A reluctant intro

jovencita1224 · May 2014

Well, this isn't where I expected to be. I have two amazing and beautiful girls--ages 3 and 1 and DH and I have been actively avoiding pregnancy. And yet...here I am. I am not sure how I feel about being pregnant yet, and I hope you don't hate me for that. I'm hoping by being around here, I might start to embrace it and get excited.

I am not sure if my due date even falls in January-my cycles are normally long enough that my period isn't even 'late' yet. I either ovulated about 9 days early or DH has super sperms that can live for weeks, because this month was a lonely month for DH, but yet I'm KTFU. I hope you all will have me until i figure out when I'm actually due!

I am not active on TB much (ok-I'm not active at all) and I hadn't planned on being active until this recent pregnancy. I was active when pregnant with my second and we ended up creating a FB group that was pretty awesome and I totally stuck with FB instead of TB after long. I did lurk though, and I look forward to getting to know you all. I even recognize some screen names from my dirty lurking days.

I wish you all a happy and healthy 9 months, and I'm sure hoping that your enthusiasm and excitement rub off on me and that I come to terms with having #3 well before I'm in labor!

Milagros315 · May 2014

I'm sorry that you're having mixed feelings about this pregnancy. It's not something that I can relate to, but everyone's situation is different. I hope that you're feeling better soon and that this ends up being a wonderful thing for your family! Best wishes!

BookitBoo · May 2014

Welcome! Glad that you're joining us as hope you come to embrace this pregnancy soon.

jovencita1224 · May 2014

I was over the moon excited about #1. With #2, I was surprised (FYI-you CAN get pregnant while you are nursing whether you have had a cycle or not-in case you wondered!) but still very happy because I knew I wanted two.

I have always said that I wanted a big family, but I wanted a chance to enjoy #2 a bit longer. #1 was an easy baby, easy toddler, and is a super mellow and happy pre-Schooler. #2 was a high-needs baby with severe acid reflux, colic, issues gaining weight, and physical delays. She is now thriving and is hilarious and opinionated...but exhausting.

I'm just so afraid of a second high-needs baby. I'm trying to reason with #3 already and just beg him/her to be mellow. Please little bean...be mellow.

jovencita1224 · May 2014

I'm with you, deedsjag. How old is your first?

GromMom · May 2014

Welcome, I know this isn't where you thought you'd be but congratulations are still in order!

SpaceGirlSpiff · May 2014

Congratulations... I am sorry you are having mixed feelings, and send lots of good vibes your way!

12chachacha · May 2014

Welcome!

peggels24 · May 2014

Congratulations and welcome!

dragontears507 · May 2014

While I appreciate your honesty about your feelings, I have to admit it's a little hard for me to swallow, considering all the hoops I had to jump through just to get here. I sincerely hope that you come to terms with your pregnancy and realize it to be the incredible blessing that it truly is.

rmpar29 · May 2014

Congrats and welcome! I'm sure that will time you can get excited for this new LO.

jovencita1224 · May 2014

It took me 18 months to get pregnant the first time, so I am familiar with the feeling of not understanding how/why someone could be anything BUT elated from the moment they see two lines. But my situation has no bearing on someone else's, and when I was trying for my first I never ever thought I would feel apprehensive and reluctant to be pregnant in the future. It doesn't mean I won't love this baby and it doesn't make it less of a blessing--I just haven't come to terms with it yet. In all fairness, I JUST got a positive test this weekend and don't even know my due date for sure yet. I'm still working through the shock.

I work full-time and my DH works nights, so I will be on my own with a 3-year old, 2 year old and newborn a lot. Knowing how difficult my second was makes me really nervous because I have had the two extremes in temperament, and I know the variation in what is possible. I could have two very intense kids in a row! I have also struggled with PPA/PPD and going back to that place is scary. The only thing that is helping is knowing that the insanity of a high needs kid gets a lot better as they get older, and that PPA/PPD is a temporary state that I can deal with once I recognize it. I can do this. I think. I hope!

Pips09 · May 2014

dragontears507 said:

While I appreciate your honesty about your feelings, I have to admit it's a little hard for me to swallow, considering all the hoops I had to jump through just to get here. I sincerely hope that you come to terms with your pregnancy and realize it to be the incredible blessing that it truly is.

Women are allowed to be shocked, unsure and even upset by an unplanned pregnancy. It is a huge life change. It has no bearing on anyone else's fertility.

OP- Congrats, and hopefully once you wrap your head around this, you will feel excited and happy.

AlfiesMOM · May 2014

Welcome and congrats! I understand your feelings, my first was a surprise that took a little while to get over the shock! Clearly, it all worked out since I am here (planned this time)! I am sure at first it will be hard but as they get older I bet it will be great they are so close in age!!

jovencita1224 · May 2014

I sure hope so, @AlfiesMOM‌! I didn't have siblings close in age and definitely felt that I was missing out by not having that bond. I always said I wanted a big family, but it is also a scary prospect too! DH has been more excited and supportive than I expected, and I think that is helping. He had a few plans for how we will make it work with three kids AND what we would do if we found out there were twins and we would be jumping from two to four kids. We can do this! I'm just so nervous about announcing to our family and friends.

jovencita1224 · May 2014

Well, @paulheath2012‌, I'm sorry you didn't feel safe talking about your reservations here. I think that there are just a lot of normal human emotions that people can go through with a pregnancy, especially one that is unplanned and unexpected. There is no one right way to respond-especially in the early days. I know that once the baby is here, we will ALL feel like we could never imagine life without that one particular little person. And for me personally, once I SEE the bean on an ultrasound I will be hooked and in love-even if I'm still terrified of the 3-child reality.

