FTM and already having nightmares about delivery!!!

Lizoliva12 · May 2014

Hi everyone! I am so excited to be a mother but terrified about the delivery!!! I would consider my pain tolerance very high - I was a college soccer player at a major SEC school...I feel like I can hang with the best of them - but terrified of delivery!! I am going the epidural route, but can some of your experienced mama'a give me a little insight on the experience etc?? I feel silly for being nervous about this, but I am so excited for baby I just am nervous about actually having said baby

kimberly_ann81 · May 2014

No experience with an epidural but I remember being nervous about the deliver even with my second son. I'd already BTDT but was still nervous. It's normal.

I watched a documentary and that helped me; seeing actual women giving birth not just actors pretending to. My deliveries were nothing like the actor portrayed deliveries you see in movies or on TV. Since you are planning an epidural I won't recommend the documentary I watched as it was very anti-intervetions and anti-hospitals.

carcrashheart · May 2014

I was petrified. I am again. The good thing is that labor comes in stages so it's a progression, and usually a slow one for FTM's. So you're like the frog in a pot of boiling water-kind of. You adjust as it progresses. I had an epi and it was still sucky. The pressure feeling was terrible even though there wasn't any actual pain. It was hard to have my body doing things I couldn't control. But the baby has to come out one of two ways so I suggest just trying not to worry about what you can't help.

brichar31 · May 2014

I was absolutely terrified my first time! Water broke at 8pm but I didn't start having contractions until around 3:30am and they weren't bad until 9am. They hooked me up to pitocin at 11am and the contractions went from 20 minutes apart to less than a minute apart and I was crying and shaking through every one. I got an epi at 1:15pm and loved life from there on out! For me the epi was a life saver and even pushing wasn't bad, plus it was only 10 minutes or less. I delivered at 5:37pm.
All in all the delivery wasn't half as bad as what I expected

You can do it!!

Kristy774 · May 2014

This will be my 3rd kid and I'm terrified too and I usually have really fast, easy, vaginal births so idk what my problem is! Last night I was laying in bed upset about getting an epidural again and then I remembered the PAIN I was in and in the moment of having the baby, I didn't care, I would have let DH stab me in the back with it as long as I could feel a little better. It seems scary but once your actually there doing it, it's usually not.

mander82 · May 2014

I will probably be a train wreck......but I look at it this way. I am already sick of being pregnant, by the time November gets here, I will be willing to go through hell to get the baby out. Bring it on!

ha ha ha......it will no doubt be scary though. My sister had a terrifying experience, she was in the delivery room, going through her contractions and a woman next door to her lost her baby after he/she was born. The woman was yelling and crying very loudly. Not cool for a FTM to be minutes from giving birth to hear that. She was crying telling us about it. Saddest thing ever.

hsilverm · May 2014

My best advice would be not to over think it or listen to other people's horror stories about their labor bc everyone's experience is different. My mom freaked me out telling me how she was in horrible labor with me for 23 hour, had an episiotomy, I fractured her tail bone on the way out and the epidural didn't work good. I was terrified I would have a similar experience. I went past my son's due date and the dr wanted me to be induced bc of the risk of him getting too big. Well I went in at around 7 am, Dr broke my water and started pitocin. By 10:45 am I was fully dilated and just had to wait for my dr to come in to start pushing. By noon my son was born. He was a big baby for my body type at 8 lbs 3 oz but your body can do some crazy things. It was so worth it in the end and nothing like I imagined it. Just try and be positive and remember your body was made to do this

momtojad · May 2014

Our media traumatizes birth. Let your body do what it needs to do and it everything will work out. I really believe the more scared you are the harder it makes the labor process, so just relax and let what needs to happen happen.

sweetbabyrahe · May 2014

I was terrified with DS, but less so this time. I think fear is normal...it is the unknown. I had a slow labor with DS and my water wouldn't break. I have a medium pain tolerance and I made it until almost 8 cm before getting the epidural. My son was flipped sunny side up, so I had a lot of back labor even with the epidural, but it was manageable. Even though I had to push for awhile because of his position and they ended up using forceps to deliver and I did have a small episiotomy, it went really quickly in hindsight and was manageable while I was in the middle of it. My adrenaline was so high and I was so excited that my baby was on the way that it was all worth it. Plus, all of us STM and STM+ decided to go through it again...so it can't have been too awful, right.

