Two Moms One Birth Certificate

ticktock0903 · April 2014

Has anyone had any experience with trying to place two moms on a birth certificate? Does it matter whether you are married or not? I am currently trying to find information on whether I will be allowed to put my wife on the birth certificate since we are married and its legal in the state of IL. Also, even if you can put two moms on a birth certificate, don't you also have to complete a second parent adoption?? Any thoughts, experiences, or advice is greatly appreciated.

Jazibel · April 2014

I can only answer this question from what EV and I did.
When Kaden was born, marriage was not yet legal in CA. We were registered domestic partners and EV and I are both on the birth certificate. We had a home-birth and had to go to the county office to record his birth, with documentation from the midwife. We have to pursue a second parent adoption for Kaden to finalize EV's rights.

We are now legally married in CA and EV will again be on the birth certificate. It is my understanding that she will also inherit parental rights of our second son Owen since we are married at the time of his birth.

(I would double check with an attorney or other specialist) just to be sure of the laws in your State, etc.

Good luck!

StacyLH24 · April 2014

We live in NY. As far as I know, as long as we use an unknown donor, C's name automatically goes on the birth certificate and no second parent adoption is needed. We got married over a year ago and it is legal in NY. If we had used a known donor, then we would have needed to sever his rights and do the second parent adoption.

maggiemay33 · April 2014

@StacyLH24 - So you're not doing second parent adoption?

We're also in a place where we were married legally. With DOMA being overturned, we assume that when the time comes we will also not need to do second parent adoption but I hear conflicting information - that if anything bad happens, in a place where SS marriage isn't recognized, you'd need "evidence" that the child belonged to both SS parents, which would come in the form of a second parent adoption for the non-birth mom.

It sounds nutty to me, but I'm not an attorney. I can't imagine why the birth cert. wouldn't be enough.

We're not even pregnant yet, so it's just something we plan on looking into, but since it's being discussed, I thought I would see if anyone else has done the legwork in this area.

mrs&mrsk · April 2014

StacyLH24 said:

We live in NY. As far as I know, as long as we use an unknown donor, C's name automatically goes on the birth certificate and no second parent adoption is needed. We got married over a year ago and it is legal in NY. If we had used a known donor, then we would have needed to sever his rights and do the second parent adoption.

I'm in NY too, hope this is correct because this is what we think too.

StacyLH24 · April 2014

@maggiemay33 - We are not planning to; however, your post may change that. I did not think about what might happen if we were in another state where our marriage is not recognized.

maggiemay33 · April 2014

@StacyLH24 - It's so maddening that we have to even think that way but... yeah. I keep a copy of our marriage cert. in my wallet for the same reason. It seems excessive, but it's still evidence if we need it.

mrs&mrsk · April 2014

@maggiemay33 & @stacylh24

I've read conflicting stories as well... which is why we were on the fence if we had to do it or not

apparently the birth certificate is a state document, not a legal document so it would not hold up in court. a 2nd parent adoption would be a court document that has to be upheld no matter where you are.

if you are in another state or country this would matter if you or your child got sick or some other emergency

StacyLH24 · April 2014

@maggiemay33 - We went to CA last May and beforehand we did POA and HCP. I carry mine and hers in my purse at all times. I hate that we have to, but I will not let anyone tell me that I cannot see her if something happened. She wouldn't handle that well either.

Karlamo · April 2014

My wife in I live in MA and are in the process of completing a 2 parent adoption right now. She's the birth mother, I'm the biological mother and both of out names are on the birth certificate. We met with a lawyer who said that a birth certificate is just a record of the birth and allows no legal ties to the child. It can be challenged and will not hold up soley. She advised a second parent adoption for the same reason that if you travel to a state that doesn't allow gay marriage then with out an adoption they can bar you from making any legal decisions on your child's behalf.
For us, we didn't want to be in an urgent situation and find out the birth certificate was not recognized.

doodah1013 · April 2014

Here in Ohio, everything is kind of up in the air right now. Right now there are no second parent adoptions, which means two people who aren't married cannot adopt a child together, and since the state isn't a marriage equality state one of us will not be legally recognized as the parent

. But a judge just ruled that is unconstitutional, but has stayed his rule pending appeal. The Attorney General has said he will appeal.
Nothing like a good old fashion court that doesn't really affect the lives of anyone who opposes it....

mrs&mrsk · April 2014

interesting read- https://www.nytimes.com/2014/01/29/nyregion/ny-judge-alarms-gay-parents-by-finding-marriage-law-negates-need-for-adoption.html?_r=0

ticktock0903 · April 2014

Thanks everyone for responding!! @Karlamo at what point did you initiate the second-parent adoption? (during pregnancy, after birth) What has the process been like if you don't mind my asking.

