Godparents

Rmj1022 · May 2014

I have no experience with having godparents but my husband has. For those of you who have godparents for your kids or are planning on having them, do you ask informally or do some sort of nice gesture? Do you give your child a godmother and godfather or is it more of a one kid to one adult thing? I love being sentimental so I'm thinking about presenting my potential godparent with something cute to ask them but I'm not sure what yet. If you have done something like this or plan to do this, give me all your great ideas! Oh and, is it weird to ask this early?

Edit: I think this is coming off as a "guide me!" kind of question, but i intended it more as like "hey, what do you do in these situations". i have a pretty good idea of what I want to do but as I don't have experience I figured hearing what others do would give me a little insight.

also its a non-religious thing for me personally (should have stated that in the beginning).

ConversationFear · May 2014

I was raised Catholic - DH Lutheran and we both have a Godmother and Godfather.

I have heard of Godparents being asked under non-religious circumstances as well - is this one of those, or is this for a religious reason, i.e. baptism? Most churches that baptize infants will have some kind of quidelines for how many people you can/should have.

It's definitely not to early to ask if you are sure about who you want, but if you aren't sure you can wait as long as asking a few weeks before the baptism too.

Ceridwen21 · May 2014

I would not give a gift when asking. That puts a lot of pressure on the person because it will seem like you assume they will accept. I would ask them in person and tell them to take their time to think about it and to not feel any pressure to accept. I would also be very clear with them exactly what their responsibilities would entail (is it mostly symbolic/just for a ceremony? Will they be the legal guardian?).

Rmj1022 · May 2014

ConversationFear said:

I was raised Catholic - DH Lutheran and we both have a Godmother and Godfather.

I have heard of Godparents being asked under non-religious circumstances as well - is this one of those, or is this for a religious reason, i.e. baptism? Most churches that baptize infants will have some kind of quidelines for how many people you can/should have.

It's definitely not to early to ask if you are sure about who you want, but if you aren't sure you can wait as long as asking a few weeks before the baptism too.

it will be non-religious, more of an honorary title that will hopefully lead to a special bond between my kids and their respective godparents.

Rmj1022 · May 2014

reverey said:
I'm so confused. I'm not overly religious and my DH comes from a pretty Christian family.

Are Godparents considered something different than legal guardians should something happen to us in the future? I know when I was little, my Godparents (two separate people...not a hubby and wife) were to decide guardianship between the two of them. Somehow I think now the Godparents are more symbolic (regardless if religiously based or not) and then you appoint a legal guardian in a will.

Am I off base? Trying to navigate these waters too!

For me as a non religious person with only anecdotal evidence , I've known it to be different for different people. For many it has a religious aspect but I also know many people who are not religious but still like the idea of giving someone special the title and they do with it what they will. My husbands godparents did nothing for him but friends of mine have had great and special relationships with theirs. It's definitely more symbolic for me - I guess I'm calling them godparents because I don't have another term to say "hey I would love to appoint you as a special person in my kids life" and because most of the people I know use the term without religious connotation.

ConversationFear · May 2014

Rmj1022 said:

I'm so confused. I'm not overly religious and my DH comes from a pretty Christian family. Are Godparents considered something different than legal guardians should something happen to us in the future? I know when I was little, my Godparents (two separate people...not a hubby and wife) were to decide guardianship between the two of them. Somehow I think now the Godparents are more symbolic (regardless if religiously based or not) and then you appoint a legal guardian in a will. Am I off base? Trying to navigate these waters too!
For me as a non religious person with only anecdotal evidence , I've known it to be different for different people. For many it has a religious aspect but I also know many people who are not religious but still like the idea of giving someone special the title and they do with it what they will. My husbands godparents did nothing for him but friends of mine have had great and special relationships with theirs. It's definitely more symbolic for me - I guess I'm calling them godparents because I don't have another term to say "hey I would love to appoint you as a special person in my kids life" and because most of the people I know use the term without religious connotation.

