grocery store :/

torielynn09 · May 2014

So DS is great with holding hands in the parking lot, will actually stand next to me with hand raised waiting, but as soon as we get into the grocery store he wants to run around. He will push the cart for a few minutes but then gets bored and wants to run. We were giving him one reminder to stay with us then putting him in the cart if he ran off again but when that happens, and it always does, he cries the rest of the time we are there and on the ride home. Just not sure what to do.

We have resorted to bribing him to sit in the cart with a sucker and hoping he doesn't finish before we finish shopping.

Having #2 in November and I really want to try and get this under control before then.

fitmom82 · May 2014

We use lots of snacks, sometimes the Ipod or my phone. When I would go with 2 having the baby in the carrier on my chest worked great. When DH and I go together he'll often take out 2 year old in the stroller and I take the 4 year old in the shopping cart, we get done faster, although at this age they're both pretty good. Now that they're in a daycare near my home though, I usually just go before I pick them up. I get out early so I don't feel bad leaving them there once a week till 4. I also sometimes go at night or just take 1 and go on the weekend. It seems like you and your DH are going together though, I don't see why you don't do one goes while one stays home. I've always kind of lucked out, my kids seem to like food shopping most of the time and my 4 year old has always been good about being told no when she asks for something, but I wouldn't expect most kids to stay in a shopping cart for very long.

ashiscute · May 2014

Can you take a break and go without him for a bit? DS is 20 mos and always sits in the cart. It's non-negotiable. DD is 3 and will walk next to me if DS is in the cart. If I go with just her I give her one chance and then she goes in the cart.

Usually she does well though because she likes to be involved and "helpful" with the shopping.

torielynn09 · May 2014

I could go by myself if I wanted, but Id rather work on dealing with the issue. I dont really like the "we're having a problem so lets just avoid that issue" tactic.

SusieBW · May 2014

Does your store have those carts that have a car on the front where kids can sit and "drive?" DD will stay put through a whole grocery trip with no bribery and no fussing at all if we can get her in one of those.

Or maybe try putting him in the big part of the grocery cart, if that's possible? Our strategy at Target has been that DD can walk around on her own as long as she follows the rules (no running off, no touching anything without asking). She gets one warning and the second time she breaks a rule, she goes in the big part of the cart, where she has to stay on her butt, or she goes in the front seat of the cart. Sometimes if she's being good and asks nicely, she can get back out of the cart after a little while and try again.

fitmom82 · May 2014

torielynn09 said:

I could go by myself if I wanted, but Id rather work on dealing with the issue. I dont really like the "we're having a problem so lets just avoid that issue" tactic.

I understand you want to teach your LO to act correctly, but you also have to be realistic. I don't know how old your LO is, but I wouldn't expect most children under 3 to sit in a shopping cart for more than 15-20 minutes.

You can always try taking 2 cars too, and if he can't stay still one of you takes him home.

harmonicbabe26 · May 2014

If iI were you I would avoid grocery store trips with him.
My DD has thrown some of her worst, most embarassing tantrums (complete with throwing herself on thw geound kicking and screaming) at the grocery store and now I only take her with me if I absolutely have to, and then I never let her walk, I strap her in the buggy or one of those car carts.

I know you want to 'address the situation' and make him obey but I feel like it has a lot to do with age and maturity. Just take some time off from taking him and in a while he might grow out of this behavior.

fitmom82 · May 2014

Nicb13 said:

harmonicbabe26 said:

If iI were you I would avoid grocery store trips with him. My DD has thrown some of her worst, most embarassing tantrums (complete with throwing herself on thw geound kicking and screaming) at the grocery store and now I only take her with me if I absolutely have to, and then I never let her walk, I strap her in the buggy or one of those car carts. I know you want to 'address the situation' and make him obey but I feel like it has a lot to do with age and maturity. Just take some time off from taking him and in a while he might grow out of this behavior.

It is possible for a child to learn how to behave if you are consistent and stick to your guns about things. Sure, tantrums can be embarrassing but screw everyone else. I don't think keeping your child away from tough situations will benefit anyone, especially him. It's just saving mom and dad some possible embarrassment. How will the child ever learn?

You also have to be mature enough to be ready to learn. You're not going to expect a 1 year old to be potty trained or force a 4 year old to be a fluent reader. Some things take maturity as well as practice

fitmom82 · May 2014

I really don't understand why leaving your child out of an activity they can not handle is wrong. Some kids just can not sit still, so why toucher yourself, your child, and others to force something that doesn't need to be done. If your a SAHM and your husband works long hours that's one thing, but two parents are food shopping with one child in this case. Again, I've been lucky that I rarely have had problems at the grocery store, but a few times the last 10 minutes of so they've been done, those last 10 minutes are impossible because I still need to check out and bag. I cannot see bring a child through an entire food shopping trip that does not want to be there.

lana22 · May 2014

I would start him in the cart and not take him out. I give my DS some turkey or cheese sometimes when I pick some up, and he loves samples. I might also talk to him the morning that you're going, and how he's going to sit in the cart, and you're excited for him to help you, etc.

