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Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
hiimlou
member
1st pregnancy...things not looking so good, already heartbroken.
hiimlou
member
I don't usually post on these forums, but my heart is aching and I guess talking it out may be helpful.
My husband and I have been TTC for about 4 months. However, in April, I had taken an ovulation test and it was all negative. I mentioned it to my GYN and she told me there was a chance I could be infertile. I was 29 and hadn't been trying long, so the fact that she had said that to me was a bit shocking- I didn't expect to hear that so soon. She advised that I take 2 more months of ovulation tests and go from there. I ended up not having a period at all in April, and HPT was negative 4 days after my expected period and figured I stop pregnancy testing, and start my ovulation testing once I get a period.
Either way, although that wasn't what I wanted to hear, my husband and I decided to refocus and leave it into God's hands. Fast forward to 3 weeks later, and I ended up being positive! I was about a month along!
It was right before my sister in law's wedding so we told immediate family because I was in the wedding party and couldn't drink. I also ended up having to tell people at work- I am a nurse practitioner and couldn't take care of some patients bc of the pregnancy. I also turned 30 recently, and some of my friends figured it out when they saw me only drinking water and ginger ale at my birthday party.
5 days ago I started to spot. Had to go to the ER, things looked OK initially (I'm almost 6 weeks now), but my HCG levels aren't rising high enough (I went from 3300 to 4000 to 4145 in 6 days total). I spoke to the GYN resident- it's not looking good bc they expect me to rise much more. I get my final repeat HCG tomorrow and have an ultrasound on Thursday. I am terrified, but I also feel so STUPID that I let the cat out the bag so early.
In the past 5 weeks I went from thinking I had a fertility problem (when I was actually pregnant), to experiencing the joy of pregnancy, only to have it blow up in my face. I feel sad, heartbroken, emotionally exhausted, and embarrassed. I feel like people are going to laugh at me because I was so silly to be happy about something that was just false hope...I think things will be finalized once I get my ultrasound in about 3 days, and we will talk options then, but I cannot stop crying...I really wanted this to work out. I know it could definitely be worse, and that I eventually need to dust myself off and try again, but this really, really sucks.
My husband and I have been TTC for about 4 months. However, in April, I had taken an ovulation test and it was all negative. I mentioned it to my GYN and she told me there was a chance I could be infertile. I was 29 and hadn't been trying long, so the fact that she had said that to me was a bit shocking- I didn't expect to hear that so soon. She advised that I take 2 more months of ovulation tests and go from there. I ended up not having a period at all in April, and HPT was negative 4 days after my expected period and figured I stop pregnancy testing, and start my ovulation testing once I get a period.
Either way, although that wasn't what I wanted to hear, my husband and I decided to refocus and leave it into God's hands. Fast forward to 3 weeks later, and I ended up being positive! I was about a month along!
It was right before my sister in law's wedding so we told immediate family because I was in the wedding party and couldn't drink. I also ended up having to tell people at work- I am a nurse practitioner and couldn't take care of some patients bc of the pregnancy. I also turned 30 recently, and some of my friends figured it out when they saw me only drinking water and ginger ale at my birthday party.
5 days ago I started to spot. Had to go to the ER, things looked OK initially (I'm almost 6 weeks now), but my HCG levels aren't rising high enough (I went from 3300 to 4000 to 4145 in 6 days total). I spoke to the GYN resident- it's not looking good bc they expect me to rise much more. I get my final repeat HCG tomorrow and have an ultrasound on Thursday. I am terrified, but I also feel so STUPID that I let the cat out the bag so early.
In the past 5 weeks I went from thinking I had a fertility problem (when I was actually pregnant), to experiencing the joy of pregnancy, only to have it blow up in my face. I feel sad, heartbroken, emotionally exhausted, and embarrassed. I feel like people are going to laugh at me because I was so silly to be happy about something that was just false hope...I think things will be finalized once I get my ultrasound in about 3 days, and we will talk options then, but I cannot stop crying...I really wanted this to work out. I know it could definitely be worse, and that I eventually need to dust myself off and try again, but this really, really sucks.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: 1st pregnancy...things not looking so good, already heartbroken.
If the worst happens, and I hope it doesn't, more than likely no one will say anything to you. People don't like to discuss pregnancy loss and tend to avoid the subject entirely. Look to boards like this one for support, as well as others who have gone through the same thing.
My Ovulation Chart
I went to work today, thinking I was ok- I ended up having like a few emotional breakdowns by the nurses station. I saw a few patients and my attending suggested I go home. My husband and I took an opportunity to relax together and it was good for my soul. Slowly but surely, I am starting to accept that this wasn't my fault. The few people I told at work have been understanding. I was worried about being judged for nothing.
To clarify regarding my OB- I had let her know that I took over 1 week of ovulation tests and oddly enough, it was all negative despite regular periods (so I was almost positive I was testing on the correct days). She said she wouldn't want to waste time and advised me to continue ovulation testing for 2 more months before she refer me to an infertility specialist. Of course, I already assumed the worst case scenario because that's me.
Anyways, I got my labs redrawn today and will get the results tomorrow. Then I get my ultrasound and we will go from there. Still spotting. Needless to say, regardless of the outcome, everyone has sort of prepared me for what's to come. Will keep you all posted on how it goes. Thank you again for all your support!
The procedure itself was a little uncomfortable, but not too bad. Lasted about 10 minutes. I will say that I cried during the procedure, not so much because of the pain, but more bc of the finality of it. What was left of my pregnancy is now out of my body. Although I had 2 weeks to process the grief, it was still an overwhelming feeling.
Recovery process was ok. My heating pack was my best friend. I have an allergy to Motrin, so I took Tylenol. Bleeding was just like a period.
Thank you all again for your support. I'm sorry we all have to go through this- it has been so tough but I hope we all find the strength and courage to pick up the pieces and try again...I'm pulling for us and our little unborn rainbow babies to come. Much love to you all. Oxo
DH: 45
BFP #1 3/19/14 EDD 11/29/14 MMC D&C 4/24/14
BFP #2 12/4/14 Beta #1 218 at 12dpo Beta #2 1055 at 16dpo
Saw heartbeat 12/29. Please be a rainbow.
All welcome