Lost my confidence at 29 weeks and hope I can get it back

workmm01 · May 2014

Hello,

I haven't been super active on this board, but I thought this was the best place to post this. I have been planning all along to try to have as natural a birth as possible. I feel like I have given myself the best shot at this I can by staying active, maintaining a healthy diet, practicing yoga and relaxation and reading many books on the matter. I have been feeling almost excited about the challenge and then...

At our hospital "birth and baby" class, they made us watch a birth video. I have watched many but try to avoid looking directly at crowning. However in class I watched the whole thing and I nearly passed out. I mean, hearing went fuzzy, blurred vision, sweat soaking through my shirt, light headed about to hit the floor. I had to lean on DH to prevent collapsing.

After that, I have been haunted with feelings of "What are you thinging....you can't do this! You can't even watch a video of someone else doing it!" Please help!! Tell me I'm not alone here!

Thanks in advance!

MandMLeona · May 2014

It's always scary, even when you've been through it before. Each time is different with plenty of unknowns that you can't control. If you weren't having doubts, I'd be more worried about you. Just do your best to relax and be in the moment. You CAN do this!

DenaMaree · May 2014

I would suggest when writing out your birthing plan write it with the intentions of doing absolutely everything possible to go as natural as you can manage..BUT have an epidural as an option if at any time you decide you want it. Having it as an option may provide you with some confidence. Do whats best for you and especially for your baby!

rooftop · May 2014

Maybe try watching more POSITIVE birthing videos. it is scary but totally possible. you got this! I don't know what type of delivery was on that video but if it was the classic on your back hospital delivery you should realize that with a natural birth it will be easier to push in whatever position feels right than pushing while laying like that.

margaritachikita · May 2014

Do you have a birth doula? Also, remember that you will not be actually seeing any of the delivery, the way you would on a video. Unless they ask if you want a mirror to watch you will have no clue what's really going on down there! Try to read as many positive birth stories as possible! Best of luck!

workmm01 · May 2014

I don't have a doula, but will be using a midwife. I'm hoping you are right and as long as I don't see it I can endure it better!

sschwege · May 2014

Everybody has those moments trust me! Even the second time around, knowing I had done it once before. I remember being about 39w pregnant with my first, struggling to put my shoes on, DH comes over to help, I'm looking down at my tummy that seems larger than life thinking, "This is supposed to come out of there?!"

I have two suggestions, 1) check out the book "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth" the first half has the most beautiful, inspirational, birth stories. They seriously get me excited to have another baby when the time comes. 2) if you are going to watch birth videos I would youtube the Hypnobirthing ones, they tend to be very calm and peaceful.

You can do it mama!

daisyemerson · May 2014

FTM but from what I understand, once baby's head is out, there is an immediate sense of relief and the pain is pretty much instantly gone. So the few minutes of crowning might be a bit much but then it's over and done and you're out of pain!
My friend just had her baby last week without drugs and tore while pushing but said that she didn't even feel it or care about being stitched afterward because her natural hormone and chemical release was so strong and uninhibited by drugs.
Everyone's story is different, but there are tons of positive stories out there, just seems they don't get shared as often

Mphelms523 · May 2014

I experienced that same doubt as I got closer to my due date. It really helped me to reread Ina May's Guide to Natural Childbirth. I would just read a couple of the stories each day and it helped to remind me that I could do it too. There were also a couple of her mantras that I really used during labor...One was to envision a flower opening up during contractions and the other was to think I'm going to be huge during pushing. I labored at home for 20 hours and went to the hospital when I felt the transition to active labor from early labor. I went from being 3 cm dilated to delivered in two hours. Personally, I felt like the contractions were so much worse than the pushing...so if you can make it through them, you can definitely make it through crowning! Good luck!

vvvvvfee · May 2014

agree with PPs- by the time the baby is actually crowning, the worst is over-- you're almost done! but you absolutely don't have to watch your baby emerge with a mirror, or even touch the baby's head as it comes out (the nurse asked me if I wanted to with DS and I said "NO!"-- I thought it would freak me out).

are you taking a birthing class? I got a couple of great CDs with my hypnobirthing class. one of them relaxation/self-hypnosis tracks I listened to every night. I really think that helped get it into my head that I could do it. but I also got a lot of confidence from the hypnobirthing classes as well. I would definitely recommend meditation/hypnosis/relaxation scripts that you could listen to each day to help get past some of the fear- here are a few from youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XSXc-a_AH2k

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZJ_fLWR388

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=10EirwShAmg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KNAWbLGUqys

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ktni61LCVOw

just pick one that really speaks to you and listen to it each day. you can do it!

merc5411 · May 2014

**lurker stepping in**

Everyone gave you great advice, and I know what I'm about to say is NOT the same as actually giving birth, but when I nursing school started nursing school I almost passed out watching my first delivery. But by the 2nd time it was easier, and after that I had no problem. Try watching a few more videos and see how you do. My guess is you won't have a problem. And if you do, by the time you're in labor you most likely won't be thinking of the video at all. Good luck and don't give up on trying for a NB if it's important to you!

