Loss check-in

shandorfml2 · May 2014

((hugs))) ladies for those who need it.

Welcome to the checkin! I am sorry to have to welcome new loss moms this week but am so glad that you have found us. I hope we can bring each other some much needed comfort and support. Please feel free to join in when you are ready and share as much or as little as you wish. Also, if you have any questions you would like answered, just ask! Any lurkers out there please don't be shy, we would like to be able to support you too.

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

QOTW: Any memorial day plans?

shandorfml2 · May 2014

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? Had a good therapy session, made it through mother's day, watching return to zero, the anniversary of her funeral. Tomorrow is my birthday, then we're done with anniversaries until Father's day

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? Continue to be healthy, get pregnant, make it through father's day

QOTW: Any memorial day plans? Nope i'm working

dadalou · May 2014

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? I've started the process of getting an agent for my book

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? I need to call and make an appointment with a MFM. I need to do this soon just in case we have to wait a while for the appointment. My OB would like us to see the MFM before we get pregnant again and we are cleared for that in July. It's getting close.

QOTW: Any memorial day plans? Nothing exciting. We are going to the IL's house for a BBQ on Sunday. Nothing planned other than that.

LyndseyTS · May 2014

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? I went to a counselor this past week and it was actually really helpful. He seems to think that I'm dealing with other things on top of this loss that I just buried (which could be true). It was really good to talk about it and have some sort of hope for healing. It's been awhile since I felt that way. What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? I am going to keep up with therapy, I think. It's so expensive, but I'm trying to see value not just price. I also really want to get ahead at work. Report card time is coming up and I've never done them before, so hoping that by starting "early" I won't feel as overwhelmed with everything else going on. It's not super loss-related, but more sanity related. QOTW: Any memorial day plans? Sadly, we don't celebrate Memorial Day up here in the great white north, so nope! It will be a plain old day for me. P.S. Sorry about the iPad formatting. The worst, I know.

jonahsma · May 2014

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? I've had a difficult week, I've been sad lately. I guess ever since I received my hearts from A Heart To Hold. It was difficult to open that box and pull out a heart that hardly weighed anything and another that weighed ONE lb. UUGGHHHH. Reality slaps me in the face. I showed DH and he acted like whatever. He doesn't talk about our babies.(we had an early loss and we lost our Emily.) I told him you know it did really happen we did lose two babies. NO ONE TALKS ABOUT MY BABIES!!!!

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? I am going to start sewing. we will see how that Turns out.

QOTW: Any memorial day plans? Not really , we haven't talked about it.

shandorfml2 · May 2014

LyndseyTS said:

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? I went to a counselor this past week and it was actually really helpful. He seems to think that I'm dealing with other things on top of this loss that I just buried (which could be true). It was really good to talk about it and have some sort of hope for healing. It's been awhile since I felt that way. What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? I am going to keep up with therapy, I think. It's so expensive, but I'm trying to see value not just price. I also really want to get ahead at work. Report card time is coming up and I've never done them before, so hoping that by starting "early" I won't feel as overwhelmed with everything else going on. It's not super loss-related, but more sanity related. QOTW: Any memorial day plans? Sadly, we don't celebrate Memorial Day up here in the great white north, so nope! It will be a plain old day for me. P.S. Sorry about the iPad formatting. The worst, I know.

whoops, I forget not everyone is in the US! Sorry. I find therapy very beneficial. It's nice to be able to get it all out.

shandorfml2 · May 2014

jonahsma said:

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? I've had a difficult week, I've been sad lately. I guess ever since I received my hearts from A Heart To Hold. It was difficult to open that box and pull out a heart that hardly weighed anything and another that weighed ONE lb. UUGGHHHH. Reality slaps me in the face. I showed DH and he acted like whatever. He doesn't talk about our babies.(we had an early loss and we lost our Emily.) I told him you know it did really happen we did lose two babies. NO ONE TALKS ABOUT MY BABIES!!!!

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? I am going to start sewing. we will see how that Turns out.

QOTW: Any memorial day plans? Not really , we haven't talked about it.

I'm so sorry, sweetie. People struggle with grief, how to express feelings and those who haven't been through it don't understand. You are free to talk about them here ((hugs))

LyndseyTS · May 2014

@shandorfml2‌ That's okay! I know I'm in the minority and don't mind. I hope that each of you have an awesome Memorial Day though! I am looking forward to more therapy. I actually feel better after the first session still (I though it might wear off) so I'm taking it as progress. He is also a Christian counsellor which makes a HUGE difference for me because I've got a lot of mixed emotions going on right now in reference to my faith. Thanks for posting this @shandorfml2‌. It's a great way to stay connected with each other. @jonahsma‌ I'm so sorry that you're feeling frustrated with DH. Sometimes it's really hard when people grieve differently. My husband doesn't talk about it often (it only really comes up if I ask him specific questions, and even then it's often one word answers). I know that he still loves our daughter and misses her tremendously. He just knows that there is nothing that he can do to bring her back and the logic trumps the emotion (I, on the other hand, am the total opposite). I wonder if that's true for your DH as well?

