To find out or not to find out?

shiningstars626 · May 2014

My A/S is next Friday. With DD I didn't find out if she was a boy or girl and it was honestly the best decision for me. I'm thinking I might want to find out with this one just to have a different pregnancy. I am a very patient person and I usually feel there are so few surprises in life that this one should be worth waiting for (for me...I respect those who find out). So...I'm just wondering what your point of view is. What are some of the pros/cons of finding out? Team greeners - why are you choosing to stay team green? Team pink/blue - why are you choosing to find out?

Jennifer18131 · May 2014

I don't want to know. I've always thought that it would be extra amazing to find out at birth and then introduce my new son or daughter to our family. However, H REALLY wants to know. I'm letting him have this one since he wants to know more than I don't want to know. H does not like surprises if he knows they are coming. He's infuriating at Christmas and birthday because he wants to share everything rightnow. He also says he needs to "prepare" for the baby, and I keep calling his bullshit.

One "pro" that the amazing ladies of this board have pointed out to me in finding out the sex is a closer connection to the baby. I can use the proper pronoun rather than alternating. I can attempt to identify baby's personality. Hopefully, it will help me connect with this pregnancy.

jesslinnn · May 2014

I'm finding out, and found out with my other 2. I just like knowing. It makes me feel more connected to the baby and I can start visualizing the little person growing inside me.

AppleGrapeMSTK · May 2014

I am finding out because I dislike all the gender neutral clothes. DH and I thought about Team Green this time because we already have one of each, but in the end decided that if it's a girl, we would want to go crazy with the lace and frills (DD is 10 so we have no hand-me downs). These are all selfish reasons for us. Also I am ridiculously impatient.

I did like the idea of DH telling everyone in the waiting room if it's a boy or girl, but we won't have anyone in the waiting room this time.

duckr · May 2014

I'll be surprised at 20 weeks instead of 40 weeks.

MrsSinner402 · May 2014

Its a surprise for me whether I find out half way through or right after I push them out. I don't see the reason in waiting. But thats probably because I'm very impatient.

golfingdarwinfish · May 2014

shiningstars626 said:

My A/S is next Friday. With DD I didn't find out if she was a boy or girl and it was honestly the best decision for me. I'm thinking I might want to find out with this one just to have a different pregnancy. I am a very patient person and I usually feel there are so few surprises in life that this one should be worth waiting for (for me...I respect those who find out). So...I'm just wondering what your point of view is. What are some of the pros/cons of finding out? Team greeners - why are you choosing to stay team green? Team pink/blue - why are you choosing to find out?

I feel like we have one of these posts a day at this point.

As long as you don't select for a specific sex via PGD, the sex is a surprise, regardless of when you learn the information. My geneticist & MFM have known the sex for about 6 weeks now, but we will learn it after my anatomy scan after MFM confirms that LO is healthy. We are choosing to find out because we want to - it really doesn't require a much more detailed explanation than that. In our minds there is no reason to really wait, it's a surprise regardless of when we learn, and learning the sex early enables us to better plan for our new arrival.

shiningstars626 · May 2014

@jennifer18131 and @mel689 I never thought of the connection being stronger. It's hard to picture the baby growing inside of you when you are team green but you think about the health and the movements. Thanks for your opinions all! I like what I'm hearing!

jenndub · May 2014

I mainly like to know so I can buy 30,000 baby outfits. I buy all of the leg warmers, tutus and headbands in the world when I'm having a girl. And so many bow tie onesies when it's a boy. I love saying he or she while I'm pregnant. I feel like I know who's in there once I find out the sex. It's super emotional and exciting if you find out at 20 weeks or 40 weeks, there is no wrong time to find out.

MrsSinner402 · May 2014

FamousEa said:
I am currently wavering on the fence too. I was solid team green until the a/s threads started popping up. It made me realize I really want to know. I still have a few weeks to decide but DH and I talked and if we did find out we would do a cake reveal with the family.

Stay strong, my child!

SusieBW · May 2014

We found out because it's easier to plan. I know people call BS on that reason sometimes, but for us, it's true. We already have a girl, so finding out this one is a boy is allowing me to set up his nursery and buy the boyish stuff that we just don't have. We have a tiny house, and the logistics might have been different with 2 girls vs. a boy and a girl. If we had found out this one was a girl, it would've been easier and there would've been more stuff handed down. But this way, I can start giving away DD's girly clothes when she outgrows them, making room for DS's new stuff.

