Hugging

Addy1227 · May 2014

Carter LOVES to hug other toddlers and even kids. If we're walking through the mall or supermarket and he sees another toddler he walks right up to them and tries to hug them and most of the time it doesn't end well. In his library play group one of the little boys he tried to hug just pushed him right over! It's so sad for me to watch. This might be a silly question but should I try to teach him to ask first or something?

Yesterday at the mall he hugged a 4 year old and a 6 year old, both of which stood still like statues because they didn't like it. I feel bad he makes other kids feel uncomfortable by trying to hug them. Then there was another little girl in a stroller he tried hugging and that was cute because they kept high fiving and trying to hug each other even though she was strapped in. He has only had one successful hug attempt. This is probably a silly concern and if he didn't try to hug nearly even young child he saw I wouldn't worry but I don't want him to get his feelings hurt or him to make others feel uncomfortable.

minervacullen · May 2014

DS was the same way. Even now at 7, he's very affectionate and will hug his school friends. We had to teach him who he could hug, it took time, and he would sometimes get so excited and do it anyway.
He would also kiss friends and his cousin. We wear more on top of that.

SingleMom31 · May 2014

DD does this with everyone at school. She hugs me goodbye, hugs her teachers hi and bye, and the toddlers hug each other. It's pretty sweet really. I'm not sure how I'd feel about strangers though... That's tough.

jac409 · May 2014

My DD does this too, only not so much with older kids. Usually just other babies and toddlers. It is cute, but I have the same fear as you. I don't want her to feel rejected and hurt. As she gets a little older, we will have to work on teaching her who she should and shouldn't hug. I don't know that she would understand it quite yet.

JessAnnJ · May 2014

Honestly I don't let her touch strangers unless they try to high five her or something. It's not because I'm afraid of her getting rejected, it's more I see it as my responsibility to make sure my kid is not touching people that do not want to be touched. I don't think it's fair to them. DD hugs her teacher and her classmates and I don't have a problem with that.

kescalera · May 2014

I don't have a hugger myself, but I think trying to teach him to ask permission first is great. Even just start with open arms & "Please?" should get the message across. Our society is just not very good with physical affection in public so lots of people are uncomfortable with it. Out of respect for their personal space I'd teach DS to ask first. If he truly has that much love in his heart and you tell him that some people just aren't huggers, I'm sure he'll grow up just fine and be perfectly ok when someone doesn't want a hug. After all, there are 7 billion + people on the planet, he'll find plenty of people to hug :x

Addy1227 · May 2014

Okay thanks! I agree with you guys about personal space and would hate for LO to make anyone feel uncomfortable. I talked to SO so we're both on the same page. I can't have him letting LO hug everyone and me trying to get him to understand that some kids just don't want a hug. I'm sure LO will handle it well. I'm not even sure why he started doing it. He started trying to hug other toddlers before he was even giving me hugs so the first time he did it was quite a surprise.

JessAnnJ · May 2014

@Addy1227‌ You can try redirecting with a high five, a wave, or blowing a kiss.

perfectlove09 · May 2014

That is just the sweetest problem to have. I know how you feel too. And PP is right...sadly our society isn't very affectionate. My family as a whole are BIG huggers and I've never had a problem with random hugs lol but I know that so many people, and usually rightfully so, are extremely "hands off".

I do think it's tricky to teach him to ask first unless he truly understands that just the act of asking doesn't mean he can do it. For example...Alivia will sign the word please to us when she wants something and usually it's a reasonable request so we oblige. But occasionally she will sign please to another little kid because she wants their toy and she is just now slightly, very slightly, starting to understand that you don't just ask please and then take it. Now she'll sometimes ask another kid for something and then look at me like "did I get a yes?" Lol.

I think...life is too short. You have a beautiful little one that obviously has a heart of gold and you should embrace it. The fact that some kids may just stand like a statue doesn't mean they don't want a hug. Hey may be afraid of hurting him, doing the wrong thing, getting yelled at by their parents, (sometimes kids are constantly told no and they freeze when an unfamiliar situation happens). I'm sure there will be some more that try to push him away but there will also be more that want to hug him back. And if the worst thing that happens to another persons toddler is your toddler tried to hug them...I think all will survive. I'm not saying to encourage him to go invade everyone's personal space but it's not like he's trying to rip their clothes off or something

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