first time pregnant and told no heartbeat (sorry so long) — The Bump
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

first time pregnant and told no heartbeat (sorry so long)

To start with i want to tell everyone how sorry i am that we are all going through this. And say I'm sorry this is so long but thank you for reading it.

My husband and I are getting ready to celebrate our first weding anniversary/being together for 5 years on June 22. We were very excited to find out at the end of March that we were expecting our first baby. We had our first ultrasound on April 25 and we were told everything looked good. The heartbeat was 160 and predictes due date was said to be Dec 7th (makinf me about 7 and a half weeks along). I thought this seemed little later based on last period but didn't think anything of it. They had me do a 1 hour glucose test, becuase I'm overweight, which i failed by about 6 points. So i did the three hour test two weeks later and passed.

I was worried about sharing the pregnancy to early that we had only told close family until this past week. This week my husband shared with his work so he could take off work for my appointment. I shared with a few people I work with because I wasn't comfortable going into a patients room and needed to explain why (I work as a CNA). I felt like because I hadn't had any problems it would be safe to share even though my mom lost 4 at 12 weeks.

So on Friday (May 23rd) i went back for another appointment thinking I was almost 12 weeks. The NP warned us that may be hard to hear the heartbeat with the doppler so i was still hopeful when she had an MD come in with ultrasound. However when they couldnt hear anything and the picture wasn't clear I had no hope that vaginal ultrasound would reveal positive results and I was right. The doctor told us that it didn't look like the baby had grown any/much since ultrasound on 25th. I am devastated and heartbroken wondering how I couldn't have known I lost the baby so long ago with no spotting or cramps that i really remember. Now i have to wait til Tuesday to hear from doctors office and decide if I want to wait for natural MC or have a D&C on Thursday.

I guess I am posting to share my story in a way that is easier for me but to also hear from those who have choosen natural MC and those who choose D&C to see what you recommend. My mom always had a D&C but that was over 24 years ago. I really want to know why this happened if possible but doubt this will happen since this is my first.

Even though I just started spotting I am in shock and heartbroken because we wanted this so badly and had already bought some little baby things. Again thank your for reading this.

Re: first time pregnant and told no heartbeat (sorry so long)

  • bmblebeabmblebea member
    Long-Lasting Membership 500 Love Its 100 Comments Photogenic
    edited May 2014
    I'm sorry you are going through this .I'm currently experiencing our first pregnancy loss this weekend as well. I understand your feeling of being heartbroken. I don't have any advice about natural miscarriage vs d and c but I'm sure some other ladies will chime in. Everyone was very supportive when I first posted yesterday. I hope you get through this as quickly and painlessly as possible. I'm sorry for your loss.

    Edited: spelling
  • jandh26jandh26 member
    Fourth Anniversary First Comment
    Thank you. I'm sorry for your loss and hope you get through this as quickly and painlessly as possible as well.
  • LisaG09LisaG09 member
    Fifth Anniversary 250 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    edited May 2014

    I'm so sorry for your loss and thank you for sharing your story with us. It is so hard. I don't know if I can really recommend a D&C because it is different for everyone but mine was virtually painless (physically anyway). I know I made the right choice for me. I knew that I couldn't handle a natural miscarriage and I just wanted it to be over with as soon as possible. My D&C was quick and easy, I only bled lightly for about two days then had some random spotting for a few more days. However, I know this isn't the case for everyone. I know there are posts on this board somewhere about what to expect if you naturally miscarry, miscarry using medication, or do a D&C. I think they are called Your Advice or something. You might have to go back a few pages but they should be very helpful in helping you decide which is best for you.

    I'm so sorry that you have to be here but welcome to the board. I hope that it helps you through the trying times that are here and will come. The best bit of advice that I received on this board is not to guilt yourself for any emotion that you have. I remember hating myself for not knowing my baby was lost, I remember hating everyone there for a little bit. I felt guilty when I felt relieved that the whole thing was over, I felt guilty when I stopped talking to my pregnant best friend, I was angry and spiteful and sad. Mad at my body, mad at myself, mad at my boyfriend, mad at all my friends, family, and co-workers because they didn't understand, mad at anyone who had children. It wasn't a nice time for me. I came here and they told me not to feel guilty and to just accept the emotions as they come without regret. I did and almost two months later, I'm doing much better. It does get better, not because the pain goes away but because we learn to cope with the pain and have hope for the future. I wish you the best of luck! (((hugs)))

    ETA: I had also bought some stuff for my baby. I bought a tote and put all the things related to this baby inside of it. Right now it's pushed to the very back of my storage with other totes all around it so I can't see it but someday I hope to get it back out. I don't know if I will let myself use some of the baby's things for a possible future pregnancy or not but at first I thought of that tote as a terrible reminder but now although I haven't opened it, I'm glad I have it.

