Stay at home moms

jess123456 · May 2014

Hey ladies!

I feel very fortunate that I will get to stay home with my baby at least for the first year. Daycare in my area is so crazy expensive and I wouldn't make enough to make it make sense.

Anyone else going to be a stay at home mom too?

For those who are currently stay at home moms, any advice for those of us who will be making this transition? How do you structure your day so it works best for everyone? What have you found is the best way to meet other moms and babies?

Thanks!!

Maelara · May 2014

I'm a SAHM

I would just like to say, you can have a routine (and I will use this term loosely) but with a baby, toddler or kid you can't really structure a day. I usually know what I want to get done they day but it all depends on DDs mood that day.

There are usual lots of baby groups you can join to get you out of the house and where you can meet other moms. Also, swimming lessons can be started when they are 4 months. My government here does a program called baby steps which is for new moms. I still get together with those moms. Also, if you have a local family center they usually have great programs for babies

jlaferne · May 2014

any advice for those of us who will be making this transition? Be patient and don't expect to have a schedule in the beginning because the baby doesn't usually get a routine till 6 months old (mine didn't get on a set nap schedule till 8 months old).

How do you structure your day so it works best for everyone? Don't be afraid to get out of the house it's healthy for both you and baby! Have multiple play areas in the house set up so you can rotate so baby stays occupied.

What have you found is the best way to meet other moms and babies? My neighborhood had playgroup by entering kindergarten year so I joined that and joined Little Gym classes once a week.

Being a SAHM is amazing! So incredible to be able to watch them develop and be in control of their development and not worry about day care people who don't love your baby like you do!

Sorry for brevity I'm mobile.

MsMolly520 · May 2014

I went from a demanding corporate job to a demanding baby (lol). I actually did go back to work for a few weeks before I decided I just couldn't leave my little guy (he was still in the height of colic and DH and I both had anxiety about leaving him with anyone but me). I gave plenty of notice (over a month) so when the time came that I was truly a SAHM it was a relief which made the transition easy. Even now, I definitely don't regret my decision.

I agree with @Maelara‌ regarding a routine -- just be aware that any plans could possibly get derailed depending on the LO. It does get easier as they get older.

You can check out meetup.com to see if there are mommy groups near you. I was surprised at how many are around my area. There are always a few play dates schedule each week. I don't go to all of them but it's nice that there's a variety of options.

You'll be told this a million+1 times but...Enjoy every moment -- even the not-so-fun one's.

ExcitedKJ · May 2014

I'll be a SAHM as well. Actually, due to some issues with my health, I'm currently not working even though many days I wish I was, but there are some days I know it wouldn't be possible. But, it'll work out well, as here, with friends that have become moms within the last few months, it's pretty hard to get your child into daycare except for a couple times a year.

I try to make sure I leave the house a couple times a week and plan to with the baby as well. I think otherwise I would go crazy! So, I definitely recommend that to you as my husband noticed at first I became a bit of a hermit, which isn't good for you...or the baby.

stacyslo · May 2014

I'm considering going the sahm route after this baby, I went back to work witb my first which was so hard. I am nervous though, as I don't know any other moms near us. We live in a small town. But my son will likely stay in preschool at least part time because I think he needs that so maybe I will meet mom's that way. Anyway, I haven't completely decided yet so we will see!

mexinugget · May 2014

SAHM here too. Like everyone said don't worry about a schedule in the beginning, or your house being clean. Those first five months are hard. Now we're on a schedule and it's awesome. Meal planning for the week and doing my grocery shopping on a Monday really helps my week go smoother. I second what the other moms said about how to meet other mommies. And i can't stress enough the importance of getting out of the house a few times a week, even if it's just for a walk around the neighborhood. It helps to get fresh air, be out with your baby. The days i take Miles to the park and we go out for walks are wonderful days. I feel good my mood is better, he sleeps better. Also i try to get one thing done a day. Whether it's laundry a bathroom, the floors. On ambitious days I'll get three things done lol. It's a great thing to stay at home,i love it and feel very fortunate. Good luck : )

jlove253 · May 2014

I was just talking with a couple SAHMs about the adjustment. It can be hard to go from a job where you have deadlines and performance reviews to just being with your baby, and feeling like you're so busy but not getting much done. We agreed that getting out once a day was really helpful, even if it was to just get coffee. And it does get easier with the routine that develops. Just be prepared for the "newborn fog"- hormone changes + not much sleep + very different daily activities. You feel really drained at first, but then one day you'll walk out of the fog and feel normal again.

