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October 2014 Moms
MissMandyD
member
NBR - Misogyny, Entitlement, and Nerds
MissMandyD
member
I just read this article yesterday about the horrible shooting spree at UC Santa Barbara.
I thought it raised some really interesting points and made me ask lots of questions. Recently I have been receiving constant comments on being Team Green with people wondering how I will EVER prepare for anything without knowing the sex. It has made me really ponder the deep societal constructs we have set up for gender roles and how dangerous they can be. I have been truly amazed by how early and complete the teaching and costuming of gender roles is in our current society.
Just curious if anyone else has been following this story online or had any thoughts on the gender roles as many of us are preparing to become Moms for the first time?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: NBR - Misogyny, Entitlement, and Nerds
Yikes!
Overall I think these sense of entitlement is also a big problem. Many people today don't want to work hard for things because they feel the are owed it regardless of their effort.
Yes, gender roles are heavily pushed on children from the moment their sex is determined. But I guess as a FTM, it is my job to encourage all types of play just like I was able to when I was little.
I played with dolls and hot wheels. It probably helped that I was surrounded by boy neighbors at my grandma's (I went everyday) and learned to rough house with them. I am hoping my lo can have the same array of experiences.
I don't think they are really harassing but amazed you can do it.
I haven't been following the UCSB story, but I agree about the entitlement thing. It's gross to me how entitled kids seem to feel now, from toddlers through college kids. And that starts from birth too - the culture of not telling kids no, giving everyone a trophy and not keeping score in organized sports, and changing grading around so no one ever "fails" is completely ridiculous and just builds up that sense of entitlement in kids. I think that not teaching kids how to lose from a young age does them a disservice. Life isn't always fair, and no one is ever going to get their way all the time, and the younger kids learn that, the better of they will be.
I also don't mind the gender roles--I think some kids really gravitate to all things "boyish" or "girlish." My DD isn't one of them, though, and she will happily bounce a basketball over playing with baby dolls but the next minute she will happily prance around with her mermaid dolls. That's fine with me, too. While I understand the shoving the pink or blue down children's throats from a young age, I think we should also follow their cues and encourage their interests wherever they may be. It's very individual and I try to buy as gender-neutral of toys as a I can to give those opportunities.
The gender thing - I see both sides - I think it's important in some ways to identify with one's gender and feel empowered by it, but at the same time it shouldn't have to define us. I was a tomboy and liked flipping baseball cards or climbing trees, more than playing with dolls. I was not a big fan of pink or make-up. But I still liked to dress-up and wear ribbons in my hair. We have set such societal gender restrictions on colors (pink for girls, blue for boys), etc... and I think much of that should be broken down. One of my nephews liked to dress up in the princess stuff we got my niece and ya know what - it was adorable and we realized, who cared. My dad still regrets that he didn't involve me more in his love of sports when I was little. He figured he had two daughters, so no baseball games - he learned years later, I would have loved to have been brought to baseball games and sit with him on Sundays and learn about football.
I think we need to just let people be people not define them by their gender or their race or their culture - it's not to say they can't identify with those things and be empowered by them or express themselves through them, we just need to not pigeon hole folks into it. Anyways, my late day rambling - sorry yet again for the long post.
I'm trying very hard to look at raising my son as an opportunity to create a person who treats all other humans fairly. I'm well aware that it's not just women a a group who get treated like dirt/objects/animals/whatever bad thing, and the fact that I'll be giving birth to a white male just makes me worry that I could be adding to the discrimination problem.
All that said, Elliot Rodger obviously had more problems than just being a misogynist.
ETA: and of course now I feel like the bad person for finding fault in others.
@MrsL2B: I am sure that you will teach your little boy how to respect all people regardless of what their chest looks like and what is between their legs. The world has changed a whole bunch since the men that harass you were boys.
And I am sorry that you have been harassed so much. I was harassed a ton 12-15 years old but it kinda stopped when I moved from a certain town. I would tell my mom what my coach/teacher would say to me and she just thought it was funny because the same stuff has happened to her. (nothing serious but it creeped me out big time, something about my young legs and how I should never cut my pretty hair).