FTM panic?

sarisosrWed65535 · June 2014

Ok ladies - First time mom here and I think I may be skipping the nesting phase and going right to panic mode. I'm 27 weeks (due 9/1) and suddenly getting all flustered by a combination of what I still need to do before baby and, more importantly, what the heck I'm going to do with the little guy once he comes home! At the moment, all this "you figure it out....will have motherly instinct" advice is not doing it for me! Some of what is filling my mind: build the crib, order the dresser, finish the whole room, build new desk and combine with hubbys office, wash everything I get, take childbirth and newborn care classes, determine a birth plan, interview pediatricians, find a mohel (for circumcision), work out coverage and time off with my job, keep moving so I don't get fat and swollen, maybe a little overnight babymoon, and on and on and on. I know it will all get done, but I'm just suddenly feeling overwhelmed. Anyone else in my boat and not feeling comforted by all the mommies and friends telling you everything works out?

NClady89 · June 2014

I understand where your coming from I have moments of panic and times when I get overwhelmed by the amount of stuff I need to do. The nursery is halfway together at least but I have a to do list a mile long I want to get done before LOs arrival most days I'm to tired/lazy to start them. Maybe nesting hasn't fully kicked in yet though...

portentosa · June 2014

Not in your boat this time. But with my first pregnancy DH proposed to me when I was 5 months pregnant, so on top of all the FTM to-dos I had to plan a location wedding in 3 months time. It was VERY crazy! I leaned on my mom a lot for help planning and DH and lot for baby readiness stuff.

Instead of thinking about it all maybe take on your list in smaller chunks... you'll get x, y , and z done by the end of June etc. And definitely lean on people if you have them.

I know it's not helping, but it all really will work out.

MrsLaLaBug · June 2014

Slow down, take a deep breath, and relax! It's normal to feel the panic just as much as it's normal to feel the nesting. Right there you listed about 10 -12 things and you still have 13 weeks left. If you took one project a week you'd be done with everything you just mentioned before baby's arrival. And some of those things you said obviously won't take you a week to do! Jot down a list and try to get one big thing done each week and maybe that will make you feel like you're accomplishing something. Hang in there!

brittneyandadam · June 2014

I'm not really panicking....yet. I did have a few moments of "oh crap" but realized that there were things that could be taken care of in one night. For example: it took me about an hour and a half to look at, decide on, and register for the classes at the hospital. Boom. One thing off the list.

Make a list, prioritize it, and move on down. You probably won't have to wash everything right away...and you might not want to start until baby is here. You don't know if your LO will be in newborn sizes or jump right to the 0-3 months. So, don't rip the tags off just yet...you might be able to return stuff and get money back.

One day at work, see if you can contact HR or talk to your boss and get the time off nailed down. Even if you get some questions answered...like when do you apply for the time or when should you notify them of leave...that will help to ease your mind.

conradraging · June 2014

I'm kind of like that but like my instinct is to go out and buy every little thing baby could possibly need while I have my mom and DH like "STOP BUYING SHIT THE BABY ISN'T HERE YET." I think once I have the baby shower I will feel a little better because I'll know that some things will be given to us. Right now my mom is like "someone might buy that for you" and I still argue.

sarisosrWed65535 · June 2014

Thanks all. I'm a totally reasonable person, really. I make my lists, check things off, plan ahead, etc. I guess I just wish a magic genie would come and make it all happen! Haha. @brittneyandadam‌ - already have the basics of my leave nailed down but might be getting creative with some work from home. I think I'm just seeing this as a really busy month between several work conferences, 2 baby showers, my wedding anniversary. So I'm trying to figure out when all these little projects will get done!

keverest · June 2014

Totally know what you're talking about! After reading your list of to-do's, I realized I left some out. But I have moments of panic and moments of, "pshh I've got 3 months to get this crap done, I'm fine." But in all reality, we won't have LO in the nursery for a few months so the nursery is in the lower part of my list. Make a list and prioritize it! It takes the stress of thinking of all the things to-do away and will ensure you don't forget anything. I prioritized the things that I need to order that will need to be shipped, making birthing class appts and looking into pediatricians. It will all happen and work out!!

harkeyl86 · June 2014

I'm freaking out now that i read your post and realized all the crap that needs done! LOL

HorseLover11 · June 2014

One thing at a time - it will get done and just prioritize. Breathe ladies!!!

Eta - remind me to read my own advice in a few weeks please!!

Shanadoll · June 2014

I am totally like you but have a lot done already and I am still panicking!

When we found out we were having a boy a mohel was the first thing I started researching. I live in a not so Jewish area so I knew it would be difficult for me. Luckily I got the mohel squared away and now we are just trying to find a place to have the brit (loooooong story as to why it cant be done in the home like normal).

