STMs-advice on scheduling out-of-town visitors

JadaBlue · May 2014

Hey ladies, I'm hoping you can give a FTM a reality check on scheduling post-birth family visits. My situation is a bit complicated in that if baby is healthy I'll be returning to my posting in Asia from the U.S. when she is 6 weeks old. Thus, DH's and my families understandably want to visit during that period (thankfully DH will be with me and baby in the U.S. as well). Sooo...when is the earliest you would welcome out-of-town family visitors? I was thinking at 3 weeks, which would result in a visit-packed last three weeks but I'm afraid any earlier might interfere with DH and I finding our groove with baby...

shevaCC · May 2014

Do you or your DH have helpful family? Ones that will come and cook/clean so you can take care of the baby? My mom is like that and was a lifesaver for the first 2 weeks. Then my BFF came for a week with her two preschool aged girls and also mostly took care of me. If you have helpful family then perhaps they can come earlier than 2-3 weeks out.

Even with my mom visiting/helping us, I felt like we had our routine figured out after 2 weeks but I was still recovering and needed to take it easy for at least 4 weeks. ILs came when DD was 3 weeks old and fighting to get to hold my own baby was exhausting.

So...3 weeks sounds reasonable, maybe 2 would be enough for you and your DH. If there's a way of handling it diplomatically, I might try to spread out the visitors over four weeks starting with the most helpful ones and ending with the least helpful/most in need of entertainment.

JadaBlue · May 2014

Thanks @shevaCC‌, I love the idea of ordering visits by level of helpfulness. My stepmem would be helpful around the house, while my dad would sit on the sofa watching tv while periodically offering to help and/or asking me to bring him something to drink. I'm not sure about DH's family (first grandkid), but I'll see what he thinks. :-)

PecanSam · May 2014

With my first:

My parents came down for Thanksgiving and my daughter was born December 9th, they stayed for about a week, then moved over to my sister's, 7 miles away.

It did not interfere with our bonding. It was nice to have my mom help out. She cooked a few meals. And it was really nice, every morning after I fed her, I would have my mom hold her so I could eat my breakfast and shower.

caybeh · May 2014

With DS, my sister and family came a week later for a weekend. But she brought food and honestly, I felt pretty good by then. My mom came to help after that when DH went back to work. So yeah, I ditto order family visits by who is going to help. And don't be afraid to ask them to help too!

Third&goal · May 2014

I agree that it depends on the level of helpfulness. If you are feeding baby on the couch, they should bring you a drink, not expect you to bring them one.

We had my mom with us for the first two weeks since DH had to return to work. That was really nice.

MandMLeona · May 2014

With our first, I was worried about people interfering with DH stepping up and helping, so we told everyone to wait a week for an over night stay. I literally begged my mom to come a couple of days prior to when she planned. I really wish I hadn't put such a definite timeline in anyone's mind and just told everyone we would call as we felt like we were ready. It's not like they know exactly when the baby will come to schedule things in advance anyway.

sekura · May 2014

Having a helpful person there on the second night you are home is good. I had my MIL (who is awesome) for a few days right after the baby was born, and she was nice to talk to, took care of meals, made sure I got some rest, etc. My own parents came at about 1 week old and stayed about a week (when DH went back to work), and that was good--they are helpful but a little less easygoing, and DH doesn't mesh with them as well, so having them there when he was working was good.

My parents also came back at about 9 weeks, for another week of helping out--it was good to have them come when I was getting ready to go back to work, and just to let me catch up on sleep.

Jennicillin · May 2014

I just know the one thing I wouldn't want is no breaks in between visitors, or any sort of "jam packed" period of time where you get no breaks...

I would say 3-4 days after you got home start with the "helpful people" then make sure there's a min of 2-3 days in between visitors.

Express your understanding of everyone wanting to come, but don't be afraid to say no or set ground rules (ie. we need you to stay in a hotel, or you can only stay with us x amount of days)

The most important thing you can do to find your groove as a parent is learn quick fast and in a hurry to advocate for what you need, even when it disappoints a family member. Happy mamas make happy babies

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STMs-advice on scheduling out-of-town visitors

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Pregnancy #3 after two prior losses in 2013

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