Starting again soon?

sorrellam30 · June 2014

Sooo DH and I were talking and I think after our vacation in July we will go sign all the paper work to get the ball rolling on DE! I know it's still over a month away but I was thinking maybe we'd start late fall so I'm starting to feel excited again. I'm super nervous about having enough eggs with the shared risk 1:3 program but it's literally all we can afford and I'm thankful we can even afford that after all we've spent so far. I think I will only look at repeat donors, hopefully that will guarantee enough eggs.... Also curious about our psych consult-anyone have that before? Is it weird? I really do think I needed this break to get some optimism back. Also for anyone curious-on my best days I'm running 4.5 miles!! My 5k is June 28th and I feel ready!! It's so lame but I feel really proud of myself for pulling this running nonsense off

Twinkie0612 · June 2014

Yay for cycling again! I had a psych consult for our donor embryo cycle, it was super easy. Both DH and I have been in therapy separately and together, so we were both ok with talking to a psychologist. She did suggest that DH give therapy another try to make sure he has dealt with an issue from his childhood, but other than that she didn't say much. I think that she was impressed that we have proactively sought out therapy during rough parts of our life.

sorrellam30 · June 2014

Thanks for sharing Twinkie!

Twinkie0612 · June 2014

I forgot to mention what we actually talked about. Mostly we talked about raising a child from donor gametes, our feelings on how much and when to tell the child, and how much we would share with others. DH and I had done some research and talked about what we would tell our children before the consult so we were on the same page and it was easy to discuss.

sorrellam30 · June 2014

I think about this a lot, I'm not sure the most eloquent way to explain donor eggs to the child or what age so im also open to hear others thoughts on that. Knocking on wood someday there'll be a child to have that discussion with

Mrs.McIrish · June 2014

Ticker warning

Hi sweetie, Glad to hear you are excited to get started soon. You are doing a guarantee program for a reason and I promise that that guarantee takes away some of the anxiety of "this time HAS to work". It's not easy of course but try not to worry too much about the egg split. Deal with disappointment only when it happens-try not to anticipate it!!

As for running, you should be proud! My IF therapist told me to find something I could control since you can't control the IF outcome. That's exactly what you are doing! You are in control of your running goal and can make it happen:-).

We had to do a 3rd party therapist session for RBA. Ours was done by Skype and very informal. We just went through our IF history and what brought us to DE. At the time of ours, we had already been through 2 DE cycles so it may have been a little different--we knew what we were doing by attempt 3. We just talked about telling/not telling the child, telling/not telling other family, It never felt invasive to me and I liked that we didn't have to,fill out questionnaires --some other therapists on the approved lists had invasive question list ahead of time that I didn't like/felt like it was not material to 3rd party Repro. So if you get to pick the therapist, find out of you have any "homework" prior.

Twinkie0612 · June 2014

sorrellam30 said:

I think about this a lot, I'm not sure the most eloquent way to explain donor eggs to the child or what age so im also open to hear others thoughts on that. Knocking on wood someday there'll be a child to have that discussion with

This topic has come up on the 3rd party board and here is my 2 cents. Everything I have read (and the therapists I have talked to) says that you want to tell children young. You want it to be something that they have always known and that it is a normal part of their life. I plan on making any future children a "book" that tells their story. I have also looked into children's books about donor eggs/embryos.

Grateful&Thankful · June 2014

Hey girl. I'm happy to hear that you can start sooner than you had expected to! I can feel your enthusiasm and I'm so excited for you!

mm29 · June 2014

I'm happy you are able to start sooner than anticipated!! I was so worried about our psych consult, and it was not bad at all. She asked how long we've been married. how long we've been TTC. How many siblings we have and our relationship with them. If we had a hx of substance abuse etc. Good Luck with your upcoming cycle. I wish you and your DH the very best!!

RunCC37 · June 2014

That's awesome

We went to two DEgg consults at two different clinics. The psych consult was nothing to worry about. They wanted to talk to us about the emotional side of TPR, and find out if we planned to tell our future child if the cycle resulted in a pregnancy. Just go in with an open mind and be honest. I found them to be very, very helpful.

And about the running accomplishments - YOU GO GIRL!!! I'm finally starting to feel like myself again now that I've been able to run consistently (obviously had to give it up during our three IVF cycles). I'm glad to hear that you're finding your strong

poohniki · June 2014

I just wanted to wish you lots of luck. We've had the psych appointment for using donor sperm and I was able to use the social worker we currently see for all IF issues instead of one recommended by my clinic. Using a repeat donor is a great idea. Lots of luck!

RunCC37 · June 2014

@Twinkie0612, I'm tearing up at the thought of your book!!! What a sweet idea!

Twinkie0612 · June 2014

RunCC37 said:

@Twinkie0612, I'm tearing up at the thought of your book!!! What a sweet idea!

@runcc37 I'm imagining it to be a sort of like a baby book, only more of a pre-baby book. I'll include any embryo pictures and ultrasound pictures from transfers. I just want my children to know where they came from and never feel like it's a secret or something to be ashamed of.