Valancyy · May 2014

I've never watched a birth video where you actually see the baby crowning. I've given birth twice. I think it's totally different when you're the one birthing the baby. You're not seeing anything.

It's true what the PP said, by the time you get to the crowning part the worst is over. Once the baby comes out, all pain is gone. It's amazing. I find the pushing the baby part out the easiest. Getting to fully dilated is the worst for me.

sschwege · May 2014

I agree that watching the videos vs actually delivering are totally different. Not even sure why they show those videos unless its more for the dads/support person.

After DS was born he had to stay in the Special Care Nursery for a day and a half for breathing problems. They kept us on the L & D floor instead of moving us to postpartum so we could be closer to our son. I heard a lot of women in labor and saw a couple walking the halls and what not. I remember I kept thinking, 'poor thing'. But when I was in labor I wasn't thinking, 'poor me', I just found my rhythm and sort of went within myself. Strangely enough it was harder for me to hear/watch women labor than do it myself. That's why I don't find those videos, particularly useful, they are scary, plain and simple.

MommyAtty · May 2014

I saw my first birth video after I had delivered my first naturally, when we did our prep for #2. DH and I both had the reaction you did: Holy Mother of God, how are we going to do this?? And it was a supposedly positive, inspirational birthing video. Had my second 3.5 weeks ago, again with no epidural. And I had the standard on your back hospital delivery, with antibiotics for GBS and with magnesium sulfate for a high blood pressure spike. (Which also means a freaking catheter.) So don't let your reaction to the video freak you out.

workmm01 · May 2014

Thank you for all the words of encouragement and resources to check out! It is still important to me to try so I appreciate the help ladies!!

luvU2theMoon · May 2014

workmm01 said:

Hello,

     I haven't been super active on this board, but I thought this was the best place to post this. I have been planning all along to try to have as natural a birth as possible. I feel like I have given myself the best shot at this I can by staying active, maintaining a healthy diet, practicing yoga and relaxation and reading many books on the matter. I have been feeling almost excited about the challenge and then...
     At our hospital "birth and baby" class, they made us watch a birth video. I have watched many but try to avoid looking directly at crowning. However in class I watched the whole thing and I nearly passed out. I mean, hearing went fuzzy, blurred vision, sweat soaking through my shirt, light headed about to hit the floor. I had to lean on DH to prevent collapsing.
     After that, I have been haunted with feelings of "What are you thinging....you can't do this! You can't even watch a video of someone else doing it!" Please help!! Tell me I'm not alone here!
Thanks in advance!

I was really scared too! "the burning" they talk about scared me. But when i went through it i can tell you it was the easiest part for me. i felt it and knew it was only minutes before i was able to hold my baby. My midwife had me feel the babies head as i was crowning to distract me from the pain and to reasure me that i was doing that all for my baby. as soon as i felt her head i got super power feelings and pushed through it and it was the most amazing feeling ever! i would never trade that feeling for anything. to feel what was an intense feeling but to know it was all finally almost over.

ElTrain5 · May 2014

I second looking into hypno babies and watching some hypno birth videos. It really is amazing how dramatically different these videos are to the standard huffing-puffing-screaming videos that seem to have taken over you tube lately. I may not have that peaceful of a birth, but just knowing that it's a possibility is very comforting to me.

alohamel · June 2014

YOU CAN DO IT!! I am a lurker on this board, but want to share my story...

I had no choice and had to have a natural birth. I was on complete bed rest for 10 weeks then had my baby naturally. I had no confidence and honestly didn't even want a natural birth, but your body just does what it has to do. I feel as though if I can do it, you can too! I didn't believe others when they told me this but once you start pushing you start to get relief. Don't doubt yourself. Trust your body.

workmm01 · June 2014

Thank you for sharing your story @alohamel

I love how this board is so encouraging. Most people look at me funny when I talk about wanting a natural birth. Or they laugh. It's nice to have this community to share positive stories!

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