Uhhhh i just want to punch these people in the face!!!!

Dumbgurl04 · May 2014

So I am going to be a FTM, and I know my life will be completely different when this baby comes. I won't be able to come and go from my house whenever I like. I mean I understand I will have a tiny human to take care. But man on man I'm so freaking sick of people telling me I won't be able to do anything I like ever again. I knew I would get the unwanted advice from people. That stuff I just let go in one ear and out the other. But I'm sick of people telling i'm gonna kiss my social life goodbye. Now I know it won't be the same but I can still go out and see a movie or concert from time to time. SO let me just start from where this finally pushed me over the edge.

At work today I was talking to one of my friends about how the next couple of weeks were exciting for me. This weekend me and my husband are gonna sit around and play Mario Kart 8 (since it just came out today) and watch NBA playoffs all weekend. Next weekend I plan on seeing the Fault in Our Stars movie right after work then the following weekend i'm going to the Backstreet Boys Concert. She then goes on to tell me how I better enjoy it now cause I won't ever be able to stuff like once the kid is around. I then told her just because you have a kid doesn't mean you die. Yeah sure once the kid is around I know I won't be able to go RIGHT AFTER work to see a movie I will wait for my husband to get home from work. I mean there are ways to work around doing some adult time and making sure you kid is still happy and healthy. I'm not saying in anyway my kid is gonna live with a baby sitter or their grand parents because i don't want to give up my social life. But every couple of months of getting a sitter and seeing a movie is nothing bad.

I just really hate how people tell me how i"m gonna feel all the time.

shan24 · May 2014

I know exactly what you mean. My sister is the worst for it. It drives me batty.

Nfranco973 · May 2014

Let me just say people sometimes seem to over exaggerate shit. Yes, life will be different. There will be things you can't attend at times or stay as long as you like but you don't fall off the face of the earth when you have kids. I heard this a lot as well. There are a lot of fun things you can do as a family. Sitters or family members are good to have because I believe you need some mommy and daddy time sometimes. It's not the end of the world. I have 2 children and I still make time to do things I love at times.

Dimples0101 · May 2014

That drove me nuts when people used to that. First of all, yes, I will enjoy my freedom for now, thankyouverymuch. Second, just because I have a kid doesn't mean I don't have a life outside of being a mom. Do we go out as much as we used to? Absolutely not. But as much as we enjoy time with DD, we also take advantage of time without her; whether it's with a babysitter or after she goes to bed. Of course we are parents first, but that's not all we are.

Maelara · May 2014

Nfranco973 said:
Let me just say people sometimes seem to over exaggerate shit. Yes, life will be different. There will be things you can't attend at times or stay as long as you like but you don't fall off the face of the earth when you have kids. I heard this a lot as well. There are a lot of fun things you can do as a family. Sitters or family members are good to have because I believe you need some mommy and daddy time sometimes. It's not the end of the world. I have 2 children and I still make time to do things I love at times.

This! And honestly, I think it's healthy to go out more than every couple of months. We try to do a date night every couple of weeks. We need it as a couple. Your world doesn't end, I wish people would stop trying to scare FTMs! Your world changes but totally for the better.

absolutelymaybe · May 2014

Do you have a solid babysitter after LO is born? If so, then tell her to stuff it. We have friends that I swear go out to karaoke nearly every freaking week because they have two sets of grandparents that just can't wait to watch their kid. Not saying your life doesn't change, but it really depends on what kind of support system you have, too.

(We, on the other hand, don't have family in the area or any potential babysitters so I can see it impacting us a little more. Thankfully we're kind of homebodies anyway.)

edit - spelling

rroberts2140 · May 2014

I'm getting really tired of being told that as a working mom of two that I should just formula feed. My grandmother and my mom are the worst. It really irritating that I dot have a support system if I choose to BF, but moreover that I have the EXACT opposite of support. BF didn't go well with my first, so I'm apprehensive already and they are helping nothing!!!

mtusnow · May 2014

Friends of our just put their kids to bed at our house when they come over for board games. Then they load the sleeping kids in the car at the end of the night. They've been doing this since the kids were babies so they are used to it. Just one way to make due with no family in the area and no one they know of babysitting age. I'm sure we'll try to do the same.

mexinugget · May 2014

I hear ya. I don't know why people do this but when i was a first time mom people loved telling me how horrible labor is and horror stories about birthing and being a parent. I don't see anything beneficial in trying to scare new moms. Was labor a walk in the park...Hell no. But it was worth it and it was not some horror that other moms made it out to be. And yes your life changes, for the better, but it is in no means over. My husband and i still have adult time and do fun things. Sometimes we take baby with us, and sometimes not. Miles goes to bed at 7:00 every evening, and we have husband and wife time, it's nice. People are dumb and i find that sometimes they just love to tell you how miserable they think you'll be. Ignore them, easier said than done i know.

