- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
July 2013 Moms
summerchild
member
Respect? (MIL vent) long
summerchild
member
Ok. I realize there are a spectrum of opinions on this issue and that life is too short to get upset about the little things, but it bugs me and IMO it is a pattern of disrespect that frustrates me. I've never been good at setting boundaries (recovering codependent,) but I'm learning. My MIL is the ultimate boundary pusher and I'm constantly having to set boundaries with her. It is exhausting and triggers me to the point where I want to cut her off completely to save my sanity.
Granted she isn't openly hostile. In fact, she's very passive aggressive. Super sickly sweet, and then completely dismisses and ignores what I say. I am constantly checking her. My DH has also checked her multiple times and she just continues to push. She even tried to push her way into my delivery room against my wishes after I took her to lunch beforehand and explained to her that only DH would be there and that as soon as the baby was delivered, we'd let her know so she can be there.
I don't want to blow up on her so I let DH handle it, but I'm close. DH has yelled at her many times that she needs to listen and respect. If I flip on her, Im definitely going to look like the bad guy. She's that good at playing the victim.
Today, as soon as we got to her house, she just grabbed DS and took him to the pool, he had no sunscreen, no hat, and it is a super sunny day. My kid is really fair, has no hair and burns easy. I told her to bring him back, let me put sunscreen on him first. We brought swim clothes for him but I wanted to feed him first. I didnt have a chance to get him ready before hand because he took a long nap. She says, Im only sticking his feet in. Next thing I know, my kid is full on in the pool in his onsie. "Look! He likes it!".
In my family we don't assume babies are a free for all. We always let parents know, "hey, I'm going to take X outside" or "hey, is it okay to give Y this?" Or "hey can he go in the water?" It's just a simple matter of respect in my mind to just let the parents know what is going on. I've confronted her before, took her to lunch to discuss it with her, and still just says "yeah yeah yeah" and ignores me. I feel like if I give her an inch, she takes a mile.
I guess I can't expect her to change, and I can't change her, but God help me! The lack of respect is torture and I'm sick of being the bigger person.
Granted she isn't openly hostile. In fact, she's very passive aggressive. Super sickly sweet, and then completely dismisses and ignores what I say. I am constantly checking her. My DH has also checked her multiple times and she just continues to push. She even tried to push her way into my delivery room against my wishes after I took her to lunch beforehand and explained to her that only DH would be there and that as soon as the baby was delivered, we'd let her know so she can be there.
I don't want to blow up on her so I let DH handle it, but I'm close. DH has yelled at her many times that she needs to listen and respect. If I flip on her, Im definitely going to look like the bad guy. She's that good at playing the victim.
Today, as soon as we got to her house, she just grabbed DS and took him to the pool, he had no sunscreen, no hat, and it is a super sunny day. My kid is really fair, has no hair and burns easy. I told her to bring him back, let me put sunscreen on him first. We brought swim clothes for him but I wanted to feed him first. I didnt have a chance to get him ready before hand because he took a long nap. She says, Im only sticking his feet in. Next thing I know, my kid is full on in the pool in his onsie. "Look! He likes it!".
In my family we don't assume babies are a free for all. We always let parents know, "hey, I'm going to take X outside" or "hey, is it okay to give Y this?" Or "hey can he go in the water?" It's just a simple matter of respect in my mind to just let the parents know what is going on. I've confronted her before, took her to lunch to discuss it with her, and still just says "yeah yeah yeah" and ignores me. I feel like if I give her an inch, she takes a mile.
I guess I can't expect her to change, and I can't change her, but God help me! The lack of respect is torture and I'm sick of being the bigger person.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Respect? (MIL vent) long
>:D<
So sorry for you. I have an obnoxious one too. It is so stressful and disruptive to a marriage. Hugs! !
After seething, I ended up snapping at her in front of everyone over something stupid (oy vey...) and she pulled me aside. We talked. She gave me her perspective and I gave her mine. Hopefully we can move past it, but after the prior talks with her, I'm not all that optimistic that things will change.
DH was so happy I snapped at her. While he agreed that what I ultimately snapped at her about may not have been something deserved at that moment, he said she had it coming ...
She lives about 20 minutes away. I've been pushing for us to move. I think at least 45 minutes or more might help.
Karen - 36 DH - 39
I don't really know the relationship DH has with FIL (his step-father). DH doesn't appear to confide in his family much. Most of the time he doesn't even talk when they are around. Not sure what the deal is, but I guess every family has their issues.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards: