "you will get your baby in 2016"...cool, fine, I can be patient. It's the "what if this never happens" that drags me down.

Also, the money. I feel like it's gambling...playing the lottery. If you hit the jackpot, it's all worth it. If not, you just spent your life savings and have nothing to show for it....except maybe the peace of mind that comes with knowing you did everything you could.

Autumray · June 2014

I hate not being in control of myself. I am a person who really likes to be in control of a situation. I have such a grasp on so many things in my life but IF Drives me completely mental! The over analyzing the "what ifs", the putting my life on hold because of them, with IF its like your completely out of control. Im Driving myself batty POAS waiting to see every single month. ugh I just cant

jszy10 · June 2014

NariaDreaming BlueJoan -- me too!! I've realized that I often don't get to enjoy my days sometimes, because I'm so wrapped up in what CD it is or how many days left in the 2ww.

.Mrs.Matt. -- I'm a CONSTANT worrier, so I can relate to that. I overthink EVERYTHING...and it really is hard to keep your mind off of when its something you want so bad.

BunnyBerry -- YES!! It really does ruin your sex life

(

AnnaClaire256 -- I am complete control freak too!!! I think it makes me even more crazy because I can control everything else in my life but this...this controls me...

lebradford · June 2014

NariaDreaming said:

I hate that despite my best intentions, I find myself "wishing away" the months and years.

"Oh, only 5 more days until I can test".

"Oh yay, 3 days until my follie scan".

Its like WTF. Where did 2013 go, and how is it June 2014 already?

This. The waiting is brutal.

Pintobean39 · June 2014

I hate the putting life of hold. I don't worry about the "what if I'm pregnant" but it's medicated cycles screwing up my plans. My friends went to Vegas around Easter for a girls trip that I couldn't go on because a cyst caused my cycle to be delayed. My husband and I were going to go to wine country in California for a get away but my ovaries were taking their time and by the time I knew when I'd trigger plane tickets were outrageous. Everything is last minute with us.

Now that I'm doing IVF I hoped I could plan a little girls trip to the beach after my transfer for my 40th bday but thanks to another cyst delaying my stimming a week totally screwed that up.

I'm so sick of this!!!! I've spent the last year of my life either on bed rest because of threatened miscarriages, and now I'm having to hang around to have wands shoved up my vajaja and blood taken every couple of days. I just want my life back and it would be nice to not have a sharps container on my kitchen counter all the time.

jszy10 · June 2014

Hoping4LO, me too. I hate that I feel jealous and bothered every time someone announces a pregnancy or posts baby pictures. I really just want to be happy for people, and I just can't. All I think is, great...ANOTHER one gets to announce and I'm still not KU'd.

kushie77 · June 2014

I hate that it has totally screwed up our sex life, our MFI dx has totally affected H's confidence in the bedroom. What used to be an amazing sex life has fizzled. We're trying to get it back on track, but it's easier said then done.

I hate how damn expensive treatment is and that it's not mandatory that insurances cover treatment. It sucks that you have to budget RE appointments, testing and and gas/tolls into the budget to try to maybe accomplish something that most drunk 16 year olds can do in the back of a car.

gsancho · June 2014

I hate that I feel I can't be myself or "normal" around those who are pregnant or with children. Even my relationship with my BFF has changes (although we are still very close, it's just not the same). Makes me sad to think that the only thing that will make me comfortable around those situation is a child or my own.

I also hate the money it's cost us. DH and I had a small argument over how much money we are willing to spend last night. But in the end, I know he's right and we will soon reach our breaking point.

StacyLH24 · June 2014

I'm glad I'm not alone in all of this. That being said, I wish none of us were in this boat. I'm having a rough day, so this is perfect.

- I hate that every time I try to look into the future it is companied with "what if I'm pregnant?" " hopefully we'll have a baby". C and I went to the Buffalo Pride Parade yesterday. I made a comment that I hope we have a baby to bring next year. She said that we've been saying things like that for the past year and we have nothing, so stop saying it basically.

- I hate fertility meds. I hate feeling crummy and bloated and irritable.

- I hate how I have let this consume my life. It occupies my brain 24/7. I'm driving myself crazy to some degree and I know I'm driving C crazy.

- I hate how this has all impacted our marriage. I feel like we are super short with each other lately. By all means we aren't in a terrible place, but we are both stressed an have the tendency to take it out on each other. She is right though, if we can make it through all of this, we can probably get through most anything together.

