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Von112 · May 2014

Hi guys I'm back. I have been really going through it with these Follistim injections. I keep overstimulating and having to cancel the cycle before we even get to the IUI part. In April I didn't even get a cycle b/c my hormones were so off due to high dose of injections in March. Finally he doctor gave me a shot of progesterone to make my cycle come on, which it did only to yet again have another high dose of injections. So now I am taking 2 progesterone capsules a night for 10 days to ensure I have a cycle in June I guess. I can not tell you all how frustrated and upset I have been these past 5 months. Money it seems like is just flying out the window and my body is either nor receptive or too receptive. I just want to scream and I really want to give up. I hate to say but I am starting to think I just can't have children. My uterine lining is always thin I hate myself for having the IUD b/c I know that didn't help all those years I had it, but no one ever told me it would hurt me in the future. I am pissed. I look at people I know who just get pregnant at the drop of a dime, I see bad mothers. mother's who don't even raise their own kids and I'm like "why can't I get pregnant and have healthy babies" So my doctor says next cycle we will do 50 units for 2 nights, then I come in to get an ultrasound and keep on like that hoping to manage the injections and I really want to be like why didn't you do that the first time. Then I start thinking stupid like we don't even need children we have student loan debt and we have not gotten our first house yet, we rent. But does that matter? I hate to be such a owner but I have not gotten any uplifting news about this fertility thing in a while. Maybe you guys can understand.

Von112 · May 2014

Oh and by the way this PCOS, ugh, now that I know what has triggered my acne for all my adult years is at it again. I'm gaining weight, breaking out, having hot flashes, and half the time I feel like a fat slob, my eating is out of control and I can not get enough sleep

Mommalawyer · May 2014

I'm sorry. I totally understand the overstimulation part, as I'm benched because of it, and I'm on follistim too. Hoping you get some happy, positive news soon....

TTCBabyJ · May 2014

I'm so sorry. IF can be so frustrating. I totally know the feeling of doubting yourself and your ability to have children. It is such a struggle but I just think when my future 2 year old is throwing a temper tantrum I will just look at him or her and say I wanted you sooooo bad that I don't care that the whole store is staring at me. All I can count on are these positive thoughts because my body is doing its own thing. Please try to stay positive. Fx for some good news!

jjgrl55 · May 2014

That's gotta be insanely frustrating (I hate when I feel like I know more than my doctor!). Hopefully this month will be the right cocktail to get things moving. Also, don't worry about the "right time" stuff. Like you said, people who really shouldn't have babies have them all the time and for the most part make it work. You can definitely do it!

Danielle0311 · May 2014

I am so so sorry you are going through all of this. Hopefully very soon your doctor will find the right meds to make you respond just right ((hugs))

StacyLH24 · May 2014

((Hugs)). As I was reading your post, I was thinking that it is something that I could have written. I have had two cancelled cycles with Gonal-F. The first one I made it to CD 46 with only light spotting on CD 19 and 20. I used Provera to help kick start. This last one, cancelled just over a week ago, is potentially going to do the same thing. C and I are moving to IVF as a result. I hear ya on the student loans. As much as it kills me, I'm putting some of my Federal ones in forebearance so that we could afford a loan for IVF. Others may not agree with that, but a lot of thought went in to our decision making regarding it. Feel free to PM me if you need extra support.

TVLily · May 2014

Sending you lots of ((hugs)) lady. IF is a brutal road and pcos is an evil witch.

My last two cycles I've had no response, it definitely makes you question the whole process when you can't even get ovulating down to try.

@TTCBabyJ‌ I agree with you there, I often think of those scenarios in my head too.

Lillovebug79 · May 2014

I'm sorry you are going through that. FX that the new protocol is just the right cocktail for you!

jencity9 · May 2014

Ugh I'm sorry you are having a difficult time.

I understand the frustration, especially with wondering why the doctor didn't just go with that plan in the first month. I started injectables this month in addition to Letrozole and am afraid ill overstimulate because I've responded fairly well overall to Letrozole alone. I've had one cancelled cycle so far and I cannot imagine having much more and continuing because THAT definitely does seem like we're throwing money away. And I, too, wonder why the RE didn't add this earlier if he feels so confident it could make a difference!

I have had thoughts too about maybe not ever being able to have children. In a way even though it is depressing I feel like it is our way of trying to protect ourselves. As long as you keep getting treatments you have reason to keep having hope! Has IVF been considered since you are consistently over stimulating?

Just wanted to add that I'm also with you on the acne. This medication is horrible!!!!!

Von112 · May 2014

Hi everyone, @mommalawer, @TTCBABYJ, @Danielle0311, @StacyLH24, @TVLily, @Lillovebug79, @jencity9 I wanted to address you all and say thank you so much for all you kind words and support. I get so bugged down with this stuff. I tend to sometimes get into my hole and stay there for a while so it helps to read such kind words from people who understand when I come out.

Yes we have inquired about IVF and it is very expensive but the nurse told us about a website that give loans for that exact reason. I have it written down someone, but yes if it gets too much or goes on too long we are willing to try that and just endure another loan. I am now taking oral progesterone and hopefully the beginning of June I will get a good cycle and am able to see it through to doing an IUI. We shall see and I will update all of you! Thanks you ladies!!! Hugs for everyone

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