FTMs- Big Life Changes!

LKHoffa · May 2014

FTMs- is there anything you are really nervous about changing in your new, baby-filled life that will be different than your current life? Anything big or small! (Knowing that, of course, we are all super excited to have our LOs here!) I live 1.5 hrs from joy best friends and 4.5 hrs from my family & other friends. Now, it's easy for me to hop in a car and visit. I'm nervous that having a baby will make that a lot harder. I'm also nervous that finding time to work out become so hard that I barely do it!

mercy0606 · May 2014

I'm nervous about maintaining my identity. I'm so thrilled to be this baby's mama, but I wonder about losing myself... I'm sure it will all work out though!

Taymiller · May 2014

I am nervous about how it is going to change the relationship between DH and I. It has been just us for 9 years and we have had sooo much fun and so many adventures, just him and I, I don't want that to change! I know it will and he has assured me it will be different but better with our LO and we will still have our adventures, we will just have to pack more!

gatorMom2014 · May 2014

I'm nervous because I'm due in a month and we just started the process of buying a house. If all goes through our closing looks like it will be 10 days after my due date. Yikes! Very excited, but a little freaked out. There will be a whole lot of changes all at once!!

RedMar · May 2014

I worry about our relationship as well, but at the same time I'm very excited to see him as a dad. I know he will love this LO so much