- I hate that some days I want to give up...but then realize that if we want to have a family, I cannot do that.

Ugh...I just hate it all.

masterofallcheese · June 2014

I agree with a PP, I just hate how consuming this is. Every aspect of my life has changed since starting this journey, and usually not for the better. (I think the only "improvement" has been in my knowledge of reproduction.) I have lost confidence in nearly every social situation. I cannot go out anywhere without seeing negative triggers. Even "safe" TV shows like Jeopardy aren't guaranteed to remind me of everything. My life revolves around this, and as someone else mentioned, not knowing when or if this will result in anything makes it even more unbearable.

masterofallcheese · June 2014

I agree with a PP, I just hate how consuming this is. Every aspect of my life has changed since starting this journey, and usually not for the better. (I think the only "improvement" has been in my knowledge of reproduction.) I have lost confidence in nearly every social situation. I cannot go out anywhere without seeing negative triggers. Even "safe" TV shows like Jeopardy aren't guaranteed to remind me of everything. My life revolves around this, and as someone else mentioned, not knowing when or if this will result in anything makes it even more unbearable.

wishiwaspreggo · June 2014

I'd planned a glorious weekend at the spa and beer festival with my close friends. That was the same weekend my body decided to ovulate so guess who had to drive up alone to Wisconsin after a follie scan and hurry back home alone for an IUI? All for a failed cycle. I regret not pushing that one back.

I've suffered anxiety wondering if I'd ovulate on the day of a big meeting, during weeks when my presence at work is critical, worried about planning vacations. I am a slave to my reproductive system.

And yet despite my efforts and the thousands of dollars I've dumped into TTC, I'm sitting here with an empty mildly contracting uterus waiting for my blood to spill so I can pour more money into this and try again.

Like everyone here, I hate the time I've put into this, I hate how difficult it is to plan, I hate how expensive it is, and I hate worrying about it all the time.

theholmanherd · June 2014

I hate not knowing when I will be a parent. I keep myself pretty busy (2 jobs, 2 volunteer projects, summer camp counselor, etc). I'm still planning on traveling and other things, but the mode of travel is just driving because you can't refund plane tickets and plus its cheaper and more flexible to drive where we are going for Christmas this year. So mostly I just want to know when it will happen. But since it may never happen, I'm not slowing down my life in the meantime. It just brings me down and drives me crazy if I do, like holding my breath indefinitely.

ronniesgirl1981 · June 2014

I hate the anxiety that I get when I am going to see someone who I don't see very often. I didn't go to cousin's graduation party out of fears of being asked when we were going to reproduce.

I also hate, hate that my husband is going to be 40 soon. I wanted to be done by the time he was 40 and now I am just praying that we don't have another IVF failure under our belts. And...him turning 40 is just an invitation for others to comment on our reproductive plans.

erollis · June 2014

One of the biggest things is that sex feels like a chore to me most of the time. The fun and excitement are gone because I am so focused of trying to make a baby.

We also have been holding off on making any vacation plans to far in advance. Everything feels so up in the air because we may be pregnant.

I also am a little bit bitter and can get emotional over other people getting pregnant/ having babies/ talking about their kids. As understanding people are about our struggle doesn't make it any easier.

I haven't asked my two friends yet about H and I hosting their couple showers. I hope they both say yes because I need to plan something thats positive. I need to be able to control something. Work and 3T makes me feel helpless.

mrskovarik · June 2014

I hate feeling out of control with everything, not knowing if or when we will ever get pregnant. I hate all the waiting like I'm wishing my time away as I wait for the next test, and hate that it all costs so darn much.

ronniesgirl1981 · June 2014

I just thought of another...

I hate knowing that my BF and her husband are going to start trying for their first. You all know the drill. Of course I want them to have everything they want, but man is it going to sting. Then I'll be the last one in our crew to be childless.

Alicia_R1 · June 2014

part way down *****pregnancy & children mentioned, not mine don't read further if it may upset you****

I hate that I can't sign up for races until the last minute, I can't make plans, even when I am not doing a medicated cycle my body just wants to F with me. I expected I'd get to enjoy my vacation with my parents since they drove all the way out from NE....well we spent most of it driving to and from the RE since i had to go in 4 days in a row.

I hate the limitations they and DH try to put on me, the limitations haven't worked so far, in fact they have backfired if anything.

