Pros/Cons of 3 year age difference

ladylisalt · May 2014

I am about to embark on being a mother of 2. Very excited and also curious about what the perks and downsides are to having a 3 year age diff. It seems there's pro's/cons to each age difference. Would love to hear some experiences with this.

LSU628 · May 2014

Pros- DD was very excited about the idea of being a big sister. She was 3 1/2 when DS was born. She was super sweet with him and wanted to hold him all the time at first. She was also really big into being my "handy helper" and took picking out diapers or getting a burp cloth very seriously. She was also at the age where I could let her play independently in the other room while I was nursing or putting DS to sleep.
Cons- she got really jealous and went through a serious PTing regression. We realized she was doing it to get our attention. If she soaked herself, someone would have to go into the bathroom with her and help her change and clean up. It got to where DH was in charge of DD and I did DS. He took her outside gave her lots of 1:1 attention and helped keep her routine as normal as possible. We still drove her to school most days (she goes to school in the town where I work which is about a 45 minute drive) and tried to let her have fun and special big girl time when DS was sleeping. We also made a big production of how DS was a baby and has to go to bed early and b/c she is the big sister she gets to stay up late (we gave her 10 minutes past her normal bedtime). Eventaully we all settled into a routine and now she adores her brother. He's walking, talking and she has full on conversations with him even though he only has about 5 words. He completely lights up when she enters the room or when we pick him up from the sitter. I love seeing how much they adore each other. :-)

ladylisalt · May 2014

LSU628 said:

Pros- DD was very excited about the idea of being a big sister. She was 3 1/2 when DS was born. She was super sweet with him and wanted to hold him all the time at first. She was also really big into being my "handy helper" and took picking out diapers or getting a burp cloth very seriously. She was also at the age where I could let her play independently in the other room while I was nursing or putting DS to sleep.
Cons- she got really jealous and went through a serious PTing regression. We realized she was doing it to get our attention. If she soaked herself, someone would have to go into the bathroom with her and help her change and clean up. It got to where DH was in charge of DD and I did DS. He took her outside gave her lots of 1:1 attention and helped keep her routine as normal as possible. We still drove her to school most days (she goes to school in the town where I work which is about a 45 minute drive) and tried to let her have fun and special big girl time when DS was sleeping. We also made a big production of how DS was a baby and has to go to bed early and b/c she is the big sister she gets to stay up late (we gave her 10 minutes past her normal bedtime). Eventaully we all settled into a routine and now she adores her brother. He's walking, talking and she has full on conversations with him even though he only has about 5 words. He completely lights up when she enters the room or when we pick him up from the sitter. I love seeing how much they adore each other. :-)

awww very nice to hear. I worry about the PT'ing thing too. We haven't started yet with DS but he may be ready this summer and I wanted to try if he is but afraid at the same time for the reason you said. DD is due end of summer. I plan to work the big brother privileges angle a lot too.

SportyChic24 · May 2014

DD is a big helper, loves trying to teach DS some things and helping me out. She will help put on his shoes or coat, hold his hand going down stairs and such. They do play well together but sometimes DD gets mad when he messes with her stuff - typical. He just wants to play with her and sometimes she wants to play alone or with just me. HE also helps me!! DD sometimes gets scared and will not go to her room by herself (I will be cooking or doing dishes in the kitchen and those rooms are on the same floor) so being a good little brother he walks her to her room so she can turn on her light and such.
Just after DS was born DD was pretty good, only a few little issues. When DS was about 2 or 3 months old and for the next 7 months or so she was jealous. She would cry or get mean if I would sit with DS and feed him a bottle before bed, most of the time DH would do it and I would cuddle with her. I wish I had not done it that way, cannot change that now. We did let her sit with and give DS a bottle sometimes and spoon feed him to have her feel included and that seemed to help a bit.
Now I make sure that I have special time with each kid, it can be coloring, reading, playing a game, outside stuff, going to the store, etc. Things do work well, they get along really good and she really is a great big sister! She even helps him climb up the play area at the local restaurant so they can play on it together and slide down together!

ladylisalt · May 2014

SportyChic24 said:

DD is a big helper, loves trying to teach DS some things and helping me out. She will help put on his shoes or coat, hold his hand going down stairs and such. They do play well together but sometimes DD gets mad when he messes with her stuff - typical. He just wants to play with her and sometimes she wants to play alone or with just me. HE also helps me!! DD sometimes gets scared and will not go to her room by herself (I will be cooking or doing dishes in the kitchen and those rooms are on the same floor) so being a good little brother he walks her to her room so she can turn on her light and such.
Just after DS was born DD was pretty good, only a few little issues. When DS was about 2 or 3 months old and for the next 7 months or so she was jealous. She would cry or get mean if I would sit with DS and feed him a bottle before bed, most of the time DH would do it and I would cuddle with her. I wish I had not done it that way, cannot change that now. We did let her sit with and give DS a bottle sometimes and spoon feed him to have her feel included and that seemed to help a bit.
Now I make sure that I have special time with each kid, it can be coloring, reading, playing a game, outside stuff, going to the store, etc. Things do work well, they get along really good and she really is a great big sister! She even helps him climb up the play area at the local restaurant so they can play on it together and slide down together!

so cute. Love hearing all the nice things. I do plan to try to maintain that alone/separate time with each child when I can. I agree that its important.

sunnyday016 · May 2014

My two are 3 weeks shy of 3 years apart. It has been a great age gap for our family. DD was not too interested in him when he was a baby, so she was old enough to entertain herself while I tended to him. She has been very helpful with getting me a diaper or whatever I needed for him. She's independent enough to put on her own coat and shoes, so leaving the house is pretty easy as I just mainly need to get DS ready. They play together pretty well (usually), but can fight like any other siblings. Now that DS is 2, it's nice because they can really actually PLAY together.

ASmallWonder · May 2014

^This is us exactly! Three years and three weeks apart and so far, it's been awesome. DS1 had no jealousy and was kind of "meh" at the beginning, which was a GOOD thing. He also potty trained in the fall when his brother was about 4 months old with no issues. The baby adores his big brother and it's amazing. They play together a little bit and it gets better and better. Sometimes I have to remind DS1 to be gentle but DS2 already has that scrapper thing going on. He knows he's the little brother and needs to be prepared for an occasional bout of rouse housing lol

rodiesmum · May 2014

Thanks for sharing. And for the OP thank you as the responses to ur questions are replies i needed to hear as well.

Pros/Cons of 3 year age difference

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