(updated) AW: Update - Egg Retrieval Sun...then the end of the very, very long road. — The Bump
TTC After a Loss

(updated) AW: Update - Egg Retrieval Sun...then the end of the very, very long road.

anitafloraanitaflora member
edited June 2014 in TTC After a Loss
(living child mentioned briefly for background/context)


__________________


Hi ladies,

Just wanted to post a quick update.

I'm having a really hard time right now so please forgive me for the brevity here.

Sunday we're going in for Egg Retrieval. This is our second round of IVF, for those that are mobile. And, my heart is breaking, I hate bringing myself to write this... I don't want to.... I am resisting with every ounce of my being.

But this is going to be our end. This is it. One way or the other we are going to be done our journey. Either we will be blessed with another child. Or we will be a one child family.

My husband does not want to continue trying. He is unable to support our trying. I hesitate to know what to write here, because I don't want to sound like I'm putting any blame upon him. But we are definitely not on the same page. With this last cycle he kept going back and forth about what he said to me. We basically continued this past cycle because his words were, "No, I don't think this is a good idea. But I'm not going to be the one to tell you no."

And the entire cycle his feedback has just been over and over that it's my decision and my decision alone. When I told him I was going to be done the injections this morning and things were looking good, he was completely apathetic. I asked him if he was happy at all and he said that no, he wasn't. He couldn't even muster any happiness for me that I was done injecting myself.

So I have been alternating between crying all morning and trying to get on with my daily life and routine.

He said that of course he would be happy if this cycle worked, but he is not looking forward to the stress of having another child. When he started to talk about how he's 40 now and how he doesn't want to deal with an infant and all their needs... I just had to walk away. I just couldn't listen to him talk about that again. But again, he feels as though he is just accepting that this is what we're doing. Because it's our last chance to have another child at all. There are no other options in front of us.

So I can't in good conscience go forward with another cycle. We can't continue to try any more.

I am completely heartbroken beyond words that I can find.

I'm sure all the hormones aren't helping anything.

But the thing that is so bothersome as well is that it's not that he doesn't want to be a father again because of any other reason than 1) he's worried about how we're going to "make ends meet" (when frankly, while yes, we are in a very tight position at the moment, it won't last forever, and I do not agree that we are in that bad a position - he has much more desire for material things and wealth than I do so this is a major rift between us) and 2) he doesn't want to relive the "newborn" phase - which yes, of course it's tough, but it's all worth it. And it's a temporary phase.

So to me, while I completely understand and respect his feelings.... and that is what I have to do to be fair to any possible future child... to me... I just think that truthfully, if we were to have another child, we would be able to work things out financially and that deep down he would love being a father again and love having a sibling for our son. I think he's just scared. And I hate that if this cycle doesn't work we're going to be leaving our last chance (our insurance would cover one more IVF cycle) on the table because he's scared.

But I think we have to. I can't go on without his support. I can't do it again. It's not fair to him or me or anyone.

I'm sorry for the lengthy post, ladies.... and thank you so much to anyone who's taken the time to read it.

I love you all. I don't know what else to say. Other than thank you, thank you, thank you again for all the support you all have shown me for so very long. I'm not ready to say goodbye yet.

But it will be soon.

UPDATE:

First of all, thank you so much for all your kind words and support about all of this. I did make a call Friday afternoon to someone I found who I think would be a good counselor to start seeing. But her message said she was out and not able to get messages until after 6/3, so I will call back then. I'm not sure how it's going to work with how they charge for marriage counseling if we were both to go, because I've met my out of pocket maximum under the plan now (several times over now!), but my husband has not. So I don't know how they charge it. My hope is that we can do marriage counseling together and somehow it would be just charged to me. I need to find out. But first steps underway to try to do so.

We had started seeing someone a good while back but only had about three appointments and felt they weren't quite what we needed. I'm hoping this new insurance allows us - or at least me - to see someone better. I agree that I do think it's pretty important right now to help us through this.

As for the retrieval - (XP from the awesomely nice and kind @snegde thread - thank you again @snegde!)

They got 7 - so that's good! At first the surgeon told me that he didn't expect to get that many since my estrogen level was quite a bit lower than the last cycle. He said it was over 2,000 last time when they got 7 but this time my estrogen was only around 1,200. So I was completely bummed going into it. And I think that's left me with this lingering feeling of dread. Maybe the lower estrogen means there won't even be as many mature? I'm not sure. But I'm very, VERY relieved that he was wrong and that they did get the same amount as last time.