    TTC #1: February 1, 2014
    BFP #1: 2/21/14 EDD: 10/31/14 (my birthday!) MMC: discovered 3/31/14 (blighted ovum) D&C: 4/3/14 at 9w6d

    TTC #1 (Round 2): May 16, 2014 

     Names | Blog | Chart

    "Everybody wants to be happy. Nobody wants to feel pain but you can't have a rainbow without the rain."

  • LisaG09LisaG09 member
    Fifth Anniversary 250 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    Actually just click the Advice and Experience Thread at the top of the board if you haven't already and it'll take you to the threads about your options and other's experiences. Sorry for the previous misinformation :)

    TTC #1: February 1, 2014
    BFP #1: 2/21/14 EDD: 10/31/14 (my birthday!) MMC: discovered 3/31/14 (blighted ovum) D&C: 4/3/14 at 9w6d

    TTC #1 (Round 2): May 16, 2014 

     Names | Blog | Chart

    "Everybody wants to be happy. Nobody wants to feel pain but you can't have a rainbow without the rain."

  • I'm sorry for your loss. I found out about my missed miscarriage at 15 weeks. My body had no reacted at all yet, and we decided to go ahead with a d&c based on the fact that they could not predict if/when my body would recognize the m/c and process it. The procedure was emotionally tough, but over with quickly- however I bled on and off for over 2 weeks quite heavily.

    DD 15.07.2012

    BFP #2 01.18.2014, MMC 04.10.2014 15w5d

    BFP #3 07.18.2014, MC 07.31.2014 5w6d

    DX: RPL due to submucosal uterine fibroid. Hysteroscopy 12/16. All clear!

    image</a

  • So sorry for your loss.
    TTCAL January Siggy Challenge: Animals in the Snow

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    About Me: 

    AMA 35 :  DH 33
    BFP#1 1/26/14 (EDD: 10/7/14).  MMC 3/10/14 D&C 3/14/14
    RE Consult 11/3/14 - AMH 2.25 "great" . FSH 7.10 . Low Vitamin D
    Myomectomy 12/17/14.  Benched until March.

    image

    My Ovulation Chart
  • tlc35tlc35 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary Photogenic
    I'm sorry for your loss.  I elected to have a D&C because I was scheduled to go on a work trip 10 days later and I didn't want to start bleeding/passing tissue when away from my doctor and my husband. I had minimal discomfort and a little over week of light bleeding post-op.  Physically it was pretty easy but emotionally it was difficult though I'm sure a natural m/c would have been as well.
    Me: 37                                               
    DH: 45
    BFP #1 3/19/14  EDD 11/29/14 MMC D&C 4/24/14
    BFP #2  12/4/14 Beta #1 218 at 12dpo Beta #2 1055 at 16dpo
    Saw heartbeat 12/29.  Please be a rainbow.
    imagerainbows
              
    All welcome                                   
                              
  • I am so sorry for your loss. I initially wanted to try to miscarry naturally bit after a week of no progress and a follow up U/S I decided I could no longer walk around pregnant but not having a baby.

    physically my D&C wasn't difficult.

    One thing I would recommend considering though is the financial aspect depending on your insurance and if you've met your deductible.
     Daisypath Anniversary tickers        Daisypath Happy Birthday tickers

    Oct Angel*BFP 1/25/14 * EDD 10/6/14 * US#1 2/26/14 *US#2 3/3/14 no heartbeat*d&c 3/12/14*

    BFP 1/17/15 * EDD 9/30/15

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  • jandh26jandh26 member
    Fourth Anniversary First Comment
    Thank you everyone for your kind words. Tomorrow I talk to my doctors but think I am going to have a D&C. Because I live over two hours from my doctors and 40 minutes from a hospital with OB I will feel better going ahead with something planned when I can be closer to my doctors and have my mom around.

    Stephy1221 thank you for mentioning insurance. I had not thought about that but am very lucky to have good insurance and low deductible that was meant between first visit and lab work. I also agree with you; walking around being pregnant knowing no baby will come home with us is hard. I have struggled with not wanting to wear maternity clothes but my regular jeans not fitting.
  • jandh26jandh26 member
    Fourth Anniversary First Comment
    For those of you who had a D&C did they do a second ultrasound prior to having the procedure?
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