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Miserable Friends

amylou35amylou35 member
in 1st Trimester
My husband and I are expecting our first and had a cook out over Memorial Day - he commented last night that all of his friends with children seem miserable.  He said he wasn't sure how he felt about the baby because of how they appear to be miserable and that they all avoid going home.  They all work overtime - offer to help each other/family out as much as possible, and spend the entire weekends golfing/out with friends/at the bar.  I told him it might not be so much they are miserable because of their child(ren) but because of their wife/fiance/girlfriend. Anyone else notice this or have this dilemma?
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Re: Miserable Friends

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  • HelenahhandbasketHelenahhandbasket member

    Maybe they are just tired?

    It is tiring to take chare of LOs-- esp if you work FT.

     

    BFP 1- EDD 2/09/11 Missed MC DX @11 weeks D&C- 7/25/10 BFP 2- EDD 12/22/11 Natural MC @ 5w 2d BFP 3- EDD 1/25/12 DD Josephine born 1/16/12

    Lilypie - (TUWi)

     

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  • lhbird87lhbird87 member
    Is this the first time he's expressed any feelings like this? We all have little freakout moments, so maybe that's all it is.

    DH & I haven't told too many people yet that we're expecting but pretty much everyone has been really positive about it. There are however a few who complain and act like they wish they never had kids. Um... we just kind of avoid them and talk to the positive people who think their kids made their lives better.
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  • Brimuz1992Brimuz1992 member
    I would reassure him that the two of you are completely different people than his friends who don't have to end up unhappy like them. It's your lives make it happy, you have that power ;)

    .
    BabyFetus Ticker
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  • saratiffphotosaratiffphoto member
    My husband was the same way and now that we are having a baby things change plus if you ask those friends about having kids gurantee you they say its the best thing to happen to them thats what they all tell us.

    [url]http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=UBB&utm_campaign=tickers][img]http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt1b3224.aspx[/img][/url]

     

     

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  • rockoperarockopera member
    edited May 2014
    Bliss+Berry said:


    PrimRoseMama said:

    This post is bizarre. It's not the baby or partner's fault that the male in the relationship is miserable. WTF?

    This.  If you're H's friends are sloughing off their parenting duties purposely, why automatically blame the kids and the wife/girlfriend?  It seems more like your H is hanging with a bunch of immature dicks.
    ----end quote----
    Exactly this. Um, your H's friends are purposefully avoiding parenting because it's hard? Sucks for their partners and LOs.

    You need to figure this one out together, now. If this is the 'norm' for his group of friends, he may be setting the expectation that he will likely want to do the same. Or else in a year, you'll be complaining how your husband is never home and always has something to do other than being at home with his family.
    baby boy: 3.19.2014
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  • yeah.yeah. member
    your husband needs to grow up.
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  • newguardwifenewguardwife member
    I won't lie having a baby is hard, DH and I took a long time to adjust to being parents. That said it really doesn't start to sink in for guys for a lot longer. You'll adjust and find new ways to be happy.
    imageimage
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  • amylou35amylou35 member
    So I posted this hastily after being upset with a dumb conversation, but my husband isn't a bad guy or immature. As quick as we jumped to assumptions and judgements, 90% of posters did the same to him. We did each have conversations with our friends. One couple admitted they are currently separating (talking divorce) because they don't agree with anything with raising their child, from the name to discipline styles. Another couple was surprised with their son, due to a dose of antibiotics, and we're not prepared. She and I talked how they haven't gotten to a comfortable place in their relationship where they aren't a mom and dad but them as a couple. So although they have their dilemmas and issues, this just makes it easier to change our relationship to prevent these issues coming into ours and our child's life
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  • cMichelle0423cMichelle0423 member
    WhoCanItBeNow said:

    I'm not married to an immature dickwad nor is he friends with immature dickwads, so no, we do not have this issue. 


    Lol this. And if any of DH's friends were to try to be all douchey like that, he sure as hell wouldn't let them influence him. DH loves being a father AND a husband.
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  • allrightmeowallrightmeow member
    amylou35 said:
    So I posted this hastily after being upset with a dumb conversation, but my husband isn't a bad guy or immature. As quick as we jumped to assumptions and judgements, 90% of posters did the same to him. We did each have conversations with our friends. One couple admitted they are currently separating (talking divorce) because they don't agree with anything with raising their child, from the name to discipline styles. Another couple was surprised with their son, due to a dose of antibiotics, and we're not prepared. She and I talked how they haven't gotten to a comfortable place in their relationship where they aren't a mom and dad but them as a couple. So although they have their dilemmas and issues, this just makes it easier to change our relationship to prevent these issues coming into ours and our child's life
    QFP

    Id say 90% is more than a little over the top.  We can only work with the information you gave us. "Hastily" venting to a bunch of strangers and disappearing for a week is a really bad idea.  IMO to look at other peoples relationships and let that cloud your judgement on your own is immature.  Does he really need to be told that the two people IN the relationship set the dynamic of it?  Your friends sound sucky.  
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  • amylou35amylou35 member
    @WhoCanItBeNow‌ while I agree they made poor decisions after learning their reasonings. I think they had stars in their eyes thinking everything would be smooth and easy. @natalie78ww I did not hide for a week, I actually work full time and do not have the opportunity to check thebump that frequently. Also, don't most new mothers take in to consideration judgements and decisions previous mothers have taken/used when getting advice? The few friends that were here do seem like dead beat dads, I wasn't sure if this was just them coping and trying to adjust to the new lifestyle or if this is just them being poor examples.
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