PennyLane26 · May 2014

What a great opportunity! I do work a bit part time from home, but consider myself a SAHM.

I was a first grade teacher, it was a big transition to be home full time, but I am loving it!

Ditto all PPs - baby has no routine until about 6 months. DD was on a set nap schedule around 7 months which was awesome! Until then - you as a mom can still have a "routine"! My "routine" was like this with DD from birth to 5/6 months:

Eat breakfast, shower and dress by 10am. It was a necessary goal for me! I always felt better after I showered.
Get out every day, usually around lunch time. Most days this just meant getting a coffee at the drive thru, taking a walk around the block (this may be more difficult with a winter baby this time around!) or window shopping at Target. Sometimes we were more adventurous and met up with friends or took a day trip. You'll also have lots of doctor's appts in the beginning!
Make dinner by 5pm. Usually if it didn't happen by 5pm, it wasn't happening at all!

So there you go, a somewhat structured day. It worked for me and gave me the "routine" I craved!

Also, if money doesn't allow you to join an expensive baby class, I suggest looking into a baby group at your local library or an area SAHM group on meet up.com!

nonoemily · May 2014

My job ended abruptly right after I found out I was pregnant with DS. DH works crazy long hours in construction and I grew up a latch key kid with zero adult supervision, so being a SAHM for the rest of my parenthood is my plan. I am a person who requires a lot of alone time, so it suits me really well.

I didn't like the idea of a schedule at first, but one has slowly formed over the last two years. We hang at home in the morning, go on an outing until lunchtime, then we both take a nap, play outside, and then DS watches a cartoon while I make dinner. We might go run errands, or go to the zoo, but we do something every day.

Once you LO is older you'll want to do more activities that are kid centered, but for the first year your baby is just along for the ride, so don't worry about story times or play dates. Just do stuff that you enjoy, preferably with other moms who can understand your situation.

I went to prenatal yoga, and a new mom group and I've lived in this town for twenty years, so I knew a few other people having kids at the same time.

The number one thing I want to tell you is this: you are not a homemaker (unless you really want to be). Don't feel like you need to cook four course meals from scratch or have a perfect looking house all the time. Being a SAHM is a 24/7 gig and you don't get time off, or even nights off. When your baby is sleeping, do stuff for yourself and take time out to relax, take a nap, do nothing. You are a stay at home MOM not a personal chef or maid or housewife from the fifties. Take care of your baby, yourself, and split the housework with your husband.

Good luck!

Kristy774 · May 2014

nonoemily said:
My job ended abruptly right after I found out I was pregnant with DS. DH works crazy long hours in construction and I grew up a latch key kid with zero adult supervision, so being a SAHM for the rest of my parenthood is my plan. I am a person who requires a lot of alone time, so it suits me really well.

I didn't like the idea of a schedule at first, but one has slowly formed over the last two years. We hang at home in the morning, go on an outing until lunchtime, then we both take a nap, play outside, and then DS watches a cartoon while I make dinner. We might go run errands, or go to the zoo, but we do something every day.

Once you LO is older you'll want to do more activities that are kid centered, but for the first year your baby is just along for the ride, so don't worry about story times or play dates. Just do stuff that you enjoy, preferably with other moms who can understand your situation.

I went to prenatal yoga, and a new mom group and I've lived in this town for twenty years, so I knew a few other people having kids at the same time.

The number one thing I want to tell you is this: you are not a homemaker (unless you really want to be). Don't feel like you need to cook four course meals from scratch or have a perfect looking house all the time. Being a SAHM is a 24/7 gig and you don't get time off, or even nights off. When your baby is sleeping, do stuff for yourself and take time out to relax, take a nap, do nothing. You are a stay at home MOM not a personal chef or maid or housewife from the fifties. Take care of your baby, yourself, and split the housework with your husband.

Good luck!