Carriebear22 · May 2014

@taymiller you sound a lot like DH and I, just the 2 of us for many years, and we even call our vacations adventures!

~~~. I am very nervous about trying to work full time, be a good mom, wife, keep a clean house and still have anytime to relax or do the things I enjoy. I will be working12 hr shifts 3x per week, so knowing I'll have 4 days per week to dedicate to keeping my life in order and spoiling those I love, including myself, makes it a little less overwhelming. I will miss being able to decide last minute to take off somewhere for the evening or weekend.

ElTrain5 · May 2014

I guess I've always had kind of an "emergency escape plan" in the back of my mind my whole life, like "well, if this whole thing doesn't work out I can always go be a starbucks barista...in Hawaii". And I've actually done it so many times, moving across the country and the word at a whim, huge career changes, etc. The thing that is most scary to me about being a mom is the permanence of it. Don't get me wrong, I want it and I'm excited about it, but it's the most permanent thing I'll ever do in my life, and that's pretty scary.

CrysW08 · May 2014

I'm worried about everything..how our lives will never be the same, how I'll cope with being a SAHM, even the impact this will have on our dog, who has been our baby for 7 years now. I know it will all work out & we'll adjust but the unknown of all of this is terrifying!

JulieSmiles · May 2014

I'm worried that DH and I's relationship will change. I'm hoping it will make us stronger though. I think my professional life will have to change. I won't be able to stay a few hours late to get things done. I will have someone relying on me to take care of them instead. I'm excited but definitely have anxiety about it all.

BMaidPlanner · May 2014

Definitely my identity. Besides my office job I am also a actress, half of a comedy duo, and plus fit model. I'm worried that it will be too impossible to audition and accept bookings. (And I've already had to give up my modeling clients, obviously. Will be nearly impossible to get them back, if I ever get my body back.)

DH can't always come to my rescue, he has a life too. I hope this doesn't put a strain on us either, we've always been so independent but supportive of eachother. I still can't imagine being called Mom...

kd&cd · May 2014

I am worried that I will be so tired & consumed with baby time, I won't have time for basic housecleaning duties. DH works seasonal (Hornblower Niagara Cruises - everyone should come to Niagara Falls and experience this!!), so it will be just me here about 12-14 hours a day until she's about 4 months old. I don't like depending on family for things and I esp won't want to ask them to help me clean my house!!

katekat8721 · May 2014

We're going from a family of 2 to a family of 4 overnight, so I'm guessing it'll be a little nuts.

As far as hubby goes, I'm not too worried about our relationship changing. We've been through college, law school, marriage, home buying and infertility together in the course of 6 years. During that time, we both changed and adapted and managed to come out the other side even stronger. We're just really excited to finally be having babies and getting to see the other person be the dad/mom that we've wanted to be. (eta: I just re-read this, should have included a disclaimer to the corny-fest there, sorry).

I'm wondering more about the logistics of how things are going to work. We like to go travel, how do I do that with two newborns? If we go to Disneyland, do we take turns holding the babies while the other person goes on rides? If we both want to go bike riding (our passion!) what do we do with the munhckins when they're too small to fit in the trailer? During the summer when we're all jetskiing and boating, do we have to go earlier in the day so it's not too hot out for them later?

Stuff like that! We still plan on living our lives as (semi) normal as we can. We just figure we'll be a bit slower/little lamer when it comes to hanging out with people

elsa1688 · May 2014

I'm worried about being a SAHM and being isolated. No one else we know has babies so I need to find a whole new group of people to become friends with. I'm worried about not having my "own" money. I'm worried about our relationship with a new baby, work, friends, etc (all the external demands).

I'm also scared of the finality of becoming a parent. Once you are a parent, you are always a parent. There is no escape plan.

jenlynne0624 · May 2014

I am worried about how to get everything done with a newborn. Like a lot of you said, I have been working and doing a lot for myself since I was 14 or 15 and I love my independence. I am worried how it will change my relationship with my husband. Granted, he is so excited for this LO to get here, but what happens if we disagree on something with raising the kid? I am nervous about how it will impact extended family since we have all ready had issues with that. But I am really excited for Christmas with a little one now, and going trick or treating, and teaching this new little person all of the things I used to do growing up, and passing down traditions and such.

izzetoot · May 2014

I worried about adjusting back to our schedules after baby is here. My DH is a chef and so works 12-15 hrs a day 5-6 days a week and I have been working similar restaurant hours our entire relationship (about 8 yrs) until I got pregnant and started a wine sales job that I work mostly from home. So my sched has turned a little more 9-5, which is great, but DH is still up at 10am, home after midnight, in bed by 2. Im worried he's going to feel left out a lot and i'm going to be doing the lions share alone w baby. This is why we left our jobs/life in NYC thought! Figured it would at least be a little easier on our schedules if we were near family in a much slower paced lifestyle

chloephoebecali · May 2014

I found this Huffington post article completely true - https://huff.to/1l9a9TE. Totally worth the read. It's going around Facebook a bit.

texasmama2014 · May 2014

I am legitimately scared I won't be good at the whole mom thing. Like all of it.

ricecakes1216 · May 2014

@sjdihle‌ I have that same fear. H is so natural with kids and amazing. I'm worried I won't be able to live up to him.
I'm also worried about finances. Right now we can go out when we want and not worry about how much it will be. Adding the cost of daycare is going to limit us a lot.

ElTrain5 · May 2014

sjdihle said:
I am legitimately scared I won't be good at the whole mom thing. Like all of it.

This too.

whoberry · May 2014

I'm worried about logistics. I used to work out in the morning but won't be able to do that anymore b/c DH leaves for work so early and someone has to be home with the baby. I work 50-60 hours a week and my job involves some traveling that messes with a normal drop off/pick up schedule for day care. Our house feels like it's closing in on us, we need more space and we have too much stuff. I don't know how it's all going to work out with LO here, especially once he becomes mobile.

DH is a filthy pig and I'm worried that I will continue to bear the responsibility for house cleaning on top of taking care of baby and working long hours at a stressful job. I know he will pitch in with childcare responsibilities but don't think he will ever care about cleaning house.

bumpuser9343355 · May 2014

I'm worried about relationship changes with DH for sure. I'm also worried about lifestyle changes. We are very much a get up and go drive to San Francisco for the weekend kind of couple and obviously that's not going to be possible with a LO. It's going to be a challenge finding the balance between who we were before and who we are as parents.

ELC252011 · May 2014