RunCC37 · June 2014

Twinkie0612 said:

RunCC37 said:

@Twinkie0612, I'm tearing up at the thought of your book!!! What a sweet idea!

@runcc37 I'm imagining it to be a sort of like a baby book, only more of a pre-baby book. I'll include any embryo pictures and ultrasound pictures from transfers. I just want my children to know where they came from and never feel like it's a secret or something to be ashamed of.

@Twinkie0612, it's a beautiful idea

I started a journal back in March while we were waiting to do our FET. The hope was to write about our journey to our Ninja and give it to her when she was old enough to appreciate it. Sadly, that dream has died, and the journal is just a memory now. But I absolutely love the idea of making a pre-baby book and think it's such a special way to explain it to a child conceived through TPR. I can just imagine your child will treasure it - it's so special!!

J&D2007 · June 2014

Yay for having a plan and gearing up for an exciting fall! Im on mobile so I can't see your siggy, but was wondering what clinic you are at? Also, awesome job with the running. I am very jealous! I think you should sign up for a 10k you're at 4.5 miles!

sorrellam30 · June 2014

@Mrs.McIrish that's true the guarantee program helps take some pressure off, we knew after blowing through our last shared risk we wouldn't do it without shared risk! @Twinkie0612‌ we also discussed a book, more like a story book featuring our child and the search for our golden egg haha so silly but just something we discussed. @RunCC37‌ I never ever ever thought I'd say this but I feel like running gave me some of myself back. @J&D2007 I'm totally considering a 10k! Scary! To everyone else thanks so much for your kind words and input!

sorrellam30 · June 2014

Also wanted to add I think we will be open to everyone about using donor eggs, hopefully if it's not a secret to anyone that would also potentially make it easier on the hypothetical child. We (I) am just so open about our infertility at this point.

RunCC37 · June 2014

I totally know what you mean about getting a part of yourself back through running. I was legitimately depressed during those months when I wasn't running. It is such a huge part of every aspect of my life. My family and colleagues are always asking, "So when's the next big race??" We weren't out about our IF then, so I couldn't tell the truth. And, holy crap, running helps me to sort everything out in my mind, so I was a complete mess going through IF without my usual coping mechanism!!

On the topic of who to tell about DEgg, I'd like to be 100% open about it, but DH doesn't feel the same way. Obviously we have to come to an agreement. We both agree that we'd like to tell our potential child about it at a very young age (probably with books in the toddler years like Twinkie said). I feel very strongly that it's the child's story to tell. I wouldn't want to shout it from the mountaintop unless that's what he or she would want. But at the same time, I don't want there to be any stigma about it whatsoever. I hope that he or she could see it the way that we're learning to see it: a unique history filled with love and determination to bring him or her into the world.

Twinkie0612 · June 2014

RunCC37 said:

I totally know what you mean about getting a part of yourself back through running. I was legitimately depressed during those months when I wasn't running. It is such a huge part of every aspect of my life. My family and colleagues are always asking, "So when's the next big race??" We weren't out about our IF then, so I couldn't tell the truth. And, holy crap, running helps me to sort everything out in my mind, so I was a complete mess going through IF without my usual coping mechanism!!

On the topic of who to tell about DEgg, I'd like to be 100% open about it, but DH doesn't feel the same way. Obviously we have to come to an agreement. We both agree that we'd like to tell our potential child about it at a very young age (probably with books in the toddler years like Twinkie said). I feel very strongly that it's the child's story to tell. I wouldn't want to shout it from the mountaintop unless that's what he or she would want. But at the same time, I don't want there to be any stigma about it whatsoever. I hope that he or she could see it the way that we're learning to see it: a unique history filled with love and determination to bring him or her into the world.

I struggle with the topic of who to tell. Only our immediate family and a few close friends and coworkers know we are pursuing 3rd party reproduction. At first I planned on being completely open about using donors, but after hearing about a few comments someone in DH's extended family made about DH's adopted brother, I have second thoughts. Right now I only plan on telling close family and friends, because they are the ones that will be in contact with our child(ren) on a regular basis (and who might have to answer any questions our child(ren) might have) and they are the ones that I turn to for support. I struggle with finding the right amount of openness that doesn't make it feel like a big secret, but also respects our child(ren)'s privacy.

chucktgirl · June 2014

@sorrellam30, I just want to say congrats on moving forward and making a plan! Sometimes just having made a decision can bring such relief. Enjoy this Summer and your running.

kflynn81 · June 2014

Awesome job on the running!!!! Great news on the DE cycle, sounds exciting to be moving forward , GL!

DoublePortion · June 2014

I'm happy you are in a good place and get to move forward sooner than expected!! Wishing you the best! As for the running...that's amazing!! I know a lot of us feel like our bodies have failed us, so good for you for showing your body who's boss.

zazu13 · June 2014

Way to go on the running & good luck with DE. I hope your IF roller coaster comes to an end

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