Please remind me that it gets better....

LunaBug924 · May 2014

Just need to vent here. I know there have been so many posts about baby's sleep, lack of sleep, etc. I realize a 3 week old baby is not going to be on a schedule and its ridiculous to try. But we are on night 5 of virtually no sleep and tonight it's really getting to me.

Our routine so far is that I feed her around 10pm and go to bed. DH stays up with her until she wakes hungry (usually around 1:30am) He gives her a bottle (I've been pumping once a day) and then she usually will go back down until 4. Then I'll get up. It was working so well for a few days but then it all fell apart.

Now she wakes at 1:30 to eat, she gets the bottle, naps for maybe 30 minutes and then wakes up again. And she stays awake ALL NIGHT! Seriously, tonight we are on hour 5 of her being awake. She's eaten 3 times since her 1:30 bottle, rocked, burped, changed, swaddled, we've kept the lights low, no stimulation, white noise, literally everything I can think of or have read. She doesn't even seem to want to be held at this point, she just cries no matter what. We've even tried letting her CIO for 5-10 minute increments, which I know at this age has a zero percent chance of working. Ugh, I'm just so frustrated and tired.

I know this won't last forever, but tonight I'm just really having a hard time. Please tell me pretty stories!

Junebug060609 · May 2014

Sorry you are so tired. It's rough, especially night after night.

Mind if I make some suggestions? The first would be to relax. Babies pick up on our anxiety. Deep breathes as you hold her, slowing the rate at which you pat her back when burping or that you bounce her when walking the floor...it goes à very long way. I used to pretend I was trying to convince DS it was a-ok to go to sleep when I was a FTM. I often had to sing à song to help my anxiety and frustration not get the best of me and to help me keep à slower beat. Also, keep in mind that she WILL sleep, eventually. All that crying will tire her out. It doesnt seem like it after hours of trying, but she will sleep.

Lastly, a three week old is way too young to CIO. Sleep training isnt recommended until more like six months or more. I know you put her down out of desparation and am not judging, I just wanted to be sure you knew.

It gets better. I promise. Hugs!

liz18t · May 2014

Maybe a growth spurt? You might be back to normal in a few days.

MissLadyTay · May 2014

When my son does that I just put a boob in his mouth and put on Netflix. He sleeps eventually and in the meantime his mouth is full so he can't cry! It will pass.

LunaBug924 · May 2014

@Junebug060609 yes, what I meant was DHand I have needed to put her down for a few mminutes here and there to regroup and calm ourselves down.

I know my anxiety is making this whole process worse and I'm feeling really guilty about it. I really hope this is just a growth spurt or something. I just can't believe how long she's staying awake. It's not even like she sleeps all day and has her days and nights mixed up.

Thankfully my MIL is coming over today and I intend to sleep as much as I can to recharge. Hopefully tomorrow night is better. Thanks for letting me vent!

bumpuser10194737 · May 2014

It will get better! Last week was a little tougher than normal for us too. The last two nights have been much better! Last night he went down at 10 and woke up at 1:30 and 4:45. He had a little trouble going back to sleep after the 1:30 feeding, so I have him a pacifier and he was out.

He is four weeks today. Hang in there! What do you have her sleeping in?

Veittobe · May 2014

Another question/thought to try. How is she during the daytime? How long are you letting her sleep during the day? My doctor recommended no more than 2 hours between feedings during the day and no more than 4 hours at night. This helps keep her from getting over hungry as well as helps flip her days and nights if she tends to sleep more during the day than at night.

LunaBug924 · May 2014

@Mamarazziof3 we have her in footie sleepers and then we swaddled her with a light muslin swaddled blanket. We keep her arms out because she likes to keep her hands by her face. If I think she's too hot then we ditch the jammies and she sleeps in a onsie and the swaddle.

Unfortunately she still doesn't take the paci too well. Sometimes she'll take it from DH, but she never takes it from me.

gutsysneakers · May 2014

It sounds like everyone is giving you great advice. I just wanted to say hang in there, you are doing a great job, and you are a great mom. This newborn stage can't last forever. (Hugs).

hbird0723 · May 2014

I cried early this morning after not much sleep so you are not alone. Mine likes to fight sleep. She almost falls asleep and then shakes herself awake. We've tried all different kinds of swaddling but she screams. Hates it! The first week and a half besides getting up to feed her a couple times she was perfect. Hardly ever cried and then all the sudden she just screams on and off all day. The gripe water has stopped working so hopefully the doctor can help today. Let me know if you find something that works and I'll do the same

get some rest.

