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February 2014 Moms
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WWYD re: milk donation

boogerbearoriginalboogerbearoriginal member
in February 2014 Moms
Since I'm tandem nursing, I pump about 2x what my LO2 takes, because 2 kids nursing but only 1 taking bottles. So I have quite a bit in the freezer already, and I hate to see any of it go to waste so I've debated whether to donate to someone like through Eats of Feets. Another option is offering some to my SIL who is pregnant with #2, she formula fed #1 after BFing was unsuccessful due to IGT.

She lives locally, and baby isn't due until Oct 1st so it'd be a bit before she'd need milk anyway, if that's even a route she'd go down. I have hesitated to even bring it up for two reasons 1 - I don't want to assume she can't BF again, although it sounds like she's planning on not being able to based on a few comments she's made, and 2 - I don't want her to feel like I'm judging her for not BFing. I just worry it will come across like "Oh you can't BF, but I have so much milk I can give you my extra." I realize I am likely way overthinking this. For clarification, it's my H's brother's wife - not sure if that matters.  We aren't particularly close, but we do get together ~1x a month to visit and let our older kids play (they are close in age).

Would you bring it up to her? Or just look into other donation? FWIW, I do not judge FFing whether by choice or necessity. I think donation is great for Moms who want that option and donated when #1 was little. I just wonder if it's a weird thing to offer to someone? 


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Re: WWYD re: milk donation

  • Mazingmommyof6Mazingmommyof6 member
    It's your sister in law...not sister. I wouldn't go there. Pregnant and emotional.
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  • sdlaurasdlaura member
    Noethola said:
    Perhaps next time you see her, you could mention that you are looking into donating it. If she opens the door, then follow her lead. If she doesn't, go ahead and donate it. 
    This is exactly what I was thinking.  If you talk to her often enough for it not to be weird to mention that you're thinking of donating milk (or even "do you know any moms who are looking for donated breastmilk?"), then I would do this.  If you don't know her well enough that this type of conversation could come up, then I wouldn't mention it.
    BFP #1 9/2010 (lost our baby at 21 weeks) BFP #2 8/2011 (ectopic pregnancy) BFP #3 10/2011 (chemical pregnancy) BFP #4 12/2011 (Abigail born 8/15/12) BFP #5 5/2013 (Griffin born 1/23/14 with heart defects, now repaired!)

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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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  • FlyingtoastFlyingtoast member
    Noethola said:

    Perhaps next time you see her, you could mention that you are looking into donating it. If she opens the door, then follow her lead. If she doesn't, go ahead and donate it. 

    +1
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  • karichkarich member
    I offered some of mine to my SIL, who has been having a hard time keeping up with her LO's demand.

    She was very touched that I was willing to do it. She looked at it as an offer to help my niece, not as a dig to her for not being able to complete the job herself. There were no hard feelings (that I could detect).
    Obvi your SIL and mine are different people, but thought that maybe my anecdote might help?

    What are her feelings on breastfeeding?
    Do you think she believes the benefits are worthy of accepting donated milk? My SIL was pretty upset that she was going to have to give formula, so I knew she was open to accepting donated milk. If she was feeling more like "eh, it didn't work out, what can you do", I wouldn't have offered.

    I don't know if any of that was helpful....but I think it's pretty nice of you to consider donating to her :)
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  • boogerbearoriginalboogerbearoriginal member
    Thanks for all the different perspectives ladies.  We aren't super close, but we have a very pleasant relationship. She/BIL lived out of state until this past September so we are actually getting closer now that we are able to see each other more often. 

    I do think she was disappointed when it didn't work out with #1, we were pregnant at same time for a bit (older kids are ~6m apart) and she was pretty gung-ho about planning to BF.  I just know it can be a very sensitive subject so I just hate to upset her if she's thinking about her struggles again now that #2 is on the way. 

    I like the suggestion of just bringing it up casually, somehow lol. Maybe I'll start by just asking her if she plans to try again with #2 and see how the conversation goes.

    bribbon do you donate screened milk to a bank or just person-to-person?  I'd be curious for more info on that, in the event SIL thing doesn't happen. 


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  • RondackHikerRondackHiker member
    @bribbon‌

    Do you mind if I message you about it as well?


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  • FlyingtoastFlyingtoast member
    I donate through a bank. The bank gives the option to the lo's parents if they wanted to contact me, which they did. Now I go every other week with dinner and give the parents a break (eating dinner with two hands!!). It has been a great relationship so far and very gratifying.
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