Fear of losing family member Close to due date

andreparker1988 · May 2014

This is my first child I am 20 weeks and just found out its a baby boy. We are extremely excited. On another note ...not so happy My dad has been fighting stage 4 caner for almost 3 yrs on his LIVER LUNGS AND COLON. We had our family meeting with the Dr the other day and come to find out all the chemo's he has done has adapted to him and all of his options are now out. there is nothing more they can do for him. So he is off of chemo and at home now just enjoying what time he has. The timeline they gave him 3- 5 months(right around my due date). My Dream would be to have my dad there for my birth as I also lost my mom 2 yrs ago. She passed in her sleep at 54. My dad is 57. All I want is for him to be present for the birth of my child and his grand baby. Im so happy he has fought the fight this long and was here when I did get pregnant and announced the baby and the name. My fright is that he wont be here and I will break down. I am daddys little girl. Im trying not to think about it and spending as much time as I can with him keeping a low stress level for baby. Its one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Prayers and positive thoughts are much appreciated at my Father and Myselfs way. Thank you all.

Jodarna · May 2014

The human mind and spirit are an amazing thing, your Dad may just surprise you by holding on to see his Grandson. Life is so unpredictable, none of us really know what is around the corner so just use every single day you have with your Dad to enjoy his company and the time you have left. Maybe get him to write notes to your son that you can show him later or take lots of photos and videos together. Stay strong x

andreparker1988 · May 2014

Thank you so much! Thats is such a great idea! Im def going to have him do that! thank you so much for the advice and kind words.:)

PrimRoseMama · May 2014

I'm sorry. My Dad died in October so I empathize with fear of losing your Father. You simply need to take whatever time your dad has left & capitalize on it.

He might make it & he might not. His job right now is to die with grace & make his last months good ones. Please don't make his last months about doing something for you. That places a burden on him & if he crashes it can create some very negative emotions for the dying person.

You can spend time making some memories. His last months are not about your pregnancy. They are about resolving a life he's lived.

jg1011 · May 2014

My heart breaks for you. I lost my dad 4 years ago (colon cancer that metastasized to liver, kidneys, and lungs) and 12 days later my FIL passed (pancreatic cancer) I feel the loss every day....but we were both particularly sad the day DS was born. DH and I weren't married yet, so our wedding day had that "something missing" too. I love the suggestion to do letters and lots of pictures. If your dad is up to it, do video. The iphone is great for that....I wish that i had a video of him just so i could hear his voice and laugh one more time. I wish we had those things. Please treasure every day, use them to build the memories that will carry you through the dark days that will follw and don't live in fear of the when.....and just know that regardless of when, your DS WILL know your dad and carry a piece of him with him. Hugs to you.

mrsH1112 · May 2014

Im so sorry you are going through this. I cant imagine how hard it must be for you. :-(

I pray for the best possible outcome for you and your family. As someone else said you never know your dad may try and hold on to see the baby. I had a grandmother who did that, and ended up passing the day after she met my cousin.

Singingmama10 · May 2014

My mother passed two years ago from breast cancer. It was a very similar situation where she lived out the last few months knowing it was coming. She ended up quilting a blanket for the baby I hadn't even thought of at that point. This is a tradition she started with my sisters, but as I am just now becoming a FTM I was not expecting a quilt from her. It was the most amazing moment when I found the quilt made specifically for me and my baby.

I would second the above posts and see if he could write a letter or something similar so that your son has something from his grandfather. Hopefully he will be able to meet his grandson but if not you will always have those mementos from him. and it will benefit both you and your son. (((Hugs))) to you.

Leighanna14 · May 2014

im sorry to hear about your father. but i understand your fears. i lost my boyfriends grandmother the day before i found out i was pregnant and lost my aunt in april. its hard losing someone you are close with especially when you are pregnant and want them to be there for you and your new bundle of joy. my prayers go out to you. have you started a scrap book for you baby yet, you could make a page dedicated to your father. i feel bad for my boyfriend as well both of his parents passed away and it hurts that our baby wont get to meet them but we will teach them everything about the ones we lost so even though she didnt get to meet them shell still be a aprt of their lives.

Babycakes77777777 · May 2014

Doctors gave my grandmother 3 months to live 6 years ago ...God always has the finall say God bless...and you can also try to get more opinions for your dad .. My grandmother went to another doctor and they made a special treatment just for her and it worked

PrincessVK · June 2014

I'm truly sorry you're going through this. I was in a similar situation not long ago and I lost my father knowing the sad reality that he won't see his grandchild. Its of no consolation sometimes but I do think of how he's no longer suffering and I saw him suffer too much in the end. I do know well what its like for a family member with cancer to be strong and fight daily. It painful for them and even for those who love them. I can offer no words of advice or solace but I'll certainly pray for you and your family.

Lerisa85 · June 2014

My father in law died 2 weeks before my son was born. My husband was super depressed, he quit eating properly, lost 60lbs (6 foot 4 and 140lbs) and didn't help me with the new baby at all. I also had a 13 month old at home as well as the newborn and got no help from my greiving husband, which put me into severe PPD. I had to have a friend move in with us to help me because I was worried I was going to hurt my son (severe "colic" which turned out to be related to autism later down the road).

I don't believe in god so I can't really "pray" but I do hope things go well for you. If things take a turn for the worst and your dad does pass before your son is born, please think about how you can or would handle PPD if it were to be an issue for you. I really wish I'd learned more about it before I went through it.

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Fear of losing family member Close to due date

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