Help! FTM and I hate Baby Showers!

Shutterbug101108 · June 2014

I'm sorry for those who love showers, I just hate them... or at least all the ones I've been forced to attend over the years. We're doing a bit of a unique shower set up with having a family one on one day and a few weeks later a friend one. The friend one I got.. it's the family one I'm struggling with as my husband's mother is making comments of "You have to open gifts" or offering additional traditional style ideas that make me gag a bit. Also recommended was an open gift party however the budgets are all over the place of the attendees and I don't want to make someone feel awkward that they cannot spend a lot on our tyke which is totally cool by us. I'm happy to compromise but looking for ideas on what the heck to do with the family shower to pass the time if we don't open gifts or do the cheesy games? Please help!!

RibbitGrl930 · June 2014

If opening gifts at a shower is "gag-worthy" to you, I shudder to think what you think of thank you notes.

And oh yeah...let your hostesses worry about everything you just asked.

brendisimma · June 2014

Since you hate it so much, why not decline in the first place? If that's a done deal, don't worry about how much money people gift you, that's their business. You can flat out decline all games, the party is to honor you after all. Been to showers where people just eat and mingle and the gifts are never opened, same goes for birthday parties. Sounds lovely.

ScarletButler · June 2014

I had a large BBQ style shower with men and women. I am like you I don't really care to be the center of attention and sit there opening stuff. But I did, and all the oohs and aahs were worth it to see my family and friends so happy. I had some more expensive and less expensive gifts, but don't make a big deal of it, give every single gift the same awww's and thank yous. We played 1 or 2 cheesy games, ate, did presents. Mainly just hung out with everyone and had a good time. That's why I like the casualness that comes with having men at them, I felt much less pressure having my DH open a bunch of presents too.

VOR · June 2014

I guess this has all been said.

But a shower IS a gift giving event. Trust me - your guests are going to spend what they want to spend - they aren't going to care if others buy you more expensive gifts or not. And as it is a gift giving event, yes, you need to open gifts.

It doesn't have to be along, drawn out thing, but it DOES need to be done. People will expect it and some people may feel very put off if you don't. YOU Need to be a polite guest of honor and do this.

Games - trust me, grown women are capable of passing the time w/o having to play games.

But if you really HATE showers this much - just don't have them. Just say "no thanks".

Shutterbug101108 · June 2014

Shutterbug101108 · June 2014

RibbitGrl930 said:

If opening gifts at a shower is "gag-worthy" to you, I shudder to think what you think of thank you notes.

And oh yeah...let your hostesses worry about everything you just asked.

I'm not sure how opening gifts in front of others and offering a hand written thank you are related to you, however not the issue, nor an issue. Please don't assume you know someone while posting to another person's question.

Shutterbug101108 · June 2014

Happy_Yahoo_Personaler said:

I agree with declining if the idea of a shower is something that you hate. But, if it is a done deal, then YES, you do have to open the gifts. People expect to see their gift opened and it is rude not to. If you have any say, PLEASE do not do an "open" or "display" or "green" shower. It's tacky to just have gifts there and not open them. It sends the message "thanks for the stuff but I can't be bothered to open it."

So who deems this as rude? Not being argumentative, however you never see a wedding couple doing this at their wedding? Why is a shower or any other event rude if you personally prefer not to feel awkward, embarrass others in different budget categories, and not bore the crap out of your guests. Seriously.. who actually enjoys this portion as a guest watching a new parent open gifts?

Shutterbug101108 · June 2014

Bliss+Berry said:

1. It sounds like you are planning your own showers, which you should not be doing. Period.

2. Your MIL is right. No matter what you call your party, any party that is centered around you being pregnant or having a baby is a shower. You need to open your gifts. It's rude not to.

I guess that's the saddest part of the tradition.. I personally feel it's not only about the mother as you have hinted in your response (and most women seem to see a shower as a "MEEEEEEE" event) but both parents and more so the tyke in waiting. I see this more so as a celebration that we're able to bring another life to this world after three years of trying to achieve pregnancy more so than a traditional shower. Perhaps I missed mentioning this in my original comment.. we're not traditional and prefer to make our own traditions rather than follow stale measures.