Now I wait for the fert report tomorrow to find out how many were mature and fertilized and how they're looking.

Thank you so, so much again, ladies.

dream 1 CAME TRUE 2.13.2010


 <dream 2> 12.2011


 2.10.12 : 4 weeks


6.17.12 : 10 weeks


10.10.12 : 4 weeks, 6 days


12.13.12 : 9 weeks, 1 day


4.6.13 : 4 weeks, 4 days


10.27.13 : 5 weeks, 6 days


4.2.14 (IVF #1) : 4 weeks, 1 day


6.19.14 : IVF #2 Negative


 </dream 2>


 resolve.org


AMA, Diminished Ovarian Reserve, heterozygous MTHFR


"all it was was a fairytale and devotion to a dream"

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***All always welcome!!***

Re: (updated) AW: Update - Egg Retrieval Sun...then the end of the very, very long road.

  • Lots of love to you. Is it possible that your husband's feelings are also that he doesn't want to be let down again? He may be emotionally done with the process. 

    For what it's worth I think that you're handling this really well and thinking and feeling all the emotions that one should in this situation. Coming to terms that this may be the end of your journey isn't going to be easy but it can be done.

    ((hugs))
    Married to the love of my life since 2005
    TTC #1 - 
    BFP # 1: 5/2006 - m/c @ 6 weeks (natural) / EDD 1/17/2007
    BFP # 2: 7/2007 - chemical pregnancy / EDD 3/18/2008
    BFP # 3: 6/2013 - 7/9 u/s: No hb, measuring 2 weeks behind. Very high HCG#'s 7/21 u/s: No change, ruled out molar pregnancy. Completed Natural Missed M/C 7/26/2013 / EDD 2/5/2014
    TTA with Diaphragm. 
    CFNBC
    I didn't want to kiss you goodbye, that was the trouble; I wanted to kiss you goodnight. And there's a lot of difference. - Ernest Hemingway 

    Licensed foster family. No current placements. Open to adoption but that is not our goal and as such we don't have dual foster/adopt home study.
    2012-2013: Former Foster Mommy to 1 bubbly little 8 y.o. girl that has moved onto an amazing adoptive home.

    anitafloraBookishMomma
  • NoeliaVNoeliaV member
    Sending you so many hugs. ((( hugs )))
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    BFP: 12/20/13 EDD: 08/23/14 (discovered m/c at 8w5d)
    BFP: 09/22/14 EDD: 06/06/15 (hoping for our rainbow)
    BabyFruit Ticker
    anitaflora
  • Loading the player...
  • I want to offer many ((((hugs)))). I am so sorry

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic   image image

        My Blog

    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
      

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    BFP# 1 7/7/12 Beautiful DD born still at 36 weeks 5 days on 3/2/13
    Diagnosed with PCOS in 2005. Started Metformin July 2013

    BFP # 2 8/7/14 EDD 4/22/15
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    inbow!!

    **All AL Welcome**

    anitaflora
  • There are no words anita. I'm so sorry you find yourself at this crossroad in your journey. Much love and big (((((hugs))))) hun.
    anitaflora
  • Km380Km380 member
    My heart aches for you reading this. I'm so sorry your journey has come to this. I hope that he is just scared of another let down and that you get good news and he'll be happy. So many hugs. You'll be in my thoughts

    PgAL welcome


    Married 6/11/2011

    Me & Hubby: 34

    TTC journey started 12/2012

    BFP #1 6/5/2013, MC confirmed 6/26/2013 @ 7 wks

    BFP#2 8/25/2013 MC confirmed 10/16/2013 @ 12 wks (D&C 10/18)

    Diagnosis: unexplained RPL, unexplained IF.

    Also have hypothyroidism

    Started TTC again 12/2013

     

    IUI#1:Clomid CD 3-7, Trigger'ed CD 12. IUI CD 14. BFN

    IUI #2:Letrozole CD 3 - 7, Follistim CD 9, Trigger CD 10, IUI CD12. BFN

    Current plan: IVF with PGD. Antagonist - Vivelle Protocal. Stim start 12/1. ER 12/14.

