Constantly wanting to be held....

ohwhynot85 · May 2014

My LO is a month old today. I'm a firm believer that you most certainly can spoil the shit out of a newborn by holding them constantly. Happened with my son 8 years ago. How are you ladies handling this if you have had the pleasure of this experience? I told all family from day one "DO NOT HOLD HER 24/7" and of course no one freaking listened to me and who gets to pay the price? Yup, that would be me. The one taking care of her all day, by myself. It really chaps my ass that my mother, MIL did not listen to me when I said not to hold her for no fucking reason. Yes babies are cute, but damn, they aren't the ones dealing with them all day. I cannot get anything done around the house because as soon as I put her down, BAM she's screaming at the top of her lungs. She's fed, dry diaper. As soon as I pick her up, she stops. She's the baby from that sharpie commercial a few years ago.

Any tips?

ohwhynot85 · May 2014

I put her down when she's been asleep for 30 mins and not before otherwise she wakes up. But right now she is screaming bloody murder because she's not being held. She was napping, but of course my dog started barking and it woke her up.

ns1 · May 2014

DD was like this, but I went with it and probably gave in a lot. I kind of believe in that whole fourth trimester thing though. They've been all coddled and cozy for 9 months and now you want to set them alone on a cold hard surface. Nope. It was a little annoying then, but I ended up baby wearing a lot and I hope to enjoy that time with this one more knowing that soon he'll never sit still!

ohwhynot85 · May 2014

I LOVE cuddling her, but when I've run out of clean bottles, I need two free hands to clean them. I've held her up near my chin on several occasions while trying to pump because she was crying. Hopefully she will outgrow this phase in another month.

ohwhynot85 · May 2014

I have the Baby K'Tan but I always feel like she's going to drop right out of the bottom. Baby carriers intimidate me

runningyogimama · May 2014

Yes, try a carrier. You might want to read up on the 4th trimester...an older baby can be spoiled by being held, but not a newborn.

andoll8 · May 2014

Baby carrier for sure. DS is snoozing in his Boba wrap as I type this, and he's totally content.

I'm also a believe in the 4th trimester, so he'll get as much comfort time as he wants until about week 8-10 when we'll start to transition to more "baby" stuff as opposed to "newborn" stuff.

ohwhynot85 · May 2014

Thanks ladies! I'll start reading up on it. In the meantime, I'll little miss Lucy cuddle on me

usernewname · May 2014

I feel you. Sometimes DS is like that. I think a couple days it was a growth spurt. He loves sleeping on my chest but id love to sleep in my bed at night.

Everything is a process and the first 8 weeks (at least) is so crucial to develop a bond and trust in life around you. Comfort is how they learn it. It will get better. I use a moby sometimes (he's still a little under the weight rec) but I'm nervous to use it for a long period of time

I find going out for walks helps. He sleeps in the stroller and I have my body for an hour.

theoryofwhat · May 2014

JmeJme said:
Yes, try a carrier. You might want to read up on the 4th trimester...an older baby can be spoiled by being held, but not a newborn.

This. This so much.

spinsoffresonance · May 2014

DD1 was like that. I beleive she was norn that way though, i dont think cuddling her made her like that. We literally did not set her down for the first 3 weeks. DH and I would take turns sleeping at night while the other held the baby. It was exhausting but I kind of miss it now that she's a rambunctious toddler. A baby carrier is the only way to get stuff done. Hell, I wrote my PhD thesis with DD strapped on my chest!

LeeLee86 · May 2014

Had this discussion with her doctor yest about this. She said don't let it stress you out thinking you are creating bad habits this early on. She said let her sleep in the swing until she's 3 mo's if she likes it. She also suggested a sling so I got the k'tan today, we are gonna try it out. Sometimes DD won't even fall asleep unless she's in your face feeling your breathe. Doctor is a huge believer in the 4th Trimester and my DD is legit proof. I had to let go all the preconceived notions of how I wanted it to go and just follow her lead right now. Power through mamas!!!! You are all doing great!!! Xoxo

MissLadyTay · May 2014

I mean, part of the reason I had a baby was for these early day snuggles. So when he wants to be held, I hold him.

momthatlifts · May 2014

Call my kid spoiled rotten. I feel bad if I have her laying down while she is awake for too long. She is calm in my arms. It makes her feel comfortable and safe. That's all I want. I don't think you can spoil a newborn like others have said. They need all that love and affection. It's good for them

IBackBevo · May 2014

Wtf? You can not spoil a newborn by holding them too much.

JAM85 · May 2014

Also a believer in 4th trimester. There is no way to spoil a newborn IMO. They just popped right out of a warm, close, comfy womb of course they want to be held. We do put her down briefly in a swing or on a boppy and at night at least attempt to get her to sleep in her crib using happiest baby techniques but during the day she gets held a lot and I love it! Now 3-4 months and we will start transitioning.

Sarac2288 · May 2014

I will try swing and move him to tummy time try a paci. Then of none of that works I hold him

NorthernGal248 · May 2014

Another strong believer in the 4th trimester

I can't wait to cuddle my little girl... Now if only she would come out

TexasGirl81 · May 2014

It only makes sense to hold a 4 week old baby when crying. Why fight it?

SMM1986 · May 2014

I hold DD when she is crying because that's her way of telling me she needs comfort for some reason, but I also put her down when she's pleasant to get things done. And I make use of my wrap, it has been a lifesaver a few times already.

bumpuser10194737 · May 2014

My pediatrician is from Syria, and he said in their culture many extended families live together in the same home, and he says between his mom, grandmother, and others, he doubts he was hardly ever put down as a newborn, and he wasn't spoiled at all. He fully believes you do what you have to to comfort them the first few months and I definitely agree. They just don't have the capacity to pull it together themselves.

Enjoy this snuggle time. I miss it with my older ones!

Mimaloo · May 2014

I also don't think you can spoil a newborn.

ohwhynot85 · May 2014

I think what I was trying to say wasn't presented well. I literally cannot get anything done because she wants to be held all the time. I will hold her until she's content and happy, but the second I put her down whether it be in her swing, on her play mat, bouncer, etc, she starts crying. I can barely set her down to run to the bathroom to pee. It's a bit much in my honest opinion. I'm not saying that I never hold my daughter. I hold her all the time, but I cannot hold her 24/7. I sadly have things that I need to get done. I would love to take a shower here and there and use the bathroom. But she just doesn't like it. Not to mention - it's to the point where when my husband comes home after work and tries to hold her, she freaking cries. But the second I take her from him....she stops.

pistolpackinmomma · May 2014

Totally get it. Well except for the husband part. DS1 was like that and this one has been the same so far. I remember BFing DS1 while trying to take my first pp poop because he was hungry. I have peed while holding a child more times than I care to count. Even after DS1 was mobile there were times with separation anxiety that I would end up having him sit on my lap while I pooped because he needed held. He is perfectly fine with leaving me now! Have you tried swaddling? That can sometimes get me a 1-2 hour break but not always. The fourth trimester is real. They were just snuggled 24/7 very tightly. Us holding them is a gradual way of easing them into not being snuggled so much. I promise it will get better. Then you will be wishing your 16 month old would just snuggle like he/she used to. Trust me.

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