Owen's Natural Home Birth Story (long)

(Also posted on the LGBT Parenting Forum)

On Friday morning May 2, 2014 my wife decided to work from home so that she could help keep an eye on our toddler and give me some room to continue the natural induction methods our midwives had recommended.  We were 40 weeks and 3 days with our second, and planning a home birth with two amazing midwives: Rebecca and Ellah. 

Around 7am before hopping out of bed Elizabeth leaned over my belly and said, “Now listen son, this is your first stern talking to and probably not your last.  ‘It’s time to get out’”.  Moments later my water broke in a small gush and I jumped up to run to the bathroom.

Immediately a flurry of activity and excitement ensued. Elizabeth texted her brother Alex and his wife Sus so they could be prepared when they left for work to come to our house later that day.  Our 21 month old son Kaden woke up, we had breakfast, made the bed, gathered various last minute items together and jovially set about waiting for labor to start.  Initially I had what seemed to be mild to moderate menstrual cramps which felt very different from the contractions I’d experienced with my first labor. I started taking an herbal tincture protocol and doing nipple stimulation with a breast pump on and off to strengthen the contractions into a regular pattern.  At 9am we texted our midwives and told them we’d be in touch once things progressed.  The cramps (I wouldn’t even call them contractions or “waves” yet) remained sporadic all morning. Around 2pm Rebecca showed up and Alex came to watch Kaden and help Elizabeth finish setting up the house.  I had moderate contractions that were about 8 minutes apart at the time. I swayed in the kitchen during them, and talked and puttered in between. Alex and I took a walk around the neighborhood and discussed their pregnancy (he and Sus were about 12 weeks and getting ready to announce).  Sus and Ellah arrived later that afternoon, and our small living room was filled with activity and a generally fun atmosphere. Having Kaden present had been a concern of ours (and Alex was ready to whisk him away if needed) but it turned out to be great to have his happy energy around. And Kaden in turn was not disturbed at all by his Mama’s distracted pacing.   Around 4:30pm the midwives decided to take a walk, and told me that perhaps “not being under their lens” would help accelerate labor. True enough they’d no sooner stepped through the door when things picked up. By 5-5:30pm I was having a regularly 5-1-1 pattern, and the contractions were strong enough that I couldn’t speak through them; instead I needed to breath, and tone. I really enjoyed stranding and swaying during that part of early labor.  We called the midwives back and Alex started to fill the birth tub.  Because my waters had broken early that morning, and had been gushing in small burst throughout the day (and several changes of clothing). I had to have the midwives okay my getting into the tub. I think they also wanted to make sure I was in an active, progressive labor since sometimes the tub can slow labor down.  The tub was wonderful. Even better than when I used the tub with birthing my son Kaden (who was born in the water).  The water was perfectly warm (and felt hot to me). I hadn’t been in a hot tub, or even a bath in months so the tub was a treat indeed.  I felt most comfortable on hands and knees and would lean into the inflated plastic sides when a contraction came on to tone and moan loudly. The sound reverberated back into my ear and was very soothing.  It was hard to stay in an altered space though since the tub was in the center of our open concept living room and people were milling about. I loved having our family and midwives there, and we talked and joked in between contractions, but on the more challenging side it made being “prepared” for the next “wave” quite challenging. I felt like I was being pulled in between the activities in the room, and the strength of my labor.  Anyway my main focus during the contractions “waves” was to keep my throat open, my pelvis relaxed and to think of my cervix opening. 

Ellah placed cold cloths on my forehead and neck – divine! And Sus and Elizabeth gave me sips of coconut water. Elizabeth was amazing. Constantly at my side, toning with me, grasping my hand. Pulling me back from the brink when I felt like a wave was going to carry me away.

My labor stalled in the tub and my midwives suggested I lay down on the couch to rest. Having been on my feet all day was taking its toll and I was exhausted. My arms and legs shook from the effort of standing upright during a contraction. Laying on the couch was not comfortable. In fact I really hated it, but felt to weak to attempt to move. The contractions were picking up, and I felt like I couldn’t handle much more. I asked Rebecca to check my dilation, sincerely hoping that I was near the end.  That was at 10:40pm. Rebecca didn’t say, but I could read between the lines that I wasn’t as near the end as I hoped.  I despaired and the midwives suggested I make my way to the bathroom to try to labor on the toilet and move things along. I found out later I was at 6cm when Rebecca checked.  All the while the midwives checked our baby’s heart-rate with the Doppler and he was doing great every time.

I was half carried, half stumbled to the bathroom.  At this point I was also completely naked all sense of modesty gone.  Nothing our birth team hadn’t seen before since they had attended Kaden’s birth nearly two years earlier.  When I got to the bathroom I stood clutching the sink for dear life as wave after wave rose and crashed over me. I had only seconds to gasp in between. I felt like I could go no further, but couldn’t even bring myself to utter those words. I think Rebecca noticed my panic because she leaned over my shoulder and told me in her calm voice, “The same thing happened last time, you have to let go and let it get big. You made it through last time and you will again.”  Something inside me broke, or surrendered and I just let the next several contractions rush over me.  I felt a huge urge to push, and was grunting and bearing down unintentionally, while vocalizing loudly. Ellah urged Rebecca to check me while I was standing there in the bathroom. Rebecca checked and confirmed I was ready to push. Ten minutes had gone by and I had gone from 6cm to complete.  I was half carried to the bed we’d made up on the floor, where Rebecca and Ellah urged me to breath and blow “raspberries” through contractions as much as I could to slow the process down and avoid tearing. I did my best and breathed through half a contraction and pushed involuntarily for the rest. Elizabeth at my right side, coaching me onward, and helping me to slow things down as much as I could. After nine minutes of pushing our son Owen’s head was born (14 inches). I paused and much to my surprise had to push extra hard to birth the rest of him a minute later (he had a 15 inch chest).  Owen was born at 11:00pm.

Afterward they lay him on my chest, and waited 45 minutes for the cord to stop pulsing before cutting and clamping it.  After a shot of Pitocin I birthed the placenta.  Rebecca and Elizabeth made a couple of placenta prints with copper paint later that night, to hang next to Kaden’s in the nursery. The prints look like trees with beautiful branches – it’s pretty cool.

Owen had a great Apgar and weighed in at 9lbs 3oz and 21 inches long.  I had a first degree tear, but nothing too serious. He didn’t latch right away when they placed him on my chest, he was a little cold, so we warmed him with a heating blanket and cuddles. He’s been sleeping, eating and being an adorable member of our family for the last 13 days.  I can’t imagine life without him, and life before he joined our family is growing into a hazy memory.  

As for our second homebirth, I wouldn’t change a thing.  I loved the great care our midwives provided prenatally, during the labor and afterward with Rebecca’s home visits.  I loved having only the people I loved around me. I loved having my son near by, and the fact that he went to bed in the evening and slept all night despite his Mama’s loud moaning from downstairs. I loved, getting stitched up (one stitch without numbing medication – yes I’m a hero!) and then tucked into my own comfy bed with my wife and our new baby.  Most of all I loved waking up at home the next day to be greeted by our curious toddler, and some of the sweetest moments of a new sibling introduction I can imagine.  Those moments with the sun streaming in our bedroom window, and Kaden’s gentle hand on Owen’s head will be etched into my heart forever.

Was it one of the hardest, most intense and painful experiences of my life. Yes.  Would I do it again to meet my son Owen. Absolutely.