In laws for a week

Lunatinuviel · May 2014

My in laws are coming on the middle of September after baby is born which I completely understand. They are of course staying with us, but also my sister in law with 2 kids is planning to con day the same time. For me it just seems like a lot if people in mg house I'm not the kind of person that is just to deal with that many people 24/7. So my DH were "talking" about or last night. Do you think I'm overreacting ? My mom is coming is coming to help for about 5 weeks but is just her and my sister. And my in laws will be 6 persons I just think is too much. All of out family came from Mexico last summer and it was a challenge my MIL is not a housewife she was expecting my mom and I to attend her. So I'm stress already

vk2204 · May 2014

I don't think you are over reacting at all. You will have just had a baby and need your own time to adjust without having to wait on others. Maybe only MIL and FIL can stay with you and your SIL can get a hotel to make things easier?

Lunatinuviel · May 2014

I suggest the different time option but I don't understand why they all have to come at the same time. I know for sure that isy FIL idea since he can't live without his other grandchildren but really. I try last night to make my husband understand but. He was like I want my family to meet my son too, if they can't all come at the same time then I will tell them not come at all

Valancyy · May 2014

I agree it's way too many people. So soon after a baby they can't be expected to have you wait on them. Usually when people come after a baby is born it's to help out. Do you know if they are planning on helping, or is it just a visit?

I don't think I'd want anyone to visit for a whole week, no matter what!

Jenrileysmom · May 2014

I would never survive all of those people in my house on a good day. I would definitely not want all those people in my house while recovering and getting adjusted to a new baby. I would say no way. But that's just me.

lookame3639 · May 2014

I have issues with people staying with me especially after having a baby. If your a first time mom it may in fact hinder you to have one person visit and help out let alone 6 or more. You need to discuss and set boundaries with both your husband and family. You may have a hard time convincing your husband hiw hard it is to recover after abirth (for sosome reason they beleive your 100 percent the dat after you give birth) but it'll be much better for both of you as new parents to learn your child's cues and not have someone telling you the newborn is hungry because of x, y, z. Also I understand a new life is exciting but it's not good if someone else is bonding with your child and not allowing you to bond with them (in my case DS was sleeping in his crib, ex MIL would wake him tell me how he's tired, needs held ect but she'll hold him while I wash the dishes...that was her form of "helping")

torooji · May 2014

lookame3639 said:

I have issues with people staying with me especially after having a baby. If your a first time mom it may in fact hinder you to have one person visit and help out let alone 6 or more. You need to discuss and set boundaries with both your husband and family. You may have a hard time convincing your husband hiw hard it is to recover after abirth (for sosome reason they beleive your 100 percent the dat after you give birth) but it'll be much better for both of you as new parents to learn your child's cues and not have someone telling you the newborn is hungry because of x, y, z. Also I understand a new life is exciting but it's not good if someone else is bonding with your child and not allowing you to bond with them (in my case DS was sleeping in his crib, ex MIL would wake him tell me how he's tired, needs held ect but she'll hold him while I wash the dishes...that was her form of "helping")

This is exactly why we asked MIL not to come "help". She's great and all, but I know for sure she'd try to "give me time" by hogging the baby. I'd rather let dishes sit in the sink than let someone else bond with my baby.

To me, if SIL is bringing 2 kids, she's not coming to help. She's coming to visit and have family time. Can you ask them to wait a few more months?

Lunatinuviel · May 2014

I try but they never asked me, they ask my husband I know it's way inappropriate me a FTM found it inappropriate and so annoying I suggest the hotel and I will personally when they are here don't care if that offend them. I need my space I don't want to worry about other kids my house nothing. Also I told my dad not to come because I wanted my mom to help us and I know I hurt my dad but he understood, my grandma also wanted to come and once again said no thank you. Now I can only imagine when they find out that all the in laws are coming they will be upset. I'm just so mad and annoying with my in laws.

torooji · May 2014

I completely understand feeling bad for not being hospitable, but you and your H need to do what's best for you and your LO. Your body will be going through a lot to give birth and you will need time to recover. Your H would not invite guests to come if you were recovering from some other medical issue, would he? This should be no different.