I used to be happy and care free, now it seems like my life revolves around TTC and DH doesn't quite get that, just a little bit. He doesn't get how much it sucks that I can't do the things I want to and enjoy doing. He seems to think it's just a temporary and minor inconvenince for the great goal of having a child...ok asshole then you don't need to hunt, fish, or go shooting this year because if all my hobbies have been nixed by the docs, yours can be too and you can tell me how much you enjoy that temporary and minor inconvenience that you enjoy and relieves your stress. note, i don't really think DH is an asshole, I'm just annoyed at him right now.

I hate how I'm ok with just giving up if this IUI doesn't work, because I want my life back, I don't like the me that I am right now, and I don't want to keep being this person. But nooooo, mortal sin in DH's mind...it was an expectation we'd have kids and I can't just go on quitting because it's hurts me on a level he will never feel.

*****pregnancy & children mentioned, not mine don't read further if it may upset you****

I hate that I continually get all these "oops, somehow I'm pregant" messages from people who are not even happy in their dating relationships or aren't even dating the guy...

I get annoyed being around both my SIL's who have kids and just had babies barely 2 months apart. and they are all like "it will happen"

ok rant over, sorry for the book.

rella22 · June 2014

It is crazy that even with different situations and dx we all share the same feelings. Every post I read I was like "omg me too" "yes that too...". TTTC is seriously one of the most draining things I have ever had to do. It drains me mentally, it drains my sick days, it drains my bank account.

Danielle0311 · June 2014

First I just wanna say that this is a great thread! I am having a rough few days and it's nice to see I'm not
Alone (not that I want anyone else to go through this, but you know what I mean) and it's nice to be able to
Vent somwhere about this and it be acceptable!!

I agree that one of the worst things about IF is not being able to make plans! My last loss was ectopic so I don't wanna even make plans to fly anywhere for fear that if I get a bfp ill need betas to make sure I don't need another surgery

all the races and fun things my friends are planning I turn down left and right and it's depressing!

The second worst thing I hate is feeling broken. I hate looking down at my arms and seeing bruises from blood draws and waking up hours earlier than normal before work all the time to go to doctors appointment. I hate having to take extra meds and vitamins and I HATE when people give me the "poor me" look or speech. I'm not broken but people make me feel that way

Screw you IF!!

jszy10 · June 2014

DaydreamSam said:

AND I hate that crack whores can get pregnant but I can't. Grrrrr.

BAH! Thanks @DaydreamSam ... AGREED!

jszy10 · June 2014

ronniesgirl1981 -- my DH will be 40 at the end of next month, so I hear ya on that one!! I'm worried that if I don't get KU'd soon that he's going to lose interest in becoming a father so late in the game. He doesn't want to be 60 with a teenager!

Alicia_R1 -- I'm with you on the race sign-ups! Only a few of my close friends know about my IF troubles, so it's hard to come up with excuses why I can't just sign up months in advance.

rella22 -- I completely agree with your post!! I feel like I can relate to every single thing that each of you are writing. This process really does suck, and I just wish that ALL of our DH's and friends could understand and sympathize.

leahoulicky · June 2014

I hate feeling like I'm being judged by my friends and family. You know, that whole, Relax, be paitent, your young, You don't want to do that right now, crap.

KRSimmons3 · June 2014

I hate that no matter what else wonderful has happened in my life, all I can think is the last 6 months was a waste of time and money and think of all the things I missed for appts and treatment that didnt work.

Lindsey7348 · June 2014

I hate that I am always 'adding' my age and time, etc.

For instance, I always say "If I don't get pregnant this month, then I will be X years old!" Then I will be X years old when our kid is X years old"

I find myself asking people, friends or randoms that I meet, how old they were when they had their first. Then try to calculate it in my head. Age has gotten me down about TTC! Its like I am already almost 32, its taking me THIS long to try for #1, how long will it take for the next one, etc. What if I want 3?! ugh its draining.

Also, about the time, is the holidays. Oh joy another birthday, Christmas, Easter, Mothers day, spent childless. Its so consuming!

jszy10 · June 2014

Lindsey7348 -- I'm a 'timing' person too. I always find myself thinking "I have to get KU'd by this time to have a 2014 baby (that's a goner!)....I have to get KU'd by this time to tell my Mom on mother's day, or my dad on father's day, or by Easter or Christmas....and all of those times go by and nothing. I often find myself thinking about hypothetical situations of how I would tell people based on the time of year too. Always disappointing...