Out hospital class has been booked for a few weeks now but that is because my OB said they fill up really quickly at our hospital so I didnt want to miss out. Our nursery is 95% done. I do feel like I need to wash absolutely everything now in preparation but I am trying my best not to yet! I am due the day after you so I totally feel you!! I have lists all over the place but it still feels overwhelming!!

Good luck!

mcstrepp · June 2014

it's totally normally to have freak out moments. I am a FTM mom too and sometimes it seems really overwhelming and I freak out about stupid things. It helped me to make a to do list and kind of group it together with what really needs to get done now and what can get done closer. Even when I cross only one thing off the list I feel a relief. Good luck!

Like @conradgallagher said, I also have the urge to go buy everything right now. DH and my mom keep telling me to wait until after the shower. I have just been collecting coupons and DH and I have been putting money aside each week so when we do go buy the stuff for the baby it is not as big of a burden all at once.

@SmileyGirl18 I love that story. You will probably always remember that. My mom did the same thing when I was a baby. I have an older sister and she was colicky and never slept. All I did was sleep. My mom said she drove me to the pediatricians office and stormed in saying what's wrong with the baby all she wants to do is sleep. 31 years later she still laughs at her self for it.

rlyttle · June 2014

Like PP said, make a list. I do better when I can see what I need to do and mark them off as I go. It's totally normal to have freak out moments. You will probably continue to have them for the next 20 years

Just try to relax and make a list. Do you have a free weekend coming up that you can dedicate to getting ready for the baby? Nesting sometimes doesn't come till later, so don't think that you are missing that.

nilvero · June 2014

You are definitely not alone. I freaked out at my DH the other day because our dining room is still covered in drywall dust and isn't finished, and we still have boxes from our move. Then I started rattling off everything we have left for the baby to do and needless to say, it was not a relaxing evening!

Definitely follow PP advice and just focus on one thing at a time. Create a list and cross things off as you do them. Some are more pertinent than others, so prioritize!

Altarun · June 2014

All normal. My two cents - babies do nothing at first. I mean literally, nothing. I'd just focus on the stuff that has to happen pre-baby (like maternity leave questions, etc.) and everything else can be accomplished if necessary once the baby is born. We're Jewish and very superstitious, so for my first we didn't bring any baby-related items into the apt before the baby was born. It was completely fine and the baby never even entered her nursery for the first few months anyhow! You will have a surprising amount of down time once the baby arrives to do stuff like washing the baby clothes and building the crib. Take the time now to just go to the movies, go out to dinner and take long, uninterrupted showers. That's the important stuff!

ashaw512 · June 2014

You just have to relax a little. I'm a stm and I freak out every once in a while. DH won't do anything to start transforming the guest room to the nursery. I told him I'd compromise and keep the guest bed in there but the dresser and table need to be moved for the changing table and crib, its a small room. I'm even freaking out that I don't have a baby registery done yet, I've still got time but I just like to hurry and have everything done and ready as soon as I know about it.

ConversationFear · June 2014

Yes. And when I am overwhelmed I create spreadsheets with checklists and to-do list, etc.

My stress levels would dissipate if people would stop asking DH and I to do shit all the time too. July will be the month of "NO." I have already declared it so.

sarisosrWed65535 · June 2014

Oh no @reverey‌ - hubby not home until July 19th? Sorry! Well you are welcome to come to the Cedars classes with me if you want! And yes we will do some swimming once I purchase a bathing suit that actually fits! @rlyttle‌ - I think that is part of my panic. The next several weekends are going to be crazy. Visiting the inlaws out of town this weekend, then I have my 2 baby showers back-to-back weekends. That takes me to the end of June (and hopes of a little overnight for our anniversary). I work full time so evening stuff is hard - although I do have some flexibility with my schedule. I think I'm going to focus on getting my new desk built first and finishing the office merge. I did email one of the recommended mohels last night, so that's a start. And did a little baby book ready to start digesting labor, delivery, and coming home. I'm just a planner so I hate having things half done!

sarisosrWed65535 · June 2014

@ConversationFear‌ - the month of NO - I like that. That's why we are visiting the inlaws (and grandparents) this weekend. Because I already warned hubby it might be the last time before baby!

hughes35 · June 2014

I am in the same boat! (due 9/5) Almost all of the things you listed are also on my to-do list, including some work travel for both me and DH, and suddenly time seems to be going so fast. I'm not sure I have any great advice, except I am trying to embrace the idea of choosing a couple of things each week to work on. I've been reminding myself that if there are a few things that aren't done before the baby comes it doesn't mean that they can't get done/purchased/washed afterward. Also DH keeps telling me to delegate more. It sure doesn't help to have so little energy left at the end of the work day -- I'm used to being able to get more done in the evenings. Let's just hope these babies decide to stay put until their due dates!

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