Feeling pressured

diz1313 · May 2014

During the vaginal birth of my son I tore to kingdom come. The recovery was horrible (I had stitches pop and was on strict bed rest for three months) and took forever. It also took forever to get bladder/bowel control back and all kinds of such. I know part of the horror was the hospital I delivered at is known for being a baby factory.... they are big on rushing rushing rushing. In any case, when I found out I was pregnant I started thinking about if I should try for another vaginal birth and risk another reconstruction with possibility of permanent bladder/bowel problems and such or get a c-section and all the risks that come with it. I started being pressured by people one way or the other on what I should do. I have read birth stories of doing another vaginal, some came out great and some did not. I read birth stories on c-section some come out great, some do not. I will admit, I was leaning a bit more toward a c-section as both my mother and my sister had them (6 babies in all) and none of the results were as bad or took as long to heal as what I had been through. But still more and more pressure. Friends were actually getting pretty intense with me on the subject about how I would bond with my baby, I was being selfish and not inking of the health of my baby etc. well, I now know hat I am pregnant with twins. My OB is much more comfortable doing a c-section on me due to my history and having multiple babies. I thought after the news of twins got around I that that would be the end of the "how to give birth" pressure...., but no. If anything it's gotten worse. It just seems to me that to go for a vaginal birth I now have two chances to rip again from hole to hole, I have more of a chance of something going wrong, more of a chance of being on three month bed rest again while I have twin infants and a toddler to care for. On the other hand, am I putting myself and my comfort above the health of my children. Would I really miss out on the bonding (which I was so screwed up last time hat I don't feel like I really got with my son)? I am so confused now. I have lots of time to make a final decision.... but the more I think he more confused I get! Sorry for the rant.... this is just where I am today.

BabyCarryingVessel · May 2014

The terrible recovery that you described sounds just like what my friend went through. She opted for a cs with her second (singleton) and she said it was so. much. better. My two cents... you are not a bad person if you prefer to go the cs route. You are also not bad if you want to go the vaginal route! That's the fun part about carrying those babies, you, your doctor and SO get to decide what's best for you, not your family and friends. You have really good reasoning for wanting to do a cs! As for the bonding issue, the fact is that some multiples mamas miss out on this for the first few hours, or 12 hours, or longer depending on the circumstance. I don't want to sound like a Debbie Downer because there are certainly lots of mamas who do get to bond right away, but I wasn't one of them. I got plenty of bonding time later on though

Good luck!

ceechie · May 2014

That's so hard!!! The only thing I can say is to really trust in your ob to guide you. She really knows what's safest/healthiest for you and your babies. Either way you choose is so personal and between you and your dr. No one else. I know when my ob wanted to deliver at 37 weeks, I had the twin mom/friend who wanted to lecture me about letting the babies cook for as long as possible and natural delivery. Umm, you weren't in my exam room. You didn't go to med school.
Big hugs!! And know that whatever you choose is what is best for you.

4legsRbest · May 2014

Oh wow. That sounds awful! I am so sorry you had such a miserable experience, but I do think it is uncommon, just as uncommon as a bad c-section outcome. This is from my personal experience, of course, so may not be right for everyone, but I will say it anyway. It is sometimes a pity that we can't see into the future (but most of the time a gift) so really all you can do it try and look at the situation and take the emotion out of it and make your decision based on the information you have at hand.

For me, I had an emergency c-section with my DS after a very well-planned out med-free vaginal birth, and I will have a RCS will with these two, not because a vaginal birth isn't possible, but there are too many what-ifs for me personally. My recovery went great, my scaring is minimal and I think I will be in a much better place not having to make a decision on the fly like I did last time. I know what to expect now, but It was really traumatic - I went under general so I missed everything and barely remember the first day with my first child. I feel like at least this way I can control it to a certain extent. Do I want to experience a vaginal birth? Of course I do, but with two, the desire for that experience is outweighed by the practicality of my situation and what is likely to happen and me and what is in our best interest. For us that is a RCS. I am spending the next 17 weeks mentally preparing for than and making peace with it.

As far as the advice outside your dr goes, just stop listening to it and asking for it. You are not your mom or sister and their choices have zero impact on how your experience will be.

This is a tough decision, (((hugs))) to you. I hope you find the right choice for you and you amek peace with it before they are born and that things go according to your plan.

TREDgirl · May 2014

So much will depend on the position of the babies. Many places won't even allow you to attempt a vaginal birth unless Baby A is head down. Some places both babies have to be head down. It may not even be a decision you get to make if Baby A is breech.

Before both of mine turned breech and I was still in the what should I go for-I knew I REALLY didn't want to be recovering from both types of deliveries. To me I didn't really care on the how they got here just as long as it was the safest way for them. There is no guarantee that Baby B will be able to go vaginal just because Baby A does unfortunately. Really all you can plan for is to be flexible.

And although it seems like you've asked for advice from friends and such it's really not their right to get all preachy with you on what is best for you and the babies!

hayleydeee · May 2014

I know that sometimes when we're having trouble making a choice it can help to have the input of others. But in this case it doesn't sound like it has been helpful for you. Like PP said, it really shouldn't be anyone else's business what you do.

What I can say is that in my own personal experience (having given birth both ways) the c-section was much harder. But, when I gave birth vaginally, it was with a calm and patient midwife who used perineum massage during the birth, and I was at a birthing center- not a hospital. I was up and cleaning up the room a couple of hours later, so it was a completely different experience than what you went through. If you do chose to try for vaginal delivery I would strongly advise you to look into a different hospital, birth center and even a midwife.

The choice is yours, and yours alone. I would try not to let fear be your guide, and to listen to your own intuition.

pillowass · May 2014

Ugh - I am so sorry you are dealing with this. If I were you, I would absolutely opt for a c-section to avoid the kind of trauma you experienced with your first birth. Contrary to popular opinion, vaginal birth is not always the best or safest option, and a planned, elective cesarean with a skilled OB/MFM is a very safe way to deliver babies. Here is a website you might find useful: https://cesareandebate.blogspot.com

bumpuser924057 · May 2014

I've had two scheduled c-sections, and my recovery was fine both times, I've nursed all three babies long-term, and I don't feel I missed out on any bonding due to the delivery method. On day two I was up and walking the halls of the hospital because I needed to attempt to nurse DS in the NICU every three hours. Not trying to push you one way or another, but a c-section isn't always as horrific as people make it out to be.

diz1313 · May 2014

Thanks Ladies! The majority of the advice I am given is completely unsolicited. Somehow when people,get word you are carrying a baby they feel that it's open season on your.... everything. Ha! I am in a much better place today, and I truly appreciate all of your words.

typically I am good at ignoring those who try to get into my business... but it had gotten overwhelming. Totally made me sorry I spilled the beans early (I am only 10 weeks along) and I had been so excited to share and celebrate. Ugh!! Anyway, you all really helped me pull myself back up by my bootstraps and remember that it's not about them. It's about my babies and my husband and I's decision. And of course how the babies are doing and such. Thank you all again!!

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