Lindsey7348 · June 2014

@jszy10 - YEP!! I always do that. I google my potential due date calculator to see if it aligns with certain days to 'announce' etc. (hangs head in shame)

*Preg/baby mention*

An ex-friend of mine announced her third pregnancy and her EDD is second week of December. I was like she WOULD be so lucky to 'get it out just in the knick of time'. Perfect Christmas, tax deduction, blah blah blah. Biotch. lol

lebradford · June 2014

I just wanted to say that my "love its" are hugs. :-)

Sewfie · June 2014

I'm so tired of feeling lonely.
I spent most of my adult life firmly in the childfree by choice group; it was a big part of my identity. When we started trying over two years ago (DH wanted to, and I had mostly changed my mind by then), I was sure it was going to happen. And then it didn't, and I was okay with that. After 6 months or so, I just assumed it was not going to happen, and went about as basically cfbc, even as we kept trying.
Then five people we know IRL were pregnant, four of them with due dates within the same month. Four baby showers in the same month. But I feel like since I was so adamantly cfbc, I can't really complain about being infertile now. And afaik, I don't know anyone IRL who have gone through IF treatments (one couple has issues, but got pregnant naturally after all; they've been very supportive, but they also didn't know me when I was vocally cfbc).

I'm tired of feeling like I have to act nonchalant about IF. I'm always afraid/worried about bringing other people down that I keep a positive front up all the time. When really some days I just want to break down at my desk.

I'm also tired at not really knowing how to process my feelings. If I do end up in a crying fit, I feel better the next day, but mostly because I just keep myself distracting with internet memes. If we do have a child, I'm afraid that I'll pass on my emotional stunted-ness.

mindaa · June 2014

So thankful for this thread today. DH is my primary support IRL and this past month has been rough. He's a great, sympathic support and totally willing to talk it out as much as I need.

But I'm learning that he's never really going to "get it." So, I guess that's what I hate the most, is that for the first time I feel somewhat distant from DH. And that left me feeling sad, alone... and a little crazy. So thanks for reminding me that I'm not

Otherwise I don't really have much to add. Blessings to all!

wcasar · June 2014

I look back at the 6 years of us doing it on a regular basis on birth control and condoms. Back when we thought we would get KU the first month of us preventing it. Then knowing its been almost 2 years of trying with no luck. I wish we knew back then and tried options when we were younger and had more time. I get sad thinking my kids, if we ever have any, won't get to know my parents and grandparents long. Plus I never thought we would be old when we have kids. I want a relationship with my child as my mom did with me. We are best friends and it's sad knowing I currently don't have that next of kin or may never have one.

StacyLH24 · June 2014

GinnyJones82 said:

I agree with everything that everyone else hates about this. I also hate feeling so 'blue'. Not quite depressed, but 'blue'. I'm feeling it big time right now waiting for AF to arrive to start. AHHHHHH!!

This! This is how I'm feeling as we speak. I can't quite pull myself out of it, but I'm doing what I can to keep it from getting too bad.

ddvj79 · June 2014

What do I hate about IF ?

- that it holds us hostage

- the uncertainty, the not knowing if it will ever happen : If someone told me with 100% certainty that we would have a child and when it would be, I can handle that. If someone told me with 100% certainty that we will never have children, I will be crushed but over time I am sure I will make my peace with it

- the struggle to stay positive, the end result which is bitterness and the irrational anger directed at yourself

- the hopeless bottomless hole of a feeling everytime you look at that BFN

- the helplessness you have all during every cycle that you cant make it result in a BFP because in all honesty no one has any control

- the pain when you see a baby or a pregnant woman

- the feeling of wanting to be swallowed up by the earth when you get the pitied looks

- the side effects from the meds which over time almost confuse you about what your real personality is

- the side effects from the meds which make you question everything you feel and over analyze it and wonder and obesses if its is a symptom of pregnancy or is it just the drugs!

- so I guess, everything...I hate everything that is IF.

DharmaChick · June 2014

jszy10 said:
I'll start by saying I HATE that I feel like I can't make plans!!! My friends want to go paintballing...and sign up for fun 5ks...and go ziplining....and I feel like I can't commit to any of it!!! All for the "possibility" that I could get KU'd.

The top things that I hate are probably ^^this^^ and this:

NariaDreaming said:

I hate that despite my best intentions, I find myself "wishing away" the months and years.