Lilwatz · May 2014

My husband and I are looking forward to having a child so we can shut everyone up who says, "You'll understand when you have kids." Yup, we will. And likely we still will think you're batshit insane.

Dumbgurl04 · May 2014

Yes both my parents and his mom say they want to babysit whenever they can. I know my parents really love doing it with my nieces . When I told this girl all this she was like you wpuld.be surprise cause her parents aren't like that. So again I had to tell her well not every bodies families are the same. People just don't seem to understand that

Romiaaron · May 2014

Everyone has a different situation. My mom watches my kids when I go to work so asking her to watch them on a Friday night is out of the question. My MIL will only watch them until 10pm so we can either choose dinner or a movie and she is rarely available unless you book a month in advance. I don't want a stranger watching my kids so I literally NEVER get to go out, and I really miss date nights with my husband. But my cousin has three sets of grandparents that love to watch the kids, so she's out every weekend. So it depends. I never thought I would never get to go out, I was all "oh my life won't change, I can have a life and kids" but life rarely turns out how you expect.

abbyful · May 2014

Life is different, but not bad. Yeah, we've traded late-night drinking parties for afternoon BBQs, but it's still fun!

Heck, having a kiddo has expanded my social circle! We didn't used to hardly talk to our neighbors (they all have kids, we didn't when we bought our house), but now that we have a kid and he's old enough (turning 2 this summer) to run around and try to follow the other neighborhood kids playing in the cul-de-sac, we spend a lot more time hanging out with our neighbors!

Bethyboo26 · May 2014

Totally agree with OP. being a FTM is overwhelming on it's own, without all of the other comments. Appreciate all of you STM bringing the hope!

shindylahoe · May 2014

1 baby, you can pretty much do anything everyone else can. 3+ babies... Yeah I don't have a life. Lol

musicalmommy3 · May 2014

I also hated this when I pregnant with DS. It's called a playpen. Invest in one and your baby will get used to sleeping anywhere, anytime.

ColtiersMom · May 2014

You will def have alone time and time to be with friends, don't listen to the stupid people! Honestly you probably won't have the desire to go out nearly as much because your child will be the light of your life and you will not want to leave him/her. Every now and then be sure y'all have a "date night" even if it's only once a month to keep the spark up-it will help with your relationship (not that their is anything wrong with it now) and keep y'all connecting with each other and not just parents all the time.

runningmama14 · May 2014

Yep, I hear ya. I have a group of friends that can turn any conversation into unsolicited parenting advice. Their kids are all 5 and under, and we're all about the same age, so it's not as if they have all the wisdom and maturity beyond me. Another friend and I have started our own secret game of trying to come up with topics that they can't turn into a parenting advice sess. Haven't come up with one yet...

Maelara · May 2014

runningmama14 said:

Yep, I hear ya. I have a group of friends that can turn any conversation into unsolicited parenting advice. Their kids are all 5 and under, and we're all about the same age, so it's not as if they have all the wisdom and maturity beyond me. Another friend and I have started our own secret game of trying to come up with topics that they can't turn into a parenting advice sess. Haven't come up with one yet...

We had a set of friends that did this last time, especially towards the end of my pregnancy. Eventually I snapped and shut that shit down. They were giving me ridiculous advice like I'll never sleep again. No shit, a newborn is hard? *insert huge eyeroll here* I wish people would stop.

SugarSnap83 · May 2014

Jealous of the Backstreet Boy's concert! Give a scream for me!

nonoemily · May 2014

Here's my stock response to unsolicited advice:

"Your opinions are fascinating!"

Insert eye roll, dead pan tone of voice, or whatever sarcastic indicators are appropriate.

