Intro and question – this has to be a first

CarolinaGirl2014 · May 2014

Hi! I am in my early 20s and a birthmother. I think I already know several ladies on here from the adoption board. I have an amazingly crazy open adoption with my infant daughter and am very close with her adoptive mom. She recently asked if I would consider egg donation for them. They have struggled with fertility and she can carry a child but her eggs seem to be the issue. I am leaning toward answering yes because I love them, feel like she deserves a positive experience carrying her child, and also love the idea of my daughter having a sibling.

I'm very early into the research process so any resources would be greatly appreciated. I am a full-time student and full-time nanny so my biggest concern at this point is being able to juggle that while going through the cycle. I'm also looking for perspective or advice from anyone who's been through the process. I don't have any children of my own yet, but one day plan to when I'm in a different place in life.

brooklynesque · May 2014

Welcome, CarolinaGirl! And thanks for giving the gift of adoption. It's wonderful that you're able to maintain a close relationship with your bio child and her adoptive parents.

There are at least a couple of ladies on here who have been egg donors and can tell you what it's been like for them. One good way to help you through the process of deciding might be to do a session with the counselor recommended by the parents' fertility clinic, assuming they're experienced in third-party assisted reproduction issues. (The IPs should pay for such a session BTW.) A good fertility counselor/therapist can tell you about the process and also lay out the potential pros and cons you should be thinking through. Good luck, and thanks for considering doing this!

CarolinaGirl2014 · May 2014

Thank you! I think I've pretty much decided to donate if they decide to go that route, so now I just need to learn more about the logistics and process and hopefully get some moral support and wisdom from those who have gone through egg retrieval.

ArgyleBride · May 2014

Hey there! I've done it. How time consuming it will be depends on a couple factors--especially how close the clinic is to you and how well you respond to the meds. Even so, it will only take away, at most, one full day (on the day they retrieve your eggs), and mornings for 1-2 weeks, as they monitor you while you're on meds gearing up for retrieval. It should be every other day or less most of those two weeks, but you never know for sure. It sounds like you are all working together with such grace, it is heartening to hear!

CarolinaGirl2014 · May 2014

Thanks for sharing. I don't mind giving my time, but I'm trying to see if it's even possible with my schedule before getting their hopes up. I don't think they're 100% decided on going the DE route, so we're not in a place yet that I could meet with a counselor from their fertility clinic or even call the clinic with questions. Do you have any good resources with details or does it vary from clinic to clinic?

A few questions you may or may not be able to answer:

- Their clinic is two hours away. Is it possible to get b/w and ultrasounds done locally (maybe with my OB's practice) and have the results sent to them?

-Is there typically flexibility in the visit dates? Some of my mornings have flexibility for appointments and others there's no way I can take off because I am a nanny.

- How soon after retrieval were you able to return to your normal activities?

1220winterbride · May 2014

I'm not an egg donor but I just wanted to say hi and I think you're such an inspiration!

lebradford · May 2014

CarolinaGirl2014 said:
Thanks for sharing. I don't mind giving my time, but I'm trying to see if it's even possible with my schedule before getting their hopes up. I don't think they're 100% decided on going the DE route, so we're not in a place yet that I could meet with a counselor from their fertility clinic or even call the clinic with questions. Do you have any good resources with details or does it vary from clinic to clinic?
A few questions you may or may not be able to answer:
- Their clinic is two hours away. Is it possible to get b/w and ultrasounds done locally (maybe with my OB's practice) and have the results sent to them?
-Is there typically flexibility in the visit dates? Some of my mornings have flexibility for appointments and others there's no way I can take off because I am a nanny.
- How soon after retrieval were you able to return to your normal activities?

I'm lurking from 3T. I hope you don't mind me responding, I thought I might be able to help a little. Before I realized I'd have trouble conceiving myself, I was signed up to be an egg donor, so I did a lot of research.

The clinic I was going to be working with was a couple of hours away for me too. They said that they did sometimes allow monitoring to be done at a local clinic, but they didn't have a relationship with a clinic near me, so I would have had to travel for monitoring, but it is an option sometimes.

I know a little less about if the monitoring appointments would be flexible because I never got to the point of donating. However, I have done a Clomid cycle (much less involved) and, at least at my clinic (though this is probably true most places), you have to adhere to their strict monitoring schedule. However, you would probably have flexibility on when you start your cycle, and they would be able to give you a pretty good idea when you'd have to be available for monitoring ahead of time.

I think what you're considering doing is really awesome. Best of luck to you.

Again, I really hope I haven't offended anyone by posting here.

[Deleted User] · May 2014

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firesiren · May 2014

Welcome!!!! And HUGE ((HUGS)) for being so amazing!!!!

You may be able to monitor locally with an OB /gyn.... I had to travel too. it's no fun.

With my ER, I felt fine after two days. It's not bad, I didn't donate but I have had 3 ERs.

Good Luck to you!!!

ArgyleBride · May 2014

CarolinaGirl2014 said:

Thanks for sharing. I don't mind giving my time, but I'm trying to see if it's even possible with my schedule before getting their hopes up. I don't think they're 100% decided on going the DE route, so we're not in a place yet that I could meet with a counselor from their fertility clinic or even call the clinic with questions. Do you have any good resources with details or does it vary from clinic to clinic?
A few questions you may or may not be able to answer:
- Their clinic is two hours away. Is it possible to get b/w and ultrasounds done locally (maybe with my OB's practice) and have the results sent to them?
-Is there typically flexibility in the visit dates? Some of my mornings have flexibility for appointments and others there's no way I can take off because I am a nanny.
- How soon after retrieval were you able to return to your normal activities?

Sorry it took me so long to respond, I missed this somehow.

To answer your questions:

-Whether or not you can do local monitoring is totally up to your clinic. Mine does not allow it, but lots do.

-There is no flexibility at all in visit dates during the ~2 weeks you're on meds. Things change quickly in this game, and if, to give one example, you are over-responding and need to decrease your dose, waiting a few days to discover this and act on it could be frankly dangerous for you. There might be flexibility in the time of day, though--mine offers visits at 7am.

-I was able to return to "normal activities" the same day as my retrieval, but you can't count on this. It's very individual, and I don't ever work out or do strenuous activity--if it did, things would have been different, because I was definitely sore. I wouldn't have wanted to pick up a toddler, for example.

Hope this helps!

JM1977 · May 2014

Thank you for everything you are doing! Your selflessness is inspiring!

CarolinaGirl2014 · May 2014

Thanks, everyone! Your words made me tear up @jalara48‌ . My daughter is the most stunning little person I've ever met, and I feel like it's her mom and my job to put her needs above our own, which she certainly has.

This was very helpful! All the info I needed to go forward should they decide on IVF with DE.

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