Kristy774 · May 2014

AeandJb said:
I had a full on panic attack, screaming, crying, telling my DH that I didn't want this baby. He kept telling me it would be okay. (I feel awful and if something happens to it, I feel like it will be my fault. I've apologized to it multiple times.) I know I want this baby and he does too, but at that time I was just so terrified and nothing was helping. I bought my fears up to my MW yesterday and she basically said what the PPs have said.
"Your body was made to do this."
"It has to come out eventually."
"If the pain is so bad that you need the epidural, you won't even freak out about the needle."
She also said they're (OBs) testing out laughing gas during deliveries to calm moms down. She didn't think it would be available by November. She also said it doesn't hurt the baby.
I'm still scared, but luckily I haven't had as bad as pain as the day that triggered my panic attack. I'm sure I'll try running out if the hospital saying, "it's staying in me!"

I was the same way with my first. Just reading this makes me want to give you a big hug. You'll be ok. Its more scary thinking about it then actually doing it.

momtojad · May 2014

@knitsmagee Join me at the Birth center!!!

momtojad · May 2014

Aww boo! He won't even look at the stats to show him that your more likely to have a better birth there?

sunflwra · May 2014

Obviously everyone's situation is different but mine wasn't too bad. I was induced and I was having a minor surgery post-birth so I went in knowing that I would have to have the epidural. I hate needles and that part of it was my worst fear. Honestly, getting the IV was the worst part of the entire labor and birth. I have horrible veins, so 3 nurses had to try to finally get it in. My medication was started at about 8pm. I started having cramping around 10am. Since I was getting the epidural no matter what, I didn't see the point in going through the pain, so I got it around 11am. It really wasn't any big deal at all. I really didn't experience any pain from my contractions until I was about to deliver. It was a rough 30 minutes or so as I waited for them to redose me but I only felt pressure, no pain while I delivered and even getting a tear stitched up afterwards.

I had some soreness for the next few days, but overall, it was easy compared to everything I had going through my head beforehand. It's something that's really tough to prepare for since it's like nothing you've ever experienced- so try not to stress too much!

absolutelymaybe · May 2014

I'm a FTM so I have no experience, but every time I start worrying I think, "If it was so horrible. People would never have second, third, fourth...etc. children."

lil_shocker · May 2014

I didn't have an epidural with my first and I was really nervous about what labor wpuld be like. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, and I had 75% back labor, an episotomy (sp?), and broke my tailbone (though I didn't know that until later). But still, it sounds much worse than it really was.

Back labor wasn't horrible. Counter pressure really helped with that, and I didn't even feel when I got snipped. Transition wasn't absolute hell, but pushing was by far my least favorite part.

I pushed for about 40 minutes, which isn't bad for a FTM who has no idea how to push a baby out, and I was only in labor for 8 hours. However, at 36 weeks I was 100% effaced and 4 cm dilated (and no idea, so that was a buge shock), so that really helped shorten the time since I was halfway there anyway.

Labor isn't anyone's favorite activity, but it really does help that it is all contractions which start and end, instead of a constant level of pressure and pain. Even with an epidural, having breaks, if even for a few seconds, where the pressure has subsided really helps you get through the long tiresome process.

Maelara · May 2014

knitsmagee said:

@momtojad I would love to, but my husband is not down with that . I know I could push it a little, but he's just not comfortable with it at all. He did say I could check out the Midwives at Magee though, so I'm hoping to meet with them and possibly switch in that respect.

You are a much better wife than I am. My DH has absolutely no say in things like that. He isn't comfortable with it? Too bad, it's my body and as long as it's safe for the baby, I get to make that decision.

I also never experienced labor (I did have false labor with some intense contractions (so intense and so close together, 2 minutes) so I made my DH pack his bag and were almost out the door when they slowed and almost stopped) and I'm terrified but still hoping for a VBAC

jlove253 · May 2014

My delivery with dd was pretty traumatic but when I think back on it I think it was really because I wasn't expecting things to happen how they did. Long story short- I had an awesome epidural and right when I felt the need to push the epi bag ran out. The nurse said it'd be fine because dd would be here soon. Three hours and an episiotomy later she finally was born so I felt a LOT of pain. I believe if I prepared myself for the pain of childbirth, or had demanded my bag be switched for a full one, I would have felt very differently. I'm looking forward to this birth because I feel like it can only be better than last time!

jlove253 · May 2014

And I don't want my experience to freak anyone out. I really believe it was a super rare experience (dd ended up with a ginormous head that got stuck, which is why the labor was so long), and generally l & d staff know what their doing.

lauren_m · May 2014

It's natural to be nervous! Just remember that every person you see on the street has a mama that gave birth.

you'll be okay.

SarahHeck · May 2014

I was terrified last time! Until like the last week, I was so done and I didn't care how they got that baby out I just wanted her out! I had all my friends trying to convince me to go naturaland I was sooo scared of the epidural needle, but my dr really feared I could have pre-eclampsia so she told me I had to get an epidural and it worked like a charm. My pain tolerance is high and for some reason I react really strongly to medication so I even fell asleep during full on labor.

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