    http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/502498

    image imageimage

    image


    anitafloraBookishMomma
  • I don't know what to say. Reading your post made me feel so sad for you. I think that men tend to be "fixers" and when something doesn't have a concrete "solution," they shut down. I don't know if that is the case here, but it's just something that I have noticed with all of this with my husband. I am so sorry for you & have my FX that this cycle goes well.
    **Formerly kvillano82**
    **DX - Unexplained IF**
    BFP#1 3/9/13 - EDD 11/6/2013 - MMC 3/21/13 - D&C 3/25/13 
    Clomid 12/13, 1/14, 2/14 - cysts developed 
    Femara 4/16/14-4/20-14 Ovidrel 4/23/14 IUI 4/25/14 - BFN
    Femara 5/14/14-5/18/14 IUI 5/23/14 - BFP#2 on 6/6/14 & EDD 2/13/15 - MMC 7/1/14 - D&E 7/2/14 
    **All karyotyping negative, autoimmune panel negative, HSG & Hysteroscopy show nothing wrong with ute**

    image      

    Daisypath Anniversary tickers Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers


    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    anitafloraBookishMomma
  • ::::sig warning::::





    Anita, I am keeping you close to my heart and have absolutely everything crossed for you for this cycle.  I am so sorry that you are on different pages and that you find yourself at a really difficult juncture.  Sending so much love and (((hugs)))) your way.







    Me: 36 yo, TTC #1 since Feb. 2012
    BFP #1, 3/12, EDD 11/9/12, MMC 3/27/12, D&C 4/10/12

    BFP #2: 11/16/12, EDD 7/25/13, MMC 12/5/12, D&C 12/6/12, Complete molar pregnancy confirmed 2/9/13, benched for 6 months until  August 2013

    IUI #1, 8/16/13 Femara + Menopur, 3 mature follicles, BFN
    IUI #2 (back-to-back, 9/12/13 and 9/13/13) Femara + Menopur, four mature follicles, BFFN
    IUI #3, 10/8/13 Femara + Menopur, six mature follicles, BFN

    BFP #3, 12/9/2013, while on treatment break, EDD: 8/22/2014  Please stick and grow, LO!

    Additional Dx: hypothyroidism, TgAb positive & anti-TPO positive, POR/DOR (2/2013), and suspected endometriosis

    ******All AL always welcome******
    image

    anitaflora
  • **Siggy Warning**

    I am so sorry Luv.  I hope this cycle works out for you, and that your husband comes around.  I think you should definitely take @Meladoriestar's  advice and consider couple's counselling, if for no other reason, than to avoid any long-standing resentment.  But, I'm just so sorry.... 

    ((Hugs))

    Me: Endometriosis, PCOS, Insulin Resistance, Estrogen Dominance, Irregular Cycles
    DH:  100% Abnormal Sperm Morphology
     BFP #1 (Surprise!)  "Monkey"- 09/16/2006. DS born 06/01/2007.   
    BFP #2  "Quinn" EDD 06/21/13- MMC @ 8 weeks - Disc. 12/12/12 @ 13w0d 
    BFP #3  "Luna" EDD 03/31/14- MC 07/29/13 @ 5 w0d 
    BFP #4  "Star" EDD 07/06/14- MC 11/28/13 @ 8 weeks
    BFP #5 "Baby J"- 02/07/14. DS born 10/29/2014 My Rainbow!
    ~Everyone Welcome~

    anitaflora
  • Anita, my heart breaks reading this. You have fought so hard to have these final chances and to have to leave one on the table is such a horrible feeling.

    I'm sorry that you and your husband are not on the same page regarding this and probably never will be. I agree that you can't go forward with another cycle without your husband being on the same page. Not only is it unfair to you to have to go through the stress of an IVF cycle unsupported, it is unfair to push him down a road he is unwilling to go down.

    Whatever the outcome of this cycle, I agree with the above recommendation for counseling. My ex, after four years of TTC and countless unsuccessful IUIs, agreed to one cycle of IVF. One. When the doctor not only recommended cancelling that cycle when my follicles stalled but also told us that he thought he had a better protocol he could do, my ex refused. That cycle was it no matter what the doctor we were paying so much to recommended as the best course of action. I did good with not being bitter in the moment and working on accepting our CFNBC status. He, in the end, did not. And, 12 years later, I look back with a lot of regrets knowing that my ex effectively took away any chance I had of having a child and I let him.

    TTC is hard on a marriage and IF is harder. You are not on the same page on this issue but you need to make sure you keep communicating with each other and that both of you are listening to what the other one is saying. Lots of ((((hugs)))) friend. 

