Am I gonna want hospital visitors?

PregsMcSnoozalot · May 2014

Hey Ladies, this is a question I guess mostly for STMs, particularly those who had a c section...

I just had a bunch of coworkers come visit me at my house 'cause I'm home on bedrest. It was super nice to see them and a good excuse to get out of my pajamas. They mentioned as they were leaving how they were looking forward to coming to see me in the hospital once I have the baby and I had to force a smile 'cause I was thinking in my head, "I'm not going to want you guys at the hospital!"

Am I wrong here?

I'm scheduled for a c section at 36 weeks so baby might not be in the best shape at first, and I'm going to be recovering from major surgery. I imagine I will not be feeling so great. I really like my coworkers/friends, but I feel like it will be stressful to get myself looking and feeling decent enough to entertain guests if they were to come. It was kinda stressful getting myself looking and feeling decent enough to entertain them today!

Another concern I have is that I am probably not going to be able to get the Tdap shot before baby comes (long story...it would be dangerous for me, but my mom and DH will be getting it), so baby will not get the passive immunity from me. I don't want to have a bunch of potentially sick people (we're all teachers) handling him, or even hugging me and potentially getting me sick since I would just pass it straight to the baby

Am I over thinking this? Should I just go with the flow and let whomever wants to come visit, come visit?? Or can I just shut the doors and be a baby hoarding hermit like I want to be?

lindslalala · May 2014

The only people I was ok with visiting us at the hospital were family members. There is plenty of time for others to meet the baby once you're home and more settled.

BoraBoraBaby · May 2014

I'm not STM but there is nothing wrong with not wanting visitors at the hospital, I am thinking the same for myself. Maybe you'll change your mind after boredom sets in, but maybe you'll be too tired.

However, I assume these people would only give you a day or so to adjust at home before they stop by. If you're in the hospital you have the staff who can let people in two at a time and for brief visits. It might be harder to coordinate that at home. Just a thought.

January Bride · May 2014

Are you planning on posting on facebook or doing a mass e-mail right after the baby is born? If not, I don't know why your co-workers even need to KNOW that you've had the baby until you're home from the hospital. Your concerns may be a moot point.

To answer your question, no - I do not want anyone but my immediate family (my parents, in-laws and sister) coming to the hospital. If my best friend wanted to come I'd be fine with that, but she lives across the country, so it's not going to happen. I'll be happy with visitors once I'm at home and can plan for it, but I do not blame you for not wanting anyone at the hospital. If you can space out your birth announcement, though, maybe you'll be home before they even know it?

TRS48 · May 2014

I know the feeling of how much work it is just to get dressed & presentable for visitors while on home bedrest. People have no idea how much it takes out of you! But I am wondering the same thing about hospital visitors...

PregsMcSnoozalot · May 2014

January Bride said:

Are you planning on posting on facebook or doing a mass e-mail right after the baby is born? If not, I don't know why your co-workers even need to KNOW that you've had the baby until you're home from the hospital. Your concerns may be a moot point.

Since it's a scheduled c section, I'd already mentioned the date to a few of my closer coworkers, and they've spread the word

likeanoldtimemovie · May 2014

Girl, this is your birth. You do whatever you're comfortable with. They don't even have to have a reason, but if you want, tell them exactly what you told us: you're nervous about how baby might be feeling at 36 weeks, you're worried about a lot of "handling" and, the kicker, you just want to soak up your son without having to share him right away. If they can't understand that and agree to visit when you're at home and up for company, then they suck.

January Bride · May 2014

PregsMcSnoozalot said:

January Bride said:

Are you planning on posting on facebook or doing a mass e-mail right after the baby is born? If not, I don't know why your co-workers even need to KNOW that you've had the baby until you're home from the hospital. Your concerns may be a moot point.

Since it's a scheduled c section, I'd already mentioned the date to a few of my closer coworkers, and they've spread the word

Oh, that makes sense since you are having a scheduled c-section. Hmm, that's tough.

I'd just tell your closer co-workers that since you don't know how things will go, how you will be feeling afterwards, etc., that you will probably text them once you're ready for visitors. Ask them to spread the word - since they've already spread the word about your date, hopefully they can do this, too!

Who knows, maybe you'll feel great and will be excited to see them. But if they know to wait for your text, then you can wait until you're home if you're not ready for visitors. If they are close to you, hopefully they will understand.

1982Babies · May 2014

I would tell them you're not up to it and have them come by a week or so afterwards.

INmommy871278 · May 2014

The only people I was ok with visiting was close family and a close family friend. Once we got home after a day or so I was ok with guest coming to visit. The nurses are your own personal body guards, if you aren't feeling up to guest let the potential visitors know and the nurses. If someone decides to show up anyway the nurses can keep them out for you so you don't have to worry about unwanted visitors.