Maybe Joleisa · May 2014

@LyndseyTS‌ & @jonahsma‌ : I can relate with having a DH who doesn't talk about it often; by often, I mean at all. I think he thinks it will make me upset by "reminding" me, but they are always on my mind...no reminders necessary.

@LyndseyTS‌: Glad to hear you are enjoying therapy so far. I thought about it early on, but talked myself out of it. Finding a Christian counselor who could help me sort out my faith sounds interesting; did you just come across one by dumb luck or through your church?

Maybe Joleisa · May 2014

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? We moved the rocker/recliner that has been sitting in the corner of our living room (unusable) up to the nursery. Finally.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? I want to get a few of our pictures of the boys printed to share with my sister and MIL. I have a photo my sister took on her iPhone that I'd like to send off to one of those loss photo websites to have lightened; I guess the flash was off or something. It is my favorite pic. No plan, but I am off work these next 2 days so I guess I can come up with one.

QOTW: Any memorial day plans? No plans.

stefuge · May 2014

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?
We are in the process of buying a house, and it has been emotional. I had to pack up all of Colton's things from his room, along with all of his photos and things. It is hard to leave this house - this is the home where I have all of my memories of Colton, the only house he will ever have a bedroom in, and it is hard to leave. It is good - we need to start having hope for the future and making plans for our family, and getting a new house is part of that, but it is still tough.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
To get settled in the new house, and make sure that we are keeping Colton in the new house just as he was here.

QOTW: Any memorial day plans?
. Nothing exciting. Packing and getting ready to move.

@aragosta - I am amazed by the roller coaster of grief. I had been doing so much better, and then Mother's Day happened and I totally crashed and have not been able to shake off the sadness and depression since. It's so hard. ((Hugs)) as you guys start to work on changing up the nursery. I would think clearing it out, having the room empty for a bit, and then setting it up again for the new baby might help make it feel less like the new baby is using Lucas's room? That is tough - no way around it.

@shandorfml2‌ - thank you for running the check in. Good job with getting healthy and FX this is your cycle!

@jonahsma - I am so sorry you have been feeling down - I had a very similar reaction when I received my heart in the mail. I was so excited to receive it and then just started bawling as I held it and I finally just had to put it away, it made me sad every time I saw it. ((Hugs))

@dadalou‌ - hope you have a good Memorial Day. GL with the MFM.

@LyndseyTS‌ - I'm glad you went to therapy and that you found it to be helpful! MH and I also saw a grief counselor, someone from our church, and it helped to have someone to talk to who shared our faith.

lexusolsen · May 2014

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

My cousin and her family left on Tuesday. It was difficult to see Katie get along so well with her youngest son. They also used the pack and play, which I had thought I would just take upstairs when they originally planned their visit. Taking it down and putting it away way heartbreaking. I should be 37 weeks pregnant and preparing for Ben's arrival.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

I'm going to give my counselor one more try but if it doesn't go well I'm going to switch to a different therapist.
QOTW: Any memorial day plans?

Today we bought some soil stuff for Ben's garden. We plan to spread the work over the next two weekends. We want it to be finished by his due date, June 14th.

LyndseyTS‌- I hope you can find a way to make the therapy doable. I'm glad to hear you found someone that works well for you.

@stefuge- That sounds really stressful. I hope the rest of moving goes as easily as possible.

dadalou · May 2014

@ahtog I wrote a children's book for my DD about her baby brother. It will be a picture book when it's published.

shandorfml2 · May 2014

@stefuge‌ ((((hugs)))) that would be really hard. You could make a special shelf ir wall with his pictures and things, and have it be "his place"

shandorfml2 · May 2014

@ashtog‌ the movie was good, but difficult. Brough up lits of memories but i feel its really important. Btw i love the pic of your sweet angel....beautiful.

LyndseyTS · May 2014

@Maybe Joleisa‌ I have a friend who is taking counselling courses (to become a counsellor herself) and she knew someone (one of her teachers, actually). I'm not sure if they are just local or have anything North America wide. I'll check for you and see. I feel like it might just be local. Maybe ask your church pastor/leader? @ashtog Totally makes sense! @stefuge Thinking of you as you move house

jonahsma · May 2014

Happy belated birthday @Shandorfml2. I hope you were able to enjoy the day!

@aragosta ((hugs))

@dadalou Good Luck on finding an agent! Also Good Luck at your appt. Keep us posted and I will keep you in prayer!

@LyndseyTS I am glad that you found a counselor that you like, have you tried looking for a counselor in your area that won't charge? Possibly someone from church?

@LyndseyTS @Maybe Joleisa @ashtogAs far as my DH goes he is pretty good at hiding his grief and emotions.. we are not on the same page and it bothers me. I feel like I am holding it all in , I want to be able to speak freely of our babies and he seems so closed up about it. I don't know is it a guy thing, ladies?

@stefuge Congrats on the house! I can only imagine how difficult it is to leave the house where you have those memories((hugs)) I am positive that the new house will memorialize Colton as much as the old house. Im sure it will be just as beautiful with pictures of your two babies and cute little elephants. Keeping you in prayer during this New Journey at the new house,

@ashtog I commend you and dh for going out, that is a big step. I remember how hard it was to go out into the public. Don't feel bad for having a good time with Dh ((hugs))

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