Missed how old your kid is, but mine is 2.5 and I think b/c he doesn't ever get out of stroller/cart he doesn't really expect it. Today I let him out at checkout b/c he likes to put things on the conveyor belt, but I think it might be the first time I ever did that. I will say my 1 yo is tougher b/c he gets really sick of being in the stroller and wants out after about 45 min/hour. I generally try to do shorter trips with both, and maybe that would work better for you, at least to get him used to not getting out of cart?

LSU628 · May 2014

lana22 said:

I would start him in the cart and not take him out. I give my DS some turkey or cheese sometimes when I pick some up, and he loves samples. I might also talk to him the morning that you're going, and how he's going to sit in the cart, and you're excited for him to help you, etc.

Missed how old your kid is, but mine is 2.5 and I think b/c he doesn't ever get out of stroller/cart he doesn't really expect it. Today I let him out at checkout b/c he likes to put things on the conveyor belt, but I think it might be the first time I ever did that. I will say my 1 yo is tougher b/c he gets really sick of being in the stroller and wants out after about 45 min/hour. I generally try to do shorter trips with both, and maybe that would work better for you, at least to get him used to not getting out of cart?

This. My 4 1/2 yr old every once in a blue moon will ask to get out of the cart, but I usually just tell her there are too many people in the store so she has to stay in the cart. She doesn't expect to walk in the store, so we don't have issues. DS gets cranky some times, but like pp mentioned, I give him something to hold, a snack, sing or play patty cake with his hands to keep him entertained and happy. Kids are naturally curious, so I think letting them out of the cart and expecting them to stay with you and not touch is just too much temptation.

Xath · May 2014

DS1 loves the grocery store, probably as much as he loves the playground. I give myself extra time when I'm there with him, and try to keep him occupied with short tasks. I'll ask him to carry things to the cart for me (light and unbreakable things). He pushes the cart for a few minutes at a time, or will stack items on the shelf while I make choices. When he sits in the cart he gets a snack if he wants one. I let him make choices on certain things (should we get cracker A or B?) and we keep engaged by identifying the different foods in the store.

It's more energy intensive than shopping by myself, but he really enjoys the store now. Now if I could only translate his entheusiasm for buying food into excitement for eating it...

sunnyday016 · May 2014

We don't take him either, unless it's a very short trip. Sure, he needs to learn how to go through the store, but if he's unhappy in the cart it IS an all out tantrum for the rest of the time. I guess I'd challenge anyone who thinks otherwise to take him shopping

sunnyday016 · May 2014

Nicb13 said:

fitmom82 said:

I really don't understand why leaving your child out of an activity they can not handle is wrong. Some kids just can not sit still, so why toucher yourself, your child, and others to force something that doesn't need to be done. If your a SAHM and your husband works long hours that's one thing, but two parents are food shopping with one child in this case. Again, I've been lucky that I rarely have had problems at the grocery store, but a few times the last 10 minutes of so they've been done, those last 10 minutes are impossible because I still need to check out and bag. I cannot see bring a child through an entire food shopping trip that does not want to be there.

And my thing is how will your child ever understand HOW to handle something if you don't take them and teach them? IMO, it does NEED to be done.
Sure, there are times I go to the store alone but we kind of have a routine down for our shopping (Saturday's), so DS comes along, because he's the kid, and he needs to realize that sometimes he just has to go along with what is taking place. We try to go after he's rested and not hungry to eliminate some tantrums but for the most part, he LOVES going to the store. He asks for it, but staying in the cart is what we had to work on. So that's what we've done.
All kids are different, of course, but this is our situation.

In theory I do agree with you. And I can see how for MOST toddlers this approach is good. But I would wager that my son is more stubborn/intense than the average toddler. Once a tantrum starts, it's usually 15 minutes or more of hard screaming, kicking, biting, etc. I'm not going to deal with that every time I go to the store unless I MUST take him. I can see him maturing, his tantrums are a little less frequent than they were a few months ago. So I know in time we will be able to take him...like maybe when he's 5

rodiesmum · May 2014

I ask her to choose just one thing fr the store and she gets busy thinking what to choose. When she finally chooses one she gets busy tinkering with it. If all else fails we head to the cheap toys aisle first so i could take my time shopping groceries once she is in the cart busy w her new toy. Popsicles work like magic too!!! Also one of the shops we go too, albeit more expensive, has little push carts for toddlers. She enjoys that a lot too

sugarbear0524 · May 2014

How about a middle ground? I take my almost 3 year old son to the grocery store, Target, etc. My husband is almost always there, too. More than once, we've had to split up--one of us takes our son out to the car when he's misbehaving and the other finishes shopping as quickly as possible. That way, he gets the experience of being in a store, but there is a backup plan in case he starts a meltdown. And, like the PP said, we try to time it when he's not hungry or ready for bed.

