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April 2014 Moms
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Advice needed

Abcollins57Abcollins57 member
in April 2014 Moms
I'll try to make this short....just to give a bit of background, my MIL and I have a strained relationship. We do our best to get along for our family's sake but we definitely do not see eye to eye on many things.
DH and I talked a long time ago and agreed we would not bring LO to his mom's or my mom's because they both smoke inside, have pet dander, dust and even mold inside their homes. (Not permanently but at least until he is one and out of the major SIDS window)
My mom was really understanding about it and even agreed it wouldn't be good for his health. However I don't think MIL will be so agreeable. What is the best way for us to approach her about this? I don't want DH to do it alone because I think that will make things worse between me and her. I was hoping to just kind of avoid it for awhile but they want us to go there this weekend for a cookout. Help!
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Re: Advice needed

  • Abcollins57Abcollins57 member
    See I think she's gonna tell me they will smoke outside when we're there. In her mind, that should be sufficient.
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  • hordolhordol member
    I'm in a similar boat but with my parents. I told my mom about the dangers of third hand smoke (she doesn't smoke when people are over) but I think I just offended her because my parents think the stuff is made into a bigger deal than it really is. Ultimately I just decided that short infrequent visits were probably not going to be a huge cause for concern and let it go because it was just easier for me that way. If this is something you and your husband feel that strongly about then you are just going to have to be firm and hold to it! Invite them over to your place instead so they don't feel like you are trying to keep LO from them.
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  • Manda+pandaManda+panda member
    Abcollins57 said:

    See I think she's gonna tell me they will smoke outside when we're there. In her mind, that should be sufficient.

    This is my mom. His mom always smokes outside, but I still get antsy. My daughter never goes to my mom's or grandmother's because they both smoke inside. My grandma understands, my mother won't talk to me because of it. But, we have always had a strained relationship, so it's no great loss.
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  • Abcollins57Abcollins57 member
    Thanks everyone for the advice, we're gonna talk to her later. Pray it goes well!
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  • amandamatt72409amandamatt72409 member
    Good luck! My mom is a smoker and we are dealing with the same issue. Hope it goes well!
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  • Abcollins57Abcollins57 member
    amandamatt72409 said:

    Good luck! My mom is a smoker and we are dealing with the same issue. Hope it goes well!

    It went better than I thought, but I still think she took it personally. I even discussed statistics about higher risk of SIDS in infants exposed to nicotine. Her next statement was, "we'll smoke outside when y'all are here." So I then patiently explained about third hand smoke. I told her this wasn't a forever situation, but at least the first year. It kind of is what it is at this point cause I won't back down. Good luck with your mother!
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