Don't wait until they get there to suggest the hotel. It'll make it much harder for all of you. Try to set that expectation now.

Kelliwilsoca · May 2014

I think that sounds horrible

unless you have a gigantic house

you are not over reacting at all. My next door neighbor had his parents cone in from nj, we r in nc, and they stayed at a hotel. This a time you need to focus on you, the baby, and your husband.

Lunatinuviel · May 2014

We have a 4 bedroom house but one is ours, baby's room and then an office and there is only one available. I'm not willing to buy furniture to make them comfortable and I don't one anyone on my baby's room even when LO will be in our room. I just feel like is such an invasion and imposition I seriously think that SIL should know better after having 2 kids herself, and not because she was ready to continue with her routine after deliver via c-section means that I will follow that path or being super ready for guest. The more I think about it the mad I get I really think is very disrespectful try to come as such important time all of them. I wouldn't have a problem if they come separtly so I they call me or text I will definitely suggest the hotel idea. It's just too much for me specially when I'm not use to have so many people in my house.

mikrinikki · May 2014

I am getting worked up thinking about it. How will the baby sleep if there are so many people in the house? How will you sleep? Will your husband be working and leave you alone with them? Or if he were going to be home- they may take your husband's attention away from baby and you, which would infuriate me, cause you to be resentful...cause him to be overwhelmed...and then silent treatment starts. You are so blessed that everyone wants to come see you guys....but they really do need to understand that you will need him to help you as priority over visiting.

GinnyJ2012 · May 2014

Family coming to help by cooking meals, cleaning, and such is one thing. Them coming as guests and expecting you to cater to them is another. I wouldn't want to entertain 6 people including two young children while getting settled with a newborn.

Lunatinuviel · May 2014

@mikrinikki‌ omg I didn't think about my baby trying to sleep that is a good point, my husband will be working so the idea of being on my own with all of them drives me crazy. Also I had surgery a few years ago and I stayed with my mom for 2 weeks and I start my routine 6 weeks after that. and I have to said that it was a very easy procedure (laparoscopy) according to doctors, I can only imagine what a natural birth or a c-section will take me to recover.

mikrinikki · May 2014

Good luck! Hopefully things will calm down in the next month and he will come to his senses

Lunatinuviel · May 2014

So I asked my DH on Monday about when his parents are coming in September I was very careful to not said his entire family, and he told me that nobody is coming to meet the baby, to be honest I'm a little mad and I don't know who's idea of canceled the whole thing was, but isn't just me that find this so annoying and childish...

I think maybe they didn't want to come and meet their new grandchild, they were expecting me to attended the whole family, I feel bad for my husband, but I really think it should be in my terms and no theirs even if is only for a week

BlckRoses · May 2014

Lunatinuviel said:

So I asked my DH on Monday about when his parents are coming in September I was very careful to not said his entire family, and he told me that nobody is coming to meet the baby, to be honest I'm a little mad and I don't know who's idea of canceled the whole thing was, but isn't just me that find this so annoying and childish...
I think maybe they didn't want to come and meet their new grandchild, they were expecting me to attended the whole family, I feel bad for my husband, but I really think it should be in my terms and no theirs even if is only for a week

It sounds like they are acting like children. If they don't get it their way, they're not coming at all. I'm sorry that you're dealing with that type of person. I hope your husband is being more supportive of you than it sounds in your previous posts.

I wouldn't want anyone to stay at my house for a week in any situation. I had 2 house guests for 4 days and it was a bit much. Luckily for me, my parents live locally and my SIL also lives locally, so my ILs will be staying with her when and if they come.

Lunatinuviel · May 2014

He told me that it was better this way, that we don't know how tired we are gonna be, etc... so I guess his coming to his senses,

PecanSam · May 2014

Too many people for me. There is no way I could handle it. They need to split their time, not come at the same time.

marathonmommy82 · May 2014

Regardless if you are BFing or not, maybe your DH can use that as an "excuse" ---- you'll be nursing and won't feel comfortable with all of those people in your house?

(Your ILs are acting like assholes --- sorry you have to deal with this now

)

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