LyndseylovesHugh · May 2014

lindslalala said:
The only people I was ok with visiting us at the hospital were family members. There is plenty of time for others to meet the baby once you're home and more settled.

Yep, this. I had a c/s and was barely up for my parents to visit, there is no way I would have wanted others to visit. I let people know that once we were settled at home they were welcome to visit then. No one was upset by this, just be honest and firm.

lashachris · May 2014

For me it was the opposite. I was so emotional and needed my friends support, it all hormones really but it was nice to have company and real adults to talk to other than just baby stuff. They didnt stay long especially if people see how tired and exhausted you arr, plus people would bring dinner which was very helpful.

Allison546 · May 2014

Yeah, we made the mistake the first time of allowing anyone who wanted to come. Our moms, siblings, and best friends were nice... DH's weird aunt who came BOTH days, our grandmas, aunts/uncles, cousins... UGH not so much. The first night was fine- DS slept the whole time, I was still on cloud 9 and in a great mood, etc. The second night, DS was just getting done with his circ, he was awake and wanted to nurse around the clock, I barely had time to eat, and my PP hormones were crashing... I had a breakdown when 15+ people were in our room at one time and it felt like a college dorm room party. It was bad.

We'll be limiting visitors this time, needless to say.

honeybee434 · May 2014

I would play it by ear and see how things go and how you feel about it. Once you have your c-section there is no reason you can't send a "baby is here, please hold off on visiting until mom feels up for it. We will let you know when that is" text, message or whatever form of communication you plan on using. For those you haven't told the date, if they mention coming to see you just put in that you will let people know when you feel up for visitors. If someone comes without you telling them you're ready, just use the nurses to tell people that you don't feel up for anyone visiting at that time.

PregsMcSnoozalot · May 2014

Ok, thanks so much for the input ladies!

I just went ahead and emailed two of my closer coworkers who came to visit, thanking them for visiting me today and mentioning how I felt about not being up for hospital visits.

I told them I would send emails from the hospital with photos and updates and that once I was home and settled I'd invite everyone over to see the baby

I think that's totally fair, right? And now I don't have to worry about it anymore!

#:-S

avacek1 · May 2014

I would play it by ear and see how things go. I liked having visitors but they all called ahead of time (with the exception on my in laws) and scheduled their visits around feedings and what not. Maybe I'm the odd one out, but I liked having people come to the hospital rather than to our house once we got home. At the hospital, I had the help of nurses so they would take DS periodically. Whereas at home, it was very overwhelming for me to have guests. DS nursed every 2-3 hrs and took a full hour to nurse. I didn't feel comfortable nursing in front of people, so I was confined to my bedroom 90% of the time.
Everyone is different and I may feel differently this time around.

iris427 · May 2014

Family, yes. Coworkers, hell no.

seells · May 2014

DD was born at 10:30 at night so we got a night (ish) of sleep, I had a shower in the morning so by the afternoon rolled around and we started getting visitors I was feeling up for it.

Since you will probably be there for a couple days I would just feel it out and you might be up for visitors the next day if not the day of.

cakebatter27 · May 2014

I've already made it very clear who can come to the hospital. Our parents, my sister and her husband and my BIL, and DH'S grandparents. I'm very firm about it and have no problem saying no. This is your birth. ..You call the shots on visitors.

BBColt78 · May 2014

PregsMcSnoozalot said:

Ok, thanks so much for the input ladies!

I just went ahead and emailed two of my closer coworkers who came to visit, thanking them for visiting me today and mentioning how I felt about not being up for hospital visits.

I told them I would send emails from the hospital with photos and updates and that once I was home and settled I'd invite everyone over to see the baby

I think that's totally fair, right? And now I don't have to worry about it anymore!
#:-S

I think you did the right thing. I only had family visit twice and one friend. I was sick of people by then. You are exhausted and taking care of a new baby. They can wait!

LenaLove · May 2014

All the hospitals in my city have super strict visiting rules. Only the grandparents of the baby and siblings of the baby are allowed to visit. They wouldn't even let my brother in with DD. Just my mom and dad saw her in the hospital, and of course DH.

TurtleMonsters · May 2014

I didn't want any besides my parents after an ECS, I think you made a good decesion. IL's were as much as I could take,they came around a couple of times. You can tell the hospital who you want to see or not. They'll keep people out for you:)

Really, when it comes down to it, it's your child, and right after your major surgery, no one should have ANYTHING to say about you wanting to wait.