    The day the Bump died - Jasper is wise
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    MsAmandaPantsanitafloraBookishMomma
  • I'm so, so sorry you're going through this difficult struggle. Getting your hopes up and being let down time after time definitely takes a toll, so maybe if this cycle works for you, your husband will come around and embrace the good news. Finances can be worked out.. I keep thinking that taking care of a baby can't possibly cost as much as we're paying to get KTFU. Maybe I'm way off. Either way, for all you've been through to get this far, you deserve his support. (((Hugs))) love, I've got my FX for you and am sending boatloads of positive vibes. 

    imageLilypie - (zxAe)

    anitaflora
  • TVLilyTVLily member
    ((((Anita))))
    I'm so sorry you are finding yourself at this cross roads, and you have felt alone going through the protocol for your 2nd ivf.

    I agree with @meladoriestar‌ that couples counselling may be helpful for you both to navigate your feelings on this to move forward regardless of the outcome. This journey is so hard.

    Keeping you in my T&P.

    EDD 5/2/14, NMC 9/11/13
    EDD 10/15/14, CP 2/8/14

    IF Diagnosis: PCOS, MFI 

    Current Cycle: 5 mg Femara/1000mg Metformin + TI = BFP, EDD 4/23/15 Please be our RAINBOW

    image

    **ALL AL/IF Welcome**
    My Chart

    anitaflora
  • Oh sweet Anita, I can't imagine the stress you are going through right now. Not being on the same page with your H is heartbreaking. I think he's probably just overwhelmed. He might not be processing the end the same as you are. It's so difficult when you both don't have the same desires, I can see how that coudl cause a rift and a struggle to move forward. I'm so so sorry this is the end for you. I don't know what else to say. I just want to offer ((hugs)) and love. We are here if you need to vent more. You've been such a lovely part of this community and so supportive. You don't have to go if you aren't ready. No one is going to kick you out. If they try we will revolt! So much love to you and your family. I'll be thinking good thoughts for you!!

          THE DARK SIDE IT IS

     and GBCB

    image    


    BFP 8/2/12 EDD 4/9/13 Addie was delivered 1/4/13 at 26 weeks due to Eclampsia  

    BFP 9/15/14 EDD 5/28/15 Please be our R A I N B O W take home baby BOY
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    imageimageimageimage
    ~All AL always welcome~

     

     


    anitaflora
  • Many many ((hugs)) Anita.  I just want to fly to where ever you are and give you a huge hug.  I think PP have said what I wanted to, but I want to repeat that we are here for you no matter what.  I hope that this IVF cycle will bring you your rainbow and a sibling for your son so you don't have to think about the "what ifs".  I hope that in time you an DH will be on the same page and can come back together. 

    You need some major positive energy right now so I hope you can find a great group of girls friends to go out with tonight.  Surround yourself with love and positivity this weekend. 




    imageimageimage
    image
    My FF Chart:
    http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/490dd7
    TTC #3 since June 2013
    BFP #1 7/21/2013--EDD 3/30/14--D&C 9/24/13
    BFP #2 1/28/14--MC 2/7/14

    IUI #1 5mg Femara + trigger = BFN
    IUI #2 5mg Femara + trigger = BFN
    IUI #3 5mg Femara + trigger = BFN
    IVF #1, Stimmed for 12 days, ER 8/22/14, 9 retrieved, 7M, 7F!!  Freeze all due to fluid in uterus.
    FET end of October 2014 cancelled due to fluid in uterus due to possible c-scar defect
    Surgery scheduled 12/12/14 to fix possible isthmocele
    3/26/15 transferred one 8 cell grade 4 embryo and one 6 cell grade 3 embryo = slow rising betas for 2+ weeks = ectopic MTX shot 4/29/15
    Repeat c-scar surgery June 2015
    2nd and last IVF cycle August 2015, stimmed for 12 days, 2 egg retrieved, both mature and both fertilized.  Transferred both 8-cell embryos on Day 3, beta 9/5/15 = BFFN
    MOVING TO ADOPTION!  


    anitafloraBookishMomma
  • *****Siggy Warning*****






    I am so sorry that it has come down to this, Anita.  I am sending you so many (((HUGS))) and will be praying that you find peace in whatever the future holds.  I hope that this cycle brings you your rainbow.  

    TTC since October 2012

    BFP#1 1/11/13, EDD 9/19/13, M/C at 9wk6dy 

    BFP#2 11/12/13, DS born 7/28/14!

    imageImage and video hosting by TinyPicimage

    image  Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    Chart

    Everyone is welcome


    anitaflora
  • nothing but big squishy ((hugs))...so sorry you are dealing with this.

