What Would S13 Do?

mistyflame · June 2014

I'm just curious what you ladies would do if you were in the same situation.

A friend of mine from college just invited me to her upcoming wedding. Which is great, I'm really happy for her. However, we were really close in college and I was IN her first wedding. She has since divorced her first husband and we have pretty much lost contact with each other. (Nothing horrible happened, we just both became busy with our kids and lost touch.) I have not seen her in person in two years, she has not met LO, and I have not met her fiancé. The only time I have heard from her recently is to invite me to a bachelorette party that's in another state and to get my address for the wedding invite.

I'm really torn. I don't want to go, I feel like having another big wedding is tacky (no offense, just my opinion), and that inviting someone you haven't had contact with in 2 years is very gift grabby, especially since I was in the first wedding. But if I don't go, I'm the one that will be ending the "friendship". So what would you do?

cputman200 · June 2014

Is the wedding local or will you have to travel? Do you follow each other on FB and "talk" by comments on pictures? Do you still have mutual friends?

If you haven't communicated at all these 2 years I wouldn't go. Expecially if it would be an expense to travel with your family with hotel, gas, meals etc.

If it's local and you have mutual friends I might get a sitter and go just to have a set date night with your DH.

mistyflame · June 2014

It is local, but we don't have any mutual friends. We are friends on Facebook, and make the occasional comment over the years. But otherwise, there hasn't been much contact.

happybride 276 · June 2014

It doesn't sound like either of you have put any real effort in your relationship. I can see you skipping the bachelorette party, but I would go to the wedding if I were you. You don't have to bring an elaborate gift or really a gift at all. Bring a card.

Just for some perspective - I am on my second marriage. I had a big wedding the first time and planned a big wedding the second time as well. The wedding for my second marriage wasn't for me though. It was for my H. He had not been married before and he wanted a wedding. I also had a bridal shower, but because it was thrown for me. I didn't register anywhere and I didn't want any gifts. I simply wanted to have a wedding with my loved ones to make my H happy. I wanted to go to the Justice of the peace. It might be the same thing for her.

olga1311 · June 2014

Why do you think you would be ending the friendship if you don't attend? People don't attend for various reasons you don't automatically stop speaking to them for this reason alone. Also, would it really affect you that much if she stopped talking to you? Doesn't sound like you talk at all anyway. You sound like you don't want to go so just send your regrets and don't go.

michelle7482 · June 2014

I would go. I don't think she's being gift grabby. You have history and she invited you bc of that.

krose0713 · June 2014

michelle7482 said:
I would go. I don't think she's being gift grabby. You have history and she invited you bc of that.

This. I would have taken the invitation very differently than you are- though you haven't been in close contact, she is acknowledging that you are important to her and she wants you there to celebrate with her.

Jenly117 · June 2014

I don't think by not going it would be seen as the ending of a friendship. That said though, If you're truly uncomfortable than I would pass. Personally, I love weddings and if it were me, I would go. You don't need to bring a super expensive gift. If anything, it could be a nice little date night for you and H!

mistyflame · June 2014

Thanks ladies for helping me see the situation a little differently. Perhaps it is a good time to try and reconnect. I guess I'm just hurt that she hasn't yet met LO despite some invites. DH and I will most likely go, hopefully we can get a babysitter. Thank you all again!

redfallon · June 2014

As PP said, people do not invite people just for gifts. Well, I'm sure there are some who do, but generally, people invite the people that are important to them and who they want to be there to help them celebrate their wedding day.