Also, DH and I both really wanted another girl, I'm not going to lie. So I'm glad to have found out early that we're having a boy so that I have more time to adjust and accept that fact. Because that hasn't been easy, either, to be completely honest. I'm getting there and am finding that I'm getting pretty excited to have a little boy, but every now and then when I see families with 2 girls or hear that people are pregnant with girls (especially a second girl) I still feel a little jealous.

ashie0610 · May 2014

Di_126 said:

We're finding out again. We toyed with idea of waiting, but ultimately, we just like knowing. I like using he/she or their name as soon as I can. It does personally make me feel more connected to the baby as well.

Same as this. Earlier on, we were leaning towards not finding out, but ultimately decided we had to know ASAP. I am so, so, SO happy we chose to find out at the anatomy scan. We totally built up the suspense and it was so exciting. I was giddy all day and I love knowing that those kicks are coming from a little boy instead of constantly wondering!

jenndub · May 2014

@SusieBW I totally get your feelings. When I found out my second was a boy I was thrilled, but still a little bummed. DD1 and DS have been inseparable since the moment he was born. They are best friends and do everything together. Plus, when they're little, you can make them wear coordinating Halloween costumes!!!!!!!

ladybug0088 · May 2014

We really just wanted to know so we could go ahead and plan and start decorating/purchasing things that were geared towards a boy or girl. Know that I know, I've been looking at more girl clothes, etc. It also was nice to know because we are naming her after my grandmother, so we got to tell her and know how thrilled she was! My cousin named her son after my grandfather and he passed before she ever got to tell him--I didn't want that to happen in our case. I am really glad we got to find out and tell her early.

MrsSinner402 · May 2014

FamousEa said:

MrsSinner402 said:

FamousEa said:
I am currently wavering on the fence too. I was solid team green until the a/s threads started popping up. It made me realize I really want to know. I still have a few weeks to decide but DH and I talked and if we did find out we would do a cake reveal with the family.
Stay strong, my child!
But I found the cutest cake everrrrrr!

We had those elephants on ours too. This cake was my inspiration.

we both have such good taste, we should probably Besties4 Lyfe.

Emerald27 · May 2014

We found out with DS and will with this baby too. I think it's really fun to find out early, and it makes the name game easier. For DH is was very important that he find out, because he connects better with LO if he knows and can call baby by his/her name.

I am in the "it's a surprise whenever you find out" camp. Some people like the mystery to help motivate them during labor, or they like to maintain the suspense for the fun of it. Those things are just less important to us than my DH feeling connected to LO and only having to argue about one set of names. :P

My a/s is 6/2 with the MFM, but I see my OB next week, and that just so happens to be on DH's birthday. I'm toying with the idea of asking him to take a look and tell us, since the u/s machine is in the room and almost always on and ready...WWYD?

SusieBW · May 2014

jenndub said:

@SusieBW I totally get your feelings. When I found out my second was a boy I was thrilled, but still a little bummed. DD1 and DS have been inseparable since the moment he was born. They are best friends and do everything together. Plus, when they're little, you can make them wear coordinating Halloween costumes!!!!!!!

@jenndub
Thanks for this. I've been struggling with how I'm feeling a little bit, so it's always nice to hear a little reassurance. And those pictures are SO CUTE!!!

jcsumm0 · May 2014

I have several reasons for not finding out, but one I don't hear mentioned a lot is I think once you know the baby's sex, that is all people focus on. They buy gender specific items, etc. I think it is nice in a day and age when we seem so focused on sex/gender (reveal parties, etc) to just anticipate a baby.

I completely understand why people want to find out, too. No judgment! I just like not knowing.

JessAnnJ · May 2014

I'm in the opposite position. We found out last time but are team green this time. Yes, it's a surprise whenever you find out but the way you find out makes the surprise different. I can't say which way I will prefer, but I would like to experience things both ways.

I did not feel more connected to the baby after finding out last time, but from other responses it sounds like I am in the minority on this point.