I have heard of both. In fact I have been both. I have a role as a religious godmother, where I stood as a representative for the child during baptism and am a spiritual "role model" for this child. My DH and I were also asked last year to be the other type of godparents you are asking about, where we are the legal guardians of the child should anything ever happen to them. They called it godparents - I had never heard of it - but if that's what you are intending with your godparent request, you need to make that REALLY REALLY clear when you ask that you are expecting that because it is a BIG decision on the part of the receiving party.

JSS1002 · May 2014

For me as a kid my godparents were my legal guardians should my parents die. I was raised Christian but my godparents had zero involvement in my religious upbringing.

Rmj1022 · May 2014

Thanks for all your inputs guys, there's so many little things to think about before the first one I find myself constantly feeling simultaneously excited and overwhelmed.

I wasn't really thinking a gift, more along the lines of a cute card with a cupcake, but I agree I wouldn't want my person to feel forced into any sort of role like that. Thank you for bringing up the legal aspect though because I hadn't started considering the "who will be legally obligated to care for my child should anything happen to me" aspect and now its at the top of my list!

megs2011 · May 2014

I have 2 godparents and so does DH so we did the same for the girls. We did one pairing a little different though. I have 2 brothers and Dh has a brother and a sister. So the 2 eldest (my brother and bil) are godparents for the oldest twin and the 2 youngest siblings (my brother and sil) are godparents to the younger twin. I didn't want to pick siblings at all but DH wanted it and was insistent. I don't know who we are picking this time.

megs2011 · May 2014

Oh we didn't do anything special just asked them.

ashaw512 · May 2014

Neither DH or I have godparents but we sat down and really thought about it and came up with his sister. They have no children and she wants a baby so bad, for medical reasons she can't have any. While the whole family was together we said we had a difficult talk about who would raise our children if something happened to both of us and said SIL and BIL names and asked if they were OK with that. They were so happy

Irisheyes1247 · May 2014

We just asked in person if possible, no gifts or special way to ask.

Dawson56 · May 2014

Just asked them, no gifts. I'm episcopalian and my husband is baptist. In my family girls have 2 god mothers and 1 god father and vice versa for boys. I was very close to my godparents where as for my husband, I think it was def more so just a title. My godmother would have been my legal guardian if something was to happen to my parents.

Ecat504 · May 2014

You do it however you please!! personally, I asked my cousin and a very close family friend and to ask I painted a canvas and put an ultrasound picture on it with a plastic wand and wrote in glitter "will you be my godmother love, lucy" and for the god father I bought an easal looking picture frame and wrote "will you be my godfather? Love, Lucy" (the word godfather was written in the godfather font) and bought a cigar to go with it. I don't think it's standard to be sentimental but I am so I have gifts. Both were thrilled and accepted

mrsdanielleM2010 · May 2014

For us Godparents are people we will trust to be role models for our child or children. In our (Catholic) Church, Godparents have to have a letter from a priest in their own parish saying that they are baptized and confirmed, and are in good standing. It is extremely rare to not be able to find a priest willing to sign such a letter.

That said, we are probably asking DH's best friend, who has his sacraments but is not a practicing Catholic, to stand as LO's godfather. Regardless of his own religious practices, we trust that if he says yes, he will help our son navigate the land of morals and ethics. Given his personal beliefs, we understand going in that there's a decent chance he'll decline. We are asking anyway because we trust that if he accepts he will take the responsibility seriously.

We are going to ask over dinner, in a setting where a conversation about expectations would be possible, and I will have a gift card and card addressed to "Uncle Dante" as a small gift if he says yes or no, as a way of letting him know that we are either thankful he said yes or respectful and valuing his honesty should he say no.

mcstrepp · May 2014

We are going to ask my DH brother and my sister to be god parents. I will probably do it in person casually no gifts. It is for religion purposes. We are still deciding on a legal guardian.

Bonnesetter27 · May 2014

We didn't do anything special except ask them over a dinner we made. For us, they did do the religious ceremony but seeing as the godmother is jewish, the godfather is catholic, I am baptist, dh was raised catholic but not practicing and we had him baptised/dedicated by a methodist pastor who is a good friend, it really isn't about one faith. We want these people to be in our child's life and have a role and raising them. We feel these people are good role models that we want our son to emulate. We also do not live near family and these godparents are really our family where we live. They are our emergency contacts and have saved us several times when we had childcare issues.

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