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    8/12-Suprise BFP- Sweet Bunny Born Sleeping 11/21/12 (19 weeks)

    -5/7/13- MMC (8 Weeks)

    11/6/13- BO discovered at 7 weeks- natural MC 11/25/13

    8/14- Surpise IF dx...low AMH (.24)- moving on to IVF

    IVF #1- 11/14- 6R5M4F=2 perfect frosties

    12/19/14- FET of 2 embabies = BFP!!!  One Little Bean EDD: 9/3/15

    Everyone Welcome.

    anitaflora
  • MBJuneMBJune member
    My heart breaks for you after reading this. I really hope this cycle brings good news! (((Hugs)))

    Dx: PCOS/Unexplained
    July '13 - Mar '14 - Letrozole and TI - BFN
    April '14 - HSG - All clear - Letrozole, Trigger and IUI - BFP
    May '14 - Miscarriage 5w 3d
    July '14 - Letrozole, Trigger and IUI - BFN

    Aug '14 - Letrozole, Trigger and IUI - BFN

    Sept '14 - Letrozole, Trigger and IUI - BFP

    Beta 1 - 87  Beta 2 - 193  Beta 3 - 441
    SA - All good
    ALL Welcome



    anitaflora
  • Oh sweetheart.  First I want to tell you that you're in my prayers for a successful IVF, of course.  But secondly, I want you to know that you and I have so much more in common than I first thought.  I easily could have very similarly written this post.  DH is so heartbroken and afraid to try anymore that I'm pretty sure we're at the end of our TTCAL rope too.  He's mentioned our age (we're both only 37) and finances.  My argument to him was, "If we had Liam here, he'd be almost 8 months old and we'd be FINDING A WAY to cope with the finances."  Because when you're in any type of tight situation, financial or otherwise, you ALWAYS find a way.  He wasn't at all convinced with that way of thinking. I honestly think he just doesn't want the possibility of having to cope with another loss, while I'm still willing to give it one more try.  I don't mean to make this reply about me.  It's just to let you know you're NOT alone in that your husband has opposite thoughts as you.  You always know how to reach me other than here too.  You're in my heart always. <3

    Lilypie - (dLe1)

     

          ***BFP 1-22-13, baby boy dx with Trisomy 13 at 15 weeks.

           We let him go to Heaven on 4-27-13 at 17 weeks 1 day***

     Lilypie - (AW2u)
     

     Lilypie - (L84X)Lilypie - (D4Hj)

     

     

     

     

    anitaflora
  • I'm so sorry.  Your story brought tears to my eyes.  I wish nothing but the best outcome for you and your husband.

    image
    BFP: 3/9/2014  EDD: 11/11/2014  MMC: 4/10/2014  D&C: 4/11/2014
    anitaflora
  • Anita, love, my heart breaks for you. I think Bug hit the nail on the head when she said "TTC is hard on a marriage and IF is harder." I'm so sorry you're in this difficult place. 

    I don't have any useful advice to offer, but I know it's is a terrible thing to feel so distant and alone. I hope that despite being so far apart on this, you and YH can find your way back to each other, in some way or another, with unity, strength, and mutual loving support for whatever comes next. And I am of course hoping with all I have that this round of IVF brings your rainbow.

    I wish I could give you a big IRL hug, my friend. You know how to find me if you want to talk. ((HUGS)). 

     

    anitafloraBookishMomma
  • katib77katib77 member
    I'm so sorry Anita. I know what it's like to know this is your last IVF, but not to know you personally could do another if not for your partner being done. Sometimes I wonder if this is dh and I only the otherway around and he's just keeping quiet with me saying this is the end. But for me, I'm emotionally spent. Any embies that come of this next two weeks is the end.

    I pray that your ER and ET go well and the miracle of seeing a LO grow from inception will turn his worry to joy. FX you get to complete your family with this. Big ((hugs))) and lots of love.

