Parenting after a Loss
rslh10
member
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Long Intro (living child mentioned)
rslh10
member
Hi Everyone!
I've been a part of the knot/nest/bump for nearly 10 years, always lurking and finally posting a little when I had my DS in 2011 and needed advice on his sleeping habits. I have since erased that account and have chose to start a new one due to privacy issues I had with it. I'll start with my introduction.
I'm 28, have a healthy 3 year old DS who came 6 weeks early by emergency c-section due to preeclampsia. He was a little jaundice but otherwise healthy as a horse weighing in at 6.9oz. Fast forward to August of last year, DH and I decided that we wanted to start trying for a second child. Each month would go by and I would get a BFN, but end up with bad clots around AF time, but this never happened to me before having my son. We tried for 6 months before I told DH that I knew in my heart something was wrong because we had zero problems getting pregnant before. I made an appointment with my OB, who dismissed me and said that she doesn't do blood work until couples have been trying for a year and a half, and then proceeded to tell me that I should just "relax", and just "let it happen"... If I had one more person tell me that I was going to scream. I knew something wasn't right. t went home and told DH what the OB said, and told him I was seeking a second opinion. I made an appointment with a Nurse Practitioner and I finally felt like someone was listening to me. She drew blood at my first appointment after I told her about the clots, cramping, and a little bit of hair loss I was having. When my blood work came back I was absolutely floored when she told me she ran a test called AMH, and that mine was pretty low for my age. It came back at .58, when it should be 2.5-3. She said that she couldn't tell me the quality of my eggs, but that I had very low egg reserve, and she recommended we didn't waste any cycles and start trying with medication asap. She set me up on Clomid and a trigger for the following cycle. I was monitored via U/S and everything looked, so she gave me the go ahead to trigger and get busy. DH and I didn't feel like it was the cycle because a lot of issues had come up during our bd time and we only could get 2 times in, all before O though.
On May 2nd (12 dpo) I tested and got a BFN. I thought I was out this cycle, and got bummed. The next day I noticed a few of the symptoms ( frequent urination, tender nipples) and thought ah what the hell...Tested at 7pm on 13 dpo and got a very very faint positive on a dollar general test. A FRER didn't even pick it up. The next day I kept testing and it got darker, but barely. I had my hcg drawn and it was low from the beginning. 14 dpo was 29, 16 dpo was 55, and 21 dpo was 277 and my Dr said she didn't want to run any more hcg and would just see me May 20th for a 6 week ultrasound. We were happy, but I felt concerned even with my Dr and DH trying to convince me that it was all going to be okay because the #'s were doubling like they should be. Friday the 16th I had some brown blood while wiping and freaked out. I called the on call physician who told me to head to the ER if it increased or didn't subside within an hour. The bleeding stopped all together about 45 minutes later. Sunday night I started cramping at about 5pm. When my DH came home from work at 10, I got out of bed to use the restroom and put my progesterone in, and as I wiped it was bright red. I started to cry immediately and told him we needed to go to the ER.
When we arrived they checked my hcg, did a pelvic exam, and tried to cheer me up. My HCG had gone down to 234. I don't think it ever went up past my last weeks hcg draw of 277 to be honest. The ER Dr said that my cervix was still closed, so that was a good sign, but that she wanted to send me to a bigger hospital because she wanted to rule out an ectopic pregnancy. 4 hours later DH and I were sitting in another ER waiting room, where we waited for almost 1.5 hours for the ultrasound tech to be called in. When she finished the U/S, The ER Dr came in and stated that I had no baby or sac in my uterus, there was fluid in my pelvic area, and that he didn't see anything in my tubes but, they couldn't rule out an ectopic. I felt like they had no idea what was happening with me. I felt like I had no concrete answer about what was going on. They contacted my Dr's physician on call who advised a methotrexate shot be given. No one expects to have an ectopic pregnancy, so I hadn't done much research on the shot or ectopics in general. I feel like the whole thing was very rushed, even thought it was a 12 hour process. I understand that if it was ectopic that it is an urgent situation but I still feel confused about it all. To make matters worse, I went to my Dr the next morning and she didn't even know I had been in the ER all night and was floored when I told her that I was given the MTX shot. She kept saying she didn't think it was an ectopic, and that I probably just had a miscarriage at the first hospital. I am just confused, sad, upset and don't feel like I have a solid answer as to what happened. I'm sure that's a normal feeling but it sucks.
Now I'm wondering how long I should wait to TTC because my Dr told me I can induce AF after my bleeding stops and hcg is 0, and then start the clomid + trigger again immediately. I'm not a Dr, but my god that seems like a lot for my body to have to deal with in a very short time period. I feel like 100 people are telling me 100 different things, and I'm driving myself crazy googling everything, and randomly crying. I'm sorry this is so long, but it feels SO great to tell my story as it's so fresh and I'm still trying to hash out what the heck happened! Thanks for reading ladies! I can't wait to be a part of the TTC a rainbow sibling checkin board soon!! 
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Re: Long Intro (living child mentioned)
As for when to TTC again, everyone here will say to listen to your doctor but the most common answer after an early loss is 1-3 cycles. However if you don't feel ready yet, it never hurts to wait a cycle or two extra until you try again. Nobody can force you to do anything before you feel ready. There are also women on this board with low AMH who could probably give you some advice on that as well. Good luck with whatever you decide!
Dx: Me: Recurrent Pregnancy Loss; DH: Low Morphology (2%)
BFP#1: MC 3/1/11 at 6w1d - EDD 10/21/11
BFP#3: MC 2/8/14 at 4w5d - EDD 10/13/14
BFP#6: CP 11/6/14 at 4w2d - EDD 7/14/15
IVF #1 with ICSI & PGS: May/June 2015, ER 6/3/15, 17R/17M/15F
IVF #2 with ICSI & PGS: July 2015, ER 7/16/15, 16R/11M/9F
PGS results = 6 normal embryos (4 boys, 2 girls)
FET 9/23/15 = BFFN
My old doctor was going to let me TTC right away...but she was an idiot and diagnosed me with a second ectopic that wasn't really a pregnancy. My current doctor, as well as most doctors will make you wait 2-3 months to TTC to clear most of the methotrexate from your system. It can cause severe birth defects if you conceive soon after getting the shot.