I'm worried about everything. Money, daycare, how it will impact my relationship with DH. DH works nights and I have a feeling even when he does get off work I will be doing most of the taking care if baby and chores. My relationship with my friends. I like just being able to go where ever I want, but after the baby is here she will be my priority. That's going to be a big change for me.
Don't get me wrong I really want her and can't wait to hold her. But these are some of my fears.

PressLove · May 2014

What if our child is the total opposite of us? Jack Black's parents are rocket scientists. Can you imagine him growing up in that household? In the end he is successful, but I can only imagine the battles add he was growing up.

LKHoffa · May 2014

I guess I haven't thought much about my relationship with DH changing, but @yellowbird219 definitely makes a good point about losing intimacy, and not even just in a physical way. I'm not nervous, exactly, but I hope that doesn't happen.

I'm also worried about losing my identity like some of you ladies said. I know that being a mother will be the biggest part of my life, especially this summer, but I don't want to become one of those women that can only talk about her child and doesn't care about anything else!

On the whole, I think all of these concerns listed are so valid, but I hope that addressing them will make us better moms when the time comes because we will be conscious of the things that are important to keeping us happy! And that'll make for much happier babies

becomingmommyagain · May 2014

I know this thread was for ftm and radical life changes. I'm not a ftm, but all my kids are teenagers. My youngest is almost 15. This baby is going to be very disruptive to our household! I worry about balancing the needs of tots and teens. As much as they like to think they don't need us, the teens consume so much of our time. I dint want them to ever feel like I don't have time for them.

DH and I have been together for 10 years and he's been dad to my kids since we met. I'm fearful (for no good reason) that with a little one of his own things will change with how he interacts with the older ones. It's a foolish fear. He's a great loving father to them and he cares too much.

I'm fearful of how our life will change. Right now, I'm his#1. We spend so much time together just the two of us that we'll now be sharing with a little person. I'm afraid we'll lose some of our intimacy.

But like you all, I'm ready for it. For as much as I will "mourn" what we had before this little guy comes, I'm so looking forward to what he'll bring to us.

LKHoffa · May 2014

@becomingmommyagain -I give you credit because that is a lot of change in a household that is probably used to running a certain way! I don't blame you for being anxious, but I bet your kids will take to the new baby really well! I'm excited to hear about it when the time arrives!

brooklyngirl46 · May 2014

I'm worried about losing sleep, and not being able to bf. I'm worried about my relationship with my dh, especially as i figure out how to include him on the bf train. Dh is my best friend, and I am hoping we can switch into grownup mode together.

I just don't want to turn into a crazy naggy wife. That would be my worst nightmare. I'm scared it could happen. I've tried to be good in this pregnancy, but I see myself slipping every now and then when I'm stressed, or in pain. I know that would be the most damaging, and least productive thing.

crhein26 · May 2014

I'm not worried, scared, terrified or anything about this LO making her way into my life. It's going to be a breeze. I mean labor and delivery is going to be a piece of cake. It's not going to hurt and/or tear me apart. My life isn't going to change at all. My house isn't going to be covered in baby stuff from one end of it to the other. I'm not going to have to clean out a cupboard for said little ones stuff to go into. I'm not going to have to baby proof every plug, blinds cord, entertainment center, bathroom, stairwell, cabinets, stove in my house so that LO doesn't potentially harm herself. My relationship with my husband isn't going to change at all when I am running on 3 hours of sleep in a 24 hour period and I am all stabby! I have zero worries that I am not going to want to go back to work, but won't be able to afford not to go back to work. I have zero worries about the cost of day care and leaving my LO in someone elses hands all day. I also have zero concerns that I am going to be a failure at being a mom because I will make tons of mistakes. Nope....no concerns here.

rastrau · May 2014

As several PP have said, the permanence of a baby is freaking me out a bit. You can move out of your house, divorce a spouse, find a new job - but I will always be this kid's mom and that is a bit scary. I also think DH is going to be a way better parent than I am.

I also worry about having to go back to work. The idea of someone else raising my kid - potentially being the ones to teach them to walk and talk, is irrationally upsetting to me but we don't know that our finances can survive on only one income. On the flip side - the idea of becoming a SAHM is just as scary! What if I'm so awkward at being a parent that being a SAHM is out of the question anyway?

babygabe614 · May 2014

I'm worried about sleep deprivation, because my body just DOES NOT handle it well. I told DH this weekend I feel like such a baby even now when I don't get enough sleep - I can't even imagine what our first few months will be like and I am pretty stressed about it.

I'm also worried about how having LO here will affect DH because he will be going back to work pretty soon after her birth, but he wants to be as involved as possible at the same time... I just foresee him getting burned out and us both being low on patience with each other from the exhaustion and everything. We talk all the time about how we plan to continue putting our marriage first and prioritizing each other, but I know it will be harder to put into practice with a screaming baby in the mix.

We are really close with one of DH's brothers and his girlfriend, and they just bought a house 45 min away... I am worried we won't be able to make time to see them as much as we want to.

TDBabyM · May 2014

LKHoffa said:

FTMs- is there anything you are really nervous about changing in your new, baby-filled life that will be different than your current life?

I'm so happy you posted this, I've been having a lot of the same type of worries the other ladies have mentioned. Its just nice to know its par for the course of becoming a FTM.

I know nothing I have ever done will probably compare to becoming a mommy for the first time, but I've tried to approach it like anything "new" in life: going to college or starting a new job. You're nervous, worried, concerned etc. but then once you start the "new" thing, usually a few weeks or months into it you have a "WOW... I'm actually doing this" type moment and its like the "new" thing has just become your new normal. :-)

LoveOBX630 · May 2014

I'm nervous for all the life changes that are coming at the same time as this baby (which were completely unplanned). Listing our house, moving, husband new job, me needing to find job or stay behind in current job, plus baby that is coming. Then there's the dog that's been my child through and through and how he will adjust, etc.

It's normal to be nervous I know, but my life seems to do this to me periodically. In the past year we lost both of my parents and bought our house and moved. I guess I didn't expect for it to all turn upside down again so quickly! (and I don't mean the baby is causing that, it's the extra stuff that is completely a surprise to us both).

BUT we will all get through it…hang in there

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