Dubsgirlie · May 2014

We didn't find out last time and just got through our a/s without finding out again. I truthfully don't understand the whole connection thing as I feel like I have a pretty strong connection with both of my babies.

For our DS, we decided not to find out because we did fertility treatments, so the sex was literally the only surprise we had left. My DH announced "it's a boy" after he was born and it was one of the most emotional moments/memories either of us have had. We just want to repeat that. Also, I sort of wanted to find out this time (since this pregnancy was the opposite of DS and a HUGE surprise), but then I had a dream a few weeks ago that we did find out and I was so upset and disappointed. Silly, I know, but it stuck with me. Lol. Surprisingly, not finding out this time was actually WAY easier than last!

2goingon3 · May 2014

There's no right or wrong answer! If you've been team green, then switch it up and find out this time! I've done it both ways and they're both great, however, I personally liked the separate excitement of knowing "it's a boy!" at 20 weeks instead of 40. Do what you feel.

BreandMikewedding · May 2014

I find out because I am a planner and like to know I have everything ready for him or her. I actually plan out clothes up to a year in advance if I can get good deals on things. It's borderline OCD, but it helps calm my nesting. I also like to be able to call the baby by their name before I give birth. It would completely stress me out to not know! I was actually thinking today how crazy I would be right now if we hadn't found out early.

archi35 · May 2014

We chose to find out because we are big planners too. If it had been a girl we would have decorated and purchased differently. Plus we didn't want to have to come up with multiple names and get fully gender neutral clothing, etc. Also, we really wanted a boy and if it was a girl we both would have been slightly diappointed - better to have that happen now than when the potential she would have been on site!

Lastly, I personally wanted to know because I felt for me that I needed the connection about knowing who was in there, addressing it as "him" or "her", etc. Of course everyone is different though and if you are happy with either and with surprises why no wait?

Jansheski · May 2014

Like what others have said I also like being able to call this baby he/she. I feel a closer connection to the baby also once I know. For me personally since my last c-section did not go well they may have to put me under this time so I would not be able to see baby right after she was born and I did not like the thought of finding out while I was just coming to and drugged up. What ever you decide though I'm sure you will have a great experience either way!

shiningstars626 · June 2014

We made up our mind and decided to find out this time. If this is the last time we get pregnant at least we did it both ways. We found out we are having a BOY!! Which is super exciting...but now I have a shopping/online site lurking issue lol! I do have to say the first time not knowing was fun we didn't even ask the sex once the baby was born. It was almost like we forgot. I'm glad we didn't find out with baby #1 because we have so much gender neutral stuff that will work this time around too! Thanks for all of your advice

vrj0522 · June 2014

Congrats!

Rickaroo922 · June 2014

I found out with my son and again this time. I think its no less a surprise at 20wks. I like using her name. I also wanted DS(2.5) to get used to it and giving the baby a name instead of just baby has made my son way more excited. He insists we buy something for "Baby Mabalie" (Natalie) whenever he gets something. It's sweet. I also feel like theday they are born is so full of joy and eexcitement that isnt really diminished bc I know the sex.

miriamm08 · June 2014

jcsumm0 said:
I have several reasons for not finding out, but one I don't hear mentioned a lot is I think once you know the baby's sex, that is all people focus on. They buy gender specific items, etc. I think it is nice in a day and age when we seem so focused on sex/gender (reveal parties, etc) to just anticipate a baby.

I completely understand why people want to find out, too. No judgment! I just like not knowing.

This is one of my big reasons for not wanting to find out, I just want to be excited about having a baby. I've always felt like this even before getting pregnant I remember telling people that I would want to wait and not find out. DH feels the same way, so we'll find out when baby comes. He's excited to get to be the one to go into the waiting room and tell everyone.

stvetter · June 2014

This is my first time giving birth and we are not finding out. I just think that not finding out makes it more fun and more anticipation for everyone for the birth. That moment of being in the delivery room and the doctor making the announcement....I just don't think there is anything that can replace that moment. Your emotions are so high at that moment and what a great addition. Plus, EVERYONE that I have talked to that said they waited said it was the BEST decision they made and it was soooooo worth it. I just think its a decision that we will never regret. If we found out at 20 weeks, we might regret it later. But to each their own

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