AngelaAmy · May 2014

We are not having the best nights either but one thing I foulnd that helped was swaddling. We hadn't really been doing it much because she didn't seem to like it and wanted to move around more but I tried forcing it with her arms tight to her sides and she actually slept much better. She doesn't like getting in there but settles as soon as she is.

lrmrtn · May 2014

We had a night like this last night too. We found that the more he sleeps during the day, the worse he sleeps at night. We're trying to keep him more stimulated during the day, like giving him a bath, taking him for walk, having visitors, etc. Even if he sleeps through most of it, he seems better at night.

britab · May 2014

I still have an inside baby but my good friend, who is one of the most positive people I know, said the first month is hell! Hang in there!

sarag0116 · May 2014

What do your days look like? I try to stick to the EASY routine... eat, awake (play/engage), sleep, you time. During the day the cycle for us is 2 - 2.5 hours. Initially, to get the baby's days/nights in order that meant I would wake him from his naps to eat and resume the routine. Never wake a sleeping baby is for people that don't want to sleep at night! Haha. But seriously, this can help you get in a rhythm during the day. Our last feeding is at 7/7:30pm then swaddle and down for the night. From there, he wakes up 1-2 times until we begin the day at 7 or 8 am. Good luck!

sarag0116 · May 2014

Also I know babies like to put their hands all over the place, but swaddling is VERY helpful to get longer stretches. People give up on a swaddle too quickly b/c they feel like the baby doesn't like it when really they DO like the confinement. The startle reflex is in full swing at this age and then will wake themselves up by it... the swaddle eliminates that.

Esbi25 · May 2014

I agree with the swaddling comments. A lot of times they act like they don't like it, but if you rock or nurse them to sleep while swaddled, it can make it easier to put them down and keep them asleep. Hang in there! My first slept ok at night, but was impossible to put down all day and getting him down at bedtime could be tough too, but that stage will be over before you know it! The first couple months can be a real challenge, but the time will soon fly by!

apinkpelican · May 2014

Only been at this 11 days so I don't have any pretty stories yet ;-). Have you tried skin to skin? A couple times my LO has been really fussy I undress us both and put her in a frog like position on my chest. For some reason it makes her stinker or she pushes a poo out and I find she was just gassy. My other guess would be that she wants to cluster feed? Good luck to you!!! I'm sure that it will get better!! I'm a little jealous that you are already at the pumping stage (we are waiting till 3-4 weeks) so DH can feed! One day at a time. And they say we'll is this :-/!?

Junebug060609 · May 2014

LunaBug924 said:
@Junebug060609 yes, what I meant was DHand I have needed to put her down for a few mminutes here and there to regroup and calm ourselves down.

I know my anxiety is making this whole process worse and I'm feeling really guilty about it. I really hope this is just a growth spurt or something. I just can't believe how long she's staying awake. It's not even like she sleeps all day and has her days and nights mixed up.

Thankfully my MIL is coming over today and I intend to sleep as much as I can to recharge. Hopefully tomorrow night is better. Thanks for letting me vent!

. Thats kind of what I figured. Sometimes it is better to set them down and step away. Kudos to you for recognizing you needed that moment. CIO will likely be à hot button topic as our babies get older, just FYI to take care in using the term

No need to feel guilty about your anxiety. We have all been there. Those ST+Ms that seem so zen? Yeah, they are that way bc they have BTDT and know that "this, too, shall pass". That phrase was my mantra the first year with DS. It honestly doesnt sound like à growth spurt to me, it sounds like an overtired baby. I hope she gets some shut eye for you soon. A lot of it

momthatlifts · May 2014

First off, sorry. I've been through this a few times. It's irritating, tiring, depressing. Have you tried laying her on your chest? I've found
That to be really helpful. If I just let her lay there until she falls asleep (and I'm usually able to fall asleep too), once I wake up I can move here in to her bed.

boymum2014 · May 2014

I've started side by side nursing our 3 week old for middle of the night feelings in our bed & it's been so much easier-he falls asleep nursing & I let him lay for 15 min or so before moving him to his sleeper. He usually burps by himself during the feed or I'll lean him up for one. If I pick him up over my shoulder & pat him he starts waking up. He hates his arms to be swaddled too-not an issue, we just swaddle with a muslin with arms out. I feel like we have been through 2 growth spurts already of constant feeding-some days are better than others but remember this is only temporary!

Marcella05 · May 2014

You're not alone. I cried last night while nursing him because I was so tired and he was so unhappy. I had a few good nights followed by a few not so good nights. Speaking of being 3 weeks old, just got my weekly TB email about baby's progress and the topic was colic. Generally, this is around the time they really become difficult to please. Also, this article I found was a wonderful confidence booster:

https://www.troublesometots.com/are-you-making-these-baby-sleep-mistakes/

LunaBug924 · May 2014

@Marcella05 thanks for the article. Pretty sure I've done one, if not all, of the "wrong" things over the last 3 weeks of trying to figure out this parenting thing.

Tonight I'm going to try a new approach and will try to take some deep breaths!

delatl · May 2014

You are not alone! This has been my baby for several of the nights after we returned from the hospital. I don't have great advice except that I did notice that when I could finally calm down, because I had some help, she was much easier to soothe. We do the 5 S's and while they don't work miracles, they do help. Also, I've started trying to follow the EASY routine as well, wake her up more often in the day.

I believe part of my problem was she was hungry and I wasn't getting her enough milk. Since I started pumping after each session and feeding her that as well, she has been a calmer baby. So I'd look at that question, too.

cnbean · May 2014

It sounds to me like you may just have an overtired baby on your hands. Once they get too tired it can become really hard to get them to sleep and stay asleep (which makes NO sense). When DS1 was this age a friend gave me the book "Secrets of the Baby Whisperer" and I swear it saved my sanity! That's where the EASY routine that everyone is mentioning comes from. Once I started that with my first he slept better and it was easier to get him there. I've been using it with this kiddo and so far its been much easier. Hang in there!

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