New preemie mom - intro and looking for tips :)

nikkiuk · May 2014

Hi ladies

Our son was born on May 19th, 9 weeks early, weighing 3lbs 12oz. He is progressing very nicely and we are working on getting him to feed from a bottle, piling on some weight and growing. He's not doing quite so well with the feeding, but that will come in time.

Anyway, thought I would say hello, little intro and ask if anyone has any good tips on the whole preemie situation? I have two older kids (16 and 21) so I'm a little rusty with babies (although it's all coming back to me now) but I've never had a preemie so that part is all new to me!

KTZ17 · May 2014

Welcome,and congratulations on the birth of your son! You are almost in the same situation as I was in at this time last year! My dd was born last may 17, 9 weeks early at 3lbs 11oz. She was in the NICU for exactly one month and is absolutely thriving. Let me know if you have any questions about our experience. As for general preemie advice, take it one day at a time and he will get there. I found that because I didn't give my daughter expectations like she should be doing this by this time or she will be home by this time that it took the pressure off and just let me accept how things were going. Participate as much as you can in his care and ask all the questions you need to. Also get some rest, because the NICU can run you ragged. Again, let me know if you have any specific 31 weeker questions

. Wishing you a short & uneventful NICU stay! Edited for weird wording

nikkiuk · May 2014

Wow, they really are very similar! I am trying to remember questions every time we go to see him, but you know how it is... in a fog of painkillers after the C-Section and that's never good for remembering anything.

I don't have any major concerns, I think (and I hope) they are all normal. He lost 10g in weight tonight and that is depressing me. I feel so helpless with getting him to feed from the bottle and I can't bear to see that tube going up his nose. He is sucking like a champ on the pacifier so I guess it's just a waiting game for feeding/sucking/swallowing/breathing to click in his little brain. He had two alarms last night after his feeds, that always worries me of course. The nurses have explained that it is almost certainly reflux and completely normal, but still, it's a worry. He's on caffeine to help. Tonight he has an ultrasound on his head, again I'm assured it's normal for preemies but, even so that will play on my mind until I know it was clear.

We're doing skin-to-skin every night for one feed and getting in to him as much as we can but I almost wish I had never been discharged now so I can just stay with him all the time. I'm SO scared something bad is going to happen to him when I'm not there!

I think I'm just worrying in a normal way in a crazy situation and desperate to get him home... I suspect it was/is the same for all the moms on here.

KTZ17 · May 2014

Well, it's still early for him to start working on the bottle. They didn't start bottle feeding my DD for two weeks and started with one bottle a day, then one bottle a shift, then it was obvious she did not want to be tube fed anymore because she kept pulling it out so they started giving her all bottles. He will get it! As for the head ultrasound, my DD had 2 of those and they're standard procedure. Of course you're going to worry and you want him home so badly. Just be with him as much as you can and he will get strong enough to be home with you soon!

nikkiuk · May 2014

@KTZ17 Thank you for your wise words

Visiting is another issue I am really having a problem with. I can only get there once a day at the moment due to work and not being able to drive after the CS. I had something of a meltdown last night over it and my DH ended up calling the NICU at 1am to discuss just how often we should be aiming for. We did ask this before I was discharged and got a wishy-washy answer from a social worker of 'whatever suits you'. That's not an answer in my book - I needed to know what is BEST for Zach, not for me. Anyway after chatting with a lovely nurse, she assured us that Zach is pretty much left alone by everyone all day long (which actually broke my heart a little) and they only touch him when necessary to change his diaper and check his vitals because he needs to be left alone to sleep to heal and grow. They will take their cues from him and when he is more alert and active and then they will discuss a more proactive visiting schedule that would be in his best interests. In fairness, all he does is sleep but just leaving him all alone in his incubator just seems so, so wrong to me and goes against all my instincts. We make sure we do his skin-to-skin in the evening, change him, weigh him etc but it's just not enough and I feel so useless and empty.

MrsKStone · May 2014

Hi! This is my first post on this board but I also gave birth to my son at 31 weeks as well. May 3rd- he was born at 2lbs 11oz. Today he is 3lbs 6.5 oz but still a long way to go! When I was reading your post it felt like I should have wrote that as Im going through the same thoughts / emotions. Ive been so thankful to have this board to learn all about "premie" world. It kills me to see him get poked so much and he is still on a feeding tube. Just yesterday he had a little set back (blood in poop = intestinal infection) so is on antibiotics...again. The point where we can take him home feels like an eternity.

nikkiuk · May 2014

It really does feel like an eternity. The waiting is agony. Zach is only one week old but I swear it feels like we've been on this roller-coaster for a month at least. Every weigh-in is torture. Every day I see that feeding tube up his tiny little nose is torture.

I think @KTZ17 hit the nail on the head - the thing to do must be to learn to take the pressure off, take one day at a time and accept how things are going. He actually is doing everything in line with expectations but in my impatience to get him home, I'm making life harder for myself. My DH is doing the same. We'll both be nuts by the time this is over LOL

Pips09 · May 2014

Congrats on your baby! Try and take it day by day and focus on the positives, not the setbacks. Much easier said than done.

SarahA918 · May 2014

Oh man I wouldn't like him being left alone all day

I was lucky because he's my first so I didn't have any other responsibilities after work and just spent all of my time there that I wasn't working or sleeping. Preemies still benefit from touch even if they're not being held. Does your hospital have cuddlers that could just go and rest their hands on him. It's sad to think the only touch he gets during the day consists of heel pricks, diaper changes, and someone puttin the ng tube back up his nose.

nikkiuk · May 2014

Thanks ladies. And thanks for that link @BostonKisses2 very helpful, I'll scour through that today. Love the look of the app on the blog, it's so freakin cute!

The head ultrasound was all clear which was a relief. I think of new annoying questions every time I go in though. The monitors are driving me insane and I wish they weren't visible to us!

Anyway, progress is being made, he stepped over the 4lb mark yesterday. Must remember he is only there as a feeder/grower as they really have no other health concerns at all and I'm thankful for that.

It's hard to trust that they aren't missing something though. We ask questions and sometimes we aren't happy that the explanations are clear enough but the nurses can sometimes seem a touch clueless which means we don't press the question and have to wait to ask someone else or wait until we see our Primary Care nurse who is awesome but only works day shifts - Zach is 'her baby' which is lovely. Then again, if we ask someone else (other than than our Nurse) we get a totally different answer altogether! That being said, every nurse has been kind, caring and tries his/her best. I'm just not entirely convinced that the experience knowledge is there. Or maybe I'm being unfair and picky because that's my baby?

New preemie mom - intro and looking for tips :)

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