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What am I doing wrong? - toddler waking up multiple times at night

skibunny59skibunny59 member
in Attachment Parenting
Hi Ladies,

Up until 3 months ago, DD was still sleeping in our bed for most of the night.  We would put her down in her toddler bed and then bring her in our bed after her first wake up.  Usually around midnight or so.  I am 13 weeks pregnant so in March shortly after I found out, we decided to try not bringing her into our bed and encouraging her to stay in her toddler bed the whole night.  This worked beautifully for a few weeks.  She would wake up once, one of us would go to her and lay down with her and then she would go back to sleep until morning.  Now we are starting to have issues.  For the past 2 weeks she was been waking up multiple times (3-4 times per night).  We do the same thing that we have always done.  Go to her and lay down with her until she goes back to sleep.  Sometimes she will stay asleep for a few hours sometimes she is crying for us a half hour later.  And she WILL NOT let DH come to her at night.  She freaks out and throws a tantrum if he goes to her instead of me.  I'm confused by this since he's normally the one to do her bedtime routine.  I'm exhausted and don't know what else I should be doing to help her sleep longer stretches.  I just don't know how I'm going to continue doing this when the new baby comes.  Hopefully it will be better by then?
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Re: What am I doing wrong? - toddler waking up multiple times at night

  • Amelia4Amelia4 member
    K started waking up a few times a night a couple months ago. We never bed shared and his sleep comes and goes. Before this, he was in a twin bed by himself. We told him Monday that he could have a sticker if he stayed in his room all night and it has worked like a charm. Other than that, I have no advice, but you have my sympathies. It's hard!
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  • vvvvvfeevvvvvfee member
    i don't think you're doing anything wrong! she's probably waking up expecting to come into your bed. if you need sleep, though, maybe you have to be firm about your DH being the one who goes in to comfort her. if he consistently goes in to her, and tells her "mommy's sleeping now, but daddy's here," i'm sure there will be some tears, but she should get the idea that it's going to be your DH who comes in the middle of the night and not you.

    where is her bed? is it in your room or her room? maybe you could ease the transition by having her bed in your room?

    how old is your DD? could she be getting her 2 year molars?

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  • sugarbear0524sugarbear0524 member
    skibunny59 said:
    And she WILL NOT let DH come to her at night.  She freaks out and throws a tantrum if he goes to her instead of me.  I'm confused by this since he's normally the one to do her bedtime routine. 
    You may just have to bite the bullet and let DH be the one to go in there. You didn't say how old your toddler is, but I think by 2 1/2-3 your LO could be told that if she wants someone in her room with her, it has to be Daddy right now. Give her a choice--she can go back to sleep on her own or have Daddy help her.
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  • orangecurlsorangecurls member
    Positive reinforcement has worked for us- Sticker chart, donuts or ice cream if they sleep through the night all week, etc.

    we also have an ok to wake clock or table lamp on a timer that comes on when it is time to wake up.

    My kiddo also really likes his FP light up seahorse or light up monkey. When he wakes up he pushes the belly to help him fall back to asleep, maybe u could try incorporating something like that when you go to your LO at night.
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  • skibunny59skibunny59 member
    vvvvvfee said:
    i don't think you're doing anything wrong! she's probably waking up expecting to come into your bed. if you need sleep, though, maybe you have to be firm about your DH being the one who goes in to comfort her. if he consistently goes in to her, and tells her "mommy's sleeping now, but daddy's here," i'm sure there will be some tears, but she should get the idea that it's going to be your DH who comes in the middle of the night and not you.

    where is her bed? is it in your room or her room? maybe you could ease the transition by having her bed in your room?

    how old is your DD? could she be getting her 2 year molars?

    Her bed is in her room.  There are times where I want to bring her into our room just so that I don't have to keep getting up and she says, "no.  go in my room."  She likes being in her room now and wants nothing to do with our bed.  She just seems to want us there with her.

    She is 2 years and 2 months.  I looked in her mouth yesterday and I didn't see anything.
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  • skibunny59skibunny59 member
    sugarbear0524 said:
    skibunny59 said:
    And she WILL NOT let DH come to her at night.  She freaks out and throws a tantrum if he goes to her instead of me.  I'm confused by this since he's normally the one to do her bedtime routine. 
    You may just have to bite the bullet and let DH be the one to go in there. You didn't say how old your toddler is, but I think by 2 1/2-3 your LO could be told that if she wants someone in her room with her, it has to be Daddy right now. Give her a choice--she can go back to sleep on her own or have Daddy help her.
    The problem is DH gets so frustrated when she won't stop crying and will come to get me.   After just a few minutes of her screaming her head off, DH gets very frustrated with her and loses his patience.  He then comes back into our room very angry and says "I can't do this." so I end up going in.  Poor DH also wakes up super early 4AM and has a 1 1/2 hour commute each way to work so I feel for him but I also need him to just man up and help me.
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  • =Lee=B=Lee=B member
    Some children are really in tune with their moms and sense the pregnancy.  They know something is different...they seek confirmation that all is well.  Can't say how to 'fix' it but maybe that's a legitimate reason for her seeking you not daddy. 

     

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  • ncbellencbelle member
    You definitely aren't doing anything wrong!!  My kids have gone through various wakeful periods often for no obvious reason.  A couple of options…

    DH handles the night wake ups - yes, she'll be mad but remember there's a difference in mad and sad!

    You sleep with her in her room.

    Give her the option of either staying in her bed or sleeping on a pallet on your floor.  Sometimes a choice really helps.  Talk about this before she goes to sleep - she's old enough to start to have some understanding (although of course don't expect her to instantly get it!) - but prepping her ahead of time for what will happen when she wakes will be helpful as chances are she's not super "with it" in the middle of the night.


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  • Emerald27Emerald27 member
    Could be the weather change, or molars, or anything else that disrupts infant/toddler/kid sleep.

    I would hesitate to start bringing her into your room at this point, or to move her bed in there, because since it's already in her room and she's been sleeping well there, it might not give the greatest impression about how good/nice/fun/safe her room is.

    If it were me, I would continue to go to her when she wakes and help her go back to sleep. This is likely just a phase that she'll pass through soon, and making as small a deal of it for her as you can might help. :)
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