"Oh, only 5 more days until I can test".

"Oh yay, 3 days until my follie scan".

Its like WTF. Where did 2013 go, and how is it June 2014 already?

and, sadly, this:

Hoping4LO said:

I hate the sadness and jealousy I feel towards fertile people. I no longer feel like I'm a part of my group of friends.

All of these are connected, really.

BunnyBerry · June 2014

@sewfie I'm so sorry that you're experiencing IF with that added burden. Just as you owned being CFBC, knowing that was a perfectly valid decision, changing your mind through love for your DH and just being in a different place than you were earlier in life is also a valid decision. I hope you are able to find people IRL who are able to understand the pain of IF especially when it is such a surprise to you, and wouldn't even think of judging or having to stick in their I Told You So's.

Sewfie · June 2014

@BunnyBerry, I've been lucky enough not to hear any "I told you so's" yet.

CarSaidYes · June 2014

What I hate most about tttc is the constant waiting on people to call me to schedule appts, pre registration, ect and I hate waiting for AF, I hate not knowing what's going on in my body. But most of all I hate the waiting game we have to play. I'm an instant gratification type person not the case when ttc.

Want a personalized experience?

GTKY: What do you hate the most about 3T!?

Re: GTKY: What do you hate the most about 3T!?

March 2014 - RE appt.
April 2014- Saline sono all's good, terrible SA results - 8 sperm found all abnormal
May 2014- Fert Urology- Bilateral varicoceles, recommend Donor Sperm

12/2014- Surprise natural BFP EDD 7/31/15 Plan: Starting foster to adoption, natural cycles

Me 33, DH 37 -- TTC since Jan'12 -- Low AMH (0.78) & endo, SA w/ low motility
IUI's 1-3 = BFN, IVF converted to IUI 4/13 = BFN
IVF 1.2: 8R 6M 4F -- 2 blastocysts frozen, FET 8/15 = BFP!!
Beta #s = 445;1,098; 9,545 -- EDD 5/2 -- Team Pink!

Me: 26 (IC/PCOS-2000mg of Metformin daily)

DH: 27 (SA results were great minus the slightly low morphology)

Started dating DH in 2002 at 14 years old

Married on 03.01.2014

Officially TTC since April 2014

January 2013- Surprise BFP, m/c at 6 weeks, D&C 2 Weeks later

April 2014- First RE appointment

July 2014- IUI#1-Canx due to scar tissue and polyps. TI with the help of Ovidrel. BFN

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Want a personalized experience?

GTKY: What do you hate the most about 3T!?

Re: GTKY: What do you hate the most about 3T!?

March 2014 - RE appt. April 2014- Saline sono all's good, terrible SA results - 8 sperm found all abnormalMay 2014- Fert Urology- Bilateral varicoceles, recommend Donor Sperm

12/2014- Surprise natural BFP EDD 7/31/15 Plan: Starting foster to adoption, natural cycles

Me 33, DH 37 -- TTC since Jan'12 -- Low AMH (0.78) & endo, SA w/ low motilityIUI's 1-3 = BFN, IVF converted to IUI 4/13 = BFNIVF 1.2: 8R 6M 4F -- 2 blastocysts frozen, FET 8/15 = BFP!!Beta #s = 445;1,098; 9,545 -- EDD 5/2 -- Team Pink!

Me: 26 (IC/PCOS-2000mg of Metformin daily)

DH: 27 (SA results were great minus the slightly low morphology)

Started dating DH in 2002 at 14 years old

Married on 03.01.2014

Officially TTC since April 2014

January 2013- Surprise BFP, m/c at 6 weeks, D&C 2 Weeks later

April 2014- First RE appointment

July 2014- IUI#1-Canx due to scar tissue and polyps. TI with the help of Ovidrel. BFN

Choose Another Board

Search Boards

March 2014 - RE appt.
April 2014- Saline sono all's good, terrible SA results - 8 sperm found all abnormal
May 2014- Fert Urology- Bilateral varicoceles, recommend Donor Sperm

Me 33, DH 37 -- TTC since Jan'12 -- Low AMH (0.78) & endo, SA w/ low motility
IUI's 1-3 = BFN, IVF converted to IUI 4/13 = BFN
IVF 1.2: 8R 6M 4F -- 2 blastocysts frozen, FET 8/15 = BFP!!
Beta #s = 445;1,098; 9,545 -- EDD 5/2 -- Team Pink!