Karlamo · April 2014

We started the paperwork at 6 months pregnant but nothing can be finalized until after the birth for obvious reasons. We needed affidavits from our clinic stating we used donor sperm and my eggs, 2 affidavits from family saying we'd be awesome parents and that's it. The home study gets waived because the baby has been with us since conception and one of us is related to him. Right now we're waiting on a court date to finalize it. Our attorney specialized in gay adoption. Very easy and bittersweet because it shouldn't be nessesary.

2MamazInSeattle · April 2014

We are in WA and our attorney recommended doing the second parent adoption for reasons referenced above, primarily moving or even traveling out of state could mean J has no rights (depending on where we are). Though its a little dough, and insulting, we want to protect J and the baby as much as possible. I suppose I ought to get that ball rolling! Whoops.

ticktock0903 · April 2014

Good Morning!!! @Karlamo can I ask what state you live in? Is this process the same in every state? How much have you guys paid so far for this?

JGY · April 2014

We are in MN. While married legally in CT in 2010, MN had not yet legalized gay marriage when G was born so S could not be on the birth certificate. We pursued 2nd parent adoption because of all reasons stated above. Gay marriage was legalized and began to be recognized here on 8/1/13, which (coincidentally) was the court date we were randomly assigned for our adoption.

We found our adoption to be EXPENSIVE. As in thousands of dollars. We likely could have found a lawyer to do it for less, but we were happy with our representation. We started the process in about the 7th month of pregnancy knowing that, as referenced above, nothing could be finalized until after the baby was born.

In MN we didn't need attestations or home visit (both waived), but we had to have a full background check done on S and we had to go through some sort of "Waiting period" to give the (anonymous) donor time to claim rights to the child he knew nothing about. Stupid.

We were really hoping that the adoption would be finalized by 3 months, so that we could time some parental leave for S with the end of my maternity leave. But that was a pipe dream. Our adoption was finalized roughly 5 months and 1 week after he was born.

And unfortunately the adoption tax credit did not apply, so we got nothing back on our taxes.

Good luck!

Karlamo · April 2014

@ticktock0903‌, we live in Massachusetts. We paid a flat rate of $2,000.

ticktock0903 · April 2014

ok thats not too bad. I hope that the home-study and all that will be waived here. It seems so invasive and unnecessary.

maggiemay33 · April 2014

If everything works out the way we plan, I kind of can't get over the idea that my wife will have to adopt her biological child. Totally. Nuts.

ticktock0903 · April 2014

Holy crap 5K?!

mrs&mrsk · April 2014

anyone know costs in NY?

clairmeij · April 2014

We are both on the birth certificate as 'mother'. We were working with our lawyer to have V do a second patent adoption for baby A. When the state of Co legalized civil unions our lawyer recommended that we go that route and then do a step parent adoption, the language sucked, but she said it was the best way to go. A couple of our friends were the first couple to try to put both mothers on the birth cert, after a civil union in Colorado, and they were allowed to, which set the precedent. We were able to do the same thing, even though initially we were given a birth cert with 'mother' and 'co-parent' on it. We went back and got one with 'mother' and 'mother' on it. It has since been published that we are protected in co, bit not all us.states.

2MamazInSeattle · April 2014

I called a recommended lawyer here in Seattle. Cost is $1800 for her flat fee, plus $500 home study, $200 court filing fee and a few other miscellaneous fees. All told $2500, though J will already be on the birth certificate we will do this as a safeguard/precaution. Sucks to spend the dough, but we are going to proceed.

maggiemay33 · May 2014

I found this article illuminating, especially in light of the legal questions raised in this discussion thread.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/dc-adoption-law-draws-lesbians-from-other-states-to-give-birth-here/2014/05/22/2f107354-df6b-11e3-9743-bb9b59cde7b9_story.html?hpid=z2

mrs&mrsk · May 2014

wow that's a lot in NY.

hopefully in a couple years, everyone will recognize!

My friends are planning to move to the south with their new twins, I am so concerned for them if they do !

StacyLH24 · May 2014

@RobertJane33‌ - My understanding is that since you will be on the birth certificate, you can make decisions for the children. I imagine that this would only be guaranteed in states that recognize gay marriage.

As far as second parent adoption prices, I think it varies from lawyer to lawyer. C had a friend who is a lawyer and she said she would charge us $1,500. Maybe she is giving us a deal, but I didn't think she was. It might be something that you want to shop around for.

Filmfanatic82 · May 2014

Went through this in March when our daughter was born. In NY, if you are legally married at the time of your child's birth and are using an anonymous donor, then your wife's name can automatically go on the birth certificate.

Just remember to bring your marriage license with you to the hospital. It technically shouldn't be required if you have the same last name, but it really depends on who you are dealing with at the hospital

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