    TTC since July 2009. Dx MFI & LPD. 
    IUI#1&2&3 (2011 & 2012) BFN
    IUI#4 1/23/13 on 75iu x9 Follistim = BFP then chem preg m/c (Feb 2013)
    IUI#5 BFN (April 2013)
    IVF w/ICSI Oct. 2, 2012 - 13R, 11M, 7F, 1 frozen blast 4BB grade - - - FET Nov 15, 2013
    BFP! Beta 1:104 @ 10dp6dt, Beta 2:178 @ 12dp6dt,  beta 3:366 @ 14dp6dt
    Saw heartbeat twice before missed M/C at 8w3d on 12/27/13, missing my little angel boy
    JUNE 2014 IVF#2;  5R, 2M, 1F Three day transfer 6/7.  Beta 6/18 - BFN
    Child Free Now?
    S/PAIFW , S/PALW

    My Blog

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    anitaflora
  • ******* Sig warning *********










    Anita, I am so sorry you and YH are at this point in your journey, and it's putting you at different crossroads. I hope and pray with everything I have that this ER and ET is the one for you. Regardless of what comes I second what others have said regarding counseling, I hope you can heal the rift between you and YH so negative feelings on either side don't affect your marriage.






     


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    Anniversary

    TTC Since 04/01/13 

    BFP #1 04/28/13 Its twins! EDD 01/08/2014 MMC confirmed 06/27/13 D&C 07/17/13

    BFP#2 05/19/14 EDD 01/30/2015 Please be our rainbow!

    My Ovulation Chart

    *~*~* All AL Welcome*~*~*


    anitaflora
  • My heart is breaking for you after reading this post. Sending all the vibes I can that this cycle is successful! So many big ((hugs))
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    anitaflora
  • So many ((((hugs)))) for you. Your story broke my heart. I agree with the above mentioning of counseling. Infertility is already such a hard thing to deal with, that staying on the same page through out the whole process makes it a little less difficult to bear. FX tightly!
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Married April 9, 2011
    TTC since October 2011
    Me 34, DH 40

    IUI #5 w/ Tamoxifen+Ovidrel+Acupuncture Oct 24, 2014-->BFP!!! EDD July 17, 2015. Panorama=low risk...and it's a GIRL!
    DD born July 10, 2015
    --------------------------------------------------------
    Trying for baby #2!
    IUI #1 w/ Tamoxifen+Ovidrel+Acupuncture July 10, 2017-->BFP!!! EDD Apr 2, 2018. Panorama=low risk...and another GIRL!

    BabyFetus Ticker
    anitaflora
  • Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry that you have this stress going into this cycle. IVF is stressful enough without having problems and home and not being on the same page with YH. I sincerely hope this cycle works for you and that YH is overjoyed with the news. I agree with counseling, I think it could help both of you express your feelings and discuss moving forward (whether the news is good or bad).

    TTC since April 2012

    BFP #1, 10/03/2012 - EDD 6/15/2013 - MMC 11/15/2012 - D&C 01/04/2013

    BFP #2, 04/06/2013 - EDD 12/17/2013 - MC 04/19/2013

    6/12/2013 Diagnosed with Balanced Translocation (12 & 16)

    IVF #1 with PGS: 10/2013: Canceled 9/27/2013 for issues with genetic lab

    IVF #1.5 with PGS: 11/16/2013: Canceled. 11 eggs retrieved, 9 mature & 9 fertilized, all unhealthy embryos

    IVF #2: 1/22/14: Canceled. 16 eggs retrieved, 14 mature, 7 fertilized, all unhealthy embryos

    IVF #3 with PGS: 5/10/2014: Switched to FET in July. 10 eggs retrieved, 9 mature, 8 fertilized, 2 healthy embryos!

    FET #1: 7/31/2014: Transferred 2 nearly perfect (6AA, 6BA) healthy embryos- BFFN

    Laproscopy: 10/2014: Healthy uterus

    IVF #4: 12/8/2014: Canceled. 17 eggs retrieved, 15 mature, 10 fertilized, all unhealthy embryos



    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

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    Everyone welcome on my posts






    anitaflora
  • I am so very sorry. Hugs.
     Daisypath Anniversary tickers        Daisypath Happy Birthday tickers

    Oct Angel*BFP 1/25/14 * EDD 10/6/14 * US#1 2/26/14 *US#2 3/3/14 no heartbeat*d&c 3/12/14*

    BFP 1/17/15 * EDD 9/30/15

    image







    anitaflora
  • ***Sig****

    Sending lots of love your way. (((Hugs)))









    "It's, not, where you are, it's where you're going,
    And it's, not, about the things you've done, it's what you're doing, now"

    TTC Journey Began 8/12
    BFP #1 11/9/12, MMC/D&C 12/21/12 @ 9w2d, EDD 7/24/13
    SAs: 2%-3% Morph - RE Official Diagnosis Unexplained
     BFN = IUI #1 (Clomid) | IUI #2 (Letrozole) 
    BFP #2 4/19/14 = IUI #3 (Letrozole)
    Expecting Our Elf 12/27/14
    ~All Welcome~

    anitaflora
  • Hugest of huge ((((hugs)))) Love, I'm so sorry you're in this position. I can relate in that I think our TTC journey is soon coming to an end, it's such a hard decision made only harder and more difficult to accept by our age. It sucks that it has to come to this, and I'm so sorry you and your husband are dealing with being on different pages - I know you have to do what you think is best for your family and relationship both.  In the end, I just hope beyond hope that this cycle just works for you so your husband can rediscover and enjoy why you were TTC in the first place.  Everything's crossed for you!