Shutterbug101108 · June 2014

Bliss+Berry said:

Shutterbug101108 said:

Happy_Yahoo_Personaler said:

I agree with declining if the idea of a shower is something that you hate. But, if it is a done deal, then YES, you do have to open the gifts. People expect to see their gift opened and it is rude not to. If you have any say, PLEASE do not do an "open" or "display" or "green" shower. It's tacky to just have gifts there and not open them. It sends the message "thanks for the stuff but I can't be bothered to open it."

So who deems this as rude? Not being argumentative, however you never see a wedding couple doing this at their wedding? Why is a shower or any other event rude if you personally prefer not to feel awkward, embarrass others in different budget categories, and not bore the crap out of your guests. Seriously.. who actually enjoys this portion as a guest watching a new parent open gifts?

@shutterbug101108
Showers and weddings are two completely different things. Showers are gift giving events while weddings are not. Gifts are traditionally given at a wedding, but obviously the marriage is the purpose of a wedding. Gifts are the sole purpose of a shower. It's not rocket science.

I disagree. Weddings are definitely gift giving events- anything that requires a registry would appear to be a "gift giving event".

RibbitGrl930 · June 2014

Shutterbug101108 said:

Bliss+Berry said:

1. It sounds like you are planning your own showers, which you should not be doing. Period.

2. Your MIL is right. No matter what you call your party, any party that is centered around you being pregnant or having a baby is a shower. You need to open your gifts. It's rude not to.

I guess that's the saddest part of the tradition.. I personally feel it's not only about the mother as you have hinted in your response (and most women seem to see a shower as a "MEEEEEEE" event) but both parents and more so the tyke in waiting. I see this more so as a celebration that we're able to bring another life to this world after three years of trying to achieve pregnancy more so than a traditional shower. Perhaps I missed mentioning this in my original comment.. we're not traditional and prefer to make our own traditions rather than follow stale measures.

Welp, ladies, there's two squares you can check off on your Bingo cards...

VOR · June 2014

Be as "untraditional" as you want. But don't be RUDE to your guests. Those are two very separate things.

Look - do I find the gift opening fun? No. Not really. But at a shower done right- it's not this long, slow, BORING event. At showers done right, there is still socializing going on, people can still chit chat, get up and move around, etc. It's not just a roomful of women silently starting at the MTB while she opens gifts (I have been to a shower like this and god.... it was horribly boring).

BUt here's the thing - we can find the gift opening boring all WE want, but there will be some women who actually do like the gift opening, OR AT LEAST they like seeing THEIR gift opened and are willing to sit through all the other gifts.

Again- being "untraditional" is NOT an excuse to be rude.

Disneygeek77 · June 2014

Come on. People took time out of their day to drive to a store, pick out a gift, wrap the gift and bring it to you. The least you can do is spend like 30 seconds plastering a smile on your face and saying thank you.

PP is right. Most people don't really care that much about seeing the MTB open other people's gifts, but they do want to see her open THEIR gift.

Michelle N · June 2014

Special snowflake party!!!
Oh no wait.
People spent time and money picking out a gift for you. Open it, smile, thank them, move on. Don't be a jackass.
Weddings - marriage
Showers - to "shower" with gifts.

SingleMom31 · June 2014

Shutterbug101108 said:

Bliss+Berry said:

Shutterbug101108 said:

Happy_Yahoo_Personaler said:

I agree with declining if the idea of a shower is something that you hate. But, if it is a done deal, then YES, you do have to open the gifts. People expect to see their gift opened and it is rude not to. If you have any say, PLEASE do not do an "open" or "display" or "green" shower. It's tacky to just have gifts there and not open them. It sends the message "thanks for the stuff but I can't be bothered to open it."

So who deems this as rude? Not being argumentative, however you never see a wedding couple doing this at their wedding? Why is a shower or any other event rude if you personally prefer not to feel awkward, embarrass others in different budget categories, and not bore the crap out of your guests. Seriously.. who actually enjoys this portion as a guest watching a new parent open gifts?

@shutterbug101108

Showers and weddings are two completely different things. Showers are gift giving events while weddings are not. Gifts are traditionally given at a wedding, but obviously the marriage is the purpose of a wedding. Gifts are the sole purpose of a shower. It's not rocket science.

I disagree. Weddings are definitely gift giving events- anything that requires a registry would appear to be a "gift giving event".

Also, registries aren't required for a wedding. I got married without one and it was fine. Bride + groom are required; a listing of things we'd like is optional.