I am a SAHM. I have tons of free time. DHs dad is retired, as is my mom. The grandparents always want to play with him, and DH only spends quality time with DS on the weekends, so I have lots of chances to get away.

Richardsmom_817 · May 2014

Exactly. You said it. Just because you have a kid doesn't mean you died! We have 3 kids and we do quite a bit, dinners out together, vacationing....when they get a little older, it is even easier. We def didn't let children stop us. It almost gave us more of a reason to want to get up and go.

mussalynn · May 2014

Yes life is different, but it's all about what you make of it. If you don't make an effort (and it is much more of an effort to go out kidless - planning ahead of time, lining up babysitter etc), you just won't get out much. If you can find a great babysitter or family member and set up a standing day, whether it's once a week or once a month, it is so worth it.

What I hate is people saying your life is over when you have babies. Mine is certainly different, but by no means is it over. Lots of people stop taking vacations etc., we just bring DS with us! He has been on 3 trips already, will be going on 2 trips this summer, and we're taking him and the new baby for a 2-month trip to Europe next year. Yes it takes more planning and yes your vacations are a little different, but we love to travel so we figure it out. We love spending time together as a family, so we just do it!

Don't let naysayers get you down. Parenting is what you make of it, so make it fun!

belmont1785 · May 2014

Literally every time I talk to my mom she says something about "I hope you're enjoying doing all the things you can't do with a baby!! " it's almost to the point where I feel like she's saying she regrets having children because she never did anything fun ever again after that (which I know isn't true but still... Annoying). Sorry for the poor sentences I am on my phone.

Dumbgurl04 · May 2014

SugarSnap83 said:

Jealous of the Backstreet Boy's concert! Give a scream for me!

I will

k1911 · June 2014

Ughhh I hate people sometimes. Thank you to all of the STMs that took the time to post. You seriously put my mind at ease because people's terrible advice has been freaking me out a bit too! Thank you thank you thank you!

Maelara · June 2014

mussalynn said:
Yes life is different, but it's all about what you make of it. If you don't make an effort (and it is much more of an effort to go out kidless - planning ahead of time, lining up babysitter etc), you just won't get out much. If you can find a great babysitter or family member and set up a standing day, whether it's once a week or once a month, it is so worth it.

What I hate is people saying your life is over when you have babies. Mine is certainly different, but by no means is it over. Lots of people stop taking vacations etc., we just bring DS with us! He has been on 3 trips already, will be going on 2 trips this summer, and we're taking him and the new baby for a 2-month trip to Europe next year. Yes it takes more planning and yes your vacations are a little different, but we love to travel so we figure it out. We love spending time together as a family, so we just do it!

Don't let naysayers get you down. Parenting is what you make of it, so make it fun!

This is seriously the perfect answer. It is what you make of it. You will find out very quickly what your priorities are (ex. When to have date nights).

Caraluvs · June 2014

Your first baby is surprisingly portable. Until they start crawling, they just sit in their pumpkin seat and watch you or sleep. So for a good six months, you can go anywhere you normally do: restaurants, movies, friends houses. And by the time they are old enough to crawl, that is when they reach their pinnacle of cuteness. By that point, you'd rather watch their entertaining antics than go to the movies anyway.

anotherjenj · June 2014

Yes to all of this. I"m so sick of everyone going on and on about how I'll never be able to do anything again. I'm 34. I made the decision to have a kid consciously and DH and I talked seriously about things like making sure we still had time together, etc. We even built babysitters into our baby budget!

Just because half of my friends are afraid to leave their kid with a babysitter for more than 30 minutes, doesn't mean I'll feel that way.

Dumbgurl04 · June 2014

anotherjenj said:

Yes to all of this. I"m so sick of everyone going on and on about how I'll never be able to do anything again. I'm 34. I made the decision to have a kid consciously and DH and I talked seriously about things like making sure we still had time together, etc. We even built babysitters into our baby budget!

Just because half of my friends are afraid to leave their kid with a babysitter for more than 30 minutes, doesn't mean I'll feel that way.

I know my best friend hates to leave her daughter with anybody other then her parents. Her SO doesn't really help that much with their DD so I know when I hang out with her usually her baby is going to be with us. I feel bad for her but at the same time she is just that the type of person that usually would rather do stuff herself cause she can't trust other people.

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Uhhhh i just want to punch these people in the face!!!!

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