         

    imageimage

    Married August 2012. Me: 41  DH: 42 
    Daughter from previous marriage: 20

    BFP 12/19/12: Ectopic discovered at 8 weeks, right tube removed 01/18/13
    June 2013 Testing Results: Progesterone: 31.7, LH: 5, FSH: 5, Estradiol: 161
    Clomid cycles Nov. 2013 and Jan, Feb, and March 2014

    TTC journey over as of the end of October 2014

    TTCAL BLOG

    All ALers welcome!

    anitaflora
  • Sending so many hugs and positive thoughts in your direction.

    BFP #1: 8/17/13     Due Date: 4/26/14      MMC discovered @ 9w 4d       D&C: 10/2/13
    BFP #2: 12/23/13       Due Date: 9/6/14      MMC discovered @ 8w 5d    D&C: 2/6/14
    BFP #3 8/26/14     Due Date: 5/7/15  

    imageimage


    anitaflora
  • I am so so sorry. My heart hurts reading this. I am crossing everything, hoping that you get a good result this cycle. Sending so so many hugs. I truly hope you get your rainbow!
    Married 07/2006, TTC since 2010
    08/2011: Clomid 50mg, IUI --> BFN  ,
    10/2011: Clomid 100mg, IUI --> BFN

    04/13: Clomid, IUI BFP --> MC at 6w1d
    05/13: Femara 2.5mg, IUI --> BFN  , 08/13: Femara 2.5mg --> BFN
    03/14: Femara 5mg, IUI --> 1 follicle @ 27d --> BFP! EDD 12/02/14--> blighted ovum, missed MC 6w6d --> D&C
    4/23: D&C...starting over again, with a little part of my heart broken off
    5/31: Femara 7.5mg --> cancelled cycle, no follies
    7/14: Femara 5mg + brevelle + menopur + IUI --> converted to IVF, ER 7/28 --> ET cancelled due to severe OHSS.
    9/20/14:  Frozen Embryo Transfer --> BFP--> EDD 6/6/15 --> MC at 5w3d 
     
    10/16/14: Frozen Embryo Transfer --> BFN
    2/6/15: Frozen Embryo Transfer --> BFP --> MC at 5w4d
    3/20/16: PGS-tested Frozen Embryo Transfer --> BFP, Living Child born 12/1/15
    6/6/17: Fresh IVF Cycle --> Severe OHSS, 5 PGS-tested embryos frozen
    2/23/18: PGS-tested FET --> BFN
    3/30/18: Cancelled cycle due to lining 4.2mm
    6/21/18: PGS-tested FET --> BFN
    anitaflora
  • LizBlueLizBlue member
    Oh friend, I'm sending lots of ((hugs)) your way. This IVF/FET is also the end of our road and it's just so damn sad to say, "it's over." It must be even worse to not be on the same page. I hope you and your H find peace together and heal from having to walk this very hard road. I'm here if you ever need to talk. Xo
    ----
    *I am no longer regularly posting on TB because of the fucked up debacle of Jan 2015 when administrators banned long-term members and mods with no notice and completely dismantled a community full of women who cared about each other.  If you see me posting it's only to give support to a poster who needs it or to post something important enough that I need to say.  I am no longer responding to  anything other than issues that affect people who I care about*
    37 years old, MH is 42
    TTC since 2010; Dx Unexplained Infertility; possible male factor 
    August 2012 through June 2013:  6 IUIs with clomid and trigger shot, all BFNs
    7/2013, Pregnant! Unmedicated--we were on a treatment break
    8/20/13 no heart beat; 8/23/13 d&c
    3/15/14 IVF #1:  Lupron/Follistim/Menopur; ER 3/10 resulting in four transfer grade blastocysts, transferred one pretty blast and froze the remaining three. BFN. 
    Natural FET in May cancelled because the universe hates me my hormones were not cooperating.
    6/24/14 FET #1: transferred two pretty embryos; BFN   
    8/28/14 FET #2: BFP, ended in Chemical pregnancy

    Done with medical intervention and getting used to the idea of CFNBC.  