Cristy1020 · May 2014

Almost the entire time I was at the hospital I was on morfine an would doze on an off. After a while my visitors got the hint I was tired so they would end up leaving. I wish I would of told them I'm gonna be a bitch in pain, when I'm up to it I'll call you. That was my thought at the time. This time around I'm really not telling anyone when I'm do, (close family only) I know it's mean, but hey, gotta do what ya gotta do.
If your not up for visitors I would tell them you'll give them a call as soon as your feeling better.

AMcLaws · May 2014

I had a few close friends and a lot of family come visit after my CS with DD. I didn't mind, because the company helped pass the time. It's all a matter of personal preferance though.

jrinehart0 · May 2014

I've already told my family none of them can come. The only exception will be my mom, who works at the hospital any ways. And, even then, I'm not calling her on my way to the hospital unless it happens to be near the end of her shift where leaving and coming back would be inconvenient. We'll have plenty of time for visitors at home where we have more space and everyone, myself included, can be more comfortable.

Skeemer · May 2014

I didn't want a lot of visitors. I was exhausted. I think 4 people came to see us in the hospital. That was just right for me because I was drugged up & sore anyway.

katnipeverclean · May 2014

This time it's parents, my little brother and our three very best couple friends that will be allowed in (and honestly if our friends wanted to wait to come visit us at home I'd be fine with it).

Unfortunately all three of the wives have delivered at the same hospital otherwise I'd straight up say that the nurses said no one but family. I may ask them to wait anyway. I'll be protecting my mental health, and I honestly could do without everyone but my DH and my mom being there.

ghostof5letters · May 2014

Everyone is different with their opinions on this. I begged for visitors because I was bored.

AKbadwolf · May 2014

I loved having visitors at the hospital. I got to show off baby, I could easily limit how long they stayed (oh sorry the nurse needs to see us now), and I didn't worry about what the house looked like. I am not fancy on what I look like though. As long as my hair is brushed and I have thrown on a pair of sweats and a tank top, I consider myself decent

Hoosier722 · May 2014

With DS1 we had a parade of people coming in. I was already exhausted from being up all night the day before and then delivery. I did not like it. With DS2, we only told my IL's (who watched DS1) when we went to the hospital. After DS2 was born the next day, we told only our close family to stop by sometime in the afternoon. It was a much more casual, relaxing and intimate with the new baby. Don't feel obligated to have people come visit you. I straight up told people they could visit when I was home from the hospital.

kjskjs · May 2014

It's completely up to you whether you want them or not. If you feel like you'd rather just limit the visitors then definitely do it! Plus you can always just not tell them that you had the baby until you get home and are ready to see people at which time you could also ask that they call or text prior to coming by and that way you can help control who is around the baby. With DD we only had the grandparents come by but they didn't even really see DD since she was taken to the NICU at another hospital not too long after delivery. We just told others that we didn't know what the situation would be like and that we'd let them know once we were ready. I plan to do the same this time around as well.

TugboatSheila · May 2014

I haven't read all of the responses yet but...

Don't underestimate the kindness of just making something up. You could always get the word out that you are so grateful for everyone's interest and were really hoping you could have visitors but your doctor suggested you don't. Or that the hospital policy is family members only for the first day for a baby born early. No harm done. You don't have to potentially hurt anyone's feelings who doesn't understand (though they should) and the sweat is off your back and you can focus on other things.

I plan on lying to everyone that walks into my room, besides hospital staff, (including my mom and mother in law) and telling them that it is hospital policy that in order to hold the baby you have to be seated. It's kinder than what I would really say which is "I don't trust anyone to not drop the baby" regardless of how irrational it is.

shanaynerz · May 2014

When DD was born I only had family come visit us. I had a vaginal delivery, but had an episiotomy (3rd degree) so I was very uncomfortable and in a lot of pain. I definitely didn't feel up to "entertaining" people in the hospital. We were also exhausted, which adds to whole not wanting too many people thing. Don't worry about not wanting friends and co-workers to visit. It's one thing maybe once you're home, but in the hospital visitors are mostly close friends and family.

ashesandpearls · May 2014

I think it will be easier to manage visitors in hospital, where (hopefully) they will be in and out, rather than at my home where it might be harder to get them not to linger. That said, I don't plan on telling anyone when I head to the hospital - I don't want anyone in the waiting room while I am in labor or to come see us right after the baby is born. I would rather they waited until the next day, and I think the easiest way to make that happen is not to tell them until then. I am sure some people will be upset to have been kept in the dark, but they will just have to deal.

alyss0nl · May 2014

I did not have a c-section last time, but I think the only people who were there when DS was born was my parents, in-laws, sister and grandparents. I had him at 10:48am and they came in about 45 mins later. The next day my best friend and my godmother came to visit as well. Just depends on how you feel. I enjoyed having the company, it made the stay go a little faster. The only visitors the first couple days home were my mom and MIL.

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