First baby and scared to death

Leighanna14 · May 2014

I am 25 years old and currently 22 weeks pregnant. i was always told that i would never be able to conceive a baby and i did. i got use to the idea that i was never going to be a mother and now that i am pregnant i am worried if ill be a good mom. i have helped my sister raise her four children but its different when its your own. i am currently unemployed and i have been trying to find a job but when i turn my apps in and the see my belly they just roll their eyes and say with an attitude we will call you and never do. its just my boyfriends income and thats not very much. im worried that we want be able to afford things for our baby. we want to give her the best life possible. im very confused with a lot of things and dont really know where to turn. i also have a lot of mental disorders and afraid ill pass them on to her. and im scared of postpartum depression. is it more common for women who have depression, bi polar and borderline personality disorder and ptsd to get postpartum depression? i am excited now about having her but what if that all changes after she is born? does this make me a bad person to feel this way? insights please

MrsLaLaBug · May 2014

I was told I would never be able to have a baby either, and now here I am pregnant with #2! Miracles do happen. Sounds to me like you have already had experience with children and you will be a wonderful mom. Parenting is a scary concept "when it's your own" like you said, but I think a good bit of it comes naturally to us.
And baby doesn't need a crib that is lined in gold, so take it easy on yourself stressing about buying things. All baby needs is somewhere warm to sleep, diapers, food, and love. You can try Goodwill or secondhand children's shops for amazing deals on the other "stuff".
As for the questions concerning PPD, and passing along any mental illnesses, that would def be a great thing to discuss with your therapist or perhaps OB. It's great that you are thinking ahead so that you can be mentally prepared to deal with these things, and no, it doesn't make you a bad person to feel this way.
Congrats on your girl and best of luck!

Leighanna14 · May 2014

thank you, that meant a lot to me

blessed2585 · May 2014

Congrats on your baby girl. I think it is normal to feel scared, especially with your first child, and it doesn't make you a bad person at all. Have you talked to your doctor at all about your concerns? Checking out garage sales is a great idea. I am sorry that you are having a hard time finding a job right now. I will keep you in my prayers about that.

rlyttle · May 2014

Congrats! Babies really don't need much, so don't get caught up in the hype of buying everything in sight. You can really make it work with a few essential items. Also try to breastfeed. That is a huge money saver, along with several other benefits. When you need help ASK for it!! This will help with any anxiety that comes after the baby is here. It's ok to feel anxious about having a baby. You will be a great mother! GL!

kateronium · May 2014

Baby thrift stores are a great place to look for decent items at a decent price I'm working with barely any and I'm pregnant with #2. Those shops have really gotten me by when my daughter outgrows her clothes.

Shonanny · May 2014

One of my coworkers had a friend who was expecting in a similar financial situation to you. She sent out an e-mail at work asking people for any baby stuff they were willing to give to this family. They were able to get a ton of things. Ask people to help you gather things Also, your baby is not going to care about "stuff" for a long time. You have plenty of time to get things in order.

It sounds like you are aware of your own mental health situation. That is super good and you will just have to have conversations with your doctor to ensure the health of you and baby.

AudreyJoA · June 2014

Look into a local mommy help center. In the area I live in there is a pregnancy help center called The Tree Of Life. There are mommies that go and donate their unused baby items and even clothes! I have been donated so much from them, I highly recommend trying to find something like that in your area. For your mental disorders my DH has the same issue on his side I worry it will be passed on as well but I spoke to my OB and I try not to worry about it. After all the baby feels our stress. And for the job, I wore baggy shirts to turn in applications and to my interviews as well. Legally we don't need to tell them. And if they hire you they can't legally fire you. So best of luck!! My T&P's are with you

you will do the right thing.

katiefritzler · June 2014

I feel very much the same as you! This is my first baby, and it was a "surprise" for me as well, just maybe not in the same way. I'm 20 years old and not ready for a baby either, financially or mentally. Me and my boyfriend are doing our best to get ready. We have a few essentials in place for our baby, but it's clothing that's a huge factor for us so far. Almost all of the things we have right now are second hand. I joined used groups on Facebook that donated stuff to us and all I had to do was pick it up with my vehicle. I've been asking friends and family to help us look as well. I'm worried that once I won't be working it will be hard to just rely on my boyfriend, but I'm sure we will manage.