This is excellent advice. There was an article on Huffington Post Parents a few weeks ago that was talking about what a job of a SAHM is, there are times when I'm doing EVERYTHING, TBall mom, room mom, taking my kids to swimming lessons, going to the gym every day, cleaning, having a home cooked fancy dinner every night and I have to remind myself, all that is not my job. Taking care of my DS's is my job.

carcrashheart · May 2014

I sah for that reason now (I only planned on a year but we moved and daycare is double the cost here). I've never had a routine. My days center around his naps, which have changed greatly over time. We just kind of hang out. I don't do activities with him like I know some do. He plays, I putz. Showering has always been a struggle. When he was an infant I could drag him in to the bathroom in the RNP though he wasn't always ok with it. So I usually have to shower while he naps. I tried putting him in a highchair while I showered but he doesn't like hanging out in there. Toys in the crib/pnp don't work either, he jus screams. Since I've reverted back to napping when he does if I want to shower I need to take him in with me or else he screams outside of the tub to get in. I fear he's beginning to get a little old for this though. We get out when I have things to do, nothing specific. Sometimes we head out to take him somewhere to play for awhile. His naps have changed so much that it's just easier to go around that. The hardest phase was when he could only be up for 1.5 hours between naps because by the time I got us out the door he was nearing nap time and it resulted in meltdowns while out.

mussalynn · May 2014

I agree with everything everyone has said. For me it was really important to get out every day, otherwise I would go crazy!

I'm also a huge proponent of schedules and routine. Babies do really well when they know what to expect, when their next nap is coming, etc. (obviously not in the very beginning). We started taking classes when DS was about 3 months old - just like 45 min classes where we would sing and play, but it was great because he got used to being around other kids and I got to visit with other mamas. We still have regular playdates with some of the moms from those classes.

CPM13 · May 2014

Look for a local mom group or some sort of drop-in play class... mom and baby yoga... some way to connect with other local moms with similar aged babies.

It's can be a tough job but I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

CPM13 · May 2014

Also, our local library has story hour and song time for newborns. Which is a great free way to meet people.

jess123456 · May 2014

Thank you everyone! This is really helpful and gets me even more excited about it. It sounds like I shouldn't have any expectations for a schedule at the very beginning but eventually I would love to get into a routine. I love getting out and imagine that we will try to get out as much as we can. I guess a lot of it will also depend on my son's personality and needs too. Most of my friends don't have kids and will be working during the day so those activities and meeting other stay at home moms will be a life saver I'm sure

jlaferne · May 2014

@Kristy774‌ would love to read that article if you find the link!

hjenni · May 2014

This thread is giving me so much anxiety lol. I'm a very routine oriented person. The thought of that being derailed freaks me out! I know baby will be worth it though.

momtojad · May 2014

My hubs is our stay at home parent but he just let's jad set the schedule and does a lot of different activities in the house with him to keep him learning and occupied. We just got a second car so they are now going out more to explore. He usually fences D's in so he can make dinner and for other meals he keeps easy items that we prep and freeze ahead of time to cut down on the stuff he needs to do. He is 15 months in and I know it is hard for him but today he told me at dinner all the stress goes away when D's comes and hugs him or shows me something his daddy taught him.

Maelara · May 2014

hjenni said:

This thread is giving me so much anxiety lol. I'm a very routine oriented person. The thought of that being derailed freaks me out! I know baby will be worth it though.

I am too. In the beginning though, you are in such a fog that personality traits like this sort of go out the window. It's good to get your baby on a routine, just don't expect anything for the first 5-6 months. Life gets a lot easier after the 6 month mark. DD and I have a routine every day, however, depending on her mood or if we have a morning appointment, it can get screwed up. Those days are hard for her nap time which makes the whole day hard. She loves her routine. It WILL get there though

the newborn cuddles totally make up for the lack of routine. Promise!

hjenni · May 2014

Maelara said:

hjenni said:

This thread is giving me so much anxiety lol. I'm a very routine oriented person. The thought of that being derailed freaks me out! I know baby will be worth it though.

I am too. In the beginning though, you are in such a fog that personality traits like this sort of go out the window. It's good to get your baby on a routine, just don't expect anything for the first 5-6 months. Life gets a lot easier after the 6 month mark. DD and I have a routine every day, however, depending on her mood or if we have a morning appointment, it can get screwed up. Those days are hard for her nap time which makes the whole day hard. She loves her routine. It WILL get there though the newborn cuddles totally make up for the lack of routine. Promise!

Thanks. This made me feel a little better

SarahHeck · May 2014

Library story time is great! Also check with your local parks department, many community centers have a play time.

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