    All welcome
    anitaflora
  • My heart breaks for you. I really hope this cycle works for you. IF sucks so bad and is stressful enough. I am guessing it is so hard for your H to watch you go trough all if this. I think it makes them feel so helpless because I know how some conversations with my H have gone. I am so sorry you have to go through this. Big ((hugs)) to you.
    image

    BFP #1 1/1/11 EDD 9/10/11 dx:no hb DNC on 2/2/11
    BFP #2 12/28/11 natural m/c on 2/6/12   BFP#3 2/16/13 dx:ectopic on 2/27 (given methotrexate) HSG 6/13-all clear BFP#4 11/18/13 natural m/c on 11/23  IVF #1 (Natural IVF Cycle) May 2014- Cycle failed (embryo did not make it to blast) BFP#5-7/26/14 GROW BABY GROW    IT'S A BOY DUE 4/5/15!

    anitaflora
  • Oh, honey. I'm wrapping you in a big ((hug)). TTC and loss is so stressful on relationships. I have not been in this exact situation, but DH and I have had our share of fights and differing viewpoints along this journey. I can see how you ended up at this crossroads, and my heart breaks for you because it's not fair that both of you have been pushed to this point by circumstances beyond your control. Most couples planning families don't have to deal with any of this sh!t and it's just so unfair. 

    ((hugs))
    image
    image
    DX: I'm a Recurrent Loser
    Me (35) + DH (37) - Married Sept. 2007
    BFP #1 - DS born 7/11/11
    BFP#2 11/13/13 - EDD 7/29/14 - M/C at 5w3d
    BFP #3 12/28/13 - EDD 9/7/14 - M/C at 4w6d
    BFP#4 3/27/14 -  EDD 12/5/14 - Girl lost to 45X at 8w6d - D&C 
    BFP#5 10/15/14 - EDD 6/30/15 - M/C at 7w2d
    BFP #6 1/5/15 - EDD 9.16.14 [CLICKY for progress]
    In search of a image


    anitaflora
  • km_mdkm_md member
    ***siggy warning***




    Oh Anita. So so many (((hugs))). I will keep you in my thoughts and in my heart. I hope that this cycle is a success for you. I'm so sorry that you are struggling with all of this.


    anitaflora
  • My heart is breaking for you. I hope this cycle brings your rainbow. So many (((hugs))) 

    TTC since May 2013
    BFP #1 11/22/13 EDD 7/31/14
    MMC 13 weeks - discovered 2/13/14 at 16 weeks - Trisomy 13 - D&C 2/14/14
    BFP #2 10/9/14 EDD 6/22/15
    ~Everyone is welcome~
    image
    anitaflora
  • O2girlO2girl member
    @anitaflora‌
    Sweetie my heart aches for you. All of my T&Ps are for you tomorrow as you have your retrieval. I am so hoping that this cycle brings you the second LO you so desire. I just want to reach through this board and hug you so tight. Xoxo
    Me: 38
    DX:  Adenomyosis, Compounded MTHFR, PAI-1 4G variant

    DH: 34
    MFI due to Testicular Cancer

    Married March 2012 <3
    IVF w/ICSI #1
    10 little polar bears
    FET #1 with 2 polar bears ~Nov 6, 2013 BFN :(
    FET # 2 with 2 more polar bears ~March 19, 2014 BFP!!!
    Beta 1= 276
    Beta 2= 662
    4/19/14 ~ baby A became an angel
    5/02/14 ~ baby B became an angel
    5/3/14 ~ D&C
    FET #3 with 1 male polar bear ~October 3, 2014
    October 13, 2014 ~ BFN
    Fur Children:  Memphis 3y, Dutch 3y, Marcel 2y, Meadow 1y



    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    January 2015 Siggy Challenge TTCAL
    Animals Interacting with Snow

    image


    anitaflora
  • alm288alm288 member
    I'm so sorry that you are facing these difficulties. I hope that everything goes perfect this round and this is not the end. Perhaps some positive news is all YH needs.This journey can be so long and hard! Sending you lots of (((hugs)))
    TTC: Since July 2013
    BFP #1: EDD 05/27/2014 (D&C 10/17/2014)
    anitaflora
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