I suggest you go on Facebook and find New and Used groups on Facebook for your city or area. It's summer, so seek out garage sales as much as you can. Your baby isn't going to know its clothing or toys are second-hand. Your baby is just going to want your love and attention.

About the mental disorders… My mom was diagnosed as bi-polar when I was young (then it was called manic-depressive disorder), and I have no signs of it, and neither does my brother. My mom suffered with it most of her life, and her entire adult life. I don't know if she suffered from postpartum depression, but I do know she suffered a lot with this mental illness and I don't at all. Yes, it is genetic but just because something is genetic doesn't mean it's going to happen. My mom has green eyes and I have brown. Catch my drift?? That being said, if your child does end up with a mental illness, you have a happy, full-filled life, don't you? Mental illness doesn't define you as a human being, just the same as a physical disability doesn't. It's just part of your life, and yes it's a struggle for you but you can deal and cope with it on a regular basis. And if your child does have something like that, you can personally relate and help them along the way.

I dunno I hope I helped, if not to ease your worry. I relate a lot to what you are saying btw. I hope I see you posting on here again. I loved your pure honesty.

JennaRaek · June 2014

@katiefritzler You are very mature for being 20 years old! You may not be quite ready for a baby, but you will be a great mom! You gave the OP some great advice!! Good luck to you!

@Leighanna14 You have some great advice to follow from these PPs! It's great that you're already planning for issues that your child may not even have. And I agree, you don't need to go out and buy everything brand new. Our situation is a little different, but we got a lot for our baby items given to us by family and friends. Our crib, changing table, swing, jumperoo, activity mat and bins of clothes were all given to us. It helped so much financially. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Good luck! Stay calm. Enjoy being pregnant and love that little one up! You'll do great.

katiefritzler · June 2014

JennaRaek said:

@katiefritzler You are very mature for being 20 years old! You may not be quite ready for a baby, but you will be a great mom! You gave the OP some great advice!! Good luck to you!
@Leighanna14 You have some great advice to follow from these PPs! It's great that you're already planning for issues that your child may not even have. And I agree, you don't need to go out and buy everything brand new. Our situation is a little different, but we got a lot for our baby items given to us by family and friends. Our crib, changing table, swing, jumperoo, activity mat and bins of clothes were all given to us. It helped so much financially. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Good luck! Stay calm. Enjoy being pregnant and love that little one up! You'll do great.

Thanks

I hope you're right haha. And it's true, the OP just does need to enjoy the pregnancy. If you were deemed "infertile" or whatever the doctor said that made it not possible for you to get pregnant, this might be your only child. So enjoy it, despite any discomfort or nerves. I think women who are "mature" or grown up or whatever and even planned their pregnancy get nervous about being a good parent. It's natural.

kyungsoo · June 2014

Congratulations on becoming pregnant when you were told it was impossible! My pregnancy was unplanned, but I'm really excited about having my baby. My best advice to you is just to focus on all the good that will come with having your baby. She's going to love you, and you're going to be a great mom. If you keep telling yourself that, it will be true. As for your mental health, it may be passed down onto her, it may not. Do not worry about it. If she is affected, you'll know what it's like and being to help her. A lot of kids with mental issues have trouble because their parents don't understand, but I'm sure you will. Post partum depression is something many women get whether they are depressed before or while pregnant. If you're worried, think about seeing someone that could help you avoid that. Oh, and about getting a job, I'm in the same situation. I can't afford maternity clothes and it's making me feel terrible about my body. I don't know how to help there, but all I can say is that I wish you the best of luck with your baby. I hope you're very happy in the long run.

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