How to stop being mean to hubbie :(

peanutpuckett · May 2014

Hi there, I'm brand new just found out a couple of weeks ago that we are expecting . We are both excited...but I keep getting these crazy mood swings and although sometimes I cry and feel completely inept at dealing with this, a lot of times I find myself just being straight up hateful to my sweet husband. He's been trying to be understanding, but I can be a real handful at times and I can tell its taking a toll. I feel like i have zero control over my brain, which is scary. Two questions.... 1) how to stop being a monster to him and 2) are these negative feelings affecting my baby? Thank you!

Lanatir · May 2014

@peanutpuckett-- I don't know. I'm not a medical doctor, but I do know I had like zero moodiness (or so the pregnancy journal says) and I had PPD. Your best bet is to be aware that it still could happen, moodiness or no while pregnancy, and be prepared to talk to a health care professional if you ever feel after delivery that you might be suffering from it.

spoonleg · May 2014

I'm having very high anxiety lately- not over anything in particular, just a generalized feeling of anxiousness and dread. This contributes to me being snappy and impatient at times. Tonight I had to tell my husband, "Just be quiet and stop talking to me." That was, in all honesty, the NICEST thing I could have said in that moment. I just needed him to leave me the hell alone before I said some ridiculously rude shit for no apparent reason.

peanutpuckett · May 2014

Sorry...I also forgot to ask if anyone could recommend any good daddy-to-be books.

letsgox · May 2014

1. If I'm in a bad mood, I let him know ahead of time so that he doesn't do something that would normally bother me, but not set me off. If I'm in such a terrible mood that I am being mean to him, I tell myself to snap out of it. I put myself in his shoes an realize how shitty that would make me feel. Then I apologize. Honestly, hormones are crazy and can make a person feel crazy, but it doesn't excuse being ridiculous to h.

2. I can't see your siggy so I can't tell how fat along you are, but likely your baby is a ball of differentiating cells right now. There are women all around the world who get pregnant and have to deal with stressful circumstances that I have trouble even imagining. Bodies are resilient. You aren't hurting your baby right now, but if it's affecting your relationship with H, it can make an impact once the baby is here (if things don't change)

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AlfiesMOM · May 2014

Maybe try thinking before you speak, I know that works for me. I usually want to respond immediately but if I take a few minutes and think about my response it tends to come out a lot nicer. There are times I snap for no reason and I go back and apologize. I think to some degree its normal and you do eventually gain control of your emotions. And no your negative feelings have no effect on your child!

WillCMyInk · May 2014

The other ladies have given good advice. I'd just say that you need to be an adult and realize when you're being unnecessarily mean to your DH and apologize or just don't say anything at all. Hormones can cause mood swings, yes, but they don't give you a free pass to be a bitch and just blame it on being pregnant.

YaMrWhite · May 2014

A lot of conscious effort. I have to remind myself daily that "I wouldn't appreciated being talked to like this" and "pregnancy is not an excuse."

longcat07 · May 2014

for me, i have to put a lot of thought into keeping a lid on it, if that makes sense. usually i realize i'm being irrational and can keep it under control. sometimes i don't realize i'm being irrational until i've already screwed up and opened my mouth, and in those times, an apology goes a long way. SO knows i've got a lot of hormone crap going on and i'm not always myself, and he can generally appreciate when get a handle on myself and apologize for being a jerk.

Lanatir · May 2014

As far as books, if your H likes more humorous stuff, while still informational, one of my BFF's husbands passed on the book So You're Going to be a Dad by Peter Downey to my H the first time around.

I can't help on the "how to be nicer to the husband" because I have a sometimes tragic flaw where when I get pissed off I stop talking... So often he doesn't even know he's done something wrong... But I rarely have to apologize for anything I say because I don't say mean things like ever because I know once words are out there, you can't take them back, and I'm definitely a peacemaker.

peanutpuckett · May 2014

Hee Hee.. You guys are great! I particularly like "don't give you a free pass to be a bitch and just blame it on being pregnant" because I do feel like I've been resorting to blaming it all on being pregnant. I'm going to repeat that to myself every time I start feeling hateful. Do you think that the severity of my mood swings is an indicator that I may be more prone to PPD?

Thanks for the book recommendation too...I think funny will definitely be the right way to go.

LovelyLips · May 2014

Ladies here have given you good advice. We all feel like beating the hell out of our DH's at the best of times but pregnancy just has a way of adding to that! Just warn him in advance and try to think before you speak.

In #1 I bought a book called "You're pregnant too mate" it was a funny book written by a guy for guys. I enjoyed it and so did ex. I shall be making DH read it this time round.

gingerygirl · May 2014

I'm also having horrible mood swings and it confuses the heck out of my hubby! I try to just take a deep breath before I let my emotions get out of hand and look at things from his perspective. The poor dear usually doesn't know he's being unhelpful or annoying. We're pregnant. We don't know what's going to set us off and neither do they. So just relax, take deper breaths, and tell him you love him even though you just yelled at him for something silly (:

growinghope · May 2014

Yes to everything above! I needed to hear some of that again. I'm sure DH thanks you.

The biggest thing for us is communication. If I know it is a rough day for me, I let him know as soon as I know and I apologize if I am wrong. I also ask him to let me know if he has had a particularly rough day and can't take what I might dish. Sometimes I can tell, but sometimes he hides it well. Some days he can handle a little more of my attitude than others, so I try to gauge if his tolerance meter is on zero. (But let's be real, with my attitude I had to do that pre BFP).

bosredsoxgirl14 · May 2014

Good book "dude your going to be a dad"

Kelliann98 · May 2014

My poor hubby is getting an earful from me too.. But seriously after a 10hr shift, growing a human, AND taking care of my outside baby I don't want to hear how tired YOU are, dear.

sy5temfire · May 2014

So glad to see that I'm not alone. Does anyone's husband not have any compassion at all? My H can not comprehend MS at all and why I need him to do the morning dog walk and I'll do the night time one. Does it get better once they see the first U/S or you start to get bigger? I think he's still in denial.

LauraElizabeth85 · May 2014

Haha don't sweat it (and neither should your DH). Just be aware you are feeling moody and let him know.

A good example is last night when I was laying in bed. DH came into the room, laid next to me and was eating ice cream. I just rolled over and said "are you kidding right now? Stop eating so close to my face!" Haha now that is ridiculous! Everyone just needs to have a sense of humour about it to make things easier.

kmcorter · May 2014

bosredsoxgirl14 said:

Good book "dude your going to be a dad"

This. My mother in law bought this book for my husband. Never in my wildest dreams did I think my husband would read a baby book but he's reading it and thinks its hilarious. He seems to be actually enjoying it.

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