When I do take him alone, it's for quick trips. He's allowed to watch something on my phone if he's been good for a little while. It's a reward for good behavior, not a way to make him be good.He has learned not to demand my phone when we get somewhere. It's still my phone.

Spin313 · May 2014

How old is he...?

Have you tried asking him to be your helper or play "I spy"...? DD loves holding the list and looking for items in the store.

ttimmerman · May 2014

I can see both sides of this. I agree that children will not learn how to behave in stores (or at restaurants, or any public place really) unless given the opportunity to try. Children need an opportunity to be good but also an opportunity to be "naughty" and learn what is acceptable behavior.

However, I do feel like there's a certain age where it's REALLY difficult to take a child grocery shopping - right around 18-24 months. At this point, they can walk and are all about independence, yet they are too young to really listen to "no" or understand consequences or punishment. Around that age, I limited grocery shopping excursions with both kids. It was simply more trouble than it was worth. Once both kids got past that stage, grocery trips became manageable again, and we could practice good behavior in public. As much as you say you don't care if your kid screams in public, it is embarrassing and I feel like it's really rude to other shoppers who are trying to get their groceries in peace. I know when I'm grocery shopping and I hear a kid constantly screaming it gets on my nerves, and I HAVE kids - I can't imagine what it's like for those w/o kids. Not every situation has to be turned into a learning experience for your child at the expense of consideration for others.

If your kid is freaking out every time you go, take a break for a couple weeks and shop alone. Try it again and see how he does. Sometimes age/maturity are the biggest factors when learning acceptable behavior.

shannm · May 2014

torielynn09 said:

I could go by myself if I wanted, but Id rather work on dealing with the issue. I dont really like the "we're having a problem so lets just avoid that issue" tactic.

Honestly, it is not worth the battle. If you have the option to go alone, do it if it is easier. You'll stress yourself out trying to fix this "issue" .....and then it will be a new one. FWIW, I do shop with my kids but it isn't really always a challenge. But if it was, I would totally leave them at home.

shannm · May 2014

LalaMama81 said:

Well my super special snowflakes have been grocery shopping with me since birth. Even in their most difficult moments I didn't just give up and go home to wait for my husband. I'd never get anything done that way. I'm surprised that some people think avoidance is the answer.

I view it as choosing your battles rather than avoidance. If you have options, why make it more difficult than you need to?

sunnyday016 · May 2014

shannm said:

LalaMama81 said:

Well my super special snowflakes have been grocery shopping with me since birth. Even in their most difficult moments I didn't just give up and go home to wait for my husband. I'd never get anything done that way. I'm surprised that some people think avoidance is the answer.

I view it as choosing your battles rather than avoidance. If you have options, why make it more difficult than you need to?

Absolutely!

TeacherVicky · May 2014

DS will be 3 in September. When we go grocery shopping, he goes in the cart to start. At some point, he will almost always ask to come out and walk. He usually helps push the cart or put things in the cart. He knows that if he misbehaves, his butt ends right back up in the cart.

We don't have to bribe him with anything and we don't give him stuff to distract him.

Ceridwen21 · May 2014

With DS (2.5) I just don't give him the option of getting out of the cart. I try to be as quick as possible (I keep a very organized list mapped out by aisle) and try make it fun for him too. For example, he loves seeing the lobster tank so we always go there first and spend a few minutes "admiring them". When we pick produce I let him chose which apples he wants and then he gets to hold the bag. I let him hold my list and other items that we're buying if he's curious about them (just nothing breakable, obviously). We sing a lot of songs and also play "red light/green light" with the cart (stop and go). He rarely gets fussy and if he does, I just try to remind him of the fun we're going to have at our next activity (ex. going to the park or playing a game on his iPad at home). Good luck!

foreverapartofme · May 2014

My DD loves going grocery shopping with me but tends to get bored quickly. When we first go in the store, we look for produce and practice "finding" the food with mommy while sitting in the cart. By the end of fruits and veggies, we swing by the deli where they always offer her a piece of cheese. This gets us through the next few aisles without issue. Once we are about midway through the store, she happily gets to pick out a pack of the water fruit juice boxes which will get us through the majority of the rest of the store. Usually by the time we hit the frozen veggie aisle, she is pleased to help push the shopping cart and wants to walk for a few minutes. When checking out, she has to stand next to me, while I pay. The majority of the time she is great, but we also have "those" weeks when it isn't all sunshine and lollipops. I think creating a routine to how you approach the store and give transitions that promote little breaks or events to look forward to help your LO to deal with this chore! I'm expecting #2 in July and will probably have to readjust the shopping routine. Good luck!

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