Is my son a bully?

andreabjorklund · May 2014

I am new to these discussion boards, so you will have to excuse me and be patient.

I am mom to a 17 mo old boy who from the moment he was born has been extremely alert and active. Almost too active. He never slows down and never seems to have a calm moment. He can never sit still. He has never been a cuddler. He however is very intuitive, curious and dare I say brave. He also likes anything that makes sounds (including him banging on anything he can get his hands on - he loves to hear all the different sounds he can make). I love him to bits but I have been having an issue.

At the caregiver's home that we have him in during the day, there is a lil boy (about same age) who is a lot more calm and quiet. My son really likes this other boy but continues to have incidences whereby he is rough or takes toys and hits the other boy on the head. Not aggressively, but my son is very strong and when he hits me, it hurts, so I can't imagine how much it hurts this other little boy. A couple of weeks ago, he pushed the other boy into a wall and the boy ended up with a goose egg on his head.

I have asked the caregiver to give him time outs but not sure that is working as the behavior is still continuing.

I am looking for any feedback.

ReeceFamily · May 2014

I would second what Privacy said. What does the daycare say about his behavior? Do they have a plan for dealing with it? It would be concerning to me if they a) hadn't seen this behavior in probably many toddlers before and b) they didn't have a constructive and developmentally appropriate way of handling it. Can you help daycare pinpoint exactly what situations are leading to his outbursts and help him avoid those situations altogether? I think preventing the outbursts (and injuries) altogether is much better than letting them happen and "punishing" at 17 month old. I'm not a fan of time-outs at all. Whatever the cause (abundance of energy, acting out "big" feelings, or both), sitting him in the corner won't help him learn better ways of interacting or process the feelings. It will probably just make him feel sad, angry, and isolated.

DCKate · May 2014

I second what everyone else has said. Time outs won't work, but gentle redirection and more inout from your DC might help!

ambmama · May 2014

Taylor has always been alert and active, too. He never had that baby stare and was observing and active super early. We are having issues at school now because he climbs everything, hits, has bit a few times, and really is non stop. We managed the biting situation but they are very understanding of the rest - it's age appropriate and some kids are just prone to being more aggressive, even if it isn't for negative reasons. I'm confident your son will grow out of it! Fwiw, although Taylor started his new school at 16 months, they put him in the older ones group (18-24m) because they could tell he was physically ahead. The older kids can handle his hits a bit better

RN2011 · May 2014

I have twin nieces that my mother watches along with our DD. They are 7 months younger than her. She is constantly taking things away from them or trying to play with them (roughly at times). I definitely don't think she's a bully. We try to stop her and tell her to share or we play softly. Sometimes it works, sometimes not but everyone understand that at 16 months it's not intentional.

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