Tears in Public

hsabyan · May 2014

I hope to not make it a habit of writing new discussions everyday, but I've had a really bad day and don't want to add it on the end of someone else's post that is seeking support.

I just went to Walgreens to pick up a photo card order that I made yesterday. I ordered thank you cards to send out in response to the cards/gifts/flowers/support we got for Georgia's funeral on the 15th. I opened the box while I was standing at the check out and the picture on the front was crooked. It was off centered and looked terrible. I could feel myself starting to get emotional, but I had already told the guy that it was off centered and he had told me that they just print them- whatever I gave them in my online order is what they printed. I really didn't want to continue talking about it because I knew it was probably my fault and the way the picture was sized, so I said Ok, whatever, just let me pay for them.

Another lady came up and asked if I was ok with them, and I said well, no not really, they're off centered. She said she noticed that yesterday when they got the order and she would look at them again and see if they could fix them.

I waited a little while and they called up another lady to try and help because they couldn't figure out how to print them centered. That lady couldn't help either and now I was so frustrated and upset that I was starting to cry and couldn't stop myself. As soon as the tears started they looked panicked and just kept saying sorry. The first woman said that she knew and she cried yesterday when they got the online order in. The cards have Georgia's picture on the front along with dates and another picture on the back. She knew why I was crying and just kept saying she was sorry.

The other woman was trying to explain to me that a photo specialist would be in later today and he could look at them and give me a call.

I just kept saying ok, I'm sorry, can I just buy the rest of my things and leave?

They finally rang up the rest of my things and I muttered thank you and I'm sorry through more tears and ran out.

I feel so terrible that those people were just caught in the middle of my breakdown. I hate that these moments sneak up on me. I can be feeling fine, but in an instant I am a crumbling mess of tears and snot. Please tell me this gets better... I can handle crying and feeling sad, but I like to do it on my own terms, when I'm alone and in a place that is comforting to cry... not in public where I can become a circus show for innocent bystanders.

jess123456 · May 2014

Big hugs to you. I am so sorry. Crying in public is really hard and it's hard to stop once it happens.

I was the one to call the monument place to get a marker for my baby girl's grave. Big mistake and I realize that I should have taken my mom's help when she offered but it was my pride that got in the way of that task. I couldn't stop crying on the phone once she asked for what to put on the stone (including day of birth etc) and I told her that I would call her back. The triggers are really hard to control especially at first when you are learning to live with your new normal. I do promise that things get better with time though it's impossible not to be changed. Thinking of you. I do encourage you to take support offered from family or friends to help you with these types of tasks especially at first. It does help a bit.

luckyclover0922 · May 2014

Let me be the first to tell you its OK.... and we have all done it (probably more than once, twice, 10++ times). It does get better but your tears are just because every ounce of you hurts and its your body's way of "getting better" a little at a time. I still cry... although its not all day everyday like it was for the first month after my loss, but now its not as long, as hard and as frequent. You will never get over the loss of your baby... so just know its OK to be sad sometimes even if it is almost all the time right now.

You can just tell them "Please don't treat me like I am sick or crazy... I just miss my baby" (quote I found). ((Hugs)) to you!!

bunnybun4 · May 2014

I'm so sorry that just happened to you...those moments are the worst but they happen.

I can promise you that it gets much better...every week you will see a little growth. Things that would have set me off a year ago don't even trigger me anymore. I still have my days but for the most part I can hold it in until I get home.

Just know that those people didn't think you were crazy or out of control...they just knew you were sad and felt bad about it. there is nothing wrong with that....

((hugs))

stefuge · May 2014

I am so sorry - I agree with marylaurena - they did not think you were crazy, just sad.

It will get easier, you will adapt and learn to carry your grief on the inside rather than bursting at the seams.

I've heard it said that there a certain number of tears required to reach healing, and that every tear shed beings us closer and closer to that point. ((Hugs))

shandorfml2 · May 2014

Sorry sweetie... (((hugs))). Its so hard to lose it in public. Thats happend a few times tome as well...particularly at resturants or work.

hsabyan · May 2014

Thanks everyone. Today sucked.

On the bright side? They fixed the cards and gave the $70 order to me for free.

I made my husband pick them up and it will likely be a while before I show my face there again.

Here's hoping for an easier tomorrow.

angelsnight · May 2014

Ticker warning

Big hugs, I hate crying in public too, but it sounds like the women understood and I'm glad they were trying to help you. In the first few weeks after our loss MH and I would try to go somewhere every few days to get out of the house. We went to an embroidery place that also does airbrushing on shirts so he could get some team running shirts made. Now, our angel's name isn't what I consider to be very common....Kayla. But I burst into tears in the middle of the store when I looked up and saw a sample shirt with her name on it.

Luckily the store was empty and the owner was in the back getting something. MH said I could go wait in the car and he'd finish it himself. It was so painful, but even worse because I was afraid people would think I was nuts if they saw me.

It DOES get better, but it takes time. I miss my angel every day, but after over a year, it doesn't hurt as bad as it does in the beginning. It's still so new and raw for you. Big hugs sweetie...and feel free to post as often as you need to.

schulme2 · May 2014

I'm so sorry. I've definitely lost it in public too. As hard as it is, you need to cry whenever it is you need to cry. Sending lots of love!

kz's_girlygirl · May 2014

Sig warning***

I am so sorry you had to go through that experience! It may not seem like it ever will get better or easier to go out in public, but it does. I used to have to wear headphones and listen to music whenever I went anywhere so I wouldn't hear babies/children and avoid as much contact with adults as possible. Do what you need to in order to survive, and know that you are not alone

dadalou · June 2014

It's hard when you don't know what will make you cry. I have cried more times in public in the last 4 months than ever before in my life.

It will get better. I can go most places without crying now. Some things that made me cry 3 months ago don't anymore. The sadness is still there, but you will learn how you need to deal with it to make it easier to do normal everyday things.

ikrystal · June 2014

((hugs)). I've done the same thing. It is hard to be that emotional in public but it is normal. We've all been there. I hope that it starts to get easier to go out in public for you soon.

Xath · June 2014

**ticker warning**

Hugs, mama. I think we've all been there; feel free to vent away.

**living children mentioned***

Less than 2 weeks after Eleanor died, I for some reason thought I'd be fine going to Buy Buy Baby to get some things for DS1. Thank goodness my mom was with me, because I had a complete breakdown in the middle of the store, and I couldn't even see straight to leave because I was crying so hard. I've also melted down in Target and at work. It happens; most people are sympathetic, and we get through it. Just another part of our new normal.

mmsweeney1 · June 2014

** ticker **

I used to have a hard time too - I never knew what would get my tears going. Usually a song in the car or something like that. I also felt so exposed in public for a while. But also, I hated the fact that I was so different as a person from losing my baby and people passing by me in the store or on the street had no idea what I had been through. It was just a weird feeling.

Big hugs to you. I know it's hard!!

VyD81 · June 2014

Edit, ***siggy warning***

I'm sorry you had a rough day. It's ok to cry in public, we all have. It sounded like they were understanding and I'm glad to hear that they fixed the pictures for you.

It does get easier to manage the pain. Although, I cried at the grocery store last week when DH and I walked pass by a cute baby boy that would be around Raynor's age. I started crying and had to bury my face in DH's arm, and of course scared the dad that was holding the baby.

You're not alone, hugs.

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