I'm not super snarky, but I am 100% honest with people, and honesty about my own confusion and mixed feelings is no exception. My feelings on my pregnancy are not meant to offend anyone, because they really have no bearing on anyone else. If I could bottle the ability to have an unexpected pregnancy, I would GIVE it away to whoever wanted it. I really would. I have been on the other end of things after it took 18 months to conceive my first, so I know it's hard to imagine feeling so torn if someone hasn't felt it themselves. I'm glad I'm not alone and I hope that all of us feeling the mixed feelings are soon overwhelmed with excitement.

dragontears507 · May 2014

Pips09 said:

dragontears507 said:

While I appreciate your honesty about your feelings, I have to admit it's a little hard for me to swallow, considering all the hoops I had to jump through just to get here. I sincerely hope that you come to terms with your pregnancy and realize it to be the incredible blessing that it truly is.

Women are allowed to be shocked, unsure and even upset by an unplanned pregnancy. It is a huge life change. It has no bearing on anyone else's fertility.

OP- Congrats, and hopefully once you wrap your head around this, you will feel excited and happy.

I never said she couldn't be shocked. She just sounded so negative. I just gave an honest reaction and hoped that she came to enjoy the pregnancy for what it is, a blessing. It wasn't meant to be snarky.

I understand that she's nervous. Heck, I'm terrified to have two at once as a FTM, and it looks like the Army will be moving us somewhere in the world within their first month of life. We all have anxieties, fears, etc about bringing new children into the world, but at the end of the day, a little perspective is a good thing.

jovencita1224 · May 2014

I don't see how I was super negative, FWIW. Having a high-needs child along with PPA/PPD nearly killed my marriage. I am terrified to go through it again. If not for my husband being SO supportive this time, I would be even more terrified than I am now. If not for him, I would still be shaking and looking at the test in disbelief.

I had no idea that there were children out there that LITERALLY cry every single minute of the day that they are awake. I didn't think that was possible. It is. I had the doctor telling me to not let her cry so much because she was burning too many calories and with the reflux she wasn't taking enough in. But I couldn't make her happy. For 6 months straight. It was so hard, mentally. She also wouldn't slept unless I was holding her upright. That was a LOT of sleep deprivation, and it was mentally really hard. I'm afraid of it happening again.

From a financial standpoint, I had to take extra time off work because NO daycare would take her. I had to take unpaid leave for early intervention appointments, and that crushed our budget. I have a new job that has more flexibility and better pay, But I just started and I'm so afraid to tell them I'm pregnant. I will be on maternity leave during my first performance evaluation, and I have to pray I don't get put on bedrest again. So we can afford a 3rd...as long as I don't lose my job because of being pregnant.

That may be a bit more negative, but that is why I'm so nervous. If I had no idea what could happen because of what has already happened...I wouldn't be so scared. That is my perspective. It doesn't mean I won't love this kid. Or that this child isn't wanted-even if he or she is even more stressful than my #2.

jovencita1224 · May 2014

DeedsJag-maybe we found each other for a reason.

I'm praying that this kid fits in to our family like a missing puzzle piece. I look at my HN daughter and I seriously can't imagine life without her. Like I said before...she is exhausting but she is also hilarious and opinionated. She has such a fiery little personality that I adore and I would go through all over again if it meant I would get her and all she brings to the table in the end. And maybe because we have been though it and know that it does get better (slowly), we won't ever be in such a dark place. That is my hope.

I'm still in denial though. I am taking prenatals, but about to bust open a 2nd can of coke. Because if I waited until I was 'late' I wouldn't take a test until tomorrow, so I wouldn't know not to drink my soda?

MNgirl326 · May 2014

Welcome and Congrats. I know you are having a hard time with your feelings right now and it is totally normal and its okay given your circumstances. I hope that as all of this sinks in, you will feel less relunctant and I am sure things will work themselves out. They always do. It may be in a different way then you planned but it will work out.

I remember from an episode of Roseanne, where DJ gets called a little accident.

Later in the episode he asks her if he was an accident and what that means.

I love her response. "An accident is something that you wouldn't do over again if you had the chance. A surprise is something you didn't even know you wanted until you got it"

Welcome to the board and wishing you a healthy 9 months!

Beauxbaton · May 2014

jovencita1224 said:
DeedsJag-maybe we found each other for a reason.

I'm praying that this kid fits in to our family like a missing puzzle piece. I look at my HN daughter and I seriously can't imagine life without her. Like I said before...she is exhausting but she is also hilarious and opinionated. She has such a fiery little personality that I adore and I would go through all over again if it meant I would get her and all she brings to the table in the end. And maybe because we have been though it and know that it does get better (slowly), we won't ever be in such a dark place. That is my hope.

I'm still in denial though. I am taking prenatals, but about to bust open a 2nd can of coke. Because if I waited until I was 'late' I wouldn't take a test until tomorrow, so I wouldn't know not to drink my soda?

Haha I drank coke through my pregnancy last time. I'm pretty sure there isn't a ton of caffeine in it. I think my PPA/PPD was really bad with my son, so this time I plan to ask my doc about it before I even give birth.

BTW this is DeedsJag. Idk what happened with my account...

jennkg3 · May 2014

@jovencita1224‌ this is my 3rd and a total shocking surprise. My oldest will be 3 in July and little guy will be 1 in June. I'm thrilled and terrified! I always wanted a big family my brother and I are 11 years apart and I wanted my kids close not quite this close lol. I hear completely where u are coming from.

[Deleted User] · May 2014

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kjcrawfor · May 2014

Same here. My LO hasn't even turned one yet (will on June 8th) and here I am...KU again. Definitely not planned (although it wasn't prevented so there's that). I'm waiting for the excitement to